Zen Online

What to do about thinking in zazen

Madoka Onizuka — Fri, 01 May 2026 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

To Our Dear Sangha

If you ask Matsumoto-san if there are any stages to satori, he will tell you no. Satori has either happened or it hasn’t. Yet in this month’s teisho, he explains the “three phases” in his practice.

Yes, it’s an example of conceptualizing the past that no longer exists, but humans also fortunately have the ability to do so. We hope that it will provide useful hints for your practice too.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
May 17 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
May 25 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00 noon
June 7 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
June 29 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00 noon

**Weekend times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Zazenkai with Madoka:
Thursdays: Every week at 21:00-22:00 (cancelled May 21st)
Mondays: May 4, 11, and 18th at 9:00am-10:00am.
In-Person Zazenkai in Nishinomiya: May 16, 10:00-16:10 (info here)

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

A Record of My Zazen Practice

I’ll write about the time when I was practicing zazen.

1. Early Phase of Zazen Practice

The phase when I still tried hard to create a good “state” of zazen, even though I had been shown the way the six senses* are with “clap!”

When I heard, “leave thoughts alone,” I misunderstood and thought I had to create a state of leaving thoughts alone. I thought becoming better at zazen meant getting better at leaving thoughts alone. I thought leaving thoughts alone was correct, and failing to do so was incorrect. At this stage, I spent a lot of time going back and forth between, “I did it” and “I couldn’t do it.”

*The six senses: the naturally arising content of the five senses and consciousness (thoughts, feelings).

2. Middle Phase of Zazen practice

Sitting just as the six senses are**, but sometimes trying to create a good state

Through sitting, I came to understand that thoughts can arise without intending to think, and one can see without trying to see, and that is why it is fine to just sit the way it what arises is. After that I almost never attempted to create any particular state, but if any doubt arose about whether or not I was sitting correctly, anxiety would follow, and I would then go to read teisho by Gien Roshi or Kando Roshi to confirm my sitting was correct. I was trying to ease my anxiety by confirming.

I even understood that there was actually no problem, because “Is this correct?” is “Is this correct?” But when the anxiety was strong, I would go to books to try to ease it and get confirmation.

** “Just as the six senses are” does not mean being aware of the six senses the entire time while sitting. When sitting as the six senses are, there is no intentional awareness of any particular thing.

3. Final Phase of Zazen Practice

Sitting only as the six senses are = the stage when I ceased trying to do anything at all

I decided to sit just as the doubt was, and just as the anxiety was, and quit looking for confirmation in books when doubts created anxiety. Then at some point, even if I noticed doubts like “I might not be sitting correctly,” the thought to check with a teisho didn’t arise any more, and I could just sit.

This means that from the beginning, it has always been the way it is, so there was never any need to adjust anything to make zazen “correct.” From that point on, regardless of time or place, if I had a chance to sit, I sat. Reflecting back, I think I really sat a lot.

“There’s really nothing to adjust to make zazen ‘correct’”

While translating Matsumoto-san’s teisho, “there was never any need to adjust anything to make zazen ‘correct’” hit home.

I recently went to sesshin with Kando Roshi, and while I was there, I struggled a bit with the whole, “too much thinking” issue. I couldn’t help but feel like I was failing in zazen if I noticed I had been lost in thought.

I asked Kando Roshi about it, using the example suddenly realizing I’d been thinking about school lesson plans. It wasn’t my intention to do lesson planning while sitting in zazen, but is it really ok if it happens like that?

Kando Roshi said, “That’s not zazen. That’s thinking about lesson plans.” He said it is foolish to try to do those two things at once. Thinking about lessons during zazen is as clumsy as contemplating Zen while trying to make lesson plans.

I was uncomfortable with this answer because on the one hand, it rang true. But on the other hand, it also felt like it contradicted “‘I’m hungry’ is ‘I’m hungry.’”

So the next day, during a tea time chat with Kando Roshi, I asked, “Roshi, when I do zazen, random thoughts come up. That itself isn’t a problem right?”

Roshi said, “Why would it be a problem? It’s making thoughts into a problem that causes the confusion.”

It’s not like I’d never heard that before, but something clicked. When doing zazen, if I hear “chirp chirp,” I don’t think I failed in zazen. If I smell incense, there is the smell of insense, and I sit without feeling like a failure.

But noticing I had been thinking about something created a sense of failure because I made the thoughts into a problem. And I made it a problem because of the differences I felt between “chirp” and thoughts. I felt like “chirp” was something outside of me, so I didn’t have control of it and could let it be. But thoughts felt like they came from “inside,” which made it feel like I was doing something wrong.

But whether it is a thought, chirp, or the smell of incense, they are all content of the 6 senses. One just happens to feel more like “me,” while the others feel like “others.” But if they are all the same in terms of being content of the 6 senses, why not allow thoughts to be same as chirps and not make them into a problem?

I am afraid I am falling into the “making zazen a method” kind of language here. It isn’t a matter of treating thoughts like chirps. And when feeling like a failure, it’s the way it is feeling like a failure.

But somehow the realization that they are essentially the same has made it easier to sit without wondering if I should be adjusting something.

As Matsumoto-san said, “there was never any need to adjust anything to make zazen ‘correct.’”

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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Madoka’s Nishinomiya in-person zazenkai venue 🙂

The Open Secret

Madoka Onizuka — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

To Our Dear Sangha

Cherry blossom season has begun. The air feels warmer and there are hints of pink here and there. Soon it will be pink everywhere.

In this month’s newsletter, Today’s Teisho is about “the open secret” that is Truth. How can Truth be so out in the open but feel so illusive? I’ve wondered about this myself, but as the teisho makes clear, it is more beneficial to do zazen than to ponder.

I will be introducing a booklet that is the English translation a teisho by Inoue Kando Roshi, Matsumoto-san’s teacher.

There are a couple more announcements in addition to the usual schedule, so please do take a look below before heading to the teisho.

Announcements

Webpage with our Lineage

We are immensely grateful for our teachers. For information on the lineage of Zen Online, please see the bios of Inoue Gien Roshi and Inoue Kando Roshi on the Lineage Page on our website.

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
April 5 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
April 20 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon
May 17 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
May 25 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 noon

**Weekend times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Zazenkai with Madoka:
Zazenkai with Madoka are simply opportunities to do zazen for an hour. I provide instructions to newcomers if necessary. And yes, newcomers are always welcome!
- Ongoing: Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka will continue every week at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time.
- New Online Zazenkai: Monday mornings, 9:00am-10:00am (Sunday afternoon/evening in North and South America). April 1-hour Mondays will be the 6th, 13th, and 27th. The 20th is zazenkai with Matsumoto-san.
- New In-Person Zazenkai: From April 18, Madoka will begin monthly in-person zazenkai in Nishinomiya, Hyogo Prefecture for both Japanese and English speakers. Please come if you are ever in the area! Information is here (new site).

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

The Open Secret (Truth is not hidden, but until you verify it for yourself, it is not apparent)

Facing forward, there is what appears, just as it is.

What appears itself is Truth. When there is meow, the meow itself is Truth. When drinking tea, the taste of the tea itself is Truth. But it probably doesn’t feel like Truth to you.

Face forward, and what appears itself is immediately there, as it is. In this way, Truth is not hidden. It is completely in the open.

It is in the open, but it is such a matter of course that most people do not even take note of it. Many people, when trying to know Truth, use thinking to do so. I was like that too.

But no matter how much you learn, contemplate, or build on understanding, it is impossible to be convinced that what appears itself is Truth. The reason is that the moment you try to know what appears, it is no longer what appears itself. In addition, understanding is created by thinking.

What appears as a matter of course, is itself Truth. This becomes clear through correct zazen and awakening for yourself.

Zazen is not difficult. People think it is difficult when they misunderstand and think they must create and maintain some kind of state.

What actually appears is what actually appears, so it is not difficult, and it is not easy. It is always just as it is, so there is no room for “I can” or “I can’t.”

It is already just as seeing, hearing, sensing, and knowing are. So there is no method to Truth. From this, I think you can understand that zazen is sitting just as seeing, hearing, sensing, and knowing are.

When I was practicing, I would sit for longer periods of about 2 hours after work and on my days off. In addition, whenever I found a chance to sit, I would sit right then and there. My posture was whatever suited the occasion. For example, if I finished one task at work, I would sit in the chair at my desk for a few minutes. Whether I was on the train, waiting for something, or taking a bath, I did zazen regardless of time or place.

Looking back at my zazen practice, I see the importance of sitting for long periods, but I think sitting then and there, whenever I found a chance, was very effective for satori.

Satori—knowing what you truly are—is possible for anyone. How about giving zazen a try? We look forward to sitting with you.

Inoue Kando Roshi’s Teisho Translated into English

In 2016, I attended my first sesshin with Inoue Kando Roshi, an enlightened Zen Master and Soto Zen monk. He is also Matsumoto-san’s teacher. The sesshin (5-day Zen retreat) was at a temple called Tozanji in Niigata Prefecture.

At that time, I was still trying to do zazen. I struggled with thinking too much and imagining what satori might be like, trying to get closer to how I thought an enlightened person would be. I asked many questions about Truth, believing that deepening my understanding would help me awaken to it.

Then, Kando Roshi gave his first teisho, explaining that in order to have a real Zen practice, it was necessary to know the basic premise that Dogen Zenji laid out at the beginning of one of his texts, Fukanzazengi. (Dogen Zenji founded the Soto school of Zen in the 13th century.)

I remember listening and feeling both astounded and confused. My dear friend Rena was also attending, and during a break, she mentioned how incredible the teisho was. I agreed, but also said I didn’t understand it. She looked a little concerned and said maybe someday she could translate it into English so that I could really get it. But I had to honestly say it wasn’t just a language issue. I felt like I was hearing something that, while I could understand most of the words, I was missing something very important.

Looking back, what I was missing was the essential premise that Dogen Zenji and Kando Roshi were both pointing out.

Kando Roshi would hold up a hand-held fan, unfold it, and then fold it. He was showing us the essential premise.

The essential premise was unfolding before my very eyes (pun unintended). Just like that. But I tried to figure it out. What was he doing by folding and unfolding the fan? What was he trying to show us? I pondered these questions as if there was something other than the folding and unfolding that I was supposed to see.

Kando Roshi also explained how people get confused or lost in delusion. I had no difficulty understanding that! But I felt lost during the simple acts showing us exactly what Truth is because I tried to understand them. I thought there had to be something more to it.

That teisho played an important part in my realizing that I was missing something by trying to understand. I am grateful for having been there, and am happy to announce that an English translation of the teisho is now available. My friend Rena followed through on her dream to give English speakers access to this teisho. She not only attended it live, she transcribed it and worked together with Kando Roshi to edit and translate it into English.

The Fundamental Premise of Zen Practice, by Inoue Kando Roshi, edited and translated by Rena Sugita. If you are interested, more information is available here: https://inouekandoroshi.wixsite.com/english

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

the open secret

What is actually manifesting now

Madoka Onizuka — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

To Our Dear Sangha

In Japan, we are entering spring, and I feel like I am coming out of hibernation. How are you?

In this month’s newsletter, you’ll see the word “manifest.” It’s not one we’ve used much in the past. Sometimes using different terms can cause confusion. But sometimes it helps to hear things in different words. Please remember, however, that whatever the words, Matsumoto-san is always pointing to the same thing. He is not engaging in conceptual discourse. If you’re uncertain, please do not hesitate to attend zazenkai and ask. Questions are welcome!

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
March 8 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
March 16 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00 noon
April 5 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
April 20 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon
(Mornings in Japan are afternoon/evening the previous day in N/S America)

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

What Is Actually Manifesting Now

Zazen is not about creating some kind of state.
Zazen is being the way it actually is now.

Face forward, and there is the actual way it is that you are seeing.
There is nothing between the actual way it appears and yourself.
There is only the actual way it is.
Even while you read this sentence, there is nothing between the letters and yourself.

There is nothing between something you’re hearing and yourself.
There is only what you are hearing, itself.

When eating, there is nothing between the taste and yourself.
There’s only the taste itself.

When thinking, there is nothing between a thought and yourself.
There is only the content of thinking.

From the content above, I think you can see how it was a misunderstanding if you believed that you needed to create a good zazen state.

Zen began with the Buddha’s enlightenment—the shine of the morning star.
The Buddha awakened to the morning star’s shine itself as his true nature.

In the case of Zen Master Dōgen, his satori happened when his teacher, Nyojyō Zenji, noticed that the novice sitting next to Dōgen was dozing. Nyojyō Zenji took off his straw sandal and used it to whack the dozing novice’s shoulder, saying, “Napping is not zazen!” The whack! itself was Dogen’s satori, and he realized his true nature.

The actual way it is, manifesting now, is the way satori is. This is why there is no method to satori.

When sitting, sit just as seeing, hearing, and thinking happen on their own. In this way, because it is simply the actual way it is, there is no need to judge if you are doing zazen well or not. By “no need to judge,” it means there is no need to monitor how you are sitting. “No need to monitor” means there is no need to be aware of your sitting. This is why at some point cognition can naturally cease completely and true nature becomes clear.

Do I Still Have Questions? Do I Still Do Dokusan?

“How often do you do dokusan? Do you still have questions?” These are questions someone recently asked me, so I thought I’d share more widely. (“Dokusan” is one-on-one Q&A with a Zen master.)

I started zazen with Matsumoto-san and Kando Roshi in 2015… wow, 11 years already! When I first started, Matsumoto-san was holding zazenkai 3 days a week at his office in Tokyo. I went at least 2 days a week, and each time I would do dokusan, sometimes for 30-40 minutes. I think I did that for about a year. That’s a lot of questions. I marveled at Matsumoto-san’s patience with me.

So if you ever feel bad for asking lots of questions, please don’t. I have yet to meet anyone at our Zen Online zazenkai who has even come close to the number of questions I’ve asked (I am not bragging). I think it was an indication of how misinformed I was, and how much difficulty I had distinguishing intellectual pursuit from zazen.

But eventually it became clear to me that no amount of questioning and contemplation would give me the answer I was looking for. It would be like contemplating coffee in hopes of discovering how it tastes. Does this mean I think there is no more need for dokusan? Definitely not. Sometimes I ask questions I think I know the answer to. But then Matsumoto-san will do or say something that makes it a “ha!” moment. The best way I can describe it is a slight gasp of sudden clarity. Dokusan is always precious.

So to answer the opening question, these days I do dokusan only occasionally. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year. But I do hear Matsumoto-san’s teishō much more often. When I talk with Matsumoto-san to confirm points so I can translate his teishō for this newsletter, it sometimes feels like dokusan.

That said, how often you do dokusan or how many questions you have is not really the important issue. If, for example, all electricity went out and I completely lost access to Matsumoto-san and other enlightened Zen masters, I would not panic (at least not about my practice). I know I can sit.

And how blessed I feel to have this growing community of people to sit with. Thank you for being a part of it.

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

What is manifesting now = satori (there’s no self here 🙂 )

When you know true nature, you know how to be in zazen

Madoka Onizuka — Sun, 01 Feb 2026 07:00:15 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

To Our Dear Sangha

We are beginning the coldest month of the year here in Japan. What better way to spend time indoors than to sit in zazen!

This month’s newsletter reviews the essential questions: What is Zen? And what is the way to be in zazen?

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
Feb 16 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon
Feb 28 (Sat) 19:00-23:00
March 8 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
March 16 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00 noon
April 5 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
April 20 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon

**Weekend times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

When you know “true nature = Zen,” you know zazen

What is it that the word “Zen” refers to? It refers to true nature, the way it actually is now.
True nature is ●▲■.
When there is ●▲■, the way it is is ●▲■.
The real ☆ is the actual ☆ itself.　　　

Let’s confirm what true nature is. Make sure to actually confirm it for yourself. If you do not actually do this yourself, you will not see the way it really is and will only have an intellectual understanding. That means you will have learned something very different from what I am trying to convey.

Face straight ahead. Then turn your face to the left. As you do so, you can see that there is only the content of what is being seen.

It should also be evident that it is not necessary to use understanding to see the content of what is being seen. There is only what is seen now, and you cannot see anything before or after what is being seen now. In other words, there is no before or after. There is only what is being seen now itself.

Now, bring your attention to something you are hearing now. The content of hearing is heard exactly the way you are hearing it. And you only hear what you are hearing.

Please touch something. There is the actual sensation of touch, just as you feel it.
Touch something else. There is the actual sensation of touch, just as you feel it.

Take a sip of something. When you sip, there is the actual taste itself, exactly as it is.
Sip something else. When you sip, there is the actual taste itself, exactly as it is.

Smell something. When you smell, the actual smell itself is exactly as it is.
Smell something else. When you smell, the actual smell itself is exactly as it is.

Try thinking something. There is the content of thinking exactly as it is being thought.
Think something different. The previous thought is gone, and there is only the content of the current thought. Also, you can notice that there is only the content of the current thought, because you cannot think two or more thoughts at once.

With emotions as well, there is only the current emotion.

By doing the above confirmation, you can understand that there is only the present content of the five senses and the present content of consciousness (thoughts, feelings, emotions).

There is only the present content, which means there is no “one more way it is now.” So you can understand that the present content itself is Truth. And it is evident that true nature (the way it actually is now) does not require understanding with concepts.

Once you know that true nature is the way it is now itself, as explained above, you can sit just as true nature is. This is zazen. It is za (“sitting”) and Zen (“the present content of the five senses and the present content of consciousness” = true nature).

Inevitably, it is always true nature—the way it is now. So after taking a seated position, just be the way true nature is.

Because it is just sitting as true nature is, there is no need to create some kind of state using intention or thinking. You can see that zazen is not about trying to prevent thoughts from arising or trying to create and maintain a state.

When sitting just as true nature is, in the beginning, your attention will probably turn to the way it is in front of your eyes. But after a while, naturally, you will not be aware of true nature. At times like this, awareness of “this is ____,” or “this is the way it is” doesn’t arise. At times like this, there is just true nature itself.

When there is just true nature itself, the perception and cognition of true nature has stopped.
Therefore, when sitting, there is no need to focus your attention on true nature and continue to perceive and be aware of it.

When people start zazen, many are concerned about their thoughts. But being just as true nature is (seeing, hearing, bodily sensations, thinking, etc.), you come to understand that thinking can happen without intention, and that when thinking a thought, the previous thought has already gone. Once this is understood, you can stop seeing thoughts as problems and sit without being concerned about them.

It is important to be able to confirm if your sitting is truly zazen or not. Confirming for yourself will contribute to your confidence in sitting. The point to confirm is whether you are as true nature is, or not. In other words, that you are not intentionally trying to create and maintain something that you’ve imagined to be a Zen state.

Let’s go over some common misunderstandings first so that you do not needlessly worry about them during zazen.

1. “I am bothered by having too many thoughts.”
When thinking, “I have too many thoughts,” the reality is not that you are thinking many thoughts at the same time. You think “I have too many thoughts” because of memory, so just continue sitting.

2. “My thoughts continue on and on.”
There is only the present thought, and there are no continuing thoughts. Believing that there are continuing thoughts is due to memory.
When thinking “I’m hungry,” there is only “I’m hungry.”
When there is “what should I eat?” there is “what should I eat?”
When “I wonder if there are leftovers,” it is “I wonder if there are leftovers.”
Sometimes people ask if it is ok that thoughts keep coming up like this for even five to ten minutes at a time (the concern with getting lost in thought). “Five minutes” is not real. It is a mental construct. There is no need to be concerned about a mental construct that does not exist in reality.

3. “What should I do about my monkey mind?”
“Mind” is a mental construct. It does not exist in reality. It is a name given to the activity of thinking. Thoughts are things that arise, so there is nothing you need to do about them. By the time you think, “monkey mind,” the thoughts that you thought were monkey mind have already disappeared.

4. “When my mind is quiet, it is a good zazen state. When noisy, it is not a good zazen state.”
People become concerned with the quality of their perceived state when they do not understand that zazen is true nature itself.

Are some people simply incapable of satori?

The first time I remember hearing about the Buddha’s enlightenment was when I was 12 and my family visited Bodh Gaya, the place of Buddha’s enlightenment. I had no idea what enlightenment was, but was somehow really taken with the idea. I picked up 3 leaves that had fallen from the bodhi tree under which the Buddha sat. I pressed them in a notebook and drew a picture of the Buddha sitting under the leaves. I still have the drawing today.

It wasn’t until many years later, however, that I embarked on my own journey to know Truth. After starting zazen, it took me a couple years to understand that satori is not a state of consciousness. Once I understood, I hoped that satori was around the corner, but started to worry when it didn’t happen after a while. I started to wonder, maybe there are people to whom satori just doesn’t or can’t happen. Had my many years of education in English and a very strong sense of self made my brain unenlightenable? I asked Kando Roshi about it once in dokusan (Inoue Kando Roshi is Matsumoto-san’s teacher).

Me: Roshi, are there some people to whom satori just can’t happen? Does it have nothing to do with the person’s upbringing or personality traits?

Kando Roshi: Why do you worry about such things that are not even here now? (Roshi quietly picks up a tea cup, moves it to the left, and sets it down.)

I was struck by how simply he showed me what is here now. But I still had doubt.

Me: Ahhhh! …Right…!

I thought I probably shouldn’t be looking for words at that point, but I did anyway. I wanted to dispel as much of my doubt as possible. So I continued.

Me: Ok… so I am worrying about something that isn’t here now…But I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be able to really see Truth clearly.

Kando Roshi: Picks up the tea cup, moves it to the right, and sets it down.

I’ll leave it at that.

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

True Nature = the way it is now

Does "no self" mean I disappear?

Madoka Onizuka — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 07:00:09 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Happy New Year and thank you! Looking back at 2025, we are grateful to each and every one of you for subscribing to this newsletter, attending zazenkai, and connecting with us in the ways that you do. You definitely add a richness to our lives, and we hope we are contributing to your peace of mind, happiness, and, of course, your practice. May this coming year be a wonderful one for you and your loved ones.

Our first newsletter of the year addresses a few common questions people ask about satori (enlightenment) and “no self.”

We are also making some changes to our zazenkai schedule:

Our nighttime zazen is changing to 19:00-23:00 Japan time (previously starting at 18:00) .
We will try an occasional Saturday night.
Weekly 1-hour zazenkai is currently Thursday nights.

And just in case…if you are new to zazen, please do not let the 4-hour sessions intimidate you. You are welcome to leave early if necessary. Also, we do not sit in total silence and as still as statues for 4 hours. There is always question and answer time, and sitting in zazen is not a physical endurance test. Sometimes it is amazing how quickly those 4 hours can pass.

May 2026 be an enlightening year for all of us, and a year of some expansion for us at Zen Online. Hopefully we can add some different things to what we offer! Stay tuned and thank you for your patience 🙂

Announcements/Schedule
Today's Teisho: Four commonly asked questions about satori and "no self"
Madoka's Memo: A few things "no self" is not
Please Share Our Newsletter!

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:

Jan 19 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon
Jan 31 (Sun) 19:00-23:00
Feb 16 (Mon) 8:00 a.m.-12:00 noon
Feb 28 (Sat) 19:00-23:00

**Weekend times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are Sunday in N/S America and Oceania, as it is Sunday there.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

Four commonly asked questions about satori and no self

After satori, do people sometimes “go back” to how they were before satori?

Satori is when caw! is clear, with no subject or object. So after satori, it cannot become unclear. There is no deepening either. When facing forward, it is the way it is forward. This is the proof that there is no confusion, no deepening. If you confirm and know for yourself what Zen is (what is actually real itself = caw!), such questions about “returning” from satori will not arise.

If you don't know what Zen is (what is actually real itself), you might think that satori is some state that you attain and sustain. If you think that satori is some sustained state that you attain, then it may be conceivable that someone could return to an unenlightened state or that satori could deepen. But this is a mistaken understanding. Looking to the right, it’s the way it is to the right. Looking forward, it is the way it is forward. There is no sustaining anywhere. There is only what is actually real, right now.

What is “no self”?

No self is caw! It is caw! itself. It is caw! without a listener.

“Having self” is thinking that there is something when there isn’t, and then believing it actually exists. During zazen, for example, if the thought “I am looking at the wall” arises, you might then think you need to get rid of the “I” who is looking, and then start trying to devise mental tricks to eliminate it. That is evidence that you believe a self really exists. It was just the thought of “I am,” but because you believe in the existence of a substantial self, you start to do things to make it disappear or go away. But because it is a thought, if you simply sit, the thought “I am…” is gone before you know it.

It is the same with “no mind” and “having mind.” After a thought, if you think you had a thought, you might try to get rid of the thought. “No mind” is not the absence of thoughts. It is when you’re not thinking about whether thoughts exist or not, when it’s just the way the thoughts are. Reading these sentences, you are probably also thinking. But you are probably not thinking, “these thoughts exist.” In other words, no mind.

There is something about “true nature” that I can’t quite grasp. I’m not convinced.

True nature (what is actually real) is caw! when there is caw! Nothing more, nothing less.

Caw!

You say “I can’t grasp it” or “I’m not convinced” because you’re trying to understand caw! better. But it isn’t something to understand better.

Even if the desire to feel convinced or understand comes up, just be that way. “Just be that way” does not mean to intentionally use will to make an effort to remain a certain way. When doing something, even if a wanting to understand comes up, if you continue whatever it is you are doing, wanting to understand is forgotten. If it happens during zazen, continue sitting and it will be forgotten.

Do I disappear with satori?

Satori is true nature only. Satori makes it clear that from the beginning, there is only true nature. If you’re thinking, “I’ve disappeared,” it means there is some awareness of something disappearing, and hence still a sense of subject and object. There has never been a self as an entity. It is a thought. Because it never existed, satori is not an experience of feeling like you disappear.

A few things “no self” is not

The first time I heard the expression, “no self,” I was bewildered. I had never questioned my own existence.

I started asking people and reading about it, and came to think that “no self” was a feeling of not having a self, or seeing through the illusion of self, or being free from the illusion of self and other, and whatever it was, once realized, it would make my current sense of self disappear. In other words, I thought it was a feeling or state of being that would replace my current illusion of existing as a “me” separate from others.

I started questioning that assumption after encountering Kando Roshi and Matsumoto-san. One day, I saw a video of Inoue Tetsugen Roshi (Kando Roshi’s older brother) talking to a woman who insisted that she had no self. She explained that her sense of self had disappeared after a lightness came to her heart. In response, Tetsugen Roshi, an enlightened Zen master, kept saying something to the effect of, “You say you have no self. That’s not the satori we speak of. You know that you feel like there is no self, right? That’s you.”

When I saw that, I trusted that Tetsugen Roshi knew what he was talking about, but could not understand how he could be so sure that this woman was not clear on “no self.” How could he know for sure how she was experiencing reality?

But after continuing my zazen practice for some time, and after listening to Matsumoto-san’s teisho many times, something clicked and I understood why Tetsugen Roshi was so sure.

The woman explained no self as a state. She said she felt something lift out of her heart, and after that, had no sense of self anymore. In all the accounts of Zen masters’ satori that I had heard, there was never mention of observing or feeling it happen. There is shine! Or whack! Or caw! In Matsumoto-san’s case, there was tick! (sound of the second hand of a clock).

One night, I woke up in the middle of the night and looked around my room. I felt as if there was just the room and just looking around, and the sense of self that I was used to was absent. But there was definitely an awareness of the room and looking around…a subject looking at objects. This could not be no-self. I remembered the video of the woman insisting she’d felt her sense of self disappear and how Tetsugen Roshi responded, and it made more sense to me how Tetsugen Roshi was so sure that the woman was still not free from the illusion of self and other.

A few days later during dokusan, I told Matsumoto-san about this and said that while I still didn’t know what satori was, I was much less deceivable! He smiled.

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Love and Gassho _/\_

Caw! = Satori

Are you sure your zazen is really zazen?

Madoka Onizuka — Mon, 01 Dec 2025 07:00:25 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Here we are, our December issue, the last one for this year.

We are making some changes to our zazenkai schedule from January. Please see Announcements below for specifics.

To help make sure that you are actually doing zazen when you sit on your cushion (or chair), Matsumoto-san explains what you need to examine and confirm. I share an anecdote where I thought I was doing zazen but was actually doing something else. We don’t want you going into the new year doing something like I was!

We hope you all have a lovely holiday season and look forward to connecting with you again in the new year.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

From January, our evening times start an hour later, and we will try an occasional Saturday.

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san (* indicates new day or time):
Dec 15 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 (noon)
Dec 21 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
Jan 19 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 (noon)
Jan 31 (*Sat) *19:00-23:00
Feb 16 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 (noon)
Feb 28 (*Sat) *19:00-23:00

**Sat/Sun times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!
There will be no zazenkai on December 25th and Jan 1st. Thursday zazenkai will resume January 8th.

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

Have you confirmed that your zazen is really zazen?

You need to know for yourself if your sitting is actually zazen or not. To confirm this, dokusan (one-on-one with a Zen master) is necessary. The primary purpose of dokusan is to confirm that your sitting is truly zazen. Once you are certain that your zazen is truly zazen, an occasional dokusan is sufficient.

During dokusan, people sometimes talk about the state they were in while sitting. For first-time participants or people who do not understand zazen, I sometimes ask questions to confirm that they are not trying to implement some kind of method while sitting. But is a confirmation of their state while sitting necessary? One reason people talk about how it was for them while sitting is that they mistakenly believe they need to create a good zazen state. So they want to know if they’ve succeeded in doing so or not.

People are under the mistaken impression that they need to create a good state in zazen, so they become concerned about states. But when there is meow, there’s meow. Is it necessary to create a special state for meow to be meow? If you think it is necessary to create a state, you have not confirmed what is actually real. This leads to the misunderstanding that it is necessary to create a good state of zazen.

On top of that, when confirming what is real in actual fact, many people try to do so conceptually, and they don’t confirm through direct examination. Instead, they mistake their conceptual understanding of “there is only what I can see now,” for what is real in actual fact. It is important to confirm it by actually doing.

For example, put your palm on your cheek now. How is it? When the hand is placed on the cheek, a sensation arises on its own. Moving the hand to the forehead, there is that sensation.

Face forward and slowly turn your head to the left. Inevitably, the actual way it is in what you see appears on its own.

Bring your attention to a sound happening now. There is the way the actual sound is, that which we call “the sound.” Try saying “ah.” You can confirm that it’s “ah.”

Try saying “ah” mentally, without making a sound. Then think, “ee.” When thinking “ee,” there is no “ah” anymore. From this, you can tell for yourself that with thoughts as well, there is only the thought happening now.

The notion that thoughts continue or flow is a result of the function of memory. When thinking, “There are so many thoughts,” there is just the one thought of “There are so many thoughts.”

If you confirm what is real as actual fact like this a few times, you can confirm that it is always the way it is now. And once you have confirmed that, you can sit as what is real itself. While sitting the way what is real in actual fact is (i.e., zazen), there is no need to confirm or be aware of it.

When my zazen was not really zazen

I was one of those people who would go to dokusan and report on how I had been sitting. The first time Matsumoto-san asked me why I was reporting on how I had sat, I was really confused by the question. How could I confirm whether I was sitting correctly or not if I didn’t tell him how I was sitting?

It took me a long time to understand that not only was creating a state unnecessary for zazen, but doing so would mean I was no longer actually doing zazen. I would be fiddling with imagined states instead.

A “state” is a concept, and any explanation of a state requires a subjective summary of a period of time (that doesn’t even exist). This is important when talking to a doctor or making business plans. But to know what is real now in actual fact doesn’t require a summary of the past.

A friend once told me that someone had said sitting in zazen is like sitting the way you are when watching television. My friend thought that explanation was easy to understand, and at the time, I thought so too. So when I went to do zazen that evening, I sat on the cushion and looked at the wall in front of me like I would at a television. And I thought, “Hey, this is pretty good!” It felt like I wasn’t doing anything.

I told Matsumoto-san about this, and he paused. I’d been doing zazen for years. Then he said, “Is that necessary?”

I realize now that I had been creating a story. I had a notion of what it feels like to “not do anything,” and I was using that feeling as a standard of measurement for whether I was doing zazen well or not. In trying to create a state like watching television, I thought I was improving my zazen. But that was not zazen. It was trying to watch a wall as if it were a television. (Yes, you’re allowed to laugh.)

(*Note: Please don’t worry about being “one of those people” asking about states of mind or sitting. Most of us start out that way! If you have concerns about your state, it’s best to be honest and ask about whatever doubts or questions you have. Matsumoto-san is a master at pointing out what you may be doing unnecessarily in a way that makes it clear why it’s not needed.)

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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

What is real in actual fact = the way it is now

Zen = the Way We Inherently Are

Madoka Onizuka — Sat, 01 Nov 2025 07:00:32 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Sometimes people look to books, online searches, or YouTube for answers to their questions about Zen or zazen. This has been one way people have found us, so for that we are incredibly grateful!

But what if these questions interrupt your sitting? Should you confirm the answer in a book or website before sitting more, to make sure you are sitting correctly? Or just sit through it?

We hope this month’s newsletter will help resolve this question and enable you to sit as you inherently are 🙂 We hope to see you at zazenkai too!

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
Nov 10 (Mon) 8:00-12:00
Nov 16 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
Dec 15 (Mon) 8:00-12:00
Dec 21 (Sun) 18:00-22:00

**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!
(Only in the 1st week of November, it will be held on Wednesday, Nov 6th)

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

What to do if Zen-related questions arise during zazen

Zen tells us about the way humans inherently are. The way we inherently are is:

The way it is forward when facing forward
“Good morning” when someone says “good morning”
The taste of tea when sipping tea
The sensation of your palm on your cheek when your palm is touching your cheek
“What should I do tomorrow?” when thinking “What should I do tomorrow?”

In this way, the way it is now is only the way the five senses and mental faculties (thoughts and emotions) are now. To confirm this for yourself is very important for zazen. The reason is that zazen is sitting the way humans inherently are.

If you confirm for yourself, then you can see for yourself the way it actually is, and then you can also know how to sit in zazen. If you don’t confirm for yourself, however, when you have questions about zazen, you will continue to rely on the words of others to try to understand.

So let’s pause your reading for a moment and confirm the way it actually is now.

Actually look in a direction and see how it is.
Listen to a sound and confirm the way it is.
Touch something and confirm the way it is.
Drink something and confirm the way it is.
Smell something and confirm the way it is.
Think something and confirm the way it is.

If you actually confirm the above, you will know what to do if questions about zazen arise while sitting, such as “Am I sitting right?”

When there is, “Am I sitting right?”, the way it is is “Am I sitting right?”
So you know it’s ok to sit just like that.

One day when the Buddha was talking to a group of disciples, he held up a flower. In this case too, if you have actually confirmed the way it is, then you will come to know what the Buddha was showing and what he wanted to convey.

If you have not yet confirmed the way that humans inherently are, please take the time to do so.

Gassho.

Satori is not an understanding

“Satori is not an understanding.” This is something I heard from multiple Zen masters when I first started zazen. At the time, I thought I understood what that meant.

I understood it to mean that knowing Truth was not a conceptual or intellectual understanding, but a visceral knowledge that came from experience. Similar to knowing how coffee tastes because you actually took a sip. I was even proud of myself that I could tell people that no amount of thinking would reveal to them how a cup of coffee tastes.

And yet I still pursued understanding without even realizing it. I didn’t notice how I was contradicting myself by striving to understand more in order to somehow get closer to a taste of Truth. I was assuming I had never tasted what I wanted to know, not realizing that any taste itself could have been my satori. I was so engrossed in intellectual understanding and the analogy that I forgot what was actually here now.

So every time I went to zazenkai, I asked lots of questions. I also believed that any inaccurate understanding could get in the way of becoming clear on Truth, so I wanted Matsumoto-san to dispel each and every one of my wrong notions. He told me that the purpose of answering these questions was not for deepening understanding. The purpose was to enable people to quit engaging in unnecessary contemplation so their zazen would truly be zazen.

One question-filled dokusan went something like this:

Matsumoto-san: (waving)

Me: I just want to confirm…when you wave, I get it that you’re showing me what is real. But do you mean your hand itself is real? That it’s things themselves that are real? Or do you mean the content of my field of vision? The “view,” so to speak, which includes you waving. Is that what Gien Roshi meant by “content of the 6 sense faculties”?

Matsumoto-san: They aren’t separate things. It’s all of this (waving both arms).

Me: So, when I turn to the right, there’s the way it is on the right. And when I turn to the left, there’s the way it is on the left. And when I turn left, I can’t see the door on the right, so the door isn’t real anymore because I can’t see it and it’s gone?

Matsumoto-san: Don’t get caught up with what is “gone.” Focusing on what’s “gone” will make you think and imagine more. Maybe it is better to say that looking left, you can never know the truth of how it is on the right in actual fact. You can only imagine it, and that’s not what is actually real itself. That’s imagination.

Me: So is this correct? That when Buddhism talks about impermanence, it isn’t referring to how objects change, but to how even if our eyes move a tiny bit, the view changes? The view doesn’t last…

With a somewhat puzzled expression, Matsumoto-san said, “You really want to understand, don’t you.”

I thought maybe Matsumoto-san was impressed at how carefully I was thinking things through and how diligent I was. But his bemused expression confused me. All I could say was, “Of course!”

A few months later, it suddenly dawned on me that Matsumoto-san had probably been more at a loss for words than impressed. He had been showing and telling me over and over again that Truth is the way we already are. The way the content of the 6 sense faculties are.

Regardless of whether our understanding is correct or not, when there’s meow, the way it is is meow.

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
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It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

The way it is looking down…

Zazen is sitting the way it is now

Madoka Onizuka — Wed, 01 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

This is issue #12, which means we have complete the first year of our newsletter! Woohoo! Thank you for reading and/or coming to zazenkai. It is wonderful to feel the sangha growing!

We hope this newsletter has been helpful to you and your practice. We have received feedback that the content is encouraging and that it helps to feel connected when zazenkai are only once a month. Please do feel free to contact us with any suggestions or requests for content.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
October 6 (Mon) 8:00-noon
October 19 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia.
Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 21:00-22:00 Japan time. Anyone is welcome! No instructions (unless needed). Just an hour of sitting.

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

Zazen = sitting the way it is now

There is the way it is now. What is the way it is now? For example, try bringing your attention to a noise, and there will be the actual sound itself. As I write this, there is whirrr (sound the air conditioner is making). Whirrrr is the way it is now.

When seeing ●, the way it is, is ●. When thinking “I’m hungry,” “I’m hungry” is the way it is.

Zazen is sitting just the way it is, so it could go something like this (thoughts are enclosed in “quotes”; content of the 5 senses is enclosed in【brackets】; and … indicates when there is no particular awareness of anything):

【view of floor】…【meow】…【leg pain】…【view of cat walking by】 “come here kitty” “no, that’s distracting” …【grrr】“tummy growled” … 【ding-dong】 “who’s at the door?” … “am I sitting right?” … 【view of cat】… “I’m getting tired of this” … “I’m not ready for my meeting tomorrow” … “Am I thinking too much?” …【sense of sleepiness】 “I’m getting sleepy” …【legs numb】 … “Is sitting like this really okay?” …

Of course the content of thought, hearing, sight, et cetera is different for each person. But as illustrated above, zazen is the way that which is actually real is, i.e. the content of senses like seeing, hearing, feeling, and thinking. There are also blanks where there is no awareness of thoughts or anything else. It is the way it is before you even know it, and by the time you know it, it’s gone. So just sit the way it is.

There are reasons people worry whether they are doing zazen correctly or not (and it’s ok to just sit feeling worried too). The reasons are:

1) Not knowing what is actually real. This leads to mistaking zazen for a technique to create a certain state.

2) Holding criteria to judge whether zazen is “going well” or not. For example, one criterion might be “it is better not to have thoughts.” With such criteria, people think they are doing zazen well when there are fewer thoughts, and doing poorly when there are more thoughts. Even though thoughts arise without the intention to think, and even though thoughts are gone by the time you know you’ve had the thought, having the criterion of “fewer thoughts are better” can make you believe that you’re not sitting well, even if you are sitting just fine. Believing such criteria is also due to the reason above of not knowing what is actually real.

There is no need to create a state for ◆ to be ◆. It doesn’t require any method or technique either. If you think, “what shall I eat?” the thought is gone as soon as it is thought. By the time you notice that there had been a thought, the thought has already finished. The content of zazen is the content of the way it is while sitting. There is nothing other than the content of what is now. It is impossible for there to be something else because this is the way we are as humans. Things like nationality, gender, and age have nothing to do with it. ● is ●

Note: To Sit Safely (Important)

When facing mental health challenges, there are cases where zazen can make you feel worse. If you find this to be the case, please stop zazen. Or, if you start zazen and you find that emotional pain is so strong that sitting is difficult, please stop. When your condition allows you to sit and let feelings or thoughts be, then you can resume zazen.

One dokusan that helped me quit monitoring my thoughts

When I first started zazen with Matsumoto-san, I went to dokusan (one-on-one Q&A) every time I attended zazenkai and asked questions to make sure I was sitting correctly. My descriptions of my sitting, or the points that I asked for confirmation, were never like the description Matsumoto-san wrote in his teisho above.

I sometimes asked what I should do if I got lost in thought. Or sometimes I would get caught up in something and it was like watching a movie in my head. I had a tendency to monitor my mental states so I could report on them later and check if they were ok for zazen or not. I’d also explain to Matsumoto-san what I did once I realized that I’d been lost in thought or daydreaming.

One day, after hearing many questions like this from me, Matsumoto-san surprised me with a question.

Matsumoto-san: Why do you tell me about past sitting?

Me: What? What do you mean why? …I want to make sure I’m sitting correctly.

Matsumoto-san: Are you lost in thought now?

Me: No

Matsumoto-san: Is there a movie in your head now?

Me: …no…

Matsumoto-san: So why are you asking about that? Those aren’t here now.

Me: But when I go sit again, chances are high that something like that will happen again. I want to know how I should handle it.

Matsumoto-san: What is Zen?

Me (I hated being asked that question): I don’t know! You say Zen equals satori…I want to know what satori is, but I don’t know yet.

Matsumoto-san (waving): This is now. (waving) This is Zen. It’s what is real now. Your past thoughts and movies in your head don’t exist now. Why worry about them when what you want to know is this (waving)?

Me (missing the point): But what do I do if I get lost in thought the next time I do zazen?

Matsumoto-san: Okay, so what thought might you have?

Me: Well…sometimes I wonder how long this is going to take (to awaken to Truth).

Matsumoto-san: Right now, think: “how long is this going to take?”

Me: (thinking “how long is this going to take.”) Okay. I thought it.

Matsumoto-san: When you were thinking that, did you have any other thought at the same time?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: So when thinking that, what was there? Just “how long is this going to take,” right? That was what was actually real.

Me: Yes.

Matsumoto-san: And is that thought here now?

Me: No

Matsumoto-san: Right. It is gone. And after you thought it, you told me, “I thought it.” When you were saying, “I thought it,” was “how long is this going to take” there?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: When you said, “I thought it,” what was real was, “I thought it.” By that time, “how long is it going to take” was already gone. By the time you notice it, it is already gone, so there is not actually anything you can do about it.
When there’s “how long is this going to take?” that’s the way it is. When there’s caw caw, that’s the way it is. Just sit like that.
People often talk about what is gone and “nothingness” in Zen. But what’s gone is gone. What is important is what is actually real, here, now.

This dokusan really impressed upon me how irrelevant things past and gone are when it comes to satori and realizing what is actually real. In future dokusan, I still asked questions about what I worried might be mistakes while sitting, but the question “why are you asking about the past?” helped me be less concerned about creating the right state of mind and start sitting without trying to monitor my sitting.

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Zen = the way it is now = zazen

The Most Common Mistake in Zen Practice

Madoka Onizuka — Mon, 01 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

This is “learn from our mistakes” month.

In Matsumoto-san’s teisho, he shares how he once had an image of what satori was and how he tried to attain it. It’s a mistake that almost all Zen practitioners make in the beginning.

I made the same mistake. This month’s newsletter is a bit long, but I hope that reading our mistakes will help shorten the time you make yours.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
September 7 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
September 29 (Mon) 8:00-12:00

**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Private Sessions:
Private sessions are opportunities for you to ask any questions you have about Zen, zazen, Truth, etc. and receive guidance for your practice if you wish. It is like dokusan outside of scheduled zazenkai. Madoka interprets between English and Japanese if necessary. More information is available on our website.

Zazenkai with Madoka (Changing to Thursdays):
From the 2nd week of September, weekly zazenkai with Madoka will be on Thursdays (Japan time). Sep 3rd (Wed) will be as usual. Then Thursdays Sep 11th, 18th, and 25th.
Time: 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

When my zazen practice wasn’t truly zazen (a period of unnecessary mental effort)

I used to try various therapies and other methods to alleviate a certain type of anxiety. But it wouldn’t go away. Then one day, I thought the anxiety might be resolved if I could know Truth. As I started looking into ways to know Truth, I learned that it could be known through enlightenment. So to attain enlightenment, I tried various methods including different types of meditation, attending satsang, and techniques like keeping my attention focused on my movements. Each method created some kind of experience, but…how should I put it…something was off. It wasn’t what I was looking for. I ended up quitting them all.

But I still wanted to investigate the nature of anxiety. As I looked into it, I understood that anxiety was nothing more than a thought (now, I understand anxiety to be a reaction of the brain and nervous system). But still, the anxiety did not disappear.

I tried meditation, introspection, and contemplation. I felt like I had done everything possible. Though I still wondered about Truth and satori, there were a few years when I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even go to bookstores because I thought I had read everything there was to read (this was before the internet). Then one day on a whim, I entered a bookstore anyway and randomly chose a book to skim. My eyes fell on the word, “pan!” (Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound of a clap of the hands). That moment was my first encounter with a book that pointed out what is real itself, as an actual fact. In other words, it was my first encounter with Inoue Gien Roshi, someone who could directly show what is real.

When I read, “pan!” I was certain that this would conclude my search for Truth. I bought the book and read it over and over. There were some parts I just could not understand, and I realized I had to speak directly to someone who was truly enlightened. The book said Gien Roshi had resided at Ryusenji Temple in Hamamatsu, so I called the temple and found out they had zazenkai there.

I went to my first zazenkai at Ryusenji a few months after I read this book. it was my first time to meet someone in person who had “forgotten the self” and was clear on Truth. That was Inoue Tetsugen Roshi, Gien Roshi’s oldest son. I asked Tetsugen Roshi, “Excuse me, are you enlightened?” He replied, “Yes.”

That was how I met a truly enlightened person for the first time. It was also the day I first met someone who could transmit authentic zazen, and my zazen practice began.

During that zazenkai, I also experienced my first live teishō (when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students). Sometimes Tetsugen Roshi would clap, “pan!” to show what is actually real. I remembered Gien Roshi’s book and thought, “He’s doing the same thing!” I felt I had finally met a true master. I’d finally arrived and was deeply moved to be at the starting point of my practice.

During another teisho, Tetsugen Roshi told the story of “Polish a Tile to make a Mirror.” The story goes something like this:

There was a person called Nangaku Ejō.
He had a disciple called Baso Dōitsu, and Baso had been diligently practicing zazen for just over 10 years.
One day, Master Nangaku asked Baso a question.
“What are you trying to become by doing zazen?”
Baso answered, “A buddha.”
Upon hearing that, Master Nangaku picked up a clay roof tile that had fallen to the ground and started polishing it on a large rock.
Baso asked, “Master, what are you trying to do, polishing the tile?”
Nangaku answered, “By polishing this tile, I’m going to make a mirror.”
Baso was surprised and said, “But even if you polish a tile, it will not become a mirror!”
Master Nangaku replied, “Does doing zazen make you a buddha?”

When I heard this story, I was startled to realize I’d been doing the same thing as Baso. Having read so many books, I had developed an image of an enlightened state and I saw clearly how hard I’d been trying to attain that imagined state. Tears welled up.

I realized my efforts had been as fruitless as Baso’s. What was real—pan!—was being shown to me. And yet, I still strove to create “a good zazen state” so that I could then become able to maintain it. What state was I trying to create and maintain? A state where I could leave thoughts alone, where I could continue to be one with whatever was in front of me, a state where my thoughts didn’t continue to flow. I thought that becoming able to do zazen meant creating and maintaining such states. Because I had an ideal state I wanted to attain, when I thought I was leaving my thoughts alone, for example, I thought, “I did it!” But when I couldn’t leave thoughts alone, I thought, “I couldn't do it.” So I was repeatedly judging, “I did it.” “I couldn’t do it.” “I did it.” “I couldn’t do it.”

Why did I keep striving for my ideal state of zazen even after realizing the futility of it all and even after having the fact of what is real shown to me with “pan!”? The cause was a very powerful (but mistaken) belief that I had to achieve some kind of state in order to enlighten. I thought that because I did not known zazen, I needed to learn it, understand it, and then become able to do it.

Another reason was that I hadn’t understood the connection between the fact of what is real (pan!) and zazen. Zazen is the fact of what is real while sitting. If there is pan! when sitting, then pan! = zazen.

I don’t want people who read my website or come to zazenkai to do fruitless things like I did, so I try to give clear explanations and avoid misunderstanding. And as for the crucial point of making sure your zazen is truly zazen, do not try to conceptually grasp what is real (Truth). It is something that you must confirm for yourself and know directly. If you don’t, your chances of making wasted efforts like mine are high. With direct confirmation, futile efforts like mine will end.

In regard to correct Zen or zazen, please read “All About Zen” on our website, and you are always welcome to our online zazenkai to ask any questions you have.

Zazen isn’t a state of being

Before starting zazen, “Being,” “Consciousness,” “awareness,” and “Presence” were key words for me. I thought that understanding them and embodying them would bring me closer to enlightenment.

Even after starting zazen, I tried creating more states than I care to admit. “No-self” sounded like a state (it’s not). It took me a while to understand how enlightenment could be anything other than a state of being.

I really struggled, for example, with “just walking.” I wanted to make every moment count, so I asked Matsumoto-san about how to make sure the way I lived my life was also Zen practice. If zazen was “just sitting,” then I wanted to “just walk” while walking. But I couldn’t quite figure out what “just walking” meant.

Any time I was aware of my walking, I felt like I wasn’t “just walking.” I was thinking and walking. Or observing walking. How on earth could I “just walk”? I told Matsumoto-san how I tried looking about 30-50 meters ahead and fixing my eyes on something, and then “just walk” by allowing my body to walk without my interference. I hoped I was on to something, because it felt like my sense of self was less pronounced when I walked that way. I asked Matsumoto-san if this was close. His answer was an unequivocal, “no.”

I also asked him about “being present.” I explained how sometimes I was successfully being present while cleaning my apartment, while other times I’d forget, get lost in thought, and a few minutes would pass without “being present.” The confusing thing was, whenever I was “present,” there was a clear observer and object of observation (hence, separation). But when lost in thought while cleaning, it was only after noticing I’d stopped being present that there was a clear sense of self again.

Me: So which state is better for Zen practice?

Matsumoto-san: Being lost in thought while cleaning.

Me: …But…but how can that be?

Matsumoto-san: Because it’s not about the “state.” There is no such thing as a state. See? {waves a towel}

Me: What do you mean there is no such thing? (placing no importance on Matsumoto-san waving the towel). I’ve experienced many states like…

Matsumoto-san: What’s your state now?

Me: (at a loss for words because I couldn’t immediately identify my state)

Matsumoto-san: What is real? {waves towel} Is this {waves towel} a state?

Me: Umm…no…?

Matsumoto-san: Does 10 seconds ago exist now? Does even 1 second ago exist now?

Me: No

Matsumoto-san: So how can a state exist? It’s a mental construct. There’s no need to try to “be present.” This is what is important: {waves towel}

I still struggled.

Me: So what I think exists as my state of mind doesn’t actually exist? It’s a mental construct…an illusion? The towel is what is important?

Matsumoto-san: This is not a towel. “Towel” is a concept. This! {clap!}

That dokusan did not end my struggle, but I eventually realized I was totally concerned about the wrong thing. As long as I was judging my state of mind, or whether I was “just doing” or not, I was treating the illusion of a state like it was real. This means I was also totally neglecting what was actually real.

How ironic that I was working so hard to create an illusion when I wanted to be liberated from illusion, and my intention was to become clear on the very Truth I was neglecting.

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

The conditions for satori

Madoka Onizuka — Fri, 01 Aug 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

It is blistering hot in Japan these days. It is also the season to eat watermelon and see fireworks. But sometimes it feels so hot that all one can do is sit. Good for zazen? 😉

In this newsletter, Matsumoto-san briefly explains his reasons for starting zazenkai and the conditions required for satori. I remember the days when his zazenkai were on site in Tokyo, and am grateful he has continued online. We hope you’ll join us for a sit soon♪

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time)

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
August 3 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
August 25 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00
September 7 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
September 29 (Mon) 8:00a.m.-12:00

**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia.
Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America (where it is Sunday) and Oceania.

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

Why I started offering zazenkai

About 15 years ago, I had two reasons for starting zazenkai in Tokyo. The first reason was that after practicing zazen myself, satori happened, so I know that satori is not difficult. The second reason was that I wanted to provide a place for people to sit.

The conditions for satori are:

To know what Zen is and for your zazen to truly be zazen
To make time to do zazen and actually sit.
To know how to go about everyday life so that it is also Zen practice.

When you sit, do you know if your zazen is truly zazen? If you aren’t sure, it’s possible that you might inadvertently be doing something else.

Zen is what is actually real itself, so zazen is sitting as what is actually real is.
What is actually real is the actual way it is when facing forward.
When there’s bow wow, it’s bow wow.
When there’s “I’m hungry,” it’s “I’m hungry.”
When there’s “hello,” it’s “hello.”
When drinking coffee, it is the taste of coffee itself.
This is how it is.
● is precisely the way ● is.

When zazen is truly zazen, all you need to do is make time in your schedule and sit. When you can sit for a long time, sit for a long time. At work or elsewhere, if you have even 3 or 15 minutes between tasks, for example, sit. You can sit on airplanes and trains. You can sit at your office.

What about practice in everyday life outside of sitting time? Zen is what is actually real itself, so if someone says “good morning,” it is “good morning.” When drinking coffee, it is the actual taste of coffee. If you think, “Tomorrow, I need to check my e-mails at 8:00,” then it is, “Tomorrow, I need to check my e-mails at 8:00.”
In this way, the way it is in daily life is fine as it is.

Satori is when what is real becomes clear as itself, so satori does not necessarily happen while sitting. One person’s satori happened while talking with family.

Satori is when what is actually real reveals itself as itself, without any “me” present. What is actually real itself is itself, and there is no gain or loss, good or bad, or any other evaluations attached. It is not someone’s idea or a product of thinking. When facing forward, it is precisely the way it is facing forward. That’s why it is called “the Law” or “the Way.”

In life, it is necessary to be able to judge whether something is a gain or a loss, or whether something is good or bad. But our true nature has nothing to do with gain and loss or good and bad. There is a way in which there is no space for conflict—it is here, now.

I hope you will make time in your schedule to sit and become clear for yourself that the truth of oneself = what is actually real itself.

In Japan now, it is a very hot summer season. I hear that there are heat waves in other parts of the world as well. Please be safe and remember to take good care of yourself.

A moment of clarity after thinking in circles

I was sitting at my little table, trying to think of something helpful to write for this newsletter.

With various political difficulties, wars, and other conflicts going on around the world, I was wondering if we should comment in some way, because when things go haywire, some people turn to spiritual or religious leaders for guidance. I talked to Matsumoto-san about this, and I remembered our role here. It is to help people become clear on Truth (not to propagate a way of thinking).

One of the reasons I became interested in knowing Truth was because I had heard that the fundamental cause of conflict is ignorance of Truth. I wanted to know the solution to conflict and bring peace to the world.

As I practice zazen, I am actually losing hope for the prospect of an end to war. The Buddha did not stop all the wars in his time, so I am not sure why I thought I might be able to bring about world peace (okay, maybe an inflated sense of self-importance). But I used to think that if I awakened to Truth, then I would at least know what is truly right or wrong, compassionate or small-minded, and be able to provide some guidance about that.

Upon beginning zazen with Matsumoto-san and Kando Roshi, it became clear to me that the “Truth” I am seeking is not a concept, so there is no right or wrong, compassion or small-mindedness attached to it. This means contemplating right and wrong doesn’t help, as far as satori is concerned. So would it then be a disservice to share our opinions about different events in the world, when that is not going to help you realize Truth? Or when it could alienate people with different opinions?

I lay down next to my window, closed my eyes, and started thinking in circles about what to write, why I practice, war and peace, what to write, truth vs reality, what is our role in the scheme of things, what to write…and then opened my eyes to this:

Ah, the difference between concept and what is real…

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Truth = “What is real” = Zazen = Satori

Questions of Non-Existence: No Self, No Time, Nothingness

Madoka Onizuka — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Here in Japan, we had an unusually short rainy season, and it is getting hotter every day. But wait…if there is only “now,” then do rainy seasons really exist? Is there no such thing as a “season”? What about time?

Matsumoto-san often receives questions on the existence or non-existence of things. He will address this in his teisho. Please read below, after the announcements. We also hope to see you at zazenkai!

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
July 6 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
July 28 (Mon) 8:00-12:00
August 3 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
August 25 (Mon) 8:00-12:00

**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia. Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

(Translated by Madoka)

What is “Nothingness”?

At a recent zazenkai, someone asked me, “is there really no such thing as human relationships?”

Is there Really No Such Thing as Time?

I am one of those who have asked, “Is there really no such thing as…”

Thinking back, I remember asking about the existence of several things, including time, reincarnation, self, a “higher power” among others. The discussion on time made the greatest impression, so I’ll share it here.

My dokusan on time went something like this:

Me: Does time exist?

Matsumoto-san: No

Me: …I think I was expecting a more complicated answer. It doesn’t exist?

Matsumoto-san: Time is a concept, and a very convenient one too. Since people have a shared concept of time, we can use it to decide when to start and end the zazenkai, for example.

Me: So what does it mean that time is relative to its speed moving through space?

Matsumoto-san: Does the way it was 2 seconds ago exist now?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: Does the way it will be 2 seconds from now exist now?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: Does that change whether an object is moving fast or slow?

Me: Not that I know of.

Matsumoto-san: If even what we would call a fraction of a second ago doesn’t exist, how can time exist? Is there anything other than the way it is now?

Me: No…but what about now?

Matsumoto-san: “Now” is not time.

Me: 😳 Now is not time…?

Matsumoto-san: Now is not time, and now is not a place. Look to your left…the way it is, that’s “now.”

Me: 🤯

Please share our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested.
https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time.

Love and Gassho _/\_

“What is real” = Zazen = Satori

The Moment of Satori

Madoka Onizuka — Sun, 01 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

In this month’s issue, Matsumoto-san writes about the moment of satori, and I introduce teishō by Zen master Inoue Gien which have been translated into English and compiled into a book. Teishō is when Zen masters show students what Truth is. Please read below.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
June 15 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
June 23 (Mon) 8:00-12:00
July 6 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
July 28 (Mon) 8:00-12:00

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!
**There will be no zazenkai June 4th.**

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
You can specify dates so there are no mishaps with daylight savings changes. https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)（”Teishō” is when a Zen master shows/conveys Truth to gathered students or disciples.)

The Moment of Satori (Enlightenment)

Let’s look at the moment of satori, which has remained unchanged from ancient times to the present.

Because “Satori = Truth,” one person’s satori cannot be greater or lesser than another’s.

Satori is when what is real reveals itself as itself—the real thing itself. For this reason, proper Zen teachings always point to the real thing itself.

And how has the real thing itself been pointed out?

Here are some examples:

The Buddha held up a flower and twirled it.
Master Gutei showed what is real by holding up one finger in response to any question he was asked.
Master Gien showed what is real with a clap of his hands.

In the case of Master Jōshū (778–897), a novice monk once went to him and asked how to practice.

Novice: How should I practice?
Jōshū: Have you had your meal?
Novice: Yes.
Jōshū: Then wash your bowl.

With that, Master Jōshū left. The next day at lunch, the novice came to know what true practice is.

There is another exchange with Master Jōshū, known as “Jōshū’s Oak Tree.”

Monk: What is the true meaning of Bodhidharma coming to China from India?
Master Jōshū: The oak tree by the garden.
Monk: I’m not here to ask about such external things.
Jōshū: I’m not answering with anything external.
Monk (asking again): What is the real meaning of Bodhidharma coming to China from India?
Jōshū: The oak tree by the garden.

Master Jōshū is pointing to what is actually real.

Let’s look at the moment of satori of past enlightened masters.

The Buddha, 6^th–5^th century BCE: shine
Master Kyōgen (770–853): clack
Master Unmon (864–949): pain
Master Mumon (1183–1260): dong
Master Dōgen (1200–1253): whack

Recent and Contemporary Masters

Master Inoue Gien (1894–1981): chirp
Master Inoue Kando (my teacher; 1944– ): click-clack
Me (1961– ): tick

In this way, there are records of what it was that made itself clear as the real thing itself.

Satori is not the concept of “emptiness” or “nothingness” that you study through written words.

●▼■

Book Introduction: A Blueprint of Enlightenment by Inoue Gien Roshi

This book can be ordered on Amazon and from some Zen Centers.

So how should we practice? The novice monk’s question to Jōshū is an important one (see Matsumoto-san’s teishō above). Zen masters have explained and demonstrated in many ways, trying to help people so that, as Matsumoto-san says, “their zazen is truly zazen.”

I must admit, I have actually envied people who understand what true practice is by something as simple as being told to wash their bowl. But evidently, I’m not the only one who requires more explanation.

Zen Master Dōgen wrote and taught a lot about practice, perhaps for people similar to me. One of his pieces is called Gakudō Yōjinshū (Guidelines for Studying the Way). Inoue Gien Roshi was one modern Zen Master who gave teishō using Gakudō Yōjinshū, and those teishō have been compiled and translated into English.

Gien Roshi (1894-1981) was an excellent teacher under whom many people enlightened (including Matsumoto-san’s teacher, Inoue Kando Roshi). It was after finding one of Gien Roshi’s books at a bookstore that Matsumoto-san felt he had finally found a practice that would help him resolve his own quest for Truth. Matsumoto-san noticed that Gien Roshi did not just explain. The book included things like “Clap!” when Gien Roshi showed his students what Truth was—like the Buddha holding up a flower.

So we are happy that the first book we are recommending in our newsletter is Inoue Gien Roshi’s commentary on Gakudō Yōjinshū, entitled “A Blueprint of Enlightenment—A Contemporary Commentary on Dōgen Zenji’s Gakudō Yōjinshū.”

“Gakudō yōjinshū” means literally means “a collection of important points to be careful of to study the Way.” Dōgen Zenji expounds on 10 points:

The need to awaken to the Bodhi-mind
The need for training upon encountering the true Law
The need to realize the Way through constant practice
The need for selfless practice of the Way
The need to seek a true master
Advice for the practice of Zen
The need for Zen training in Buddhist practice and enlightenment
The conduct of Zen monks
The need to practice in accordance with the Way
The direct realization of the Way

A Blueprint of Enlightenment includes an English translation of Gakudō Yōjinshū and an English translation of Gien Roshi’s teishō (when Zen masters show/convey Truth to gathered disciples and students), which includes explanations, anecdotes, and written versions of when he showed people what is actually real itself (Truth). Some of the dialogue between Gien Roshi and questioners is also introduced.

To write this memo, I did some looking online for various translations of Gakudō Yōjinshū and even found a commentary on A Blueprint of Enlightenment. In that commentary, the writer raises various questions that indicate he didn’t understand the significance of “Clap!” This, as well as my own experiences with truth-seeking, reaffirms to me that Master Dōgen was indeed right in saying one needs to find a real master to truly know the Way.

I consider myself extremely fortunate to have met three real Zen masters in Japan, but even then it took me months to understand the importance of Clap! I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have understood it from just reading. This is why I am very happy to be able to make Matsumoto-san accessible to English speakers.

Please share the link to subscribe to our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested. Here it is: https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time from a link at the bottom of each newsletter.

Love and Gassho _/\_

shine!

What is "Emptiness"

Madoka Onizuka — Thu, 01 May 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Words used in Zen, like “emptiness” and “nothingness,” are often confusing. Thanks to feedback from our readers, Matsumoto-san will write about some often misunderstood expressions seen in Zen literature. This month’s word is “emptiness.” Please see Matsumoto-san’s “Today’s Dharma Talk” below the announcements.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
May 18, 2025 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
May 19, 2025 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
**As soon as June dates are determined, they’ll be posted on the website, prior to our next newsletter.

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
We love this time converter! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Emptiness

The character 空 is pronounced kū. It is often translated as “emptiness” in English, which means the state of being empty, or there being nothing. But giving such an interpretation to kū misses what the word is meant to point to.

To explain, it is important to recognize that language (i.e., concepts) functions in a way that makes it feel like the content of concepts actually exists. In this case, as if there is such a thing as emptiness.

Though “empty,” language makes “emptiness” into something. It is the same with mu (“nothingness”). A conceptual understanding makes nothingness—which is supposed to be nothing—into something called “nothingness.”

To know what kū, or “emptiness,” is actually expressing, I’d like you to try this experiment. Please actually do it. First, say “good morning.” And now, say “hello.” Doing this, it’s clear that “good morning” is “good morning.” And when there’s “hello,” there’s “hello.” When there’s “hello,” “good morning” is gone. In this way, it is always the way the content of now is. Hola.

The word “emptiness” is used to express this fact. Saying “good evening,” it’s the way it is. And nothing of it lingers or remains. It is always the way it is now. The content of now is so free that it can be anything. I think you may also notice that there is nothing to cling to or be attached to.

To read in more detail, please see “All About Zen” on our website.

And if you truly want to know what I’m pointing to here, do join us at our zazenkai. You are always welcome.

From Contemplation to Zazen

Before really practicing zazen, “emptiness” was an expression that confused me. “Nothingness” made more sense because of an experience I had where, for a brief moment, it was as if I disappeared and there was only an infinite black void that the word “nothingness” seemed to fit well.

While studying other spiritual disciplines, I had heard that the illusion of a separate self was like a wave on the surface of the ocean. Waves think they are individuals and don’t realize that they are actually the ocean—universal consciousness. I thought my experience had given me a glimpse of the “ocean.” Though contradictory in terms, it felt like an infinite void that was the source of everything.

When I began attending Matsumoto-san’s zazenkai, I assumed that Zen also used this metaphor, and that what I had experienced may be kū (emptiness) or mu (nothingness). I wanted to make sure I understood things correctly, so I told Matsumoto-san about this experience. I had been told by a different Zen monk that the experience was kenshō (a glimpse of enlightenment), so I was a little surprised by Matsumoto-san’s reaction.

After explaining it to Matsumoto-san and asking if it was ku or mu, dokusan (Q&A) went something like this:

Matsumoto-san: So, where is that infinite black void now?

Me: It’s everywhere…it permeates everything.

Matsumoto-san: Then show it to me.

Me: ...(struggling)… Um… I can’t show it to you.

Matsumoto-san: Then how do you know it’s everywhere, permeating everything?

Me: Well, that’s how it felt at the time… you know, how they say there’s an ocean…

Matsumoto-san: There’s no ocean. If it’s real, you should be able to show it to me.

Me: But isn’t it something that each individual has to discover for themselves? How could I show it to anyone?

Matsumoto-san: What is real is the way it actually is, here, now. (waves👋) Your infinite void is just a memory, is it not?

Me: (completely missing that he just showed me what is real with 👋) But I remember it so clearly…

Matsumoto-san: Is it here, now?

Me: I thought so…I don’t know… I can’t see it or feel it now. And I can’t show it to anyone. (beginning to feel stupid)

Matsumoto-san: 👋

After many more dokusan, I finally understood that trying to attach terms like kū and mu to past experiences wasn’t just missing the point, it was a big mistake, because it was an intellectual process that ignores what is real, here and now. If you want to know the real thing, it can only be found here, now. 👋 No need to go back to past experiences and imagine what reality might be.

Hearing Matsumoto-san’s explanations of “emptiness” and “nothingness” a couple of times helped me, so I am not saying never ask about expressions that you really want to know more about. But for me, they helped because being shown what is actually real makes it so clear that contemplation on what is real, or what Truth is, is beside the point. Contemplation is conceptualizing and imagination. Sitting in zazen is sitting just as what is real is. If I really want to know what emptiness is, then the best thing to do is just sit.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Is it ok to have a goal for zazen?

Madoka Onizuka — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Some people say one should not try to attain enlightenment, or that making satori a goal prevents one from realizing it. Some say that you should not even think about satori. We’ll share our thoughts about this below.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
April 7 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 noon
April 20 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
May 18 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
May 19 (Mon) 8:00am-12:00 noon

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 21:00-22:00 Japan time. Anyone is welcome! Attendance is free.

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
We love this time converter! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Is it ok to have a goal for zazen?

Someone attending my online zazenkai asked me if it is ok or not to have satori (enlightenment) as a goal.

The short answer is, yes, it is fine to have satori as a goal. While sitting in zazen, however, one should not contemplate that goal or imagine what it is and then use some method or means to get closer to it—this is actually unnecessary.

I will explain why having a goal is acceptable, though using methods or means to achieve it while sitting is unnecessary.

This is the way humans are: When looking forward, we are just as it is forward. When hearing “hello,” “hello” is the way it is. When thinking “I’m hungry,” “I’m hungry” is the way it is.

And when there is “hello,” there is “hello.” When there is “goodbye,” there is “goodbye.” When there is “I’m hungry,” there is, “I’m hungry.” There is only what is manifesting now, as an actual fact.

Because there is only the content of what is actually manifesting now as fact, and there is no other separate content, the content of what is manifeting now itself is Truth.

The fact manifesting now is all there is. So there is no other way for us to be than the way that content already is. The way it is is already Truth, so there are actually no methods or means.

This is why zazen is just being as actual fact is—which is Truth itself.

And to explain satori, it is the complete clarity that the way it is facing forward itself is without self and is itself Truth. It may not feel that way to you, however, simply because you haven’t realized it yet. Until cognition ceases once, it is impossible to be fully clear, beyond doubt, of Truth.

Some may think that sitting with the hands in a mudra is a method, but if you do this experiment, you will understand. Try sitting with the mudra. Then without it. Without the mudra, does the way it is in front of you vanish? It does not. With or without it, the way it is facing forward is the way it is.

Please understand that adjusting the posture is to prevent sleepiness and strain on the body.

For more explanation on what is actually real (referred to as “fact” in this issue), see Matsumoto-san’s Today’s Dharma Talk in Issue 2 of our newsletter.

Do I have a goal? Well…

People sometimes ask me why I do zazen. I am not sure if they expect me to say something like I want to calm my mind or experience silence, but when I say I want to know, beyond any doubt, what is real and true, and be free from the illusion of self (i.e. enlighten to Truth), I sometimes get interesting responses. Among them is, “Aren’t you supposed to have no goal? Aren’t you supposed to let go of all wanting and just do for the sake of doing?”

From what I understand so far, if I think “I want to know Truth,” what is real is “I want to know Truth.” Then, if I think “I’m hungry,” what is real is, “I’m hungry.” When I open and look inside the refrigerator, what is real is the view of the inside of the refrigerator.

So perhaps it can be said that I have a goal for zazen only when I think about it. When someone asks me my goal, the feelings and thoughts that arise tend to be about the same, so I must say it does feel like I have a goal. But when I am with my elderly father, for example, helping him put on his socks in the morning, there is no goal for zazen. But, there is the way it is putting on socks.

To be honest, I am not actually fond of just sitting. I am generally calm and do not crave silence. I don’t have much internal conflict these days. The main thing I am dissatisfied about myself is that I still don’t know what “no-self” is beyond an intellectual understanding. I want to know, because I heard it is the ultimate resolution to human suffering, and I’d like to do something about that.

In my case, if someone asks me if I have a goal for my zazen practice, I would say yes. I want to be completely free of the illusion of self. But do I think about it or am I aware of this goal when I do zazen? No.

I’ve come to think that whether one has a goal or not for zazen doesn’t really matter. If someone wants to sit in zazen for the sake of sitting, that’s fine. If one makes time to sit because one has a goal, such as wanting to resolve anxiety, overcome fear of death, wanting to know Truth, etc., that’s fine. Some people might feel compelled to sit without knowing exactly why. That’s fine too. In my opinion, the most important thing is, if you want to do zazen, do zazen.

Any Requests ?

If there is a topic you’d ever like us to address in a newsletter, please do let us know! Or if there is anything else we can do that would help support your practice, let us know that too. We would love to hear from you. You can reach us through the contact form on our website or by e-mail.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Zazen and Meditation--what's the difference?

Madoka Onizuka — Sat, 01 Mar 2025 14:37:42 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Sometimes there is confusion about meditation and zazen. Some people refer to zazen as “Zen meditation.” Some scholars incorrectly translate Zen Master Dogen’s teachings, using the English word “meditation” when Dogen uses “zazen.” In recent times, there are also some Zen monks who say that mindfulness and zazen are the same. So, of course there is confusion.

At Zen Online, we see a very clear and important difference between meditation and zazen. We hope this month’s newsletter will shed some light on this topic.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
March 10 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
March 16 (Sun) 18:00-22:00

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
We love this time converter! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Understanding zazen by knowing how it is different from meditation

Before reading below, please understand that it isn’t my intention to say that either meditation or zazen is superior to the other. Also, before I encountered Zen, I practiced several types of meditation. I do not know every kind of meditation in the world, so my take on meditation is from my own experience with it.

The reason I’m explaining the difference between zazen and meditation is because I meet many people who confuse them, and think they are doing zazen when they are not. Understanding the difference will help you to do zazen correctly.

First, to understand what Zen is, please try touching your cheek with your hand now. When touching, the actual sensation is there, right? With touch, there is the actual sensation itself. If you turn to the right, there is what is actually there to the right. If the thought, “I’m hungry” arises, there is “I’m hungry.” When a feeling of joy arises, there is the actual feeling itself. This is the way we are—the sensation itself, the view itself, the thought itself, the feeling itself. We use the word, “Zen” to mean what is actually real itself, and this is what we are. Because what is real is always just what it is, we also call it Dharma (universal law). (For a more detailed explanation about Zen, please see https://zen-online.info/what-is-zen/ )

From this, we can see that with touch, there is simply the actual sensation itself, and you do not implement any method for the sensation to be what it is. In other words, we can say, “Zen=what is actually real.” No method is required for what is actually real to be just the way it is.

Next, I’ll explain meditation. Before encountering Zen, I practiced several kinds of meditation. What they all had in common was that they had a method to implement, such as chanting or focusing on breathing.

As I explained, Zen is what is actually real, just as it is, so there is no method. Meditation uses methods. Because Zen is not a method, zazen is simply “Zen=What is actually real itself” when sitting. And because there is no method, zazen is neither difficult nor easy.

To read about zazen in more detail, please see the explanation on our website: https://www.zen-online.info/zazen

Zazen isn’t a method…what?!

The first time I heard Matsumoto-san say that zazen is not a method, I didn’t get it. Even though you don’t do anything, isn’t sitting with eyes open doing nothing also a method? In meditation, we might be mindful of breathing. In zazen, we don’t do anything. But we do sit doing nothing…so isn’t that a method?

At that time, Matsumoto-san had in-person zazenkai at an apartment in Tokyo, and dokusan was held in a small laundry room. I sat with my back to the sink, washing machine to my left, and Matsumoto-san always sat at the entrance of the shower room. It was quite a humorous set up.

Dokusan went something like this.

Me: What do you mean, zazen isn’t a method?!

Matsumoto-san: So, what is Zen again? (he waved a pool noodle in the air to show me Zen). This is Zen.

Me: OK…

Matsumoto-san waving pool noodle: This is zazen.

Me: Oohhhhh… I’m beginning to understand…

And here is the train of logic what went through my head:

“The word ‘Zen’ is used to mean what is actually real now. Self is an illusion, so there is no ‘me’ as a subject, and there is only what is actually real now (Zen). What is actually real now, facing forward, is the view of Matsumoto-san waving a pool noodle.

“Zazen is what is actually real (Zen) while sitting—also the current view of Matsumoto-san waving the pool noodle! Oh!

“Zazen is what is actually real now, without the existence of a self, so it is not the explanation (story/method) of what the illusion of self is doing or not doing. So that’s why Matsumoto-san says ‘what is actually real now = Zen = zazen!’“

Let me emphasize that it is not necessary to go through this logic again if it doesn’t make immediate sense for you. It only made sense to me because I had been doing zazen regularly for some time. And no amount of logic will enlighten you, so it is more important to do zazen than try to understand the logic. I share this story in hopes that it will help at least some people to sit without trying to create some state that feels like “zen,” and just sit.

If we focus on posture, one could argue that zazen is a method too. But the most important part of zazen is not the posture. The vital point of zazen is what is actually real now, because that is what enlightenment is. This is the reason for today’s photo.

Here it is again. The photo on the left is me meditating on a mountain in India. I was definitely using a method. I had my eyes closed, and was exploring “who am I?” I was totally neglecting what was real, and was exploring a concept with a method. The photo on the right is what was there facing forward, which is Zen…and zazen.

Any requests?

Please share the link to subscribe to our newsletter with anyone you think would be interested. Here it is: https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/
It is also possible to see past issues and to unsubscribe at any time from a link at the bottom of each newsletter.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Happy New Year 2025

Madoka Onizuka — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 14:07:40 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

It may be a little late to say, but happy new year!

With this month’s newsletter, we hope you will gain more clarity about what is real, in actual fact, and feel less concerned about the number or frequency of thoughts in your practice. Such concerns are largely due to believing in the existence of things that do not exist in reality—like a stream of thoughts, or monkey mind. If you have such concerns, please read Matsumoto-san and my articles below!

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
February 9 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
February 17 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
*Monday in Japan is Sunday afternoon/evening in North and South America

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

Zazenkai reservations can be made here (reservations close 24 hours prior to zazenkai):
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
Input the date as well as location, so it takes care of daylight savings changes too. https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Happy New Year—New and Old

Happy New Year. May you be healthy, and may what you wish for come true.

We have the word “new,” as in “New Year,” and its antonym, “old.” What do you think about new and old?

When encountering something for the first time, we think it’s new to us. In other words, when we encounter something not stored in our memory, we think of it as new. We say the New Year is “new” because we think the Gregorian calendar is starting a new cycle. As for “old,” we think of something as old when encountering something we already have a memory of. From this, we can see that “new” and “old” arise with thoughts resulting from judgements based on memory.

In life, there is something that is not a judgement based on memory. And what is that? It’s what exists in actual fact right now—the real thing itself.

What is this “real thing itself”? To know it, please touch something with your hand—your cheek, for example. When the hand touches the cheek, there is a sensation. The actual sensation itself exists only when touching the cheek. As soon as the hand leaves the cheek, the sensation is gone, but there is the sensation of touching air. Touch the cheek again, and there is the actual sensation of touching itself.

No matter how many times the hand touches and leaves the cheek, the existing sensation is always happening now. And in the sensation itself, there is no thought of new or old. There is only the sensation itself—the real thing itself. The actual fact of what is real. Please try touching your cheek and confirm it for yourself.

In regard to thoughts, there is only the content of the thought happening now. For example, when thinking, “I’m hungry,” there’s “I’m hungry.” “I’m hungry” is the real thing itself. When there is, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” there is only “Maybe I’ll eat something.”

When thinking, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” the previous thought of “I’m hungry” is nowhere to be found. There is only, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” (the real thing itself).

I hear people call their thoughts “monkey mind,” and they seem to think it gets in the way of something. But when there is the current thought, the previous thought has already disappeared on its own, and there is only the current thought. That’s how it is. So there is no way for a thought to be an obstacle or get in the way.

The thought, “it’s new,” can only be thought when it is thought. The thought, “it’s old” can also only be thought when it is thought. “It’s new” cannot exist when “It’s old” is being thought. Nothing, including thoughts, are of fixed substance, so they cannot persist. There is only the current thought.

If you do zazen, you come to realize this for yourself.

The beauty of zazen lies in being just as things truly are, i.e. the way what is real is. In daily life, it is easy to feel like what you think actually continues to exist over time. But is it actually so? Please sit in zazen and verify it for yourself.

No such thing as a shower of thoughts

It seems so easy to understand that once a thought has been thought, it’s gone. I have never heard anyone question that. So what does it mean to act as if thoughts persist over time. Do we really do that? Well, I have.

When I first started going to Matsumoto-san’s zazenkai, I was very concerned about how much I was thinking during zazenkai. I thought I was supposed to enlighten to some profound silence that was the backdrop to all my thoughts. So when I felt like I was getting lost in a flood of thoughts after each round of sitting, I was concerned I was doing something wrong.

At zazenkai, we sat for 40 minutes, then did a few minutes of kinhin (walking Zen), and then sat again. As soon as we would stand up for kinhin, it was as if a dam broke and I was flooded with thoughts. Sometimes it was to the extent that I wasn’t even aware I was thinking until the chime signaled the end of kinhin. I would be amazed at how I could have been lost in thought for almost the entire time…even while walking!

So I went to Matsumoto-san for dokusan (one-on-one Q&A). It went something like this:

Me: During kinhin, I have so many thoughts! When I stand up from sitting, it’s like a flood of thoughts! I even get completely lost in thought sometimes.

Matsumoto-san: There is no flood.

Me: I mean… as soon as I start walking in kinhin, there are so many thoughts…like a shower!

Matsumoto-san: How many thoughts can you think at once? Can you think “yes” and “no” at the same time?

Me: No. I can only think one thought at a time.

Matsumoto-san: So, there is no shower.

Me: (somewhat exasperated…and missing the point). It’s a metaphor! There are so many thoughts!

Matsumoto-san: There are never many thoughts.

Me: 😲 ???!

Matsumoto-san: You can think only one thought at a time, right?

Me: Yes

Matsumoto-san: So how can there be many thoughts when there can be only one at a time? When there is “yes,” there is only “yes.” There’s no “no.” Two can’t be at once. Some people use the expression “monkey mind.” There is no monkey mind.

Me: 🤯

I finally understood why Matsumoto-san was so insistent that there was no flood and no shower. Using metaphors wasn’t the problem. The metaphors simply illustrated my delusion—assuming the existence of things that did not exist. I had never even thought to question the existence of “many thoughts” until Matsumoto-san pointed it out to me.

A so-called flood or shower of thoughts can only exist if thoughts persist over time. And they don’t. A description of something that assumes time (like a shower, or the idea that “I keep thinking”) is an explanation for something that cannot exist—so it is a concept, not reality. It only felt like a shower existed because of memory.

It also hit me that “now” really means NOW, and that the past is irrelevant, at least to satori. Concern with the number or quality of thoughts conceptually lumps thoughts together, all of which are gone by the time we even think of them as a problem.

For satori, what we want to know is what is real now—the actual fact of reality. The real thing itself. Worrying about what no longer exists, or what never existed to begin with, is fruitless.

May your sitting be fruitful 🙂

Any requests?

Love and Gassho _/\_

Ok, so “2025” doesn’t exist in reality. A year doesn’t exist in reality. But we can wish you happiness anyway.

True Nature of Reality

Madoka Onizuka — Tue, 24 Dec 2024 10:17:33 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

As we wrap up the year, we hope you and your loved ones have had a meaningful 2024.

In this issue, we send you some thoughts inspired by autumn leaves. Matsumoto-san explains what Truth is, referring to a poem by Zen Master Ryokan. I am laughing at myself while sharing another zazen experience.

Announcements

I. Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
January 5, 2025 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
January 20, 2025 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
February 9, 2025 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
February 17, 2025 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
In 2025 we will begin again on January 8, 2025.
21:00-22:00 Japan time. Anyone is welcome!

II. Changing Website Hosts—our site may be clumsy for a while:

Contact page not working: Please do not use the contact form on the website. To get in touch, please send us e-mail at: [put at-mark here]zen-online.info>. Messaging with FB and Instagram is also possible.
February zazenkai dates may take a little while before being updated on the website. They are listed above.

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
We love this time converter! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

True Nature Manifesting as One Falling Leaf

In this season in Japan, there are many fallen autumn leaves. I recently saw some while taking a walk, and was reminded of a poem by Zen Master Ryōkan.

Ryōkan was a Zen monk who lived in Japan’s Edo Era, born around 1758. He wrote the following poem:

At a glance, it seems very ordinary—not something to bother writing a poem about.

But Ryōkan is expressing the true nature of reality.

What is the true nature of reality?

When it is the back, it’s the back. And when it’s the front, it’s the front.

To explain a little more, when it’s the back, there is only the back. When it’s the front, there is only the front.

“Only the back” doesn’t mean that I (as a subject) am looking at a falling leaf (as an object) and am perceiving only the back of the leaf. “Only the back” means there is only the back. There is no I.

“Only the front” doesn’t mean I am here thinking that there’s only the front. It means that without any subject of self, there is only the way the front is.

This is what no-self is (in Japanese, muga 無我).

“No-self” is not the concept of there not being a self, or feeling like one’s self does not exist.

It means only Truth exists.

Would you like to know for yourself what “true nature” is?
The purpose of sitting in zazen is to realize this. Please come to our online zazenkai and find out.

My “vroooom!” experience

(I share this experience in hopes it helps a little with understanding “only the back,” and “only the front.”)

In my early days of sitting with Matsumoto-san, a friend who also did zazen enlightened. When we would meet for coffee, I would tell her about zazenkai or my latest developments. One conversation we had irked me. I was talking about noise during zazenkai, and said something to the effect of, “you know how sometimes an ambulance will drive by…”

She said, “Ambulance? Drive by? What?…What do you mean?”

I didn’t understand why she looked confused. I explained how while sitting, sometimes I can hear cars, or ambulances with their sirens… and she said, “Oh! To me there’s just weee-wooo weee-wooooo.”

I looked at her in disbelief. Ok…so “ambulance” is the name of a vehicle and the name is not the real thing itself. Sure. But wee-woo is onomatopoeia pointing to the same thing, right? Why not just allow me to call it an ambulance?!

It bothered me so much, the next time I went to Matsumoto-san’s zazenkai, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The questions kept coming. Why did she insist on “wee-woo”? Why not just say “ambulance”? Aren’t they just different names for the same thing? Are they different? Was she kidding? No, she must have had some reason...

…and then all of a sudden: VROOOM!!

The VROOM! snapped me out of it. That’s when I realized that VROOOM! had been the sound of a motorcycle. But when there was VROOOM!, there was no notion or awareness of a motorcycle, and I certainly did not see a motorcycle. All there had been, was VROOOM!

I was so excited, I jumped up and ran to Matsumoto-san to request dokusan. It went something like this:

Me: (explaining how there had been only VROOM! and no motorcycle)

Matsumoto-san (smiling): That’s nice. Sure, it’s helped you understand some more. But don’t get attached to vrooom. …Where is it now anyway?

Me (very happy to be understanding more): I’m not attached. It’s GONE! 😄

I think I almost skipped back to my zafu. I felt like I had made a breakthrough. I told myself not to think I was any wiser, because I hadn’t enlightened. But I was still quite pleased to better understand why my friend said, “for me there is only wee-woo.” Just as there was only VROOM and no motorcycle, for her there was no ambulance.

I must emphasize that experiences like this are not a requirement for enlightenment. Nor are they a sign that enlightenment will happen soon. So if you practice zazen but have not had such an experience, do not be concerned. Such experiences are sometimes referred to as “coming into contact with fact,” but enlightenment can happen without having had such experiences too.

When I told my friend about it, she laughed and said she may have been too nit picky in insisting on wee-woo, as it’s not like being enlightened makes you incapable of normal conversation. But Matsumoto-san commented she had given me a good koan. I had done many koan at a different teimple, but his comment made me realize for the first time what koans were really meant to do.

And on that note, happy holidays and sincere wishes for an enlightening 2025 ⭐️

We wish you a very happy holiday season and look forward to continuing to support your practice in the new year!

Love and Gassho _/\_

Happy Holidays from Matsumoto and Madoka @ Zen Online

Zen isn't something you learn

Madoka Onizuka — Wed, 27 Nov 2024 07:00:00 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

Thank you for opening our second issue of this newsletter! We are grateful you are here.

A common misunderstanding among people new to Zen (or even long-time practitioners) is that they think zazen (sitting Zen) is a state to be created. They might think it is a state of doing nothing, a state of mental quiet without thoughts, or a state of not being disturbed by anything. This is why Matsumoto-san wrote “Today’s Dharma Talk” to help dispel such misunderstandings. Please read below 😃

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
Dec 8 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
Dec 16 (Mon) 9:00-13:00
January 5, 2025 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
January 20, 2025 (Mon) 9:00-13:00

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time. Anyone is welcome!
**There will be no zazenkai December 25th and January 4th.**

Zazenkai reservations can be made here: https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Convenient Time Converter
We love this time converter! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Knowing what is real doesn’t come from learning.

Zen Master Dogen says that zazen is not shuuzen—a practice of understanding a method and then executing it. He says it is not a method that you become able to do after learning it and then mastering it through repeated practice

Then what is it? What is it that is not learned?

Let’s confirm right now—what is it that is actually real, but not learned.

Please put the palm of your hand on your cheek (actually do this as you read).

How is it now?

With your hand on your cheek, there is a sensation. The sensation itself is not something you learn, memorize and execute in order for it to manifest.

The way it actually is touching the cheek—the sensation itself—is the very thing that Dogen wants to convey. It is what is actually real, without self. This is the reality that the Buddha, Dogen and other Zen masters enlightened to.

This is why zazen is not a method or means. It is the way it is sitting. While sitting, if a bird chirps, “chirp” is the way it is. When facing forward, there is the actual view. The view is the way it is. Even without intending to think, thoughts and feelings arise.

This is why zazen is sitting the way seeing, hearing, thinking, and feeling are now.

Have you ever sat like this, just the way seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling, and thinking are? This is zazen, i.e. sitting as Dharma itself.

My struggle with understanding

It took me a long time to understand why Matsumoto-san and other Zen masters said satori (enlightenment) is not about understanding (i.e. not something that happens as a result of learning and deepening understanding).

I remember asking Matsumoto-san tons of questions when I first started zazen. I dissected what I thought zazen and satori were and asked him if my understanding was correct. He would, of course, tell me that all the effort to understand was not just unnecessary, it was fruitless. But I still had questions. And one day, he said, with a very puzzled expression, “you really want to understand, don’t you.”

I was stunned. Of course I wanted to understand!! I thought that the more I understood, and the more I could explain things to people, the closer I would be to that “ah ha moment” of satori! (At the time, I didn’t know that satori is not an “ah ha moment.”)

Matsumoto-san’s puzzled expression puzzled me. I understood that satori was not an intellectual understanding. But I thought deepening my understanding helped to make satori happen. How wrong I was.

My understanding did get better, but I still didn’t enlighten. Matsumoto-san tried to help me see what was real, so that my zazen would truly be zazen (and not an effort to become or discover something).

Clap! Waving hand. He said to know the taste of coffee, I had to take a sip. Only when the taste is there is it there. The real thing itself.

At first, I thought those were symbols for “here and now,” because when Matsumoto-san clapped, the sound of the clap was there and gone in an instant. But I finally got it that they were not symbols. “Here and now” was the concept. “Clap!” –the actual clap itself—was the real thing. Each time, Matsumoto-san was showing me the real thing.

One of our interactions went something like this:

Me: blah blah blah (asking a question trying to understand what enlightenment is)
Matsumoto-san: 👏 This is it. 👏 Do you need understanding for this👋 ?
Me: … ummm… no.
Matsumoto-san: Even if you don’t understand, it’s now this, right? 👋
Me: yes…but…
Matsumoto-san: When there is 👋 , this is the way it is…is there any other way that things are?
Me: no…

I am so grateful for Matsumoto-san’s patience. I don’t know how many times I asked him the same kinds of questions. But I finally did understand what needs to be understood—that no amount of understanding will enlighten me. If I really want to be free from the illusion of self and resolve the question of human suffering, I need to sit.

If you are struggling with understanding, my recommendation is to ask Matsumoto-san questions, especially to clarify “what is real vs. what is concept.” Once that is clear, your zazen will be real zazen. You’ll feel no more need to learn anything. You can just sit as what is real is.

Love and Gassho _/\_

New Zen Online Newsletter

Madoka Onizuka — Mon, 28 Oct 2024 07:16:37 +0000

To Our Dear Sangha

We’re starting a newsletter! The purpose is to support your Zen practice and we also appreciate it as a chance to touch base with you once a month. Please feel free to share it with anyone you think might find it helpful.

Announcements with schedule information
Matsumoto-san’s “Today’s Dharma Talk”
Memo from Madoka: a short something from me.

So here is Newsletter #1! It’s exciting to connect with you in this new way!

Announcements

Zen Online's Newsletter

Authentic information about Zen to support your practice

zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe

Please feel free to share the link to subscribe to our newsletter with anyone you think would benefit. Here it is: https://zen-online.beehiiv.com/subscribe
It is also possible to unsubscribe at any time from a link at the bottom of each newsletter.

Overview of Zen—website update

If you would like to read about the basics of Zen as explained by Matsumoto-san, please see “All About Zen” on our website.

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
Nov 10 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
Nov 25 (Mon) 9:00am-13:00
Dec 8 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
Dec 16 (Mon) 9:00-13:00

Wednesday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Wednesday at 9:00pm-10:00pm Japan time.
The purpose of these is to provide an opportunity to sit with other people online. I don’t give instructions unless someone hasn’t yet attended Matsumoto-san’s zazenkai. Anyone is welcome to join in and sit!

Convenient Time Converter
There is a great time converter where you can input multiple cities with specific dates so there are no mistakes (especially around daylight savings changes) when calculating the time difference between where you are and Japan. We have no affiliation with this site, but use it all the time! https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Note for Context: During zazenkai, Matsumoto-san explains that satori is when cognition ceases and what is real reveals itself. Sometimes people have experiences that seem to fit this explanation, but are still in doubt.

Someone said to me, “Truth is clear to me now, but for some reason I still don’t feel clear.”

This happens when cognition does cease, but it kicks back in before what is real has made itself absolutely clear as itself. Essentially, it means that Truth has not become absolutely clear yet (i.e. it was not satori).

I’ve experienced this myself. One day when I was watching TV, I suddenly became aware that there had been a period of nothing. When I became aware of the TV screen, I thought, “ah, there was nothing!” (Thinking there had been nothing means I had turned nothingness into an object=there was still a sense of self and other= I was not completely clear.)

But at the time, I thought this was what it was to “forget the self.”

I thought I had forgotten self, so I left it at that for a while, but after some time, doubt crept in. Was this really it?

Even though there had been nothing, I still thought things in front of my eyes existed and there was still a sense of self and other. So whenever doubt crept in, I went to dokusan (one-on-one Q&A with a Zen master). There, my doubt would disappear. I continued like this for quite some time. (I was tired of sitting, so I was hoping I could resolve it by asking questions in dokusan. That was laziness.)

Then at some point, I finally understood—more like decided—that continuing like this was pointless, and I started sitting again. (It’s obvious, right? If one is trying to resolve doubts conceptually through Q&A, the only option left is to sit.) All you have to do is sit until whatever it is you want to resolve is really gone.

Then one night, TICK. All doubt was resolved.

Since then, there is only the way the real thing now is. There is no sense of self, but only the way what is real is. There is no feeling or notion that self and other exist. It’s even unimaginable how there could have ever been a sense of self and other.

What there is, is only what it actually real now.

What is “what is actually real now?” It’s (say it out loud) : “ah”

Sometimes, people come to check if something is satori (enlightenment) or not. After they share a few words about what happened, it becomes evident whether it is or isn’t. Satori is the clear manifestation (for lack of a better expression) of what is actually real—the real thing itself. So the presence or absence of the real thing itself in what the person says makes it evident. If it is not satori, there is no mention of what is actually real itself, with only explanations from start to finish. So it’s soon clear it was something else.

Zen Master Inoue Gien once said in a lecture:
“From the very instant of forgetting the self to the instant of realizing enlightenment, there is a hair’s breadth between whether the self arises first or the Dharma arises first. This miniscule fraction of an instant determines whether one becomes a śrāvaka (a hearer of the teachings) or realizes Buddha’s wisdom (one’s original face).”

Thank you for reading our first newsletter! If you have any requests or feedback regarding content, please feel free to let me know.

Just quickly, I want to bring your attention to the pages on our website that Matsumoto-san wrote, explaining Zen, zazen, delusion and satori.

My first exposure to Matsumoto-san was at his zazenkai in Tokyo back in 2016, where I heard his instructions in person. Later, I looked at his website. I remember thinking I was so glad I heard his explanations first, because if I had tried reading them first, I probably would not have gone to his zazenkai! Things make so much more sense in person.

So if you haven’t spoken to Matsumoto-san yet and find what is written hard to understand, I strongly encourage you to sign up for a zazenkai with him. I say this as a fellow seeker. Asking him questions and having him show you the answers makes a huge difference. It makes total sense to me now why Dogen Zenji also emphasized the need for an enlightened teacher. Even if you question the need for a teacher, if you really want to know what is real and be free of the delusions created by human cognition, I’d recommend speaking to Matsumoto-san at least once. 🙂 He doesn’t have to be your teacher. His goal is simply to enable you to sit (zazen) and conclude your search.

Love and Gassho _/\_

Zen Online

What to do about thinking in zazen

Table of Contents

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

A Record of My Zazen Practice

1. Early Phase of Zazen Practice

2. Middle Phase of Zazen practice

3. Final Phase of Zazen Practice

“There’s really nothing to adjust to make zazen ‘correct’”

Please Share Our Newsletter!

The Open Secret

Table of Contents

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Webpage with our Lineage

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

The Open Secret (Truth is not hidden, but until you verify it for yourself, it is not apparent)

Inoue Kando Roshi’s Teisho Translated into English

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What is actually manifesting now

Table of Contents

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

What Is Actually Manifesting Now

Do I Still Have Questions? Do I Still Do Dokusan?

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When you know true nature, you know how to be in zazen

Table of Contents

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

When you know “true nature = Zen,” you know zazen

Are some people simply incapable of satori?

Please Share Our Newsletter!

Does "no self" mean I disappear?

To Our Dear Sangha

Table of Contents

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Four commonly asked questions about satori and no self

After satori, do people sometimes “go back” to how they were before satori?

What is “no self”?

There is something about “true nature” that I can’t quite grasp. I’m not convinced.

Do I disappear with satori?

A few things “no self” is not

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Are you sure your zazen is really zazen?

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Have you confirmed that your zazen is really zazen?

When my zazen was not really zazen

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Zen = the Way We Inherently Are

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

What to do if Zen-related questions arise during zazen

Satori is not an understanding

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Zazen is sitting the way it is now

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazen = sitting the way it is now

One dokusan that helped me quit monitoring my thoughts

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The Most Common Mistake in Zen Practice

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

When my zazen practice wasn’t truly zazen (a period of unnecessary mental effort)

Zazen isn’t a state of being

Please Share Our Newsletter!

The conditions for satori

To Our Dear Sangha

Announcements