I left Slovakia at 19, nearly half my life ago. I studied in Czechia, then moved to the Netherlands on an Erasmus stipend and stayed for over a decade. Got my master's, built a career, made friends. Two years ago I have moved again, to be closer to nature in the mountains of Tyrol.

I could do this, because I was lucky I was born into an Europe that is united. Our Single Market stands on four freedoms: the free movement of people, goods, services and capital. It is seen as Europe's best asset by the commission itself, and also by the people: nearly three quarters of EU citizens say that their country has benefited from being a member of the EU.

However, some of its democratic structures have not kept pace with the increased mobility. One of them is the right to vote wherever you pay taxes. During my 13 years in The Netherlands I experienced four general elections. I could not vote in any of them.

I am not alone.

It all started when the squirrel woke up with an unusually cold nose. It slowly unfurled from its nest of dried moss and leaves, then hopped onto the nearest tree branch. The air smelled crisp, and a soft mist hung low in the morning forest.

This newsletter is somewhat of Christmas special: a short story about forest animals! Including animations and even statistics. Hope you enjoy it 🐿️

It’s autumn. The elation of summer dissolves, the air cools, and the trees burst into color. It’s the season for staying in, wearing warm socks, and savoring pumpkin stews.

I am a child of autumn, born on a dark November night. I love this colorful transition into introspection and calm. Most of my creative work happens in autumn, when I’m still carried by the energy of summer, but drawn by the weather to build a cozy den indoors.

This essay is all about autumn, but of a different kind: the autumn of the menstrual cycle. And before you click this essay away because you think it doesn’t concern you, I invite you to stay. You might be surprised by how much of it does.

The monthly cycle in childbearing bodies has its own seasons, similar to the ones we see in nature. Bleeding is winter, when the body is at its weakest and craves rest above all. As the bleeding stops, spring arrives and with it energy is returning. Then comes summer, peaking with ovulation. Ovulation ushers in the luteal phase, the inner autumn, when energy turns inward again, preparing the body and mind for winter’s stillness.

Though half of the population experiences this cycle twelve times a year, it remains shrouded in taboo, shame, and misunderstanding. Our society often speaks of the premenstrual phase, the inner autumn, only in terms of discomfort: mood swings, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, bloating, tenderness, headaches.

For much of my life, I too saw this time only through tension, tears, and sugar cravings. But lately, I’ve begun to fall in love with it. Just as no season is less magical than another, every part of this inner cycle too carries its own beauty.

Hormonal beings

What actually happens during the menstrual cycle? Very technically said, it's a fluctuation of two hormones: estrogen and progesterone. These hormonal waves divide the cycle into two main phases of roughly equal length: the follicular and the luteal phases. Ovulation and menstruation mark the transitions between them.

Schematic overview of the menstrual cycle; individual cycles differ widely

The follicular phase begins with the shedding of the uterine lining (bleeding) and the maturation of a new egg. After about two weeks, the egg is released and descends toward the uterus, ready to become a new human. This phase is estrogen-dominant.

Estrogen brings a boost of dopamine and serotonin. During this time, I might feel more energetic, social, and outwardly focused. My body often feels stronger too. The follicular phase carries the bright, expansive energy of spring and summer.

After ovulation, estrogen drops, progesterone begins to rise, and the luteal phase starts. Progesterone helps thicken the uterine lining in case a fertilized egg arrives. If pregnancy occurs, progesterone continues to rise, nurturing the tiny human and stimulating the milk glands in the breasts. If there’s no fertilized egg, progesterone levels fall, the uterine lining is shed, and the show starts again.

In the luteal phase I might be lower in energy, calmer, slower, introspective, more intraverted, conserving energy for the coming winter.

The late luteal phase is infamous. Its effects are collectively known as PMS (premenstrual syndrome), or in a more severe form, PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). Neither is pleasant, and both often manifest in the emotional realm by irritability, sadness, anger, or a general heaviness.

Why does this happen? There isn’t one clear answer.

Some studies point to the drop in estrogen, the mood-brightening hormone, as a possible cause. Physical discomfort from progesterone, such as water retention or breast tenderness, may also contribute to emotional discomfort. Some research suggests that symptoms in women receiving psychiatric care tend to worsen during the luteal phase.

But the truth is: it’s deeply individual. When I ask my friends about their experiences, the answers vary wildly: anger, insecurity, but also calmness, slowness, introversion, or feeling horny. Also: not every cycle feels the same. Sometimes, nothing much happens at all.

So how did our collective image of PMS become reduced almost entirely to mood swings and irritability?

I'm PMSing!

In 1981, 37-year-old Christine English crushed her lover against a utility pole with her car. That same year, barmaid Sandie Craddock stabbed a colleague through the heart. Both women were able to avoid criminal punishment by blaming PMS. For the record: they were also the only ones ever.

Before the 1980s, PMS was largely considered a private medical matter, barely discussed in public. Even medical journals paid little attention. But after these trials, PMS began appearing in popular literature as a social problem. Of course, this didn’t happen in a vacuum. The 1980s saw a growing number of women entering the workforce, sparking public debates about gender roles and whether biological differences affect women’s ability to perform certain jobs. That conversation continues, in various forms, to this day.

I have also experienced PMS being used against me. Any sign of irritability dismissed with “Oh, you’re just PMSing.” And I’ve also used it as a shield myself, a way of saying, let me be, I’m PMSing. But over time, I’ve realized just how trapped in the societal perception I was. Our shared narratives strongly shape the reality we live in. The images and stories we create about ourselves and others often form a self-reinforcing loop.

This idea was captured by many. For example Charles Cooley’s looking-glass self (1902) suggests that we develop our sense of self based on how we think others see us. Bandura’s reciprocal determinism (1986) describes a three-way dance between ourselves, our environment, and our behavior, each influencing and reinforcing the others.

In other words: if everyone expects me to be a bitch at a certain time of the month, I might as well be a bitch. But keeping each other stuck in that expectation is not only unnecessary, it's harmful.

This isn’t to say the intense feelings aren’t real, because they are. But it’s not enough to shove them into a PMS-labeled box and shut it tight. These feelings exist for a reason: they are part of a rhythm, a larger cycle. In order to have a good winter and a joyful spring, I need to respect the autumn.

Moon lodge

Cold nights and rainy weather pull us back inside, to the warmth of our homes. Similarly, in some cultures, women would spend their bleeding time in secluded spaces called menstrual huts or moon lodges. In some places, this was because women were considered impure. Despite government bans, it still occurs in for example Nepal.

But in other cultures, women seclude themselves voluntarily, using the time to reconnect with themselves, to rest and renew their energy. For example, the Ojibwe people, one of the largest Native American tribal populations, regard menstruation as a time of cleansing and renewal, a chance to release accumulated stress and experiences.

I recognize this myself. The premenstrual phase, as I now experience it, is a natural preparation for some kind of release. I sift through what no longer serves me and try to let it go. This process is, of course, uncomfortable and sometimes painful: big feelings take over, and I become sensitive to anything external.

But to understand what truly needs to be released, I have to allow these feelings in and give them space. The inner autumn calls me not only to slow down, but also to listen, to reflect, and to express.

Say it

I've found that sharing the discomfort is often the best way to process it. It helps to have another person present to witness, acknowledge and respond. It also creates an opportunity to receive love.

This can happen in many settings. I've had very positive experiences in women’s circles, where emotions are addressed communally. Our individualistic society puts enormous pressure on us to deal with our shit ourselves. Why though? A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.

The biggest gains, of course, come from those I'm around most, as they will likely be there when my emotions start spinning out of control. My partner and I therefore have a deal: I tell him everything. It sounds simple, but try it out. The practice is not always easy.

Very often, I have no idea what is happening. I first need to access it somehow. That usually starts with expressing whatever I can and moving on from there. Journaling is another useful tool: just writing without thinking about it too much. Once I begin to understand what’s going on, opening up about it becomes the next big step. It means sharing my innermost fears and demons which feels incredibly vulnerable.

For him, it means not only listening but also receiving whatever comes up. This can be crying, blaming or even screaming, with compassion and hugs. It’s important to understand that the emotions surfacing aren’t necessarily caused by what’s happening in that exact moment. They might be echoes from childhood, recently triggered fears, or unresolved pain. And I don’t truly know what they are until I express them, bring them into the light, and examine them piece by piece, sometimes over several days.

My friend described it beautifully: "It’s a time when my intuition speaks loudly". Since I began sharing these emotions regularly and without shame, I’ve learned to hear and release them better. Now, when I enter my premenstrual phase, I don’t fear the tension. I feel gratitude for the insights it brings and the opportunity to reflect.

Sometimes my partner complains that I don’t make any sense. That’s fair and it's not a bug. Emotions are not rational. They are meant to be felt and expressed.

So next time you are pre-menstrual and you feel the need to get something out, find a friend, prepare your partner, and lay it all out. Cry, scream, share, feel. When the storm passes, laugh. And then let it go.

And if you are around someone in their inner autumn, be receptive. Be present, be supportive, and don’t take it personally. You might help them enter their spring feeling a little lighter.

~ 💌 Ada

I am passionate about food. I love making it, eating it and feeding it to others especially.

But passion has a shadow side: obsession. I used to eat until I couldn’t sneeze (this is true), because even taking a deep breath would hurt my belly. I turned to food for comfort, for emotional support, or simply out of boredom.

One day, I stepped on the scale and saw the number 90 staring back at me. That moment of shock sent me on a long journey to change my relationship with food.

That was ten years and 25 kilos ago. So today I want to share one of the things I’ve discovered along the way: how our current economic system shapes our relationship with food and how in turn, that relationship shapes our bodies.

During my final years of high school, I worked part-time at McDonald’s and honestly, I had a fantastic time. The colleagues were great, and for post-communist Slovakia, the pay was decent.

It also gave me a peak behind the curtain of the fast food industry.

McDonald’s likes to promote the idea that its food can be part of a healthy, balanced diet. But in reality, it doesn’t meet any of the criteria: meals that are limited in calories, made with healthy fats and whole grains, low in salt and sugar, rich in essential nutrients and fiber, and built around fresh, unprocessed ingredients.

In truth, there was hardly anything fresh in the entire kitchen except the tomato and cucumber slices we had to grab from the local supermarket. And it gets worse.

Burger patties arrived in giant plastic bags from who-knows-where. Frozen gray discs that only got their brown color after a couple of minutes on the grill. In fact, nearly everything was frozen and varying shades of gray before it was deep fried.

But the most disturbing I found the eggs: they came in already peeled, in big plastic buckets filled with greenish water. To this day, I have no idea what it was. We put them on the Caesar salads. The McDonalds website by the way lists the salads as one of the "healthy" options, along apple slices and orange juice.

I stopped eating the food within a couple of months of working there.

Tortilla, Reimagined

Real food is nothing like what I saw in the kitchen of McDonalds. For example, all you need to make a basic tortilla is wheat flour, salt, water, and oil.

Now compare that simple ingredient list to the ones on these random Spar wraps: wheat flour, water, rapeseed oil, glycerin, dextrose, mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids, iodized salt, malic acid.

You’ve probably heard the term "ultra-processed food" or UPF. It’s not just a fast-food chain problem. Our supermarkets too are full of them.

To show you what I mean, let’s dive into some Open Food Facts data. Many products today come with a Nutri-Score: a five-color label designed to help us choose more nutritious options. There’s also another widely used system that classifies food based on how processed it is. It’s called the NOVA classification and it divides food into four groups:

Group 1: Unprocessed or minimally processed foods. Think fresh apples, lentils, milk, plain yoghurt, or fresh meat.
Group 2: Processed culinary ingredients used to season and cook food, like olive oil, salt, honey, or butter. These are also based on natural or minimally processed foods.
Group 3: Processed foods such as cheese, canned vegetables, or packaged bread.
Group 4: Ultra-processed foods are the most industrially altered, often containing additives, flavorings, emulsifiers, and too much salt or sugar.

Group 2 contains only ingredients and is therefore not in this visualisation

As you see, I am not even talking about the obvious culprits: snacks like crisps or microwave dinners. Also items you would usually consider healthy can be UPFs: your breakfast cereal, coconut yogurt, pesto, canned beans, hummus, tofu, or pasta sauce.

So how do you recognize an ultra-processed food? It's actually not that hard. They are usually products with five and more ingredients, often with too much salt or sugar and containing things you wouldn't find in your own kitchen, like glycerine, potassium tartrates, disodium diphosphate, or soy lecithin.

They are not real food, but industrially manufactured substances pretending to be food.

This is not food.

Now that you know how to spot them, let's talk about why it matters.

Starving microbes and obesity epidemics

Did you know that more than half of you… isn’t you?

Most of the cells living in our bodies are microbes and the majority lives in our bellies. Gut health is a big deal. A healthy gut microbiome helps digest food, regulate our immune systems, and even influences our mood and mental health. But they rely on us as much as we rely on them. What we eat directly affects their well-being. For example if we don't feed them fiber, they might starve. Or even worse they might start eating the lining of our own intestines. Yikes.

UPFs are energy-dense, but nutrition-poor. Eating them can disrupt the happy times in our bellies and even encourage growth of harmful bacteria. Imbalances in our gut microbiome has been linked to a wide range of diagnoses you don't want, such as allergies, Parkinsons, diabetes, irritable bowels, even cancer.

As usual, science lags a few steps behind industry. But the evidence is mounting. Research shows strong links between UPF consumption and chronic illness. Not necessarily because of one single harmful additive (though the sugar substitute aspartame was recently labeled as possibly carcinogenic), but because of the sheer volume of additives we now regularly consume. It’s this cocktail effect that lands us in an iffy territory.

The rising percentage of UPFs in the diet is also strongly correlated with rising body fat levels in general population. One major driver of this trend is simple: we're eating more. And that increase in calorie intake is likely linked to rising UPF consumption, which may disrupt appetite regulation and promote overeating. With obesity comes another long list of companion conditions: heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, depression.

“But Ada,” you might say, “is it really that bad? If it were, why would they sell so much of it? Why would it be everywhere?” Here is where our economical system comes into play. Shareholders of food companies don’t profit when we eat apples and cabbage. They make money when cheap ingredients can be turned into branded, shelf-stable products, designed to bypass our body’s natural stop signals and keep us coming back for more.

The Business of Bliss

I remember when the first McDonald’s opened in Bratislava. Except for a few animal activists, we all welcomed it with open arms.

It wasn’t about the food. It was about what it represented: democracy, modernity, and access to the Western world. It was deeply emotional. It was a taste of freedom.

That emotion, the ability to attach identity, meaning, and memory to a product is exactly what companies understand and leverage. Take those Coca-Cola bottles with names of people printed on the labels. Those mean nothing to the company, it's just statistics. But they mean something to us: real people we love. And that bottle has their name on it.

If you look closely, Coca-Cola isn’t really advertising bubbly sugar water at all. Their campaigns are about "Open Happiness" and "Taste the Feeling". The imagery is all about joy, friendship, family and human connection. The message is: you crave meaning, so here have some sugar.

by Albert Bridge

And sugar is a one powerful ingredient. It triggers a big release of dopamine. And when we lean on that mechanism too often, it becomes a loop: the more we consume, the more we crave.

Have you ever heard of the hyperpalatable foods? These are foods engineered in labs to hit the 'bliss point': that irresistible ratio of sugar, salt and fat that keeps our brains begging for more. It's the reason you (or at least me) can't eat just one cookie. These foods are designed not to nourish but to override your body’s natural signals. They bypass fullness. They encourage compulsive eating. They are profitable not because they’re good for us, but because they’re designed to be irresistible and they keep us coming back.

Food in our current economic system isn’t nourishment, it’s a commodity. A revenue stream. A product optimized for "stomach share", meaning: “the amount of digestive space that any one company’s brand can grab from the competition.” (from the 2014 book Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us ). That’s the metric. Not your well-being, not public health.

Food companies spend a lot of money on this. They test what sugar ratio six-year-old kids like best so they can make the most addictive pudding. This ice cream brand even blatantly takes advantage of our brain’s love of sugar to claim it’s "scientifically proven" that ice cream makes us happy.

Screenshot from gigi-gelato.com

There is no regard for a better life for us, only for making more money.

And these products are everywhere. The golden arches of McDonald's have become such a familiar part of the global landscape they are almost invisible. This constant, repeated exposure reinforces a sense of comfort and normalcy. Therefore we do not even question whether these products should be everywhere. We simply accept their presence as a given.

Your options at the train station, 6:00 AM

Food companies have us by the proverbial balls. So we keep associating chocolate with comfort, soft drinks with good times, and crisps with celebration.

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Food is such an important part our lives: it's our nourishment, culture, self-care. It’s our time with family and friends. We eat every day. Every bite becomes part of us. And yet it’s being hijacked by corporations that latch onto our emotions and manipulate our biology.

We like to believe the system we live in protects us from choices that are harmful to us. But if think about it for a moment—no carrot, apple or bag of lentils has a sticker screaming: “Now packed with fiber!”.

Michael Pollan, author of several books on food, put it this way: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”. It’s the most elegant motto I came across until now. It also aligns with big scale studies, like the Global Burden of Disease Study, that found that eating unprocessed plant foods like fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, and whole grains, while also limiting processed foods high in added salt and sugar will prevent us from getting ill.

Therefore, I think it’s time we take the matter into our own hands. And it starts with reading.

Next time when buying anything from the supermarket, read the ingredients list first. Then choose products with fewer and recognizable ingredients. And don’t be fooled by labels boasting how healthy something is. If a product has to tell you it’s full of nutrition, it probably isn’t.

Stock up on basic ingredients that have a long shelf life on their own. Things like spices, seeds, nuts and nut butters, legumes, and grains. You can turn them into just about anything: veggie burgers, fritters, side dishes, spreads, soups, stews, mashes.

You don’t need a plastic tub of guacamole (avocado, ascorbic acid, citric acid, red pepper, onion, salt, jalapeno pepper, coriander, concentrated lime juice, xanthan gum, dehydrated onion, dehydrated cumin, dehydrated pepper, potassium sorbate, chili sauce). You are perfectly capable of whipping it up yourself.

And let yourself be surprised! For example, I recently realized that not only chickpeas and tahini, but almost any combination of a legume and nut butter makes a hummus-like spread. Some of my favorites: French lentils and hazelnut butter. Or red lentils and cashew butter. 🤤 This way I can easily avoid all the extra sodium carbonate, citric acid, and potassium sorbate of store-bought hummus. Moreover—it is way cheaper.

And you can make it as crazy as you like. I buy nuts, seeds, legumes and grains like rice, wheat, spelt, rye and oats in big bulks and use an electric grain mill to grind my own flour. I also have a cereal flaker to squish oats for my own breakfast.

Buying in bulk is even cheaper. For example wholesale organic red lentils in 5 kg paper bags that last me a year are two thirds of the price (€3.1/kg) of what I would pay at the supermarket (€4.98/kg). The organic basmati rice is half the price.

Looking for food in places other than the supermarket has also led me to new discoveries, so now I regularly cook with grains like einkorn, millet or barley.

My pantry

And if you don't know how to cook something you like, go online, or ask a chatbot. The prompt I use often is : "I have a carrot, lentils and rice. I feel like a light dish for a summer lunch. Give me 5 ideas of what to make. Feel free to suggest additional ingredients to the ones I have." Or reach out, ask a friend, ask your mom!

It all doesn't need to be perfect. Taking small steps such as being aware and curious, reading labels, cooking simple meals and trying out new recipes, is all it takes. So bit by bit, we can take food back from the corporations and return it to where it belongs: in our own hands, on our own terms.

In this essay, I’ve been talking about food. But it’s also a metaphor for everything we consume that’s deceptively delicious but low in nourishment. Take a closer look at the entertainment you feed your eyes and ears, or the beauty products you put onto your skin.

You’ll start to notice the same patterns: flashy packaging, feel-good messaging, immediate gratification, designed more to hook us than to help us. These systems aren’t limited to the grocery store. They’re everywhere.

~ 💌 Ada

I have a recurrent dream. It's been going on for years. The circumstances are always different, but the theme is constant: I am packing. Packing, but I can't finish in time. Packing, but I don't have enough bags. Packing and suddenly discovering more things that need to be packed. You get the idea.

The significance of this dream has eluded me for years. But I think it’s time to get to the core of it. So I’ve decided to unpack. Unboxing party! And you’re invited.

Safety

Bags. We all have them. Big bags, small bags, fabric bags, backpacks, shoulder bags, hand bags, bum bags, shopping totes, purses, suitcases, briefcases, luggage. Even pockets and car trunks too.

At their core, bags are containers. Tools that help us carry what we need. But they are more than that. They are a fashion statement, reflection of our identity. Do you carry a sporty backpack with hip straps? A sleek designer purse? A minimalist bum bag?

A former colleague of mine carried both a backpack and a purse. When I asked her why, she said, “The backpack is for the laptop. But that’s not me. The purse, that’s me.”

Curious, I asked my friends on Instagram what they carry around: keys, phone, lose cash, credit card, wallet, raincoat, lip balm, moisturizer, eye drops, water bottle, mirror, lip stick, ear plugs, bottle opener, mints, allergy pills, pocket knife, inhaler, ear phones, sunglasses, sewing kit, pain killers, hand fan in the summer. Condoms ("cos you never know"). Some carried just three items. Others fifteen.

In fact, researchers studying people with dementia in care homes found that handbags often became "something to continually clutch or hold" as their sense of orientation slipped away. A kind of anchor. Another researcher, who rummaged through dozens of women’s handbags, noted the mix of practical and emotional objects like photographs or talismans. Each, he concluded, tied to a specific anxiety or fear.

I relate. My own anxiety often unpacks itself when I pack for travel. Overthinking what I might need, packing too much. As a result I create an absurdly heavy bag that I lug around the entire trip. It’s as if I believe that if I just pack perfectly, everything will be okay.

But I can’t pack for everything, can I?

Perfectionism

Last week I hiked up a mountain to sleep in a hut. After climbing all day, I arrived, removed my boots, and as my feet touched the stone cold floor I realized: my slippers were still at home, about 1,500 meters below.

Cue the voice in my head.

Whenever I used to mess something up this angry voice would kick in. How stupid can you be? I call this voice the Asshole. It took me a while, but now I see that the Asshole is a perfectionist.

I would never have described myself as one. I thought perfectionism only meant turning in pristine projects or obsessively scoring top marks on every test. That didn’t feel like me.

But perfectionism, I’ve learned, is much broader. It’s the internal critic. It’s comparing myself to others: prettier, smarter, more successful. It’s feeling like I always need to be prepared for anything, or I’ve failed to make my world safe.

But do I really want to live like that? Isn’t it actually more fun to leave space for the unexpected?

As my feet grew colder high up on the mountain, I remembered a table in front of the hut selling Nepalese scarves, gloves and yes, you guessed it: thick woolen socks. I bought a pair. They’ve become the warmest socks I own.

It was kind of perfect, wasn't it?

Emotional baggage

Because it’s 2025 and this is what we do now, I asked a chatbot what my packing dream means. And boy, it did deliver.

“In dreams, luggage, bags, and boxes are classic symbols for a person’s 'mental baggage'—the emotional burdens, unresolved issues, and past experiences that have shaped and weighed on them.”

Hmm, go on...

“The recurring nature of the dream suggests a resistance to letting go of that baggage.”

Ouch.

“The dream is a stressful reminder that it’s impossible to carry every past experience, trauma, and former version of oneself into the future. The psyche is indicating that, to move forward, a release is necessary.”

Bags are also a metaphor. Not just physical containers, but mental ones too. Mental baggage can weigh us down in the same way as a heavy backpack. Carrying around trauma, fear, or shame will in turn shape the way I act in the world. And not for the better.

But letting go isn’t simple. It's not like we can just take it out with the garbage and leave. Emotional baggage may be heavy, but it’s familiar. It also creates the illusion of predictability and safety.

Letting go

When I was 25, Miško died. He was my partner, my soulmate, my best friend. We broke up and he took his own life. It is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me and naturally, it created a lot of baggage. Sorrow. Fear of abandonment. And probably other things I still can not name.

I mourned him for years. I organized a memorial for his death anniversary every year. And then, after 11 years, I stopped.

I realized I had been clinging to grief because I thought I owed it to his memory to be sad forever. That it would somehow erase his existence if I stopped. Turns out none of that is true. My baggage was shaping my world and I let it.

Letting go wasn't instant. It took years. But little by little, with conscious attention, it is possible.

I have thought about this specific line from the chatbot's text: "To move forward, a release is necessary". And a little poem came to me:

Years ago, after another long-term relationship ended, I had a different dream. I lost my backpack in the dream and then thought: That’s fine. Everything I need will find me.

I would like to work towards that trust.

So I stopped seeing my packing dreams as something to fix and started seeing them as invitations to loosen my grip. So I can travel light.

Building trust

The trust that everything I need will find me actually comes quite naturally when I stop interfering. The urge to plan for every possible outcome is still a bit squirrel-like.

Squirrels are scatter hoarders. They hide thousands of nuts in dozens of places every season. But they also forget where they put most of them. And yet they survive. The forest sustains them even in winter with bark, tree sap, berries, fungi and lichen. Or they might find the stash of another squirrel. Their survival isn’t based on a perfect memory or planning, but on living in relationship with their environment. And the forgotten nuts? They grow into trees.

In the same way, whatever I let go of, whatever I forget, can become a fertile ground for something new. A new discovery, a needed item turning up. A new connection when seeking support. Finding a water fountain in the city, or warm socks on the mountain. I’m learning I don’t need to be perfectly self-sufficient. There is abundance out there.

And if all fails, there is cash in my wallet (not that poetic but very practical!).

So when I tune into my body, I sense what truly wants to come with me. I listen for what is essential and what feels right. When I’m unsure, I leave it and come back later. And sometimes, I experiment by leaving behind something that seems too heavy or clunky—just to see what happens.

Most of the time, it turns out just fine.

Apparently, the big trend for 2025 runways is “absurdly enormous” bags. “If you're the kind of person who likes to be ready for any eventuality."

And hey you know—being prepared is fine. But trying to be prepared for everything? That might break your back.

So invite a little uncertainty in. Go nuts! And dump some baggage now and then.

It’ll do us good.

Visual Electric

Somewhere in the early 2010s, I met Melanie in Barcelona. I was a broke freelance journalist traveling for a workshop and needed a place to stay. I found Melanie on CouchSurfing, and she kindly agreed to host me. Back then, mobile data wasn’t really a thing yet, but Wi-Fi was everywhere: open city networks, cafés. Just not in her apartment.

Melanie was a young American who had moved to Spain a year earlier. She used to work at Apple, which made her one of the early adopters of the iPhone. She told me how she’d hang out with friends at bars or restaurants, but everyone would just be on their phones. They’d even chat privately about people at the table—as if talking behind their backs, while sitting right next to them. She came to hate that, and eventually banned the internet from her home. The evening I spent with her, she knitted and drew, and we talked. In the morning, she meditated. I left and didn’t think much of it at the time.

Looking back, that evening feels a bit like a back to the future moment. I got my first smartphone in 2014, and ever since, it’s crept closer and closer to my skin. Lately, my partner and I decided to ban smartphone use at home after 8 PM and before 10 AM. It’s brought us a new kind of freedom.

Smartphone addiction Scale

So there I was reading my friends Hay’s newsletter (in Dutch) and he linked to a podcast episode called How to stop being so phone addicted (without self-discipline or meditation). The guest on the podcast shared a familiar experience: during a weekend trip with friends, he unknowingly ended up in a place with no internet. In the evenings, they simply sat around the fire and talked. Apparently, it was incredibly refreshing.

The world is namely becoming increasingly addicted to these tiny pocket computers. A global meta-analysis found that problematic smartphone use is on the rise, especially among young people. Researchers measured it using something called the Smartphone Addiction Scale. You can test yourself and contribute your results to the study. I did!

Confronting

In the study, the Chinese users ranked among the most addicted. Another small study among 180 Chinese university students found they spent on average 5.5 hours a day on their phones. That is more than one third of their waking hours. To put that into perspective: in 2023, the Chinese government proposed to limit children younger than 8 to 40 minutes of smartphone time a day, increasing the time limit to two hours daily when adult. That is also roughly how much time I spend on my smartphone.

You know what? Let’s get intimate. Here is my data 🤳

Back to the Chinese students: as a result of their smartphone use, some reported mild depression, blurring eyesight, sore fingers, distorted sense of time, poor sleep or feelings of anxiety when scrolling. But not everone is bothered by it. One student put it this way: “I know that using a smartphone for 6 hours daily is a bit too much [but] since I am so happy when playing on the device, and making changes will be painful, why do I need to control my usage? If the purpose of life is to pursue happiness, smartphones can indeed fulfill my needs.” And honestly, who’s to say they are wrong?

A very persuasive design

The main reason your phone brings you that hit of joy in the moment is because it’s intentionally designed to trigger your dopamine reward centers. It’s not that the phone is incredibly useful. It’s just incredibly good at creating compulsive behavior.

This is called persuasive design, and it’s what Duolingo uses to keep you coming back to your language lessons. But even well-intentioned features, like Facebook’s "like" button, originally meant to spread positivity, ended up fueling also feelings of comparison or envy. In the battle for our attention, platforms deploy all kinds of design tricks to keep us hooked: endless scrolling, endless recommendations, and so on.

This is actually also a field of study, called captology. It explores how interactive technologies are built to shape what we believe and how we behave. It observes that we humans respond to computers as though they were well ... humans.

Take a simple slot machine with two animated characters cheering you on every time you win. It is their job to persuade you to keep pulling that lever over and over again. Or when a chatbot that says “I’m sorry.”, making it seem like it understands how you feel. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

‘Computers as Persuasive Social Actors’

Other ‘captologically enjoyable’ experiences include infinite scroll, or the bright attention-grabbing colors used in the apps. Or just fact that you carry the device on your person everywhere you go.

As an investigative journalist I often ask myself the question who is benefiting (and despite of that yes my life is still fun.) According to several — let’s say “less than perfect” — data sources, rocking the charts of most downloaded apps are Instagram, TikTok, WhatsApp, Facebook, and ChatGPT. In other words, a large chunk of our phone time is spent inside the carefully crafted gardens of Meta and a few others. These apps are packed with persuasive design, and none of them let you opt out of it. I can’t tweak or change how they work. There is no choice. Which makes me believe, that my smartphone isn’t really mine at all.

But it could be! We could design apps that put users in control. For example by giving us the option to:

• build in stopping points—so scrolling actually ends

• hide like, view, or comment counts when you choose to

• set time limits for how long you use certain apps

• customize how an app looks and behaves

• fine-tune how content is personalized

• or even just get a gentle reminder to take a break

These are not radical ideas. But sadly, I don’t see them being adopted anytime soon. As long as our attention keeps making these companies richer, they’ll keep mining it—relentlessly.

Leave my attention alone

Right now, the only real weapon I feel I have is boycott. That’s why I’ve chosen to completely disconnect from my smartphone between 8PM and 10AM. I put it in the designated wooden box, close the lid shut and just like that ✨ it stops existing.

Then I sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and feel a small wave of panic. What now?

So I sit a little longer. And slowly, ideas start to arrive. I get up and browse the bookcase. I sit at the piano. I take out my watercolors and play kindergarten for a bit. I practice handstands. And by the time I go to sleep, I feel so much better knowing I didn’t spend my last hours of the day numbing my brain with dopamine triggers.

Later this year, I plan to take things even further—go for a long hike in the mountains, pack a tent and some food, and spend at least a week off the grid, surrounded by nothing but nature.

I can’t wait.

~ 💌 Ada

by Visual Electric

Thinking about the recent 💥 in AI technologies fascinates me from many perspectives. One of them is the question of craftsmanship.

In the recent past, we saw that new strategies and technologies in the production of goods such as food, clothes or furniture resulted in a situation where quantity wins over quality.

Just notice when walking through the aisles of a fast fashion chain or meandering in the wonderfully homey IKEA journey. All these wonderful things, just for me! Gosh.

The current inhabitants of the middle class around the world eat food that was grown fast and loaded with fillers, wear clothes that will fall apart within the year, and sit on sofas that will need to be replaced within five.

I can feel the pain of the farmers, carpenters and tailors whose crafts were cheapened. Now, it’s my turn: AI comes for the writers, the coders, the thinkers. Designers, photographers, illustrators, film makers, copywriters, journalists, programmers, customer service representatives, you name it. Nobody is safe.

As a certain Michael F. Buckley, a designer, writes in his fantastic essay Quality won’t save designers from AI.

History suggests that speed and affordability often outweigh craftsmanship when consumer habits are reshaped.

This quote has been haunting me ever since.

My own craft as a data journalist and educator is rich: I code, I do research, I write, I teach. I have been using LLMs to write texts, conduct online research, create images and code for me (and with me) over the past couple of months. On a regular basis I use ChatGPT, Visual Electric, DeepSeek and Claude.

When coding, I’ve tried it all: asking the robot to write boring scrapers for me in a language I understand well (Python) or to code a little app that exports vector charts in a language I barely get (JavaScript).

They call it vibe coding. You instruct the LLM in plain speech and the AI transforms that thinking into executable code.

And since almost anybody writing code today has been seduced with the allure of vibe coding, sometimes I ask myself: Has the craft I have been honing for years lost it’s value overnight? Or will it in a year?

It seems not to be the case (yet). There is much more to data journalism than plain coding. But I also feel I have to learn to work with the robots in order to stay relevant and competitive in my field.

To grow my craft with the new tools, not in spite of them. Because they can also be great interns, sparring partners and even teachers.

But I also need to be careful. When I have the robot write code for me, I feel myself succumbing to the vibe. The comfort is taking over, and I stop engaging with the content and I let it do its thing.

But when I stop engaging with the content, I stop understanding and learning new things. And there is no craft in blindly following your tools.

This applies to writing, researching, teaching and even baking or fixing my German grammar mistakes. Use the robot to do things, but ask it why it did what it did and try to learn from it. To make the craft shine brighter.

Because if we only let them do their thing, we might drown—under bad code, under meaningless text, just as we drown in the mountains of fast-produced clothes piling up in the Chilean desert or the beaches of Ghana.

So is craftsmanship overrated? No. I believe it’s actually one of the more beautiful things we have available to us as humans. If anything, we should cherish it more. And we can do so with the robots too, if we like.

—-

And how are you engaging with robots? I’d love to hear from you!

❤️ Ada

PS: I am currently collaborating with DeepSeek on a recipe for cookies made of lentil flour 🍪! The result should be crispy and sweet but wholesome. I will keep you posted :)

I love vector graphics. Beautiful, mathematically calculated curves: no matter how much you zoom in, the lines stay smooth and sharp. It’s a very free but still structured ways of expressing myself. I use it for two purposes:

• lasercutting

• data visualisation

Now I know most of you don’t have a laser cutter, so I will focus on the latter 🙂

Lasercut mandala for my grandma

I’ve always preferred creating my own vector based data visualisations over tools like flourish or datawrapper. Not that they aren’t good—quite the opposite! They do allow you to make something quickly and beautifully. But they lack the flexibility of vectors.

Steamgraph I made using Inkscape and RAWgraphs for the European Energy Innovation magazine

There are two wonderful tools to help you get started with vector graphics:

Inkscape

Inkscape is the free and open-source alternative to Adobe Illustrator. It is also honestly one of the most mature open source tools I have ever used (and I’ve been a Linux user for almost 20 years). The interface is clean, and you can use keyboard shortcuts. Love it!

However, to get started, you also need a foundation for what you are making. Enter:

RAWgraphs

RAWGraphs is an open-source data visualization framework that includes all kinds of unusual charts - steam graphs, small multiples, tree maps, violin plots, and much more. But here is the important part: it lets you to export your charts in a vector format (.svg)

So here is my problem. Datawrapper and Flourish only allow exports into vectors in their paid tiers. And since RAWgraphs focuses on unusual charts, I didn’t have a tool that could export a simple bar chart.

So the other day, while making a video on how to make a better data visualisations, I decided to make one myself.

I’ve always wanted to learn Javascript forever, but it never really became much of a priority. So I turned to my robot assistant, Claude.

More specifically, I used Claude code—a command line tool that you can run in your project folder, and it automatically modifies the code according to your prompts.

So in the end together we created the 🌱 Chart garden.

Now of course it’s not perfect, but it’s good enough—at least for my tutorial’s purposes.

Is “good enough” code enough in general? That might be a topic for some other newsletter.

For now, if you’d like to see me create a chart in Inkscape from scratch, check it out below! ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QxR2x9vgFg

Much love 💚

Ada

PS: Know someone who’d love this? Forward this email to them!

PS2: Is there something else you’d like to read about? Or do you have other questions, suggestions? I would love to hear from you! Just answer to this email. ✨

At the end of 2024, I asked some friends and colleagues a question: "Which topic do you think is the most important to write about next year?" I loved these conversations because they took me to unexpected places. So, I posed the same question to people on the internet and received 31 responses, which I am now sharing with you. In my previous post, I discussed the first seven answers that addressed the new world order. Today, I will dive deeper into two other categories: climate & energy and conflict. 

Climate and conflict are closely intertwined, as both contribute to vulnerabilities in our societies. As a warm-up for what is coming below, you might want to explore Climate-Conflict-Vulnerability Index and their interactive world map, which is both beautiful and disturbing to look at.

I am sharing all answers in full, with only slight edits. Beneath each response, I offer my reflections, additional resources, and datasets, hopefully inspiring you to explore further.

I must confess, this post isn't exactly cheerful, but if you hang in there, you'll discover the curious connection between duck bellies and solar power production. 

Let's get to it.

Conflict

To be honest, this category made me feel very uneasy—so uneasy that I didn't want to comment on any of the answers at all. However, as I witness the world becoming a stranger place every day, I'm realizing how important it is that we face these conflicts and consider carefully how we want them to be resolved.

This is likely very true. There are 12,000 nuclear warheads in the world. Half of them are in the hands of an authoritarian despot, and the other half... well, never mind.

Gaza is a place that, years from now, we will look back on with the same horror as we do Auschwitz today. The Armed Conflict Location & Event Data Project (ACLED) has identified Palestine of 2024 as the world's most dangerous and violent place. Fortunately, President Trump's administration plans to step in, promising to "Make Gaza Beautiful Again".

Non-violent actions can indeed topple governments. One of the most significant examples in relatively recent history is the series of mostly peaceful protests that led to the collapse of the Soviet Union. More recently, we have witnessed the Arab Spring. So, is it possible? Yes. But how?

To refine your nonviolent strategies, read the free guidebook published by The International Center for Nonviolent Conflict. The authors delve into strategies, marketing, security, resources, and more. I especially liked the part focusing on pillars of support: civilians, businesses, police, military and other structures that keep the power in place.

Let's combine insights from two datasets to gain some fresh perspective. First, according to the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, these are the countries that spent the most on the military in 2023. Second: China, India, and Turkey have emerged as Russia's most prominent trade partners post-invasion.

What will happen in the future is uncertain. For the newsletter of the Follow The Money Brussels desk, I've visualized the projected EU budget for the military. By 2027, it's expected to be nearly twice as large as it was in 2021.

In their yearly wrap-up, the Uppsala Conflict Data Program concluded that 2023 marked the highest number of active state-based armed conflicts "ever recorded by the UCDP, totaling 59." It seems the time to invest is indeed ripe.  
 
In October 2024, Citigroup, one of the big four US banks, published a report outlining possible future scenarios and investment opportunities in the defense sector. I found point 3 here especially cynical.

Also, check out Figure 27 of the report (which I am not allowed to reproduce) for a handy list of companies to start exploring—or investing in. Your call!

Ok now take a deep breath. Ready for the second tranche of man-made catastrophes? Here we go.

Climate & Energy

Half of the answers in this category were very short, yet the topic is incredibly broad.

I liked this answer because it touches upon a topic that I haven't seen addressed often: the mental health aspects of climate change. On one hand we are dealing with mental health issues associated with extreme weather events: PTSD, trauma.

We also deal with something called solastalgia: the distress that comes from environmental changes around our home environment, combined with a sense of powerlessness over these changes. The word comes from the Latin sōlācium (solace or comfort), solus (desolation), and the Greek algia (pain, suffering, grief). It reminds me of the disappearance of snow in winter, but for others, it will be more severe.

Although data on all of this is scarce, I came across a 2021 study that surveyed 10,000 people between 16 and 25 years of age from all continents. They did not have many happy thoughts.

Perhaps stories about the energy transition could provide some solace?

This topic is humongous, and I'm not entirely sure how rosy the outlooks really are. I've searched for recent energy transition outlooks. The latest report from the International Renewable Energy Agency states, "Pledges made at international fora will not be sufficient." The 2024 Energy Transition Index by the World Economic Forum notes that "the take-up of clean energy investment has not been at the pace needed to reach net zero by 2050."

This seemed quite bleak, so I asked the robots at Perplexity if we are on track. Initially, the bot said, "The energy transition is not on track, and the situation is likely to worsen without significant changes." This made me properly sad, so I asked if they could find me some hopeful news. Luckily, they could. "The message is clear: we are making substantial progress in the global energy transition, and there's genuine hope for a sustainable, clean energy future." That made me feel better. Who said hallucinations were a bug?

While the recent generative AI boom is making tech companies increasingly energy-hungry, the International Energy Agency's analysis suggests that we should be more concerned about the rising energy demands of air conditioning. 

Nevertheless, it's definitely something to keep an eye on.

As promised, I will now explain the relationship between a duck's belly and solar energy production. Introducing the duck curve.

See the orange line? While the sun is shining, there's a lot of energy coming in, and the need for other energy sources decreases. That's the belly of the duck. And that's good—free energy! But it's also problematic because the grid needs electricity at all times. So, once the sun sets and energy demand rises sharply, other sources need to be up and running again. Sudden changes like that can stress the grid. Moreover, you can't just turn off a nuclear plant in the morning and switch it back on in the evening.  
 
This rabbit hole is deep, and I won't dive into it for now. But the more I explore, the more I find it miraculous that in Europe, we have a constant supply of electricity at all times.

That wraps up the first 20 answers my survey. If you haven't already, have a look at my previous post on the topics around the new world order. And stay tuned for the final installment!

This post took about 20 hours to research, write, edit and visualize. If you found it valuable, a donation would make my day!

Next time, we'll explore the small and unexpected. Categories such as journalism, oneness, trust, and demography. This post also appeared on my blog.

At the end of 2024, I asked a some friends and colleagues a question: "Which topic do you think is the most important to write about next year?" and got some very diverse answers. A friend who is a designer and visual artist suggested to make people aware that no piece of information is neutral. A colleague reflected on the power Musk and his army of satellites. And another friend simply said: "Nothing. I can't do anything with the news." 

The conversations were so interensting that I decided to scale it up. At the end of November I tossed a survey into my network and let it cook there for a couple of weeks. This resulted in a fresh batch of 31 answers to ponder.

Some topics made an expected appearance. Climate, for instance, was mentioned 11 times accross all the answers. However many responses surprised me. And so I have found myself diving into democracy metrics, world population predictions, duck curves and dark data.

While putting all the answers together to share with you, it started turning into a bit of a mammoth piece. So, I decided to split it into multiple parts. In the upcoming weeks I will write multiple posts. In each of them I will unpack several of the responses, divided into categories (more on those below).

In this first part, I will discuss the (simple) analysis I used to organize the responses and share the first, albeit unsurprising, category: world order.

Analysis

While the survey was open, I considered using some of the modern and hyped ways to analyse and visualise the data. Should I use an LLM? While browsing the Hugging Face models, I realized that my data were actually little stories, rather than numbers. And that to make sense of these stories, it was better to approach them with attention and understanding. So, I closed the browser tab full of models and opened the spreadsheet with the responses. Then I spent a few hours — and then a few more — studying them.

Even if not using any fancy statstics, I wanted to introduce some structure. My beautiful organic brain proved to be the perfect tool for this. First I wrote down a few keywords for each response. Then, I looked for overlaps and recurring themes within these keywords and distilled them into broader categories. In practice, I added two columns next to the responses, which looked something like this:

The categories that came up in the end were 🥁: climate & energy, world order, conflict, information, oneness, demographics, housing, human rights, journalism, and trust. Naturally, there is some overlap between them, but I did my best to extract the most prominent theme from each response to highlight larger trends.

Below you will find the responses from the first prominent category: world order. The answers are provided in full, lightly edited, and include some of my own reflections, data and other resources. Enjoy!

World order

The responses in this category focus on the shifting political climate. They highlight concerns abocut the rise of populist leaders, far-right sentiments, and the changing role of the U.S. They question the direction modern democracies are heading.

This observation is simple and straightforward and has some interesting implications. For example, after the Austrian government recently failed to form a coalition, Reuters noted a "growing difficulty of forming stable governments in European countries [...] where the far right is on the rise but many parties are loath to partner with them."

I wanted to verify this claim, but the most recent data analysis I found was from 2015. In the process, I came across wondeful data from ParlGov, though they unfortunately don't seem to offer an easy way to calculate how long coalition formations take.

Curious about how democracy is measured, I fired up Ecosia search and found an impressive overview of the eight leading indexes to measure democracy by Our World in Data. Spending some time exploring their interactive visualisations I began to see that there just might be something to it. See below the Varieties of democracy index for the Netherlands. Similarly, their recent report is not very uplifting: "Almost all components of democracy are getting worse in more countries than they are getting  better, compared to ten years ago."

This response, as I interpret it, suggests focusing on totalitarian trends in Europe to clear the way for discussions about truly pressing issues.

Three other responses focused on the situation in the US, with Trump and Musk at the wheel.

('Broing away' is now my new favorite verb!) On a serious note, what fascinates me most about the U.S. situation is how the ultra-rich are taking over politics. Although this is nothing new.

Chrystia Freeland (then a journalist, now Canada’s former finance minister) wrote a book about rising plutocracy already in 2012: "As the people at the very top become ever richer, they have an ever greater ability to tilt the rules of the game in their favor. That power can be hard to resist." And the trend is not going away either. According to data from Altrata, the population of billionaires in the US went up by nearly 10% (1,111 people) in 2023. Both US and Europe hold 1/3 of worlds billionaires.

Recently I came across a fascinating essay in the MacGuffin magazine. Here, the author reflects on the world perception of the ultra-rich: "My main observation is that for individuals born into extreme wealth, it is almost impossible to grasp anything about material or social reality." He continues: "To inherit a condition of unjustifiable wealth means to never experience cause and effect. All external pressures are alleviated by capital: there are no consequences to missing a deadline, to not finishing a project, to dropping out or giving up. It is terrifically difficult to fail, in any normal sense." Trump and Musk are both second generation ultra-rich. I recommend to read the whole essay. It's terrifying. Let's just hope it's not such a match made in heaven.

The final answer in this category suggests something intriguing: we are doing something right here. 

What exactly is it, and how can we preserve it amidst a shifting world order?

In the next part we will explore topics around climate and conflict. This post came out on my blog as well. If you like this story, please share it with somebody who might like it too!