Hi all!

Welcome to the final part of my “slightly unhinged” summary of the Descendants movies on Disney+. I think, ultimately, these movies are a perfect example of a good idea gone wrong. There is so much that a movie can do with the children of villains, stuck together on an island where everything is horrible.

Just … it really shouldn’t be this.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s Part 3.

— So ... they’re picking kids from the Isle to go to Auradon. I’m just gonna say this now ... the twins can’t act. But it’s a pretty sweet scene, nonetheless

— Mal and Ben are getting married! And Audrey ... is horrified

— So. When they get the VKs (Villain Kids), Hades tries to slip through, and Mal has to fight him. Of course, Audrey also tries to turn it against her

— Hmm. Audrey’s grandma is no help. Due to her comments, and Audrey’s feelings, she turns into the evil version of herself: all her annoying qualities but on steroids, with a healthy dash of evil

— So. Mal votes to close the barrier ... and she’s not telling Evie. Didn’t she learn that keeping secrets wasn’t a good idea in the last movie?

— Audrey shows up and turns Mal into a hag.

— So ... they’re off to get Hades’ ember so they can reverse the staff’s curse. This is gonna go well

— Audrey shows up at Jane’s birthday and puts everyone to sleep except Jane, who hides in the Enchanted Lake. I knew I liked her!

— So. Mission outfits. I ... love them (and, according to a later scene, Evie designed them). And they get the key from Dr. Facilier, who’s about the only legacy character who’s still in character

— Hades’ lair. Kinda cool. Except ... why ride the stupid bike when you could just walk?

— Okay, never mind. This feels like a ripoff Disney theme park ride

— Oh, that crystal looks so STUPID in live-action

— So. Hades is Mal’s dad. Wow...

— The song is ... cringe. But Hades at least acts like himself. And he gives her the ember, so ... that’s something

— So ... Audrey’s a little freaky. Ben’s been spelled, people are now stone, and Uma’s back! This is definitely the twistiest plot in these movies

— And now Mal lies to Uma too about bringing VK kids over to Auradon. Mal, Mal, Mal. This is really gonna come back to bite you

— Uma and Mal are forced to work together so they can defeat the enchanted armor. The song ... isn’t the worst I’ve heard? But with this trilogy, that’s not saying much

— Huh. The guys are actually getting along. And it sounds like Gil and Jay could have fun adventuring together. Also ... what happened to Lonnie?

— True love’s kiss to break a spell. Again. But ... they’re bad guys (or former). Why do they believe that?

— So ... Ben gets turned into a Beast. And the Enchanted Lake water turns him back, courtesy of Jane. Also, have I mentioned that I love her and Carlos’ romance?

— Uma and Mal help free them with their magic working together. Yay for teamwork!

— Ship name on a necklace for Jane? Eh, it’s cute, so I’ll forgive it

— So. Mal reveals that she lied, and everyone turns on her. Then she sings ... I’ll admit it, basically the only song I like. Why? Actual. Character. Development

— Well, that forgiveness happens fast. I mean, Mal does take care of Evil Audrey, but ... shouldn’t they be more mad?

— Hades has a point. They really do only get a slap on the wrist if they’re good. But ... he also heals Audrey. And gives the ember back to Mal

— The barrier’s coming down! Yeah!

— The final dance scene is ... okay. Reunion stuff is great. And the last scene with the four of them ... yeah, that one works. It’s a little corny, but it works

There you have it. That’s it for the Descendants movies. I may do some more Disney+ live-action stuff in the future if I can make myself sit through it.

As always, if you want to find out more about me and what I write, you can visit my website, kirstenhardin.com. There’ll also be a place to subscribe down at the bottom of the post.

I can’t make any promises about when my next post will be out. Life has a way of getting busy, and I’m a student first and foremost. But whenever something does come out, anyone subscribed to this newsletter/following me on social media will be the first to know 😄.

Until next time,

Your fairytale enthusiast,

Kirsten Hardin

Hi all! Here’s Part 2 of my “slightly unhinged” summary/commentary on the Descendants movies on Disney+.

As always, a spoiler alert is in effect from here on out.

Without further ado, here’s Part 2.

— We open with a dream evil dancing sequence. ... What?

— Mal has to use her spell book to fit in. That seems ... kinda on brand, actually

— Carlos and Jane’s romance is so cutely awkward, and I CANNOT get over it. I like them better than Ben and Mal, tbh

— Chad is still stupid. Big surprise

— Ah, Mal. Your little ruse is going to backfire, and it’s going to be bad

— So it’s fencing instead of tourney now? Sure. Why not? I mean, who cares about keeping continuity, right? And Lonnie wins, but can’t be on the team because of ... sexist Chad. And also, Jay decides to follow the rules. That’s ... kinda new? I mean, in the last film, he was starting to, but it wasn’t this blatant

— Poor Carlos. He has no idea how to ask Jane, and it’s the sweetest, most heartbreaking thing ever

— Chad is ... still terrible. Also creepy. Mal is overwhelmed and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Oh, and Dude (the dog) can talk now

— Mal has a rival named Uma, the daughter of Ursula. She’s got some sort of romance going on with Harry, the ... slightly crazy son of Hook. And then there’s Gaston’s son (whose name I don’t remember), who’s ... pretty stupid. Not stupid annoying like Chad, though. She wants to take over Auradon to get back at Mal for not letting her into her crew

— And ... Ben’s still boring. And this romance is about as interesting as bread. I’m more invested in the other two

— Mal has her breakdown following their argument, and ... yeah, this is the only time I’m invested in this whole thing. Seriously. Ben just ... doesn’t show emotion. It’s ... bad. And it just doesn’t work

— And now she goes back to the Isle of the Lost, equipped with her magic book. So ... why is she the only one getting a character arc in this thing?

— And now Evie and the crew are coming back to get her. Because they’re her friends (or love, in Ben’s case), and they want to support her. Also, Evie hates the Isle and doesn’t want to get stuck there — she truly enjoys her new life

— Mal has a new hairdo! And we meet Dizzy, who’s the daughter of ... one of the stepsisters. She’s so cute and fun — and a hairdresser

— Harry is ... still creepy. And still crazy

— The scene with the little kids and Evie is ... actually heartwarming. Evie’s definitely the heart of the crew, in addition to being Mal’s lancer. I kinda like her better than Mal

— Ben has no idea how to act, so of course they’re gonna sing a song about it. It’s ... okay, I guess. But ... y’all know Ben’s not gonna get this right? He’s Mr. Perfect — he can’t be something he’s not, even for Mal

— They run into ... I don’t remember his name, but he’s Gaston’s son. And of course, Ben’s acting immediately breaks, because one song is not gonna change who he is. Also, Carlos is definitely having the most fun during the dancing scenes

— Okay, I actually feel something when Ben is trying to get Mal to come back. He’s being his usual sweet, gentlemanly self, and she’s wracked with self-guilt because she can’t be like other princesses. To her, she has to stay on the Isle — she’ll only mess things up if she returns

— Ben gets nabbed (we all saw that coming), Harry still creeps me out, and Mal goes it alone cause she was told to. Mal ... you really need your friends. Seriously. It’ll help a lot

— Uma wants the magic wand. Dun dun duhn

— The four are gonna get Ben out (together, now, because somehow during the break Mal recognized that she needed them)

— Really, Chad?!! An action figure?? You are a complete idiot! And you care more about getting the crown yourself than you do about Ben

— Mal and Evie have their little heart-to-heart, of course through song. Mal’s not going back, and Evie’s willing to accept that, because they’ll still be friends no matter what

— And now Lonnie’s tagging along with Jay and Carlos. Something something distinguishing herself, I think. She’s not annoying, though, so I’m not mad

— Uma refuses to go with Ben, cause she wants to go on her own. Sorry, Ben. Not every Isle kid is like Mal

— Hmm ... the inevitable sword fight showdown after their plan doesn’t work. It’s ... pretty well shot. Even if I’m pretty sure some of those moves are completely bogus

— They escape, and the four have a family conversation thanks to Carlos. He’s ... wow. He really is the smart guy, in more ways than one

— Aww, Jay really does get it! He’ll drive her back if she needs it

— Jay makes Lonnie the team captain! Malicious compliance for the win!

— Carlos asks Jane out!! AHHHH! They’re. So. Cute!

— Ohhkay. So ... Uma is apparently Ben’s new girlfriend.

— The stained glass for Mal is ... so good. So ... yeah. Ben really does understand her. And she tells him that, that she loves him ... and kisses him. Yup

— Okay ... this CGI fight between Dragon Mal and Octopus Uma is ... kinda stupid. And Ben roaring is the stupid cherry on top of the stupid cake

— So. Ben gets Uma to leave by convincing her that she’s actually a good person. Who knew that would work this time?

Oh, wait. That’s the formula. Fail twice, succeed the third time. Not surprising at all!

— Dress transformation time! And Ben’s getting a list of kids to bring to Auradon thanks to Evie. I knew I liked her

— This ending dance sequence ... is less cringy. Still cringe, but less so

That’s all for Part 2! Thank you to everyone who made it this far — I’m not sure if this part is more or less unhinged than the last one.

If you want to know more about who I am and what I write, you can visit my website at kirstenhardin.com. There’ll also be a place to subscribe at the bottom of the post.

See you next week for Part 3!

Your fairytale enthusiast,

Kirsten Hardin

So, this is the first part of a three-part series covering the Descendants movies on Disney+. My goal with these is to illustrate, in a slightly unhinged way, why these movies simply … don’t work.

(Though, it certainly doesn’t help that there are companion books that happen in between them and that you have to read to get context. But in all seriousness, the books are much better than the movies.)

(Also, spoiler warnings from here on out, if you’d still like to see these movies.)

Without further ado, here’s Part 1 of the Descendants posts.

1. The contrast between the Isle of the Lost and Auradon is done well. Also, the introductory dance sequence is fantastic, even if the music is dated

2. What the heck is up with the villains? Maleficent is high-pitched and annoying, Jafar is a worthless thief, the Evil Queen is silly and vain, and Cruella de Vil is a crotchety old lady. Look, I get that it’s been twenty years. But no one can change that much, particularly characters who are functionally immortal (Okay. According to Ben, not so much.)

3. The scene with the four discovering candy and crossing over for the first time is also well done

4. Oh, Lord. The Auradon slogan is horrible

5. Also, why is this so ... modern? Seriously. It’s like quasi-medieval royalty was mashed with what rich people look like in the modern day, then shoved into a prep school setting with a little sprinkle of magic. How confusing is that??

6. Ben is boring, and Audrey is a mean girl, which ... she’s more interesting, so there is that. Yeah, it’s a problem when the prince character is kinda boring from the get-go.

7. Oh, Lord. The Fairy Godmother is a cringy middle-aged lady who spouts slogans of stupid nonsense. This is getting ridiculous

8. Audrey and Mal instantly don’t like each other. And ... it’s pretty great

9. Um ... why is the magic gone? You people are from fairy tales! And the magic is the coolest part!

10. I like Doug pretty much immediately. He’s awkward and immediately cowed by Evie (and he wears glasses! Yes!)

11. Evie immediately likes the new room, because she likes the finer things in life (entirely fair). And I ... immediately like her

12. The friendship between the four is instantly believable. Mal is the leader, with Evie being her lancer. Jay is the big guy, and I think Carlos is either the smart guy or the heart — I’ll have to watch the rest to see. (Ok, so based on the computer thing, it seems like, right now, he’s the smart guy — and the alarm in the museum)

13. Man, these magic items look so stupid in live-action

14. So, Carlos is the underappreciated one because he’s not as bad as the rest

15. Jane is terrified and looks exactly like her mom (complete with a terrible haircut). And ... yeah. I immediately like her

16. So ... Ben has some sort of interest in Mal, even though he has a girlfriend. Why are we supposed to like him?

17. Hoo boy. Mal is not subtle. But she does do something nice with fixing Jane’s hair, even if it is for her ends. Another hint that she’s not “rotten to the core”

18. Chad ... is a complete idiot. Charming, but a complete idiot. That’s ... realistic, I guess? Sure makes him more interesting than a certain prince I could mention

19. Carlos meets a dog for the first time ... and my heart is melting

20. And ... Chad is manipulative. But then, I already didn’t like him

21. Yup. More differences: they’re evil, so of course their parents didn’t love them. Ouch

22. Okay, so Jay’s selflessness developed way too fast. One conversation, and suddenly he’s not hogging the ball? That’s ... not realistic

23. Oh, Lord. Ben only has a personality under the spell. And this song is so, so, SO cringe

24. Their first date is ... kinda cute. Up until the song, that is

25. Did ... did they just imply that Mal and Ben...

26. Mal’s having second thoughts. All of them are. And it’s portrayed ... pretty well, actually

27. The Be Our Guest rap is the. Worst. Song. I have ever heard

28. Leah’s reaction is ... very realistic. Also, did I mention that I hate Chad? And ... the three are back on mission because of it

29. So ... Jane’s the one who grabs the wand, not Mal. Plot twist!

30. Mal defeats her mom with the power of friendship. Poetry!

31. That dance routine at the end is so, so unnecessary

Yeah, I’d say “slightly unhinged” is the best way to describe this 😅.

Anyway, if you read the whole thing, thank you so much! You can find out more about me and past posts from the blog at my website, kirstenhardin.com. There’ll also be a place to subscribe at the bottom of this post.

Thanks again, and stay tuned for the next entry.

Your fairytale enthusiast,

Kirsten Hardin

So, this next post is going to be a bit different. I’ll be focusing on a specific piece of media I watched several years ago, explaining the good, the bad, and how I think it could be improved. It’ll be somewhat similar to my posts about Little House on the Prairie (https://kirstenhardin.com/index.php/2022/10/28/little-house-on-the-prairie-fixing-the-final-season/), Jake Sisko (https://kirstenhardin.com/index.php/2022/11/25/jake-sisko-wesley-crusher-done-right/), and Agent Carter (https://kirstenhardin.com/index.php/2023/02/24/agent-carter-an-unfortunate-cancellation/), which are all available on my website, kirstenhardin.com.

This time, I’ll be talking about Little Women 2019, and the various reasons why it wasn’t the best adaptation.

As always, a spoiler alert is in effect from here on out.

I’d like to preface this by saying that I do genuinely like Little Women 2019 ... overall. I think it’s a much better adaptation because it generally stays true to the book. The main problem with previous adaptations is that they focused on things that shouldn’t have been focused on, such as Amy’s romance with Laurie, and left out some other important things, like Jo’s conversation with Beth before she dies. They also put too much focus on “romance as the solution to all problems,” and had characterization issues (which are still present but are much less glaring than before).

However, this movie has one giant flaw: it doesn’t stay true enough to the books. One reason is that it jumps around too much. It switches back and forth between the past and the present like a yo-yo, nearly giving the viewer whiplash. If the movie had made that clear, then it would’ve been fine. But the only thing separating narrative from flashbacks is a banner at the beginning of the first flashback and some lighting changes for the rest. The only way someone could follow is if they knew the book — otherwise, they would’ve been completely lost. It’d be nice if it stuck to the original chronology — it’d be a lot less disorienting.

But there are other, much larger reasons. The movie explicitly references the book in a large number of quotes, and yet pulls them out of context and in some cases doesn’t even get them right. Also, it completely eviscerates some of the best characters, which is strange considering it was quoting from the source material.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s fantastic that the movie explicitly quotes the book, especially since there are several cases where it makes more sense. But several times, the context is changed or parts of the quotes are eliminated, which is frustrating when the movie is trying to closely follow the book. For example, during the debutante ball, Meg’s friends tell her that they have a “sweet blue dress” that she can wear to the party ... but then the dress ends up being pink. Another example is when Marmee is reading her husband’s letter. Here, there are some changes to more “modern” words, which is odd due to the number of direct quotes from the movie. In addition, any references to religion are cut out entirely. That change was expected, though it does make some scenes harder to explain.

But the biggest error is Meg’s put-down to Aunt March when they’re talking about John Brooke. There are a few lines in the movie:

While these are the best parts, they lose their impact because they’re completely out of context. In the movie, Meg says these lines to Aunt March after her wedding, when she’s leaving with her new husband. But in the book, Aunt March goes to the March house to try to convince her not to marry John because he’s poor. Meg’s just rejected his proposal, but after Aunt March tries to eviscerate his character, she defends him and only then realizes how much she loves him. It’s an important moment of growth that they completely leave out of the movie, which makes love the entire reason for her marriage. And that explicitly contradicts both the movie’s message and the book’s.

This brings us to my second point: the movie completely eviscerates some amazing characters, undermining both its message and that of the book. Ironically, the only well-adapted character is Amy. She goes from a spoiled brat to someone who’s honestly tolerable and who should marry Laurie. That’s an improvement from the last two adaptations, where she stayed just as annoying from beginning to end. Hannah is also pretty much perfect, though she’s more of a minor character than the others. Her main flaw is that she’s not really that different from the March family, but as she’s not integral to the plot, it’s not a huge problem.

But other than Amy, every other character is undermined in one way or the other.

First is Mr. March, Jo’s father and a relatively minor character in the story. The problem with his characterization (as in the other adaptations) is that he’s never there — he’s always away at the war, and even afterward, he’s not present in the March family life. However, this is completely inaccurate. Mr. March doesn’t have a significant presence throughout the first half, but after returning he becomes an integral part of the March family life, and both he and Marmee help Jo cope with the death of her sister Beth. If the movie wanted to remain true to the book, it would include this, instead of entirely cutting him out of the second half.

Then there’s Mr. Laurence, Laurie’s grandfather and adoptive parent. In the movie, he’s too nice to the March family, always speaking gently and softly and never raising his voice. But in the book, he’s gruff towards everyone, except for Beth because she reminds him of his granddaughter. The movie did include this, which is excellent as he was very important to Beth in the book (and because it wasn’t included in the other adaptations).

Marmee is next. She’s Jo’s mother and one of the only reasons their household kept running. For the most part, she’s much like the book — kind, warm, motherly, and offering sage advice whenever it’s needed. But she falls into the same trap as most of the other characters: she’s just so ... lifeless. She feels like a brightly colored cardboard cutout of her usual self, which is strange considering everything else.

Next comes Beth, Jo’s younger sister and the quiet one of the family. Her main issues are that her growth scene is put in the wrong context, and her peace with her imminent death isn’t explained. The main growth scene is when she agrees to go to the Laurences’ house to practice on their grand piano. The lines were all accurate, but the context was completely off. In the book, Beth agrees after Marmee calls her in during a conversation with Mr. Laurence. The problem with the movie version is that she consents in front of her entire family, and that’s something Beth never would’ve done. Her shyness is a central character trait that stays true throughout the book, though it does lessen somewhat. Plus Mr. Laurence would’ve been far too polite and caring of her feelings to bring that up in front of so many people.

Along with that, her peace with her imminent death is not handled well. For one, it’s only mentioned in passing when she’s at the beach with Jo, while in the book it’s a central aspect of her character and one that sets her apart from the rest. For two, she says it in such a curt, impatient tone that the Beth of the book would never have used, as one of her key character traits is her soft-spoken nature. For three, it’s not explained well — it’s essentially thrown out there with no other explanation than “this is how it is.” Granted, the original explanation was religious in nature. But there could’ve been something, no matter how small.

Then there is John Brooke, Laurie’s tutor and Meg’s eventual husband. He’s much the way the books portray him, but he has the same flaw as Marmee: he’s flat and lifeless. They also make his entire purpose to be Meg’s love interest, while in the book he’s far more than that. He fulfills Meg’s dream of having a family of her own, while also showing her that she can accomplish said dream without being rich. This is a perfect follow-up to Marmee’s lecture that riches are noble things, but shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of marriage, and a good example of the book’s message that marriage is a good thing if built on a solid foundation with a good man. The problem with the movie’s portrayal of Meg is that it undermines its message, by making love the only reason for marrying someone.

Next is Meg herself, Jo’s older sister and almost a second mother to her. She too falls into the same trap as the other characters, becoming a cardboard cutout of herself the moment she appears in the movie. The problem is that this eliminates Meg’s character. She’s a motherly, romantic girl whose only flaw is that she’s rather vain and longs to be rich. But here, she exists as nothing more than Jo’s older sister and John Brooke’s love interest. Actually, it seems like both of them could be eliminated without undermining the message, which is simply not true.

Mr. Bhaer comes next, Jo’s German professor friend whom she eventually marries. In his case, he’s nothing like his book counterpart. He’s handsome, young, speaks flawless English aside from a slight accent, and doesn’t go after Jo due to Beth’s death. In the book, he’s plain, has a thick accent that makes it hard to understand him and is Jo’s confidante and eventual husband entirely due to his character. As with many others, the movie completely undermines its message by making Mr. Bhaer a shadow of himself. He’s meant to be kind, counseling, wise, and to love Jo’s writing and believe that she can do it well. In the movie, he doesn’t like her writing and doesn’t bother going after her when she takes offense and runs away. As with John Brooke, this makes love Jo’s entire reason for marrying him and because she doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. That’s not the message of the book, and it shouldn’t be the message of the movie.

Then there is Laurie Laurence, Jo’s best friend and the boy next door. Like Mr. Bhaer, he is nothing like his book counterpart. He has no emotion, and it seems the only reason Jo hangs out with him is because she prefers boys and he’s cute. In the books, he’s energetic, mischievous, talented, and enjoys hanging out with the girls because he’s never had any female company before. He and Jo are alike other than their gender and have a loving, teasing relationship that is absolutely amazing. But in the movie, he becomes the point in a love triangle between him, Amy, and Jo, something that is not emphasized in the book because it doesn’t exist and that’s not its message. He’s nothing more than a love interest, and that’s not who he is in the book.

Finally, there’s Jo, the protagonist and narrator of the book and the movie. She, too, is undermined like most of the other characters. In the book, she’s spunky, impulsive, hot-tempered, and creative, but with a gentle side that’s only seen around Beth. In the movie, she suffers from the same affliction as everyone else: she has no emotion. Granted, she has more than the rest, but still not much. Along with that, her character, like Meg’s, is undermined in a few important ways. For one, she never would have married Mr. Bhaer just for love—she states that in the book and sticks to her decision, even when she becomes lonely. She marries him because she loves, admires, and respects him, and he returns those sentiments. That’s the message of the book, but it’s not the one in the movie. She states that she won’t marry just for love, but then doubly contradicts herself by sending Laurie that letter recanting her decision and marrying Mr. Bhaer simply because she’s lonely and happens to love him. She also never would’ve stormed out on him like she did in the movie; she respected him far too much for that.

A second, and more glaring error is her feminism. Now, Jo in the book is very much against being a young lady, as she sees them as “affected, niminy-piminy chits” with little to no substance. But she would never go so far as to make the outright feminist statements she does in the movie, and she definitely would never wear pants as she did several times. She is a rebel, but not enough of one to completely go against society.

So there you have it. Little Women 2019 is a perfectly acceptable adaptation and much better than the ones before it, but it still needs improvement. Its message should be that someone should marry not just for love, but also because the other person admires and respects you as you do in return.

All in all, it’s worth a watch. But (as is the case with most adaptations), if you want a true picture of the story’s message, read the book.

Hey y’all! Happy August!

My apologies for how long I’ve gone without posting anything. Suffice it to say that my life has been a bit ... busier than usual. I hope to have some more (oh-so-fun) blog posts about my old writing in the future.

In the meantime, let’s get to what my title’s all about.

Drumroll, please 🥁 …

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but ... I’ve self-published a book! The links (along with the info) will be listed below. If you have a chance to check it out, I’d really appreciate it. And if you’re not interested (and you know someone who might be), please share it with them! The more people that hear about this, the better.

Anyway. As promised, here are the links:

Universal Book Link (will allow you to use your preferred vendor): https://books2read.com/thefatefulcurse

LeanPub Link (a really cool independent platform that pays authors more royalties): https://leanpub.com/thefatefulcurse

I’ll be publishing the paperback version next month, if all goes well. My life is about to get incredibly busy, so we’ll see 🤷‍♀️.

One last thing! If you do read the book and like it (or even if you don’t!), I’d really appreciate you posting a review on whichever platform you bought it from. It helps other people find the book, and it’s a nice little boost for the author 😃.

Until next time,

Kirsten

Hi, everyone!

While you’re waiting on my posts about editing my old books, I figured I may as well write about something a little more … recent.

For those of you who don’t know, once upon a time, I wrote a lovely little novel for my thesis in college. It was one of the most difficult and time-consuming things I’ve ever done (I’d never seriously edited anything before), but it was great experience and very much helped me as a writer. Now, when it came time to publish it, I thought I’d go the traditional way. I’ve always dreamed of seeing my books in a Barnes and Noble or local indie bookstore (what writer hasn’t?).

And then I started looking for comp novels (that is, books similar to mine). That’s when I hit a bit of a snag. I couldn’t find anything successful within the last five years that had anything to do with what I’d written. Which is a problem if you want to pitch your book to agents or publishing houses.

Enter the self-publishing option. That’s when I discovered that doing self-publishing well, especially doing it DIY, is a bit of a ... process, let’s say.

Right off the bat, you have to choose how, where, and when you’re publishing. You have to decide whether you want just a eBook, that and a print book, or both of those and an audiobook. Then, you have to choose platforms — whether you want to stick with the megacorporation that is Amazon or try your luck in other avenues as well.

And then there’s the fun that’s doing last-minute edits to your book. Trust me — there were several times I thought I was done, and then went through for one last pass and found about a dozen instances of the same error. True, it would be better to hire professionals, but I’d also be a couple thousand dollars in debt.

After that, you have to typeset your book. While there’s a variety of highly recommended apps (or you can always hire out), I decided to do it the hard way. Initially, I started out in Scrivener (which is a very good app for writing novels, by the way), but ended up switching to Pages after I nearly tore my hair out. Fortunately, there’s a number of excellent articles out there on how to format a book correctly, and you can usually finagle your way into getting things to work.

Then, you have to export your book to the correct format, and check to make sure everything looks ok. Long story short: ePubs are for eBooks and PDFs are for print books, across the board (Calibre is an excellent app for viewing ePubs to make sure they look good). I ended up still using Scrivener for the ePub, since Pages’ version is meant solely for Apple Books.

Last but not least comes the cover design. I could spend three hours and more pages than I care to count to explain how, but long story short: Canva is an excellent app for this purpose, and can do a whole lot even in its free form if you’re willing to take extra time. And again — yes, it would be better to get professional cover art. But I’d also be even more thousands of dollars in debt.

Anyway, all that’s only scratching the surface of what all goes into self-publishing a book. I’m still learning, so I won’t be going into the rest. But if you take the time and effort to do it well, it won’t look like that stereotypical self-published book that a lot of people tend to think of. And frankly, it’s kinda nice not to have to rely on traditional methods to get your stories out there.

—Kirsten

Hello, everyone! I thought I’d give you a little preview of what’s coming up on my blog.

For the foreseeable future, I’ll be completely embarrassing myself by going through two books I self-published in high school: The Girl with a Secret, and its sequel, An Unexpected Twist. I’ll be giving comments about my inspiration and some aspects of the story itself, but mostly about the many, many mistakes I made as a new writer. Each chapter will be a two-part post: the first part will talk about various aspects of the story, inspiration, and highlight some of my major mistakes. The second part will show how I would fix those mistakes (with the caveat that I can’t outright delete the chapter, even if I want to).

Hopefully I can get those out in a somewhat timely manner, but I’ll let you know if that’s not the case.

In the meantime, be sure to subscribe so you’ll know whenever they do go up. I’m notoriously bad at social media, so my updates there will be sporadic at best. And if you want to know a bit more about me and see some of my old blog posts, you can visit my website at kirstenhardin.com.

Until next time!

—Kirsten