A few days ago, I had to take my dogs to the vet for their vaccinations so we could complete the paperwork to take them back to the states (from Costa Rica).

I left before 8 am and thought I’d have plenty of time to get back for a 10 am appointment.

Only my appointment was at 9 am, not 10. 😲

Oops.

And I didn’t even realize it until after I had checked in at the vet and sat down to wait.

The vet here is a hit or miss, even with an appointment (which I didn’t have because most people show up without appointments) - and, of course, there were a handful of people in front of me on this particular visit.

Subtle clue #1: I thought about texting my Monday morning appointment Sunday evening to let them know I might be a few min. late - but decided not to because I didn’t want to bug them on a Sunday night or reschedule - even though rescheduling would have alleviated a lot of stress for me.

Had I texted the night before, I also wouldn’t have stressed myself out the following day because the time error on my part would have been caught.

Subtle clue #2: Reschedule - in advance. No need to squeeze everything into one morning (especially since this was the day before I needed to be out of my place).

Subtle clue #3: Traffic. It’s high season in Costa Rica, and many more people are on the roads. The road rules are a tad different here (non-existent?), but there was nothing I could do to get to the vet faster. Then on the way back, as soon as I got a lovely stretch of road to make up for lost time, a truck pulled out in front of me.

Dammit, Jim!

The dogs probably felt like they were on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride (Disneyland ride if you’re unfamiliar).

At this point, I thought, “O.K., message received. Slow down.”

It wasn’t like this call was an interview for a Noble Peace Prize.

But I got myself all bunched up because I didn’t listen to the subtle clues.

“Listen” being the keyword in that sentence.

I wish I could tell you this won’t happen again…

But this is life, right?

The difference between where I am today and where I used to be is how I responded to all of this.

Instead of being reactive (O.K., I may have been a “little” reactive) - I eventually chalked it up to “sh*t happens.”

How to Hear the Subtle Clues

Listen for them.

This is much harder to do when you have a lot on your plate, are feeling stressed, and it’s as if you can’t even hear your own thoughts.

There are very few things that are so important that you can’t take 10 minutes out for yourself to breathe and get quiet.

Meditate, go for a walk, step outside… it doesn’t matter what you do as long as it allows you a solitary moment where external noise and interruptions won’t come at you.

And breathe.

There was a time in my life when meditating or taking a few moments to get quiet was painful.

Where I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin because I “had work to do.”

Now I crave it…

Even during hectic times (like moving countries!).

The best gift you can give yourself is to allow space in your life to get quiet.

You can…

• meditate

• go for a walk

• rest (let go of whether or not you fall asleep)

• sit outside

• listen to a piece of instrumental music

Do whatever works best for you. Allow yourself to just “be.”

Learning to listen to the subtle clues (because they always start out as subtle) can often prevent the “not-so-subtle” clues from showing up at all. 😉

And on that note…

It’s time for more coffee so I can get a little more work done and then take more time to rest & recharge from the first phase of this move.

Playa Potrero, Costa Rica

My favorite definition of the word "belief" is:

A belief is simply a thought you keep thinking.

I also Googled the definition of belief, and this is what came up:

My favorite definition is more or less the same as the first definition in the image above (an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists).

I highlighted the second one because that's where inspired action comes in.

Before diving head first into shifting my beliefs (through reading, working with my therapist, and choosing an entirely different way to move through the world), it never even dawned on me that I could change my beliefs.

In fact, I don't know that I ever really thought about my beliefs.

I just believed what I believed and thought that was it.

It was a little mind-blowing to realize I could choose different beliefs. 🤯

And by choosing different beliefs, I could change my life.

Whaaaaat?

Again. Mind-blown.

It was only through changing my beliefs that I realized I didn't have to be "doing constantly"... I could focus more on "being.'

Having always been commended for how much I did and accomplished (in terms of productivity), I believed I was hard-wired to be a "doer" (to a certain extent, I think I came into the world as a productive person).

I remember one night when my kids were little, one of them had been in my room lying on my bed with me because they weren't feeling well. Before I knew it, they were throwing up on the bed and the carpet.

Not a big deal, everything could be cleaned.

I got them back to their bed and to sleep, and instead of just changing my sheets and getting the bedding into the wash, I decided I might as well shampoo the carpet too.

It was after 10 pm.

And it absolutely could have waited until the next day... but no, I had to do it that night. 🤪

I'm still a little particular about things around the house (i.e., I like putting things away, going to bed with nothing in the sink, etc.) because I have difficulty focusing or relaxing if things feel cluttered.

But I can promise you'll never see me shampooing carpets after 10 pm (ideally, I'll call someone to come and shampoo the carpets).

I have no doubt some of these changes in beliefs and behavior come from life experience and age, but most come from consciously choosing something different.

For me, the process has been to choose a different belief and to lean into inspired action.

This doesn't mean I'm sitting around waiting to be inspired before taking action.

It means I focus on getting my mind right and getting into alignment first.

Sometimes that means I just need to get started... or as author Steven Pressfield says, "Put your ass where your heart wants to be."

I do this a lot in my business.

Even loving what I do, there are specific tasks I don't enjoy doing. But until I've hired for those tasks (coming this year!), it's up to me to get them done.

Simple, but not always easy.

My head gets in the way and finds all kinds of other things to do until, finally, the task has to get done.

And most of the time, it took less time to do than I thought, and I always... and I mean ALWAYS... feel better that I did it.

Here's the kicker...

Sometimes, doing what needs to be done is what creates inspired action.

Cue Newton and the law of productivity (in my next life, I'm coming back with the ability to understand physics):"An object in motion stays in motion."

The Beauty of Inspired Action

The beauty of inspired action is that it leads to a life of ease and, more often than not, wonder. ✨

I let go of how long it takes to create or do the work, especially when I find myself in that delicious space where I'm not even paying attention to the time. Initially, I thought I'd "knock it out" in an hour, and the next thing I know 2+ hours had passed.

Trust is the foundation of inspired action.

I've learned to trust what feels right instead of searching outside myself for productivity hacks or learning how to create a second brain (an actual course on productivity).

For me, it's creating a gentle structure about what "needs" to be done and trusting myself to meet my own deadline.

As example: I have two newsletters I write (this one and my #FtheHUSTLE newsletter) and meet my own deadline every week. I schedule in a reminder in Google calendar as well as write it into my weekly plans.

Every week.

I haven't missed one yet. I've published 114 issues of #FtheHUSTLE, and this is my 7th issue of Imperfect.

It's easy to stick with because I love doing it.

One of my favorite ways of shifting a belief is something I came up with a couple of years ago called the "What If" exercise.

Our brains naturally go to the "what if this doesn't work out" (or insert your own variation of doom and gloom, worry, and wasted energy 😉), but what if we went the other way?

• What if it were easy? (one of my favorites)

• What if it were fun?

• What if I could do work I love?

• What if the right partner is waiting for me too?

• What if people were waiting for me to make an offer to solve their problem? (for all my entrepreneurs out there)

• What if I trusted my body?

• What if I allowed myself the rest when I wanted it?

• What if I stopped judging myself?

• What if I said no, without explanation?

• What if I tried something new?

• What if I treated myself like I treat those I love?

• What if I believed I had everything I need?

• What if I owned my strengths & let myself shine?

You get the picture.

And bonus... science supports asking better questions:

This week, I challenge you to play the "What if" game.

Free write ALL the 'what ifs' you can come up with (or focus on 'what if' for a specific area of your life, whatever inspires you).

No limits, no expectations... simply enjoy the process.

Pay attention to how you feel when you're done.

You might just feel like taking inspired action 😉.

It *might* be possible to be "too chill," - but I don't think so.

At least not for me (and I'm guessing the same is true for many women).

When I think back to what I used to do when my kids were young, it kind of exhausts me (very grateful I had my children when I did).

Mind you, at the time I thrived on being as busy and productive as possible.

I was still of the mindset that my value and worth were connected to how much I could accomplish and that rest needed to be "earned" as opposed to taking it when we needed OR wanted it.

Not anymore.

These days I feel a bit like Spiccoli 😂 (hat tip to Fast Times at Ridgemont High).

O.K., not quite like that, but that was the first image that came to mind when I thought about the title for this issue (side note: when I searched 'chillin' in Giphy, most of the images were of men. #notacoincident).

This might all seem a bit contrary after last week's newsletter, where I shared that I was borrowing trouble about selling my car in Costa Rica. However, as soon as I took the pressure off myself (by extending my stay), I heard back from the first guy.

He contacted me this past weekend, we agreed on the price, and we're going to the lawyer next Monday to take care of the paperwork.

Now that I'm on the other side of my little dramedy, I feel a bit like a boss.

A little extra confidence and a smidge cocky that I was able to turn this around so quickly.

The "too chill for my own good" is because I feel so relaxed about everything (at least for now). 

In the midst of getting ready for this move, I have my childhood best friend visiting (her third time here in a year. Safe to say she likes Costa Rica).

And we're completely taking it easy and going with the flow. 

In looking at the last month, when I flew back to California for Christmas and then back to Costa Rica to get ready to move, I feel like I've experienced a peaceful level of growth, unlike anything I've experienced before.

Nothing that would be visible to anyone else, but a deep sense of knowing and internal trust that feels pretty freaking fantastic.

Hence feeling like a boss (and a little too chill).

Having my friend here has probably amplified that feeling because she's pretty easygoing (we've decided we're going to take a week-long vacation every year, just the two of us). 

We've spent time socializing, going to the beach, having a fun afternoon with friends, and getting massages. 

And with all of the things we've done - I've probably enjoyed the time sitting on the couch and catching up the most (she created an agenda of topics we needed to talk about, so we wouldn't forget 🤣). 

I'm sitting at my desk inside writing this; she's outside floating in the pool while my dogs hang out with her.

My female friendships have always been vitally important to me. I've known some of my dearest friends in California since elementary school and high school.

The older I get, the more I treasure these friendships, as well as the newer friendships I've developed as an adult. When I get to spend quality time with women I love and respect, my heart is full and my soul feels at peace.

If you haven't seen it yet, this image of Jamie Lee Curtis cheering when her friend, Michelle Yeoh, won a Golden Globe sums up the beauty of female friendships:

When you find friends who can hold space for you in whatever way you need, hang onto them for life.

I'll end this week's newsletter with a favorite quote:

One of the bonuses of getting older is the ability to laugh at yourself.

And not simply in a self-deprecating way (which I often do)... but on a deeper level.

When you observe your behaviors, you begin to recognize patterns. It's incredibly powerful, and in reference to the above, it can also be a little amusing.

At this stage in my life, I have far more evidence of things working out than not, but I still tend to get myself bunched up. I borrow trouble and start worrying about things that haven't even happened.

Oh, to be human. 😉

And here's the kicker... I share this Dalai Lama quote with friends all the time:

Can you see the silliness of this all?

Here's why this is up for me this week:

As I'm preparing to move back to Northern California from Costa Rica, I've got a few things to take care of. Nothing major (she says now, after having borrowed trouble for nothing), outside of selling my car (the culprit of said borrowed trouble).

All I'm bringing back are clothes, some personal stuff, my computers, and the dogs. I'm bringing back fewer clothes than I brought here (I've already left some stuff on previous trips and will donate anything I brought and haven't worn), so really - it's not that much.

I even have a friend coming to visit in a couple of days who has offered to take some things back with her.

I've already sold a bunch of things, and what I don't sell, I'll just give away (I refuse to haggle over $10 items).

This will probably be the easiest move I've made.

When I came back to Costa Rica after the holidays it didn't take long to sell some of the bigger items (with very little effort, just told a few people).

One person came to look at the car, left it open-ended, and I started to stress.

So much so that I extended my stay here by two weeks to ensure the car was sold and the paperwork was done.

Naturally, once I relaxed about selling the car and made plans to stay longer, I hear back from the guy last week, and another person is interested (and no, I'm not changing my plans again. I think maybe my desire to stay a little longer was stronger than the desire to sell the car immediately).

Here's the thing...

THIS is my process. 👆

Even though I have far more evidence that everything works out for me (and often better than I was hoping) - I still go through this song and dance of worry.

In this specific situation, I now get two extra weeks in beautiful locations to soak up a little more of Costa Rica (the weather is gorgeous right now... meanwhile, California is hit with horrendous storms).

My therapist has been talking to me for years about processes -I think I'm starting to "get it."

I often see my behaviors as "good or bad" (bad might be a little strong, but you get the idea). If a behavior is bad, then it's something I need to work on to change.

If it's good, then yay me! Gold star! ⭐ #sarcasm

I'm learning that when I remove judgment, stop labeling my behavior as something I need to fix (or reward), and observe it; it's a whole lot easier to be kind to myself and find ease in a situation.

And, of course, as soon as I choose to "be easy about it" - things start flowing.

The entire idea of learning what our processes are fascinates me.

Some processes end, new ones appear, and some may last a lifetime.

It's really not about the process itself as much as it is about what we do with it and how we treat ourselves.

Learning this has truly been a gift... especially when I remember to put it into practice. 😉

Happy New Year, my friends! 🥳

I hope you had a wonderful couple of weeks, whatever you celebrate (or don't), along with some much welcomed down time.

It was a busy couple of weeks for me back in California, traveling from Costa Rica. Still, I enjoyed every minute of it (even if I had to buy a sweatshirt at LAX because I was freezing 🥶. I have nothing to keep me warm in Costa Rica).

As someone who thoroughly enjoys the holidays, I even welcomed the colder weather because it felt much more like Christmas.

This trip was also validation for me with my recent decision to move back to the states. I had originally been considering Oregon or Washington, but the point of moving back is to be closer to family.

So back to Northern California, I go, but more on that later.

I fully intend to enjoy my last month living in Costa Rica (I'll definitely be back). I have a friend visiting in a week and a half, and I will squeeze in as much pool and beach time as possible before I go (and possibly one more catamaran cruise).

I'll share more about what I've learned living in Costa Rica next week (and how it's changed my life, all for the better), but today I really want to talk about my word for the year.

Alignment.

To bogart Oprah's phrase, "what I know for sure:"

What I know for sure about alignment is that everything in my life seems to flow when I make alignment a priority.

Even mishaps become fun.

Here's what alignment looks like for me (I was going to share the Google definition but they were boring... and one even included a political reference which, what the what? Alignment is the last word I'd use for politics. Moving on...).

Let's break this into two elements:

• Tangible

• Intangible

The tangible are the things you can do to help get into alignment, and the intangible are the things you can't necessarily see but are still things you have to do...err, choose.

Intangible is much less about outward action.

The tangible things I do to get into alignment:

• Meditate: after years of my therapist suggesting this; I am finally a complete and total convert. I don't care if it's 6 minutes or 16... it always helps. Add in a few deep breaths, and it's like magic. ✨

• Rest: nothing throws me out of alignment faster than pushing myself when I need rest.

• Create: it can be a blog post, newsletter, doodle, or journal entry. Taking the time to create lights me up.

• Connect: reach out to chat with someone who supports my soul - whether it's a catch-up, to get some guidance, or just for shits & giggles. The dogs count with this one, too... nothing but pure love.

The intangible things I do to get in alignment:

• Trust: Holy moly, this can be tough, but it really is a choice. When I find myself struggling with this, I remind myself that the alternative is stress and worry... which never solves anything anyway.

• Let it go 🎶: Cue Elsa...(sorry if you now have that earworm stuck in your head, but it's a great song). I think this deserves another holy moly... the shit I have wasted time and energy hanging onto or fretting over. FFS. It can be as simple as "roof over my head? Is everyone healthy? Do I have food to eat?" Then all is well.

• Set boundaries: This is still a work in progress (well... it all is), but creating and setting boundaries is the best gift you can give yourself. Do it.

• Seek joy: Find joy anywhere you can. I have a silly voice I talk to my dogs in and use as if I am them (only when family is around). I amuse the bucket out of myself. I even had a fantastic day traveling before Christmas... because I expected to.

• Be present: Now is all that matters. No more borrowing trouble about what "might" happen (or what already happened). I also try not to multi-task whenever possible (no matter how well I *think* I can do it... which really, I can't. You should see me trying to type and talk!).

None of these things are earth-shattering, new ideas, secret hacks, or challenging to implement.

It really comes down to choosing myself first.

Deciding that I'm responsible for how I feel, respond, and move through the world.

Life hands us enough heartache and struggles that we have no control over... why add to that when we have a choice?

And when in doubt, I remind myself of all I have already been through and survived. I've got this. (And now I have this stuck in my head... you're welcome 🤣).

Happy 2023!

Stacie Swift

For as long as I can remember, I've always prided myself on "getting things done." 

When I was younger, the more I accomplished and checked off my to-do list, the better! Somehow I equated my value with how productive I could be. I received a lot of recognition and validation, so naturally, I wanted to keep it up.

This was how I lived my life.

Every. Single. Day.

The thought of it makes me want to take a nap. 😅

Fortunately, those days are more or less behind me, but it takes conscious effort and consistent practice (which feels more like play than practice these days). 

I'm winding down work before heading back to California for Christmas this week, and I have a good chunk of things that need to be done for my business before I go.

So naturally, I found myself hitting a wall over the last few days (this has to be one of those universal laws or something).

There are plenty of reasons for hitting the wall, but that's not what I want to share with you today (we all have full plates, especially at this time of year). I want to talk about what I did when I hit the wall.

I woke up every day fully intending to keep working through my list of things to get done, but by midday I just... needed... to... close... my... eyes.

You know that feeling you get when your eyes sting a little bit because you feel so tired?

Yea, that.

So I did the only thing I could do... I happily climbed into bed and let go of everything that needed to be done, trusting that it would get done. 

Because you know what?

Everything always gets done. 

And if it doesn't, it didn't "need" to be done.

Two Types of Action

More often than not, even when I don't want to do something or am feeling a little bit sluggish, I know I will feel better for getting moving and getting the 'thing' done.

The first law of motion:

This is the first type of action.

Basic action (activity) that gets the body moving and endorphins released, resulting in a better feeling state.

This is great, but there's an even better type of action. 

Inspired Action.

This action comes from a place deep within when you've taken the time to rest, refuel, and recharge... it has its own unique energy.

It feels sweet.

What can you accomplish from this place?

Anything.

That's where the magic happens. 🪄

After a recent session with my therapist, I did a doodle about inspired action. We did a quick visualization and when she commented that what I had done was inspired action I replied that I felt like I "took the lid off of inspired action."

And that was the place I was working from now.

The first step to inspired action, as contrary as it sounds, is no action.

Which doesn't mean you don't do anything. 

It means you Trust.

You trust that...

• You've got your own back (this covers a lot... you trust your heart, your decisions, your love, and all of your life experiences that brought you here)

• Everything is going to work out for the highest good

• You can achieve what you want

• Your desires are worth pursuing

• Rest is necessary

• You are loved

• The world needs YOU

When you lean into trust, there's nothing to worry about.

Which brings an incredible level of peace and sweetness. 

That's where inspired action comes from.

And it feels incredible.

And because life is fluid (i.e., never dull 😉), we get back to business and take action to get shit done. Again.

BUT... you can't unring that bell.

Once you've had a taste of trust + inspired action... you know you can operate from that place again. 

As frustrating as this might sound, it all comes down to choosing how you want to feel.

As you head into the holidays with loved ones, let go of things needing perfection (Pinterestized). Focus on being present, spending time with people you care about, and enjoying the moment.

I'll leave you with this lovely reminder and a wish for the happiest holidays.

With much love & gratitude,Kim

p.s. The next imperfect issue will be sent out after the first of the year. See you in 2023 🥂

It's hard to believe we're down to the last four weeks of the year. I know it's trite, but time really does go faster the older you get. 

Before I get into today's newsletter, I just wanted to say a huge Thank You to all of you who have subscribed. I don't take this lightly in a busy world with lots of communication and content in our inboxes.

I have a feeling the newsletter and imperfect will evolve over time. The response has been fantastic, and I've even had an offer to help with the project (thanks, Shruthi!). I'm excited to see where this journey leads, and I'm grateful you're here with me.

A huge sigh of relief...

I was inspired this week by a Facebook post my aunt shared with me. I had seen this before, and of course, like many things I read, it was shared with me again on a day I really needed it.

I'm linking to the article on Facebook here (I can't find the original author), but I wanted to pull out a blurb for you below. If you've not seen it (it's a quick read), the TL;DR version is that finally, after years of worrying about everyone else and stepping in to solve their problems, a Mother decides...

This is a great reminder, particularly at this time of year when we're expected to add more "joy" to our already busy lives (if only we could subtract things from our calendars during the holidays... instead, we add more).

What if the "more" we added were only things that brought us joy?

My Mom was the ultimate 'fixer' and problem solver for everyone (especially her children & grandchildren). She took care of business and got things done. She was an amazing example of putting family first, but I've often thought, especially since her passing in 2019, that I wish she had put herself first.

Being as close to my Mom as I was (am 😉), I know she would have felt like she was being selfish for putting herself first, and God forbid, saying "No" to something, simply because she didn't want to.

I've worked hard at shifting that within myself (it's an ongoing process). I remember the first time I didn't go somewhere out of obligation. Some neighbors were hosting their annual Christmas party, and when the husband asked me if I was coming, I said, "maybe." 

He looked at me, completely puzzled, and said, "maybe?"

I hadn't really made up my mind at the time, but the look on his face, of complete surprise, firmed up the knowing within myself..." yea, I'm not going."

Today I would just say, "no, I'm not going to make it."

No explanation, no justifying why I'm not going. Just do what I want to do (With the neighbor's party, I didn't have anything else I was doing that night, I just didn't want to go).

I often joke that we live in a "Pinterestized world."

Everything needs to look a certain way or portray a certain lifestyle. The funny thing is that the photo and real life don't always match up. Our brains instantly go to "comparisonitis."

One of my favorite people on Instagram is Dana Mercer.  The image below says it all:

Dana Mercer Instagram

This is also a reminder that when it comes to social media, you can curate what shows up.

Who you follow, what you watch, listen to, and read.

What is a Gentle Holiday?

This was something else I saw on social (see what happens when you curate your feeds? 😉)

Someone shared that their therapist, instead of saying, "Happy Holidays," says, "Have a gentle holiday" - because not everyone has happy memories of the holiday season.

That's a lovely sentiment, but it had a different meaning for me.

When I read it, I felt a softness come over me.

It felt like permission to let go of expectations and be present, which inevitably leads to much more joy.

Having just launched a new company, I recently told a friend, "everyone is getting hugs from me this Christmas" - instead of presents. 🤣

That is not totally true but add to the cost of flying back to California and paying a dog sitter, and my presence is the gift.

And I don't mean that facetiously. 

I miss my family and friends in California and all that matters is spending time with them.

I wish the same for you.

I hope you're enjoying the holiday season and that it feels gentle.

And a hat tip to Katie the Cookie Bee for this hilarious cookie (I wish I lived in Washington to buy her cookies!) 🤣:

Katie the Cookie Bee

Hugs my friends,Kim