This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

As 2025 begins, many people feel the "new year energy" and a desire to start fresh. But it’s worth considering that the concept of a new year is entirely human-made. To a spacecraft that orbits Earth 16 times a day crossing all time zones, a new day starts every few hours. We are the ones who define where one year ends and another begins. In a place where there is no beginning and no end, every moment offers a fresh start—we can choose to respond to the old in a new way at any time.

After I put down Samantha Harvey's novel Orbital, I’ve been pondering how things seem vastly different from space, looking back at our blue planet—and I want to share some fresh insights into our relationships and sense of purpose.

1. Ego dissolves in the vastness of space.
In Orbital, the idea emerges that “there is no center, just a giddy mass of waltzing things.” The earth is not the center of the universe. Just like we are never the center of other people’s lives despite we experience it this way nonetheless. This perspective reminds us that our egos—our need to be right, to be seen, to be validated—can overshadow deeper connections and shared humanity. Letting go of the ego can open the door to greater understanding and collaboration.

2. Boundaries are artificial.
Looking at Earth from space, countries, wars, political boundaries—even the divides of continents—often cease to exist. Instead, the effects of human action, such as super typhoons or burning forests, become prominent.

This shift calls us to look past our differences and focus on collective purposes, whether as a family unit, a team, or an organization. What are "we" doing here? Why are "we" together? And how can we focus less on divides and more on common ground?

Often, our relationship tensions and differences feel amplified—but do they have to be? Imagine stepping back—mentally and emotionally—just as astronauts do physically. From that higher perspective, what seemed urgent might soften and diffuse. Differences could turn into diversity, and conflicts into opportunities for connection.

3. We matter greatly—and not at all.

Isn’t it the same with our existence? Everything we do is meaningful, yet ultimately, nothing really matters. We will die. Our companies may cease to exist. A spaceship plunges into the sea at the end of its life. Earth gets eaten up by the sun and the sun shinks into a useless white dwarf.

But this meaninglessness at the end makes life even more meaningful as a journey. It’s in the process of living that we truly live our values.

At the end of this note, I invite you to:

1. Reflect on the relationships around you. Think about the connections you have with the people in your life—those you wish to strengthen, and the conflicts that might need a fresh approach. Consider how these dynamics shape your world. Now, step back and reflect on your relationship with the larger world. What new synergies can you form? What initiatives can you contribute to that foster unity and growth, both personally and collectively?

2. See every moment as a new opportunity. Every moment offers a fresh chance to create a new response. How will you choose to respond?

3. Redefine meaning and purpose. What do you choose to find meaningful, even if it may seem fleeting? What will you let go of, even if it once appeared significant?

4. Cut down on mindless phone use. You will be amazed by how much you could achieve with that reclaimed time.

What’s for me in 2025
By reducing distractions, I’ve been able to better take care of my eyes, feel more settled, and be more prepared for coaching sessions. I’ve also saved enough time to read at least two good books each month, like Orbital. The impact has been profound!

At the start of this new year, my energy goes toward writing more and becoming more connected with the world. This effort didn’t begin just with the new year; it started a couple of months ago when I examined the meanings in my life: if everything won’t matter in the end, what truly matters to me? My conclusion was that I wanted to venture out more into the world and also go deeper into my inner world. As a result, I’ve forged new connections, became an advisor on an AI company's board, and re-started my fiction writing (the last time was six years ago).

One principle I commit to holding very close to my heart and mind is this: protect my mental space at all costs. Because a good mental space is essential to investing in deep connections and my life’s work, such as coaching, writing, and doggedly pursuing arts. With this principle, I continue to exit chat groups and apps that, despite their great vibes or convenience, prove to be too disruptive to my focus and productivity.

Final Reflection
As we step into 2025, what intention or shift would you like to make in your own life? How do you want to approach the challenges and opportunities ahead?

I’d love to hear your thoughts—whether it's a goal you're setting, a new perspective you're adopting, or a small change you’re making to foster deeper connection. Feel free to reply to this message or share your reflections with me. Let’s continue this conversation together, supporting one another as we navigate the year ahead.

Wishing you a year of clarity and connection.

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

What have you left at your doorstep?

Get better at the art of receiving, unlock confidence, love, and more

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/whats-left-doorstep

Your Confidence, Your Competence

Our relentless self-judging and the craftsmanship that stops the curse

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/confidence-competence

Quick to anger and low on patience?

Understand what’s driving your rage

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/quick-anger-low-patience

Coaching a CEO in transition

Change the world or follow the world

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/coaching-ceo-transition

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

We all love the idea of learning—online courses, certifications, even a new master’s degree. They promise a better version of ourselves. But what if our craving for knowledge isn’t about growth at all? What if it’s about something else entirely?

Should we question our motives for learning? Damian Collins and I, an HR&OD practitioner and a coach, certainly did. On the surface, it might sound ironic—aren’t our careers dependent on people embracing learning? But what we discovered was worth the risk.

It all started with Damian’s question: What’s your motivation for learning? Then he explained, sometimes noble intentions might not come from a noble place.

This question miraculously echoed my recent learning (about learning). And I quickly seized the opportunity to reflect – below are the five learning traps I fished out.

1. Learning as a Coping Mechanism for Ambiguity

Your brain whispers a comforting lie: If you learn more, you’ll feel in control. But the truth? Beyond a certain limit, the more you research, the less clarity you have. The more you prepare, the more anxious you become.

We over-research strategies, over-prepare for interviews, and overthink decisions. Ironically, this kind of learning doesn’t eliminate uncertainty—it amplifies it and the anxiety behind it.

There’s a difference between the unknown and the unknowable. Some things can never be known—like predicting every possible outcome. Others, while technically knowable, may require more effort than they’re worth to uncover.

Instead of rushing to learn more, pause. Sort through what you already know, anchor yourself in it, and make a decision. Clarity often comes not from knowing more, but from acting on what’s within reach.

2. Learning Fueled by Self-Criticism

The drive to learn can often mask a deeper insecurity: “I’m not enough.” And here’s the thing—no amount of learning can ever fill that void.

How can you tell if your learning stems from insecurity? Watch for these signs: harsh self-judgments or a fixation on everything you lack rather than your strengths.

Take this common example: a young manager leading experienced colleagues might think, 'I’m not an expert, so I’m not qualified to lead.'

Instead of desperately attempting to fill the vast knowledge gap, acknowledge your strengths. Focus on the real gap. Maybe it’s not technical knowledge you lack, but the ability to build relationships. Maybe your team already values your perspective. By focusing your learning efforts intentionally, you reduce anxiety and build confidence.

3. The Dangerous Illusion of a Promised Future

Learning is seductive because it offers hope: Someday, things will be different. Someday, I’ll be ready.

But beware of the endless loop: course after course, certification after certification, each promising transformation. Without clarity, we hand over our agency to courses and certifications, hoping they’ll fix us, instead of treating them as tools for specific goals.

Ask yourself:

• What’s the change I want to create?

• Is learning this the best way to create it?

As Zhuangzi famously said, 'Our life has limits, but knowledge has no limits. To pursue the infinite with the finite is perilous.' This reminds us that we should focus on learning what is necessary and what makes sense. Real progress comes from applying what we already know—not from endlessly acquiring more.

4. The Illusion of Quick Fixes: The Power of "Other People's Wisdom"

Self-help books are global bestsellers. People swear by them, follow experts religiously, and promise themselves that the next book or guru will provide the breakthrough they need. Yet many still say they "know a lot" but don’t know how to truly grow. Why is that?

Often, these books are nothing more than "other people's wisdom"—wisdom that hasn’t been internalized, tested, or adapted to our own lives. They end up as fertilizer on soil that doesn’t absorb them. You can read page after page, but if you don’t connect those insights to your own reality, they remain just that—words on a page.

The trap is easy to fall into: collecting wisdom without applying it. This endless consumption of ideas can keep us stuck in a loop of intellectualizing, while avoiding the hard work of personal transformation. True growth comes not from accumulating knowledge, but from making it your own, applying it, and experiencing its effects in your life.

5. Learning as an Escape from Reality

Sometimes, learning isn’t about growth—it’s a way to pause life. A full-time course. A retreat in the mountains. It’s tempting, isn’t it?

I’ve fantasized about this myself: a writer’s lodge with snowy mountain views. Just me, my dreams, and time to write. But the reality? Writer’s block. Chores. Lost momentum. And homesickness.

Alice Munro describes this perfectly in The Floating Bridge, where a character feels strangely disappointed at her cancer remission—because her illness had become a “free pass” to step back from life. That’s the allure of the pause: a fantasy of perfect focus, simplicity, and control—free from life’s chaos. But a pause, stepping back, often comes at a cost—money, time, and lost momentum. Worse, it can create more problems than it solves.

“Don’t pause, keep living. “ Damian said it gently but the message was loud and clear.

Don’t chase new skills or industries as an escape from reality. Instead, explore how you can create purpose where you are. The most impactful learning often comes from living fully, right now.

The Real Question

Where does your drive for learning come from? Anxiety, insecurity, or avoidance? Or curiosity, clarity, and purpose?

When learning comes from the right place, it transforms not just what you know but who you are. So plant your learning in the soil of life—not in mid-air. Live fully, and let the learning follow.

The Three Kinds of Transformative Learning

1. Learning for Progress

This is purposeful learning: applying, reflecting, iterating. It’s not about filling a void—it’s about creating momentum.

2. Learning for Joy

This is learning at its purest—a spark of curiosity, a sense of play, with no agenda or void to fill. It’s this innate joy in discovery that defines us as humans.

3. Learning to Break Patterns

The hardest learning is about yourself—seeing your reality differently. It means understanding your role in creating it, reframing situations, and challenging your assumptions. Reframe your understanding of the current situation. Confront your bias. Only when we truly learn about our reality, meaningful changes happen.

In the end, true learning doesn’t demand escape or perfection—it calls us to live fully and grow where we stand.

If you’re curious about how a fresh perspective could transform your approach to learning, leadership, or life, let’s have a conversation.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

What have you left at your doorstep?

Get better at the art of receiving, unlock confidence, love, and more

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/whats-left-doorstep

Your Confidence, Your Competence

Our relentless self-judging and the craftsmanship that stops the curse

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/confidence-competence

Quick to anger and low on patience?

Understand what’s driving your rage

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/quick-anger-low-patience

Coaching a CEO in transition

Change the world or follow the world

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/coaching-ceo-transition

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

Do you find yourself getting angry when others are reckless, careless, or downright irresponsible? Do you wish you had more patience, even when you feel you have zero tolerance for such behaviors?

Anger, when it arises, is trying to tell us something. It signals that something important—our values, rights, ethics, or minimum expectations—is being violated. This powerful emotion can drive us to speak up, take action, and advocate for change. When others witness our anger, they often recognize the significance of what’s at stake.

When our assessment of a situation is accurate—such as in cases of sexual abuse, racism, or favoritism—anger becomes a force for justice. It’s what I call “good anger.”

But what about the times when our anger may be misplaced? As leaders, we might become upset over a disappointing outcome and label a team member as “irresponsible.” Yet, the factors contributing to that outcome are often far more complex. What we perceive as “irresponsible” behavior might be a judgment rather than a fact. There’s a crucial opportunity to pause, set aside immediate judgment, and adopt a curious mindset to uncover the true intent behind the actions.

It’s also essential to check if we’re “elevating” minor mistakes—like missing commas in a presentation slide—to the level of core values and principles. If we are, then our anger might be disproportionate. As a rule of thumb, our responses should align with the severity of the incident.

But even when we understand all this, why does anger sometimes feel uncontrollable, especially when we know we need to be patient in coaching our staff and communicating with others?

Often, the root cause is fear. Fear that we’ll be dragged down by a poor performer. Fear that things will spiral out of control.

I used to get very angry at government agencies, airline delays, or refund processes when unexpected delays occurred. Once, when an officer told me I couldn't extend my China visa within the country and would need to fly to Hong Kong to re-enter, I became so agitated that I attacked the system verbally—something that could have gotten me into serious trouble. 

However, once I identified the underlying fear—that things might become uncontrollable—I shifted my self-talk. Miraculously, my anger dissipated, replaced by a newfound patience to persistently work through the issues. I would still follow up, complain, and take necessary actions, but the anger was gone. The key was a simple shift: reassuring myself, "Take it easy, situation will change, one way or another, somehow."

In psychology, anger is often not the primary emotion; fear is. When we give ourselves a sense of safety, our anger eases. We become less threatened, less panicky. And in that space, we find patience.

Question For You

What fear is underneath your anger? It's time to discover it. Is the fear an appropriate response to the situation, or is it outsized?

If you are wanting to better manage your anger, let’s talk.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

Coaching a CEO in transition

Change the world or follow the world

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/coaching-ceo-transition

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

The hot topic this week is confidence. Isn’t it always a hot topic? Even the most confident people second-guess themselves when their ego takes a hit. Confidence is our judgment and perception of ourselves—essentially, our sense of how well we will fare in this world doing what we do.

Interestingly, many of us link confidence firmly to competence. It’s common to feel a lack of confidence when we believe we “don’t know enough.” Yet, many wish to feel confident even in these situations, implying that it’s possible to be confident without being fully competent.

This forces us to separate confidence from competence; otherwise, we are setting ourselves up for impossible expectations. Confidence should not be dependent on our knowledge or capabilities.

One client made a surprising connection between confidence and the flow state when adopting a “craftsman” mindset. A craftsman is acutely aware of their own flaws, but rather than using this awareness for self-judgment and shaming—thus diminishing confidence—they use it as a catalyst for further discovery with curiosity.

In the craftsman’s world, perhaps there is no need for something called “confidence.” Instead, there is just presence, curiosity, and a view of the learning journey as an adventure.

So, how can we achieve confidence? Maybe it’s not about confidence at all.

Question For You

What do you resonate with in this article about confidence and competence?

If you aspire to adopt a craftsman’s mindset and view each day as a learning journey, let’s have a conversation.

P.S. In case you’re wondering, I’ve missed two Fridays in a row due to travel and health issues. These last two weeks have kept me away from hitting the gym and, more importantly, from amplifying the inspiration I get from working with many of you.

But I’m getting back into it!

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

What have you left at your doorstep?

Get better at the art of receiving, unlock confidence, love, and more

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/whats-left-doorstep

Coaching a CEO in transition

Change the world or follow the world

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/coaching-ceo-transition

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

As you are reading this newsletter, the chances are, you are a go-getter who’s pretty good at getting what you want. You might even be a generous giver who can pour your heart out for others. But the chances are also that you are not a very good receiver.

Receiving is a skill we collectively lack. Many high achievers face confidence issues despite mounting evidence of their excellence and feel belittled by others. Interestingly, they tend to admit that they never take compliments to heart.

It’s not only compliments that we leave out; acknowledgments in other forms, too. I coached leaders anxious about not being respected or liked by their team. However, when we took a closer look, the team expressed its respect for and intentions to connect with the leader. The leader did catch them but soon dismissed them as anything meaningful, in search of more solid evidence that they were doing okay. By better receiving these tiny pieces of positive feedback, the leader often becomes more able to build relationships with the team and lead more effectively.

Things work the other way too. Some experience distress after receiving negative feedback from their supervisors. “My boss does not like me” is what they imagine. Focusing on disprovals rather than endorsements makes them miss the obvious logic that trust is often the backdrop of high expectations.

In a recent coaching session, when I acknowledged a client for her work, she quickly redirected the topic and rushed to credit me for her meaningful progress. I asked her to try to “take it in” and inquired about her experience.

She shared a beautiful metaphor that will stick in my mind for ages:

My drawing, inspired

Amazed, I asked her, “Do you feel that the butterfly has the capacity to lift the weights? "

She pondered and answered with a smile: “Strangely, it does.”

Hmm… how so? I wondered. Perhaps this "weight" of self-doubt, though it feels heavy, is merely a bubble of our own making. Despite its perceived heaviness, it remains just a bubble. And all it takes is a delicate butterfly, light as a magical touch, to lift it away.

Question For You

What have you left at your doorstep?

If you are ready to outgrow your needs for validation and get better at the art of receiving, let’s talk.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

Coaching a CEO in transition

Change the world or follow the world

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/coaching-ceo-transition

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

This is a quote my coachee brought up in our coaching session. Despite describing himself as a hardcore Android believer, he deeply resonated with what Jobs said and concluded that “people either change the world or follow the world.”

In that session, what opened up was about the forces to change the world or follow. While the energy to challenge the status quo, strategically rethink the current system, bring about innovation, and execute to make change happen is always inspiring, it turns out that the seemingly opposite energy to follow the world is equally significant.

The power of “follow the world”

What is this “energy to follow the world” about? It exists in all of us, and we tap into it regularly. Have you wondered what your boss likes? Have you conformed to social norms and expectations? If you reflect, you'll notice you behave differently in various groups, such as with clients versus close friends.

We adjust and adapt to our environment. Originally intended to protect us from danger and help us survive, this force also preserves culture, social norms, and traditions – maintaining the status quo.

Even for a CEO, being attuned to one’s environment is crucial for effecting change. For example, dealing with a new board, stringent government regulations, and a Gen-Z workforce requires agility and flexibility to build influence.

The Downside Of only following the world

A strength overused becomes a weakness. Relying solely on our ability to adapt allows our environment and perceived limits to shape us.

This ONE Idea

Leadership is about shaping our environment. Transitioning into higher leadership positions involves stepping up the force to shape our surroundings.

To do this effectively, we need to better harmonize the two energies we have.

• Acknowledge and appreciate your capacity to “follow the world.” It helps you build connections and understand realities.

• Remember, never stop there. Leverage the connection and understanding to make a difference than for comfort and safety.

• Connect with your energy to “change the world.” This is the energy to create, to make changes, and to move forward. In this zone, you become radically curious, resourceful, and ready to experiment.

Surviving is not the ultimate goal. Thriving and making an impact is both your birthright and your privilege.

Question For You

What do you feel about acknowledging your ability to “follow the world?”

Do you need to step up your force to “change the world?”

Leadership transition is a journey, whether you are becoming a CEO, a first-time manager, or anywhere in between. This journey is challenging but full of growth opportunities. To navigate it effectively, we need to see things in new lenses.

Ready to embrace this challenge? Journey with me.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

Surrounded by Idiots

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/good-anger-bad-anger

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

Many of us feel like we are surrounded by “idiots” at work - people who are lazy, ineffective, mischievous, uncommitted, self-centered, etc. The book “Surrounded by Idiots” by Thomas Erikson explores this phenomenon and what’s creating it. The book categorizes people into four categories:

• Reds: Dominant and assertive individuals who are driven by results and goals.

• Yellows: Social and enthusiastic people who thrive on interaction and positivity.

• Greens: Relaxed and friendly individuals who value harmony and stability.

• Blues: Analytical and detail-oriented people who focus on accuracy and logic.

There is a broad correspondence to DISC. In highly personalized 1:1 coaching, I prefer traits-based tools (a portrait of the person) to typological tools like DISC (putting people in a bucket). But categorizing helps our discussion here, and we will go with it.

Try to imagine how each type might experience the others. For example, Reds and Blues might think of Yellows as social butterflies, gossipers, and too indirect.

We are used to experiencing the world with ourselves in the center and as the central reference point. But be mindful that our experience is only part of the truth, not the only truth.

In the picture below, the world through the photographer’s lens would be drastically different from what it is in other perspectives.

Source: boredpanda.com

Question For You

Do you often feel irritated by other people’s behavior? What new lens might be helpful?

If you want to improve your relationship and interpersonal dynamics at work, we can have a good chat.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Decisions fatigue - in search of the right, safe, and no-regret

How doubt and love dig up our life

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/decisions-fatigue-search-right-safe-noregret

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday! I want to share a poem that touched my heart. The journeys I took with some of you this week are singing to it.

We all go through phases of reflection when making important decisions in life. “Doubts and love dig up” our world “like a mole,” often keeping us in limbo with the fear of being wrong. If we stay in “the place where we are right,” unfortunately, “flowers will never grow.”

The good news is, as I learned from my daughter’s science book, moles help soil health despite damaging some grass roots and making the ground unsightly.

So, it’s time to sow seeds and work on your land.

The Place Where We Are Right

Written by Yehuda Amichai and Stephen Mitchell

From the place where we are right
flowers will never grow
in the spring.

The place where we are right
is hard and trampled
like a yard.

But doubts and loves
dig up the world
like a mole, a plow.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
where the ruined
house once stood.

Question For You

What decisions have you been avoiding, seeking to be right, certain, and free from regret?

If you can never be right or certain of the outcomes, what could “no regret” mean?

If you’ve been in this unique phase of life for too long and need to talk, you know I am here for you.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

"Conflict Avoidance?" Look beyond

From People Pleaser to Powerful Communicator

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/conflict-avoidance-look-beyond

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE

This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career.

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

This ONE Idea

In a few recent coaching sessions on conflict management, a major insight emerged:

We’re social animals, wired to maintain harmony within our tribe. Conflict, on the surface, seems dangerous.

But avoiding conflict? That means we’re not standing up for what we believe in, not defending our rights and boundaries, not voicing our opinions, and ultimately sidelining our interests. Moreover, we miss opportunities to adjust our relationships or situations, allowing things to fester and worsen. That’s a huge cost.

And given your intelligence, why would you sabotage yourself like this? The reasons are complex.

Let’s break down a few common ones:

Common Reason 1: The “Big Shouting Game”

For some, "conflict" evokes an image of an emotionally charged drama—people shouting, maybe even hurling insults. They fear other people’s anger and the threat response it triggers in them.

Common Reason 2: Fear of Irreversible Damage

Often, we fear our own anger, worrying it might spin our usually calm selves out of control. It can make us look unprofessional, damage relationships, and take things in unexpected directions.

Common Reason 3: Lack of Skills - “I Am Too Blunt”

Direct and blunt people might have a track record of triggering negative responses. Holding back to avoid conflict then becomes a default reaction. While avoiding our worst trait seems wise, it’s far from ideal.

A better response is to hone our skills: communicate effectively without ruffling feathers and navigate tense situations with finesse. In short, speak to improve the situation, not worsen it. And this is something we can train for.

Common Reason 4: I Am Only Worthy If Others Like Me

People who see themselves as “people pleasers” often tie their self-worth to harmony. They believe their value hinges on being liked and maintaining peace at all costs. This stems from deep-seated beliefs and past experiences where approval was tied to not making waves.

This desire to be liked can lead to self-sacrifice, consistently putting others’ needs and opinions before our own. Over time, this erodes self-esteem and breeds resentment.

True self-worth comes from within, not from external validation. Learning to assert ourselves and engage in healthy conflict is about honoring our needs and boundaries. It’s about balancing consideration for others with staying true to ourselves.

Question For You

So if we dare to pull our heads out of the sand, how can we redefine the word “conflict”?

(Hint: Think about why some of the common reasons may not make sense.)

If you think you would benefit from improving conflict management, let’s chat.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

The roles we play, what do cherries have in common with humans

Boundary, Authority, Role, and Task: the elements of a group

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/roles-play-cherries-common-humans

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

Some of you have done this exercise with me: a constellation work to map out team relationships. Depending on where we were, I drew them on whiteboard, paper, iPad, or enlisted things on hand, tissue, scrap paper, pens, etc. But today was special: I happened to have cherries in my bag. So I used cherries.

Those who know me won’t be surprised about the approach - if I could ask you to act as a conductor for the frogs’ symphony nearby, or to surf with a folder in an empty meeting room, is there anything we can’t leverage in our coaching session? But I was surprised when the cherries were lined up on the table.

Every cherry is unique and yet they are so… indistinguishable. The only way we could remember who’s who was by their positions and how they relate to others.

True, each of us is unique and different from the others. But we often forget that in the corporate world, we are primarily distinguished not by our personalities, but by the role we play at work.

People no longer see purely the person (“me”) at work. Nor will they see a pure version of “my role” as everyone will show up differently even when given the same role. What they see is “me in my role.”

This ONE Idea

“Me in my role” (shaded area in the picture) is determined and shaped by multiple factors:

• “Me”: my personality and understanding of the role. How much of “me” I want to bring to the shaded area - this is a million-dollar question and where self-work is often called for.

• What the organization has in mind for us (“My role” in the picture): purpose, task, and connection with other functions and roles

• Organization dynamics and culture: if you happen to be at a “war zone”, more likely than not, you will be caught in a cross fire. If your organization is tense about hierarchy and never making mistakes, you might find yourself taking on such worries and gear up your work to defend against mistakes. As much as we think we have bold and independent judgment, we are much more susceptible to environmental or other people’s influence than we care to admit.

• Informal roles: In organizational theories, systems misses its missing pieces - it nudges people to step in the informal roles it is lacking. (I am speaking as if it has consciousness. But it’s actually the other way - the group unconscious makes things happen). For example, a panic group might start to complain about a tough-love style leader being not loving enough - in fact it’s just a signal that with the looming organization change, the group craves a more “loving” figure for assurance.

• The overall mission and task the group is set up to accomplish and deliver. Everything needs to be viewed in the context of this, in order to understand why each role is moving in a certain way.

Well, I hope the above overdose of theories helps to quench some thirst about knowledge. But my intention is not for you to become an organizational consultant. Rather, having these concepts in your pocket might help in the following aspects:

1. Become more connected to the big picture and see how you can bring more of “me” into the picture. This includes your interests that you may not have given yourself permission for (such as the support you need, the basic respect you demand, or the work style you prefer).

2. Understanding that “me” is not the same as “my role” or “me in my role”. This helps us to detach our ego from the work we do, to become more objective, and take things less personally (if “less seriously” is not the right word!)

3. Awareness of the tension between “me” and “my role” may help you to make sense of the unpleasant feelings you experience sometimes. What are the factors you can’t influence, and what you can and should influence more with?

Question For You

What can you do to better shape “you in your role”?

If you are curious about constellations (an exercise to map out the interpersonal dynamics in your team or even family) or think it might help, check in with me!

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Tackling Our Die-Hard Behavior patterns

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new situation

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/tackling-diehard-behavior-patterns

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

The ONE Idea

It occurred to me that we can sort things into two main categories:

Old Response to an Old Situation

Nothing changes. The situation repeats, and we respond the same way. Sadly, if this response is unhelpful, its damage increases exponentially over time.

Old Response to a New Situation

"Once you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail." Without intentional examination, every situation feels like the same old situation, we default to reflexes and churn out ineffective old responses.

Way Forward

To stop a self-repeating cycle, we need to be acutely aware of the harm our inadequate responses can cause, and be courageous enough to design new responses.

Common barriers are:

1. Outdated mental model. Often, we're stuck in old ways because we haven't updated our mental image of ourselves. Although we've grown and evolved, our self-image lags. It takes conscious effort to acknowledge the lessons we have learned, the values we dropped and acquired, and the new life situation in which we reside.

2. Failing to recognize the new situation. We might not realize that the current situation is fundamentally different. In coaching, I often help clients recognize how their current situation, role, or pending decision differs from the past. With this realization, I witnessed how they activate their resources to develop new and adequate responses.

Embrace spontaneity

With acknowledgment of a new self in a new situation, a wonderful response is spontaneity. It is a no-pressure state filled with acceptance and curiosity. Our brain gets in its plasma state. New ideas flood out. We are fully in charge of our power. Creativity happens.

Question to You

Where are you using old responses that no longer serve you?

Growth comes from recognizing when to change our responses to better fit our evolving lives.

Reflect on your behavior patterns and identify areas where spontaneity and new responses can improve your life. Embrace the journey of continuous growth and adaptation. If you need support in this process, schedule a coaching session to explore these concepts further and develop a personalized strategy for success.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

The power of boundaries

Finding fluidity and freedom through rigidity

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/power-boundaries

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

This ONE Idea

In a recent coaching session, a client shared a profound insight at his “ah-ha” moment:

At first, this seems paradoxical. After all, rigidity is often the enemy of fluidity. As a coach, a significant part of my job is to shake up the rigidity to allow fluidity in my client's system, so they feel lighter and let creativity blossom.

However, the principle observed by my client is reflected in many aspects of life, including physics.

The River and the Dam

A massive effort to restore the meandering course of central Florida’s Kissimmee River and allow seasonal rains and natural flooding to once again (Source: eos.org)

Think of a river flowing around a dam. The dam’s rigidity shapes and directs the water, making it flow predictably and efficiently. Without the dam, the water would spread chaotically. Similarly, firm boundaries in our lives allow us to navigate our tasks fluidly, enhancing creativity and productivity.

Time and space Boundaries

Setting time and space boundaries is essential in both effective leadership and personal life.

Many leaders struggle to allocate time and space for strategic planning. A structured approach creates a space for innovation and ensures focused efforts and better decision-making.

Similarly, clearly defining work hours and personal time helps maintain a healthy work-life balance. This separation allows us to fully engage in both areas without feeling overwhelmed, fostering better mental and emotional well-being, and leading to higher overall satisfaction.

Interpersonal Boundaries

Clearly distinguishing and communicating our personal boundaries—what we are comfortable with and what we are not—helps set expectations for ourselves and others. This clarity fosters healthier relationships, reduces misunderstandings, and aids in decision-making, ensuring that interactions are respectful and productive.

The Neuroscience of Boundaries

Boundaries do more than just organize our lives; they shape our brain's functionality. Here’s how:

- Neural Pathways: Imagine well-trodden paths in a forest. The more you use them, the clearer they become. Establishing routines and boundaries strengthens these pathways, making behaviors more automatic and reducing mental effort.

- Stress Response: Boundaries help manage stress by creating predictable environments. Our brain is constantly assessing for threats, and uncertainty can trigger stress. By setting clear boundaries, we reduce this constant assessment. For instance, not checking work messages during family dinner creates a predictable, stress-free environment, letting you enjoy the moment.

- Cognitive Space: Boundaries free up cognitive space, enabling better decision-making and creativity. With clear limits, your brain doesn't waste energy on constant decisions. For example, having a set morning routine frees your mind to focus on more complex and creative tasks later in the day.

Question For You

Reflect on your current boundaries. How might rigidity help you create more fluidity and freedom in your personal and professional life?

Schedule a coaching session to explore boundary-setting further and create a personalized plan for success.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Past issues

The Trap of Passiveness: Why We Resist Taking Control

Has "going with the flow" ceased working for you? Time to change!

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/trap-passiveness-resist-taking-control

Emotions unmasked: the Kaleidoscope of Your Inner World

How high is your emotional literacy?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/emotions-unmasked-kaleidoscope-inner-world

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

Inertia is the very reason why routine works. It is also why we keep repeating a certain pattern, whether it works for or against us. This week, I chanced upon an old friend: passiveness.

This ONE Idea

Why do we resist taking control?

• Fear of failure. Try swapping the word “failure” with “imperfection,” and you get “fear of imperfection.” Funny enough, nobody would admit they fear imperfection, but it happens all the time. As a result, we let go of the steering wheel, hoping someone else or magical circumstances will take over. Someone else (or often fate) does eventually take over, but not driving us towards where we prefer.

• Comfort in familarity. The passiveness often stems from earlier life, where we over-relied on authority or a certain structure and were not used to exercising our power. We take comfort in ducking behind the shield without entering the battlefield. The familiar, even when it’s not ideal, offers a sense of safety that the unknown cannot.

• Avoidance. Perhaps there are many things uncomfortable in the situation. We might feel overwhelmed, confused, and not confident in our capability to deal with it. This discomfort can lead us to avoid taking control.

The tiger in “Life of Pi” is a metaphor for fear.

Breaking away from passiveness

• Assess the real price you pay for the passiveness in your life

• Acknowledge your fears and embrace imperfection as part of life

• Seek support. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to take control. Friends, family, or a coach can make a significant difference.

Question For You

What areas of your life have you been passive about? Can you identify the underlying reasons?

Ready to break free from passiveness? Let’s work together to take control of your life.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

70% OFF for someone you care

May is Mental Health Month in the US. In my pledge to support people in a more fulfilling career and life, I offer the first coaching session at a special rate of US$100 for those experiencing stress at work or related to career topics. (Those who work with me know that this is a 70% discount!)

Capped at 5 individuals in May. Only applicable to our first coaching session. To refer, invite your friend to book a call here and mention your name as a referral.

Past issues

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

A big “thank you” to everyone who provided feedback! Your insights, both encouraging and constructive, are invaluable. Moving forward, I’ll make my content more digestible by keeping it shorter and simpler. Instead of five branches of one idea, I'll focus on delivering one main point at a time.

To ensure I cover topics in the depth they deserve, I'll write longer content for those that resonate most with you. So, keep the feedback coming!

This ONE Idea

Ever feel like your mind is a noisy place? Our brains constantly tell us all kinds of stories—some fair, some biased, and many outdated. How do we navigate this mental noise? Watch the movie below for simple but actionable insights.

How high is your Emotional Literacy?

This concept, often tied to emotional intelligence, refers to the ability to recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate emotions effectively.

Let me introduce the Plutchik Wheel of Emotions. While you can always learn more here, my intention is for you to get some basic ideas:

• Emotions are complex. Emotions can be likened to color palettes, where different emotions have various saturations and hues. Just as colors blend to create new shades, emotions also blend to form more complex feelings. e.g. Serenity + acceptance = love

• Emotions vary in intensity. Different intensities of the same emotion result in distinct feelings. For example, annoyance is much milder than anger, which in turn is less intense than rage.

Question For You

What emotions have you been resisting? Can you name them?

In coaching sessions, whenever I sense the presence of emotions, I invite my coachee to pause and reflect. Together, we explore these emotions, often uncovering not just one or two, but a complex mix of feelings.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

70% OFF for someone you care

May is Mental Health Month in the US. In my pledge to support people in a more fulfilling career and life, I offer the first coaching session at a special rate of US$100 for those experiencing stress at work or related to career topics. (Those who work with me know that this is a 70% discount!)

Capped at 5 individuals in May. Only applicable to our first coaching session. To refer, invite your friend to book a call here and mention your name as a referral.

Watch

Niharika has expertly navigated numerous technology innovation cycles. Her journey from management consulting to becoming an award-winning HR leader in start-ups and FinTech showcases her relentless reinvention and learner’s spirit.

Prepare to walk away with actionable insights that can help you not just survive, but thrive in your career.

Past issues

Need more visibility in your company but...

Not "the kind of person who shows off"?

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/need-visibility-company

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

You are doing well in your career and poised to get promoted. Then a mentor, often also a senior executive, tells you that you must become more visible in the larger organization for bigger success.

You know what that means: shout out about your achievement, speak more, speak louder, socialize, network, pitch, sell, boast. You know the mentor is a well-wisher. You know visibility brings many benefits and it is important to be seen. But you feel this resistance in your body – as if you must trade your soul for career success.

To work with this internal conflict, first, we need to understand what’s behind the resistance.

the values and assumptions you hold behind this resistance.

This ONE Idea

I’m not the kind of person who shows off!

❤️ You value creating real value.

⚠️ You might have taken on a societal judgment unconsciously: Showing off is bad. This judgment is mostly because of an assumption commonly held: People who show off create less value. While this assumption can be true in some cases, it is not necessarily always true, especially for you, a person who always prioritizes value.

🚩 It is possible and your choice to make happen: showing off and creating value at the same time.

I’m not the kind of person who boasts!

❤️ You value honesty.

⚠️Your assumption: showing off means putting yourself in an overly positive light.

🚩 However, the dosage of honesty is your choice. What if boasting is not a must and you could just let people see what is truly happening?

I’m not the kind of person who wants to praise myself…

❤️You value selflessness/altruism.

⚠️ You might even see your Asian/Confucious value or female identity as opposed to a western culture that promotes assertiveness. Well, we could use a different framing, really. The assumption here is: Getting visible = praising myself.

🚩 What if it’s not about you?

What if you are not just getting visibility for yourself, but for your team - the idea your team is working on, the momentum your team has achieved so far, the challenges your team is facing, and the collaborative invite your team wants to have?

What if it is a stage for you to take your value-drivenness, altruism and honesty to a much larger scale so that more value can be created, more people benefit from it, and no honesty suffers?

It’s burdensome to do the extra work of “showing off”

❤️ You value a sense of responsibility.

⚠️ Your assumption is that “showing off” is not part of doing your work. What if “showing” is an important part of “doing,” for you to usher in more resources, build more alliances and support, and also improve synergy at the organizational level?

🚩 Your mentors probably unconsciously anchor “increasing visibility” on your individual career development. However, at your level of seniority (and accelerating), I know your interest is beyond your personal career. You genuinely want to be more impactful in the organization, and as a result, you get seen, and your career rocks.

Your career development happens as an outcome of increased visibility and business growth. It should not be the goal or the motive for you to get seen. After all, you are against being seen as a person advocating for him/herself.

Now, you might finally arrive at the real show stopper.

I don’t know how to talk to people outside my direct organization

⚠️ Aha. So you admit that you are not in your comfort zone with this. And it’s the easiest to fix. You are a highly resourceful executive who has achieved many amazing things. Once you have a purpose and set your mind to doing it, it is only a matter of time before you figure out how to do it expertly.

🚩 And there are plenty of resources online. If you have decided that you will be the “show-off type”, here’s a recommendation for some articles you might find helpful.

Visibility at work: why it matters and how to get your contributions noticed | LinkedIn

Five Ways Quiet Workers Can Increase Their Visibility And Recognition (forbes.com)

Question For You

Anything has shifted for you after reading this article - about whether you are a “show-off” type?

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Watch 👇🏻

Key points from the talk

• Hear a seasoned headhunter’s view about building a successful career

• Why optimism is more useful than caution in a changing era

• How to show your aptitude in embracing AI in an interview

Or Listen to my podcast 👇🏻

Futureproofing your career 4. How to ride the waves of innovation, with Niharika Chaturvedi, Head of HR, Talent Advisory, Olofsson & Company

spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/0UJ4dxvmCJb

70% OFF for someone you care

May is Mental Health Month in the US. In my pledge to support people in a more fulfilling career and life, I offer the first coaching session at a special rate of US$100 for those experiencing stress at work or related to career topics. (Those who work with me know that this is a 70% discount!)

Capped at 5 individuals in May. Only applicable to our first coaching session. To refer, invite your friend to book a call here and mention your name as a referral.

Futureproof Your Career 5: with Zhao Jingyuan, Chief Data Officer, Great Eastern

We are honored to host Zhao Jingyuan, Group Chief Data Officer at Great Eastern. With a stellar career at Lazada, NTUC, and Capgemini, she is also an NUS adjunct professor, speaker, and thought leader in Data and AI. Named one of Singapore's 100 Women in Tech in 2021, Jingyuan brings invaluable insights and a passion for nurturing talent.

Hear Jingyuan's thoughts about AI’s influence on the future of work and organizational culture, as well as the pressing questions:
Does company-wide AI adoption help? What does "responsibly embrace AI" mean?

Past issues

This ONE: Dancing with polarity

Decisions, leadership style, and the art of harmonization

the-technology-of-career.beehiiv.com/p/one-dancing-polarity

This ONE: Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

Since childhood, we've been taught to see things in binary terms: this and that, success and failure, good and bad. At its best, it helps us simplify decisions. But more often than not, this view creates major problems for us.

For one, life’s richness often lies in the spaces between yes and no, black and white. Aiming for an either-or decision brings confusion, debilitating pains in decision-making, and resentment. A bigger problem is that we confuse polarity as a mutually exclusive pair and risk losing sight of what matters to us.

Today’s newsletter explores the challenges in managing polarity in decision-making and leadership.

This ONE Idea

What is polarity?

Polarity in life and work refers to pairs of opposites that are interdependent, such as assertiveness and empathy, planning and action, or stability and change. Unlike problems that can be solved once and for all, polarities are ongoing, dynamic elements that need to be managed continuously. Understanding this can prevent us from falling into the trap of 'either/or' thinking, pushing us towards a more inclusive 'both/and' perspective.

Many of us chant this mantra of maturity, “one cannot have it all.” We see it as a sign of being naïve if we don’t make a painful choice to drop or at least deprioritize one. This belief runs so deep that it limits our imagination at an unconscious level.

I hear leaders say, “I’m firm so I can’t be flexible.” I witness people searching for a balance between money and health or between learning and stability. The belief is that to increase one, we have to reduce another.

Polarity is not dichotomy (mutually exclusive)

In a recent conversation, a leader expressed his belief as a polarity: He can either be results-oriented (challenging his employees relentlessly) or nurturing (accepting unsatisfactory work).

When I showed him the framework below, where the level of challenge and support can increase for maximum learning, he realized that challenge and support are not mutually exclusive. He doesn’t have to decide between being a challenging and supportive leader.

The Support and Challenge Grid developed by Sanford

The tension in polarity

As human beings, we inherently have polarities in our system. Think masculinity and femininity, stability and novelty. Just like there is a magnetic field between the North Pole and the South Pole, there is tension between the two poles because of their interdependence and opposing forces. This tension brings both fear and passion.

Personal growth often emerges from the discomfort of being pulled in different directions. For example, consider the polarity between comfort and risk. Staying in our comfort zones feels safe and reassuring, yet stepping into risky, unfamiliar territory is where learning and growth often happen. By managing this tension—acknowledging the need for security while pushing the boundaries of adventure—we can cultivate resilience and adaptability.

In the business world, innovation frequently springs from the tension between tradition and change. Organizations that effectively manage this polarity don't completely abandon their legacy systems or blindly chase the latest trends. Instead, they find a way to honor their established practices while remaining open to transformation. This balanced approach allows them to create innovative solutions that are both grounded and forward-thinking.

Fear converts polarities into opposites

Often, we forget that both polarities are potentially positive, and get over-focused on one of them. On the back of that is usually fear. We then create artificial opposites that set ourselves up for a painful decision situation, often resulting in loss of either way.

With fear, one turns the polarity of “thought-provoking” and “nurturing” into the opposites of being “an aggressor” and “a useless manager.”  Or we turn the polarity of “well-being” and “financial success” into a “sad burnt-out life” versus being a “financial loser.”

Harmonize, not balance

Interestingly, fear is also part of an important polarity we have.

Passion’s role in our dance between polarities

Often, instead of balancing or harmonizing the polarities, we dance from one end to another. I hypothesize that it is because of the passion we experience.

The experience of either pole is more intense than being in a middle point. Think about life at the North Pole or the South Pole! Freedom is so tasty when we are bored of a stable job. And yet stability immediately feels reassuring when we fantasize about taking the risky step.

Perhaps that is about our ideal self who wants to live each value fully, resolutely, without any concessions. But remember, when we dance to one end to maximize the passion, the fear for the other end is also maxed out.

We need to keep both poles in mind, keep our fear in check, and be able to connect with our passion.

Strategies to manage polarities

To effectively manage the tensions between polarities, consider these strategies:

1. Recognize and Name the Polarities: Awareness is the first step. Identifying the specific polarities at play—like stability vs. change or work vs. life—helps in understanding the dynamics involved.

2. Acknowledge the value: Understand what each side of the polarity brings to the table. Acknowledging the value of both sides prevents the dismissal of one for the sake of the other.

3. Work with fear:

Self-reflection questions: What am I afraid of losing if I embrace the other pole? Do I feel threatened by the idea of incorporating opposite perspectives? What is the worst that could happen if I explore the middle ground?

4. Develop Flexibility in Perspectives: Encourage yourself and others to see situations from multiple angles. This flexibility can prevent the rigidity of 'either/or' thinking.

5. Be creative in harmonization: Acknowledge and celebrate when integration leads to enhanced outcomes. This could be recognizing a week where you felt both productive and well-rested, or a project where both innovative and consistent approaches led to success. Celebrating these wins reinforces the value of harmonization.

6. Ongoing reflection: Revisit the tensions in your role and life, and discuss them with trusted friends, colleagues, or a coach.

7. Visualization tool: Polarity Map® can help clarify these dynamics, making it easier to see how leaning too far towards one pole can undermine your goals.

Source: The Joys of Polarity Mapping - UX Mastery

Managing polarities isn't about choosing sides. It’s about embracing both, recognizing when and how to lean into each side of a tension. I like to think of polarities as two important ingredients, like sugar and chili. While the tastes are quite opposite to each other, they definitely can co-exist. Those who love South East Asian cuisine know how the tension and contrast work wonders.

Question For You

Which polarities are in your system? What role is fear playing?

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Watch 👇🏻

Key points from the talk

• Hype vs. real about the change of AI

• Do we really have time to respond?

• The vital skills that our children need

   

Or Listen to my podcast 👇🏻

Futureproofing your career 3. Demystifying the drama of AI invasion, with Natu Lauchande, ex-CTO, Credrails by Unfinished Thoughts

70% OFF for someone you care

May is Mental Health Month in the US. In my pledge to support people in a more fulfilling career and life, I offer the first coaching session at a special rate of US$100 for those experiencing stress at work or related to career topics. (Those who work with me know that this is a 70% discount!)

Capped at 5 individuals in May. Only applicable to our first coaching session. To refer, invite your friend to book a call here and mention your name as a referral.

Futureproof Your Career 4: with Niharika Chaturvedi, million-dollar billing headhunter

 

Niharika has expertly navigated numerous technology innovation cycles. Her journey from management consulting to becoming an award-winning HR leader in start-ups and FinTech showcases her relentless reinvention and learner’s spirit.

In this insightful session, you will discover:
- 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: How do some thrive while others struggle during technological shifts? Learn the traits that differentiate winners from those left behind.
- 𝐀𝐈’𝐬 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭: Understand the immediate effects of artificial intelligence on organizational culture and job structures.
- 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐨𝐛 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬: Gain practical tips for job searching effectively amidst ongoing changes.

Prepare to walk away with actionable insights that can help you not just survive, but thrive in your career.

Past issues

Don't set goals, set a system that wins

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar last Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago.

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

I was with Daniel Pieper at the “Futureproofing your career” webinar on Tuesday. Daniel is the former CIO of Hoolah, a fintech startup acquired by ShopBack a few years ago. His entrepreneurship journey began even before he graduated from university and he had to defer his studies to be the full-time CEO of his own company. At various times in his life, someone knocked on his door with a random opportunity, and Daniel jumped on board, sometimes throwing in all his savings, and a new venture began. He worked and studied in many countries, and kept building new experiences, connections, and opportunities.

This is not a “take more risks, you will get more success” story. Daniel admitted to only taking affordable risks in each specific situation. His minimalist lifestyle in the past also allowed him to take bigger financial risks. The intriguing thing is he has a system that wins.

Daniel didn’t plan for outcomes. Guiding his decisions was his interest in entrepreneurship, new experiences, Asia, banking, and fintech. Meanwhile, he kept his antennas highly attuned to trends.

Shall we call those “visions?” There is a trap in “vision”: vision sometimes gets confused with outcome. I would like to call that “big-picture visioning” without details or specific outcomes.

Visions are potentially useful. This outcome-first mindset is a signature of the manufacturing era where everything could be planned and executed in waterfall charts. Many executives I coached like to “fix a goal and work backwards.”

But we live in an increasingly uncertain world that is disrupting itself every second. It is becoming harder and harder to plan, or even to imagine. This is exactly how agile philosophy was invented. It’s just that we have yet to apply it to our life and career planning.

Beyond the practicality that we cannot imagine the future, there are more reasons why we should not focus on outcomes.

This ONE Idea

“There is something very unsatisfying about reaching the goal post, we find it anticlimax and need to go and find sth new.“ Check this insightful video to learn more.

I. The hideous manifestations of an outcome-first mindset

It’s not that I want to point my fingers at an outcome-first mindset for everything. It’s just so often that we find it under many stones we turn. Name a few:

Self-censorship: If you find yourself holding back from expressing opinions that aren’t assured success, it might be because of your anticipation of criticism on outcomes - will others agree or challenge your ideas? And self-censorship is costly. Not only does your career suffer from a lack of visibility, but you will also miss an opportunity to contribute and make an impact.

Reluctance to experiment: When we are overly cautious of a negative outcome, we may take a long time before taking action or experimenting with approaches. This usually shows up as excessive worrying, and procrastination even when the material downside is ignorable. One such example is saying “what’s the point? It won’t work anyway.” Read more on What’s the point.

Lack of empathy in leadership: Leaders entrenched in outcome-first thinking may prioritize results over people, overlooking the creativity and effort of their teams if the end results aren’t flawless. This can demoralize employees, feeling undervalued and misunderstood.

Stress and challenges in decision-making: The self-narrative of “I cannot fail. I want the decision that will give me the best outcome” often is a recipe for stress, indecisiveness, or second-guessing our decisions. By focusing on the outcome, something we have no control of, we forget to ground ourselves in what we indeed know and can control.

The alternative? A learning mindset. This approach embraces trials and errors, values the process over the product, and sees 'failure' as a necessary step towards innovation. When we shift from an outcome-first to a learning-first approach, we open up new possibilities for creativity, collaboration, and ultimately, more meaningful successes.

II. Refine your system

For most of us, this outcome-first mindset still manifests in some areas in the system. Our operating system is more than routines or habits; it consists of thought and emotional patterns that keep churning out feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Refining our system can dramatically increase our capacity to be effective.

The key to refining is reflection, a deep dive into our internal operating systems—examining our behavior patterns, the biases we harbor, and the decision-making processes we follow. Broadly, we need to reflect and gain a deep awareness of several core areas: 

1. Emotional Awareness: Consider A, who struggled with complex emotions during high-pressure meetings. In my coaching sessions, A learned to recognize the early signs of stress and body signals. We then implemented new techniques to manage their reactions. This shift didn't just calm him; it transformed his team's dynamics, turning tense meetings into productive discussions. 

2. Thought Pattern Awareness: Client B often fell into a 'catastrophizing' mindset, expecting the worst-case scenario in every work challenge. And then B would spiral into a fear for job stability + self-blame mode. By identifying this pattern, we worked on uncovering the assumptions under this pattern, restructuring her thought processes toward positive intelligence.

3. Decision-Making Patterns: Client C consistently made rapid decisions, which sometimes led to oversights. Through reflective exercises, she realized the need for a more balanced approach. She wanted a 'pause and ponder' step in her decision-making process, in order to assess more information and consult other stakeholders before finalizing decisions. We worked on her systemic awareness, through which she realized the deep interdependency she had with others in her family and work circles.

4. Behavioral Patterns in Interpersonal Dynamics: Client D had a habit of dominating conversations, which prompted some of his colleagues to complain about him. Through training him on influencing style, D became more aware of his behavioral patterns, and learned to facilitate rather than control discussions, leading to richer, more collaborative team interactions.

5. Cultivating Group Dynamics: During sessions with Client E's team, it became evident that some members felt undervalued. E learned that it was his tendency to focus on what was yet to be delivered, than to acknowledge the achievement and the effort and innovative solutions created. We introduced regular 'recognition rounds' at the end of meetings where team members could acknowledge each other's contributions. This practice not only improved morale but also encouraged a more supportive team culture.

These are just examples in our complex and intricate human inner world. Each person’s journey is unique. This is why self-reflection and working with a coach on a tailored journey are important ways to improve the system.

III. Practical Tips for System Enhancement

Vagus Nerve Exercises (or Grounding Exercise): When I feel stressed or notice that my breaths are shallow, I tune into my senses. This is no meditation stuff - we can’t meditate if there are another five human beings around us talking. But we can deliberately engage each sense to activate our sympathetic nervous system (in layman terms, to relax)

Below are the exercises you can do any time, anywhere.

1. Hear sounds in the room and sounds from far away. There are a lot of background noises that we “auto-cancel” when we focus on the sound in the foreground. Bring the background sounds into your consciousness as well. Hear the sound of someone typing on a keypad. Hear your own breathing and heart beat. Hear the traffic from far away. This is my favourite technique.

2. See colors or movements. Find colors in the space you are in. It could be the colors of the table, the wall, or the sky outside the window. If you must look at someone’s face, notice how the facial muscles move (without making sense of it about the person, such as whether he/she is pleased or not).

3. Smell.  

4. Rub your thumb and index finger of one hand. Feel the friction between the textures on both fingers. You can do it under the table without anyone noticing.

5. Feel the wind or breeze on your skin.

6. Feel the weight of your feet on the ground. Feel the support from the ground.

Navigating uncertainty in today’s world requires a shift from a rigid goal-focused approach to a flexible system-oriented mindset. By refining our internal systems and becoming more aware of our mental and emotional processes, we can better adapt to change and face the future with confidence.

Question For You

Which areas in life do you still hold an outcome-first mentality? How is it helping and not helping you?

Watch 👇🏻

Or Listen to my podcast 👇🏻

How to dance with uncertainty, with Daniel Pieper, ex-CIO, Hoolah by Unfinished Thoughts

spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/qmbOteQjgJb

70% OFF for someone you care

May is Mental Health Month in the US. In my pledge to support people in a more fulfilling career and life, I offer the first coaching session at a special rate of US$100 for those experiencing stress at work or related to career topics. (Those who work with me know that this is a 70% discount!)

Capped at 5 individuals in May. Only applicable to our first coaching session.

To refer, invite your friend to book a call here and mention your name as a referral.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Futureproof Your Career 3: with Natu Lauchande, ex-CTO, Credrails

Is the AI threat real or just hype? Join my conversation with Natu Lauchande to hear the perspective of an AI-insider.

Natu is the ex-CTO and co-founder of Credrails, a SoftBank-backed fintech startup in Africa. A data-driven technologist specializing in AI, machine learning, analytics, and distributed systems, Natu co-invented a patent, published in journals, and contributed to open-source software. He is an active speaker and published author on Machine Learning with an international publisher. Natu's decade-long professional journey spans six cities, two continents, and diverse roles ranging from the world’s leading cloud provider to dynamic data startups.

Past articles

This ONE - How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

But while writing this newsletter, I am not feeling happy. And I think that is okay. My daughter’s close friend, also a 5-year-old girl, lost her mother last night. Though unfamiliar with her mother, I have met the girl many times. In the past years, she had grown from a timid toddler to a sweet child. It pains me to think that she may not have realized how permanent this loss is to be, and how much space this loss is to occupy in her young life.

But I try to remind myself, that the world dislikes void. Love will flood into that space. (I, and a few other parents in the community, seriously pledge to love her as much as possible, with her family’s permission.) Courage will. Friendship will. Strengths will. Most importantly, time will. That is how we eventually outgrow our loss and are grounded in the life story we grow. ❤️

Well, let me get back to this issue. Today it’s about:

• What trust means in the AI era

• How to be more trustworthy

• Building a trusted organization culture

This ONE Idea

I. Why Trust-building is important in the AI era

Prof Ethan Molick from Wharton just published a new book on AI. At his recent book talk, he mentioned, “We are not very good at dealing with exponential change - either too early or too late. Don't be too late.”

And right now we are in the midst of an exponential change. The fear is keeping people away from learning about AI, and at the risk of “being too late.”

His book and substack to follow.

Coincidentally, in my webinar with Kevin Pereira, MD, at Blu Artificial Intelligence, he also spoke of how fear is very present. He said perhaps it has to do with the Sci-Fi movies and experts in the room warning us of an apocalypse. However, he thinks that confusion and lack of understanding play a bigger role.

My takeaway from the two of them is:

1. Learn how much we can trust AI on each particular matter

We need to keep learning and testing out the “jagged frontier” of AI.

AI famously hallucinates. It prioritizes making us happy by producing “an answer,” over producing “the right answer.” But it has limitations. It may seem to know many things, and then it surprises you by knowing so little about something. And this is called the “Jagged Frontier.”

Through engaging with AI, we get to learn about its competence and incompetence. This learning is to decide how much we can trust AI on a particular matter more wisely. Without sufficient knowledge, we risk trusting AI too much or too little (with fear).

2. Savor our strengths in empathy and trust-building

Empathy and trust are difficult for AI to learn. Let’s see what the AI confessed:

In summary, we can feel not only ourselves but also other humans. This is a trademark of sentient beings and social animals. But AI doesn’t experience the world the same way as we do.

Trust is a complex thing between two humans or two systems (organizations, family units, ethnicities, etc). It goes beyond the psychological domain and can activate our chemistry and physical responses. Trust is also quite like a living being. It can be nurtured, damaged, used, or even transferred.

I know what being trusted is like. When I am trusted, I feel safe. A sense of warmth spreads on my back and in my chest. I am connected with a courageous and curious self. Trust has the potential to switch on our turban mode.

But then trust is also expensive. The potential misusing and abusing our trust is always a big downside and leads to terrible consequences. So we get careful, calculative, or even stingy about trusting. And when we do that, the opportunity cost of missing the upside of trust becomes prominent.

Introducing “Third Entity”

Unconsciously, we focus our decisions on the person. Is this someone I can trust?

A different approach is to think of trust as a relationship and an evolving dynamic. It is what we call the “third entity” in systemic theories. When we think this way, we don’t have to make a “yes/no” decision about trust. But instead, we can make micro decisions.

II. Building a trust culture

The most common challenge for executives is activating their people’s potential. How to make people take more ownership, become more proactive in thinking, and challenge me or the decision when necessary? How can I make them put forward their best intelligence and passion to solve the big problems our organization tries to solve?

And I hear a lot that leaders are reluctant to give their trust first. They demand others to “prove you are trustworthy” before they hand out their trust. Such demand creates enormous pressure to prove oneself. Under such pressure, employees don’t feel safe enough to take ownership. Taking ownership is a risky act where we may be punished for being wrong or making an irreversible mistake.

Therefore, in this request, employees prove themselves first, is that they need to trust the leader first before the leader trusts them.

And that is a snobbish request. From which place of privilege can we ask other people to trust us first? At the same time, what have we done to win other people’s trust?

III. Winning the trust of suspicious bosses

There is a phenomenon that often perplexes employees. For every "scary" senior executive, some people always manage to get into their inner circle and ply with the dragon’s whiskers. They rub elbows with the leader, walk into his/her office without making appointments, and don’t ask for permission. They challenge the leader provocatively and emerge unscathed, or even rewarded.

People tend to attribute this to favoritism. Regardless of the reason, they have won the trust of these leaders. How did they manage to win the trust of a leader with high standards and expectations, and who can retract support at any moment in an unpredictable way?

They often share some common qualities: daring, direct, and self-assured. These individuals create a sense of safety not provided by the leader. They have their own trusted space. With this greater sense of trust, they choose to "pay forward". As a result, they receive it.

Isn’t that very risky? Indeed, it is. But that’s exactly what trust does. We become more vulnerable in reality, which makes us feel safer.

But then, it is not only the boss’s responsibility. We also have a role to play even in a fragile trusted space. That’s where we can take agency and reshape the relationship with leadership. (Yes if you think about the definition of “leader”, it’s simply someone who leads the way.)

Question For You

How trusted do you feel? And what can you do to grow trust in your life?

Thoughts

I found myself reaching out to people I trust when I put together the “Futureproof Your Career series.” The chances are, the trust is mutual. They are not necessarily “friends” who I interact with frequently. Some I have not spoken with for years. They are my classmates, ex-colleagues, clients, or referrals from someone I trust.

By running this series, I am creating an opportunity to further grow our trust.

Trust is gold. It’s hard to build. It can be misplaced or easily lost. And it stands the test of time.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

Upcoming Webinar next Tuesday

Futureproof Your Career 2: with Daniel Pieper, ex-Hoolah CIO & Co-founder

Daniel built Hoolah and successfully exited. What is next?

Watch 👇🏻

Key points from the talk

• Is Your Career Agile Enough for AI?

• Opportunities and chilling realities in our job security

• The right method of learning about AI

• Our top strengths vs. AI

   

Or Listen to my podcast 👇🏻

How to fall in love with AI, with Kevin Pereira by Unfinished Thoughts

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.

This ONE by Yolanda Yu This ONE idea and its manifestations in life and career

Happy This ONE Friday!

For the very reason that I am late for my homework (Weekly newsletter), my podcast “Unfinished Thoughts with Yolanda Yu” was finally born.

Ahha, history is always made with accidents!

For today’s issue, you are going to listen to me (or read below should you choose to).

This ONE Idea

• How I learned “specificity” from my drama class, acting as an old woman with a real old woman acting as a young girl.

• Manifestation I. Communications - Our struggle to be clear and on the point comes from the lack of specificity.

• Manifestation II. personal branding - We can’t be distinct if not specific.

• Manifestation III. strategy - With specificity, the character and the idea come alive. Specificity comes from details at the forest level, not the tree level.

• Practical tips to achieving specificity in how we think, speak, and act

  • How to be intentional in using an influencing style in each situation

  • How to strengthen mental agility at different levels (see my earlier article on convergent and divergent thinking)

  • How to strengthen self-command of passing thoughts, emotions, and how we interact with the external world

  • How to expand capacity to honor your insights: building a richer vocabulary and a holding space

  • How to use specificity when planning a townhall meeting or thinking about your boss 😝

Futureproof your career - How to fall in love (with AI)

With Kevin Pereira, Managing Director, Blu Artificial Intelligence

---

Past Issues:

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

​

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

​

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.