The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

We're all busy wrapping up the last details of 2024, and here I am asking about a cool thing you did in March…

There's a method to my madness, I swear.

I know in this busy season, your beautiful overthinking mind is multitasking. There's a lot going on. May this last newsletter of 2024 be your kind reminder to take a moment for yourself in the end-of-year madness.

Can you afford a 20-minute break? If not now, plan it (and by plan it, I mean lock it in your calendar).

I want to share reflection questions I'm playing with this end of year. I love to kill two birds with one stone, so these can also serve as great conversation starters.

Warm up a cup of tea (or get some wine, I am French after all) and get to reflecting!

What's one really cool thing you did in March?

[Can be replaced with any month of the year, really]

Do a monthly highlight treasure hunt. Looking back month by month, what's one highlight? Crazy how we forget the good stuff.

Really take some time to dig and find the one cool thing / highlight for each month. If you really struggle to do it, it may be time to create a habit to document the good stuff in your life (since it increases self-confidence and all).

What's your plot twist? 

What are you doing now that would blow past-you's mind? The things that felt huge a year ago but somehow became your new normal?

For some it's setting boundaries, for others it's their newfound discipline in one area.

Personally, it's my ability to just be and observe. This year I've learned to really slow down my mind and actions, and be more present. To accept not doing, but just being. As an overthinker, I'm sure you can appreciate how much of an effort that is.

What’s yours?

What story are you ready to drop? 

If anything, the previous question should help you identify one thing you used to 'be' or defined yourself by, and somehow you've changed.

"I'm a restless mind" is a story I tell myself. An untrue one, since I've made huge progress on that front, but I still identify as a restless mind... Which leads me to be more restless, to put fewer boundaries with my mind when I go down the over-productive, overthinking side, using as an excuse “well, that's who I am.".

Is it though ? If part of me was able to change, it’s likely I can rewrite that story.

And so can you.

It can apply to anything - something you've already made changes on, but still tell yourself you’re not. Or maybe it's something you want to change. Change can start by reducing how often you say “I’m not this”, or “I am that”.

What’s one way you define yourself, one story you tell yourself that you want to rewrite?

Two reminders for you

1. Celebrate the wins - you know I am a sucker for celebrations, but it serves a purpose. It increases your self-confidence.

2. There are different ways to reflect and use these questions:

• Hand writing: 

  We write slower than we think. Hand writing will allow you to slow down your thoughts and take time to explore. If you tend to feel overwhelmed with end-of-year reflections, hand writing will help you process one thought at a time.

• Fast typing:
  Offload your thoughts on the question real fast. I love to use Squibblers for it (if you stop writing, the text erases). Once you've offloaded your ideas, you can re-read them with a quieter mind. If you tend to judge or second-guess yourself, it's a great tool to reflect.

• Voice note: 
  When you talk out loud, you kind of have to structure your thoughts as if you talked to someone. Sending a voice note to yourself is a great way to externalise your answer and follow your thoughts thread.
  
  When you listen to it again, it’s as if the message was coming from someone else. It's great to distance yourself to observe your thoughts in a new light and see some potential ways you talk about yourself (or the stories you tell yourself).

And of course, these questions can be used with friends and family members you trust as a way to reflect together on the year. Nothing beats an attentive ear and a great in person conversation.

I wish you a lovely festive season, and appreciate you for reading.

Orianne

PS: Sharing is caring! If you know someone who’s a sucker for end of year reflections and deep questions, send it their way!

Hey! I'm Orianne your guide to turning that overthinking mind into your superpower.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence - Reading time: 2min.

One perspective for you

It’s not about what they’ll say, it’s about what your inner critic is saying. Read that again.

You gotta give it to your inner critic, it’s smart.

For the sake of this example, let’s say you’re afraid people will perceive you as lazy, or not hard-working enough. As a consequence, you barely take time off, have unrealistic standards when it comes to answering to messages or producing.

Your inner critic could use the most straightforward way, called negative self-talk, and simply have that inner conversation calling you lazy to your face (or I guess to your mind). The problem with this approach is you can dissociate from your inner critic, and challenge that assumption, with rationality.

Now, when your inner critic takes on the mask of someone else’s opinion, you’re slower to dismantle it. A new level of panic is added, it’s not you vs you, it’s you vs others. Your mind does not make the difference between reality and your thoughts, so suddenly, what you assume other people think, goes from an assumption to feeling like a reality.

You’re problem-solving mind jumps to fix mode: how to course correct what people think of you (really, what you think of you). Fixing mode means no questioning the first assumption, and down the rabbit hole you go.

So, dear readers, here’s a perspective for you: Whatever you are afraid people will think, is a projection of your own judgement.

One nudge for you

This week, take a moment to observe moments where you put judgment in other people’s mouths.

Ask yourself, says who?

One event for you

Do you feel like an imposter some days? Like you lucked out and people may find out you’re not that good?

Then, I have the perfect conversation for you: Indeed’s online event on overcoming self-doubt and building confidence in the workplace.

I’ll be a panelist on this event along with Indeed Career Strategist Brighid Power, Career and Leadership Coach Tristan Thornburgh, and TEDx Speaker and Global Corporate Trainer Brittany Dawson.

It’s on December 12th, at 7 PM CET, sign up here!

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence
Subscribe or read previous editions here

Defining your next step isn’t something that just happens overnight, even if it sometimes feels that way. Usually, you feel a sudden shift. Your next step becomes so obvious, you forget you were in the dark before. It’s like magic.

Inspiration is what ignites that magic. 

The process is simple, we’re in the dark, unsure of what to do next, and whilst we don’t know, but try to know, our brain catches glimpses of ideas, stacks up on information, until a clear idea forms.

An Aha Moment so obvious, we’re confused as to why we didn't know it before. And well, it’s because we were missing information.

You can’t manufacture an Aha Moment, but you sure can fuel it.

This week, I had many chats with professionals considering a career shift, and inspiration was a missing element for them.

They were looking for tangible solutions. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it limited their thinking and left them depleted. Instead of letting their minds do the background digging and guessing, leading to the realization, they were trying to direct it.

I’ll talk another time about how to make a career shift a reality (aka the tangible solutions). But this week, allow me to share with you questions that will nourish your brain and inspire you. Hopefully fueling your soon-to-have Aha moment. 

What’s your ideal random Tuesday?

When we think about a next step, or even dare to dream about an ideal job, we immediately imagine the magic part of it. And put most of our focus on it. 

We don’t think about what the day-to-day will look like, and that’s very often where disappointment arises. 

Start backward. In an ideal life, what does a random Tuesday look like? 

• Where do you wake up?

• What’s your mood?

• What do you do first thing in the morning?

• What happens all day long? 

• How do you finish your day? 

• How do you feel every step of the way?

Don’t think about the dreamy day filled with fun and magic. No, think about the the most mundane, casual, dare I say uneventful day of your week. What do you want these days to be like? 

Cause the truth is, most weekdays will look like this one in the future, may as well enjoy them.

What jobs did you dream of as a kid?

I love to ask this question. It always says so much about a person. 

• What did you want to do as a kid? 

• How did you picture that job, what did you think you would do? 

• How did you imagine it would make you feel?

Now, the job in itself does not matter. What you imagined doing, and how you thought you’d feel says a lot about how you likely want to feel today.  

I wanted to be an archeologist as a kid. I’d picture the magic of finding fossils whilst scrapping a rock. I imagined I’d dig, explore, and polish rocks to reveal treasures.

I love coaching because it provides me with similar sensations.

Sounds far-fetched? Hear me out.

I explore a coachee’s universe. Through coaching, I help them uncover things that are unseen but present. I help people find their superpowers, and understand their minds. That’s a treasure hunt for me.

But then, I could do this in so many different ways, right? The what does not matter as much. Regardless of what I do, I know I want this kind of magic from discovering and uncovering things.

Look at how you wanted to feel, and why you thought it would be cool. It will tell you a lot about how you want to feel now.

Think about a time you felt really good about your life, what were you doing then? 

Think back to a super happy time, and if you’re in a happy time take a moment to observe. 

• What were your habits then? 

• What things brought you joy, or inspiration on a weekly basis? 

• What did you avoid? 

• What was your mindset like?

And here’s a secret, the kind of activities you think you’ll do on your ideal random Tuesday, the way you wanted to feel as a kid (and likely still want to), and the things you did when life was great, you can do them now.

Sometimes, your next step is just a tiny adjustment away.

What part of your random Tuesday can you make a reality starting now? How can you bring more of these feelings you wanted as a kid? What’s one happiness booster habit you can re-incorporate into your life? 

As always, thank you for reading. 

Happy Friday,

Orianne

About me: I am an ex-Airbnb turned mindset coach. I support business owners (and future ones) in the many transitions of their business journey.

Running a business can be overwhelming and lonely. I act as your sparring partner to help you gain perspective, deepen your people skills, increase confidence and self-awareness.

Looking for a sparring partner? Learn more here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Ever have one of those weeks?

Feeling in over your head, no clear way forward, life seems to be stress-testing all your plans.

It’s one bad news after the other.

A warm lead ghosts you, tinder style. Your website crashes, your star employee gives notice, or your co-founder appears to be a stranger with a vision that could not be more different than yours... To add to the fun, maybe some personal stuff starts piling up.

It’s all a mess, you are a mess.

Your mind being in a pretty dark place, you struggle to see a clear solution. Nothing is working, you feel incompetent and wonder what the hell you were thinking launching your business or taking on that new role.

It’s frustrating. You want to move past this cycle, or frankly just go to bed and wake up when it’s all fixed. But hey, you’re the one who has to fix it.

So how do you push through when you hit a series of dark days?

You throw yourself a full-blown pity party

Pity party: an evening where you allow yourself to do nothing and feel sorry for yourself. A space to vent, rant, complain, let it all out. You can stay in bed, watch a stupid TV show, blame whoever you want to blame, listen to sad songs, scream, cry, or just stare at the wall for hours long (my personal favorite).

No phone, no solution seeking, just complaining, eating comfort food, and feeling sorry.

At the end of the evening, you go to bed. Ideally not too late, and start the next day with a workout to get the energy moving.

Why we love a pity party: A pity party isn’t just about wallowing; it’s about release.

It takes you from hanging on by a thread, ‘pushing through’ to gaining the clarity you need to ‘push forward’. Same effort, different energy.

Your problems are still there, but after letting yourself truly feel it, you’re able to approach them with a clearer head and renewed energy.

A pity party is hitting the reset button on your mind.

Pain is in resistance

Remember, what you resist, persist. So when you resist the bad days, and deny yourself the right to feel how much it sucks, you make it harder to move past it.

Pause for a moment, to let yourself feel the feelings associated with what happens. Giving yourself permission to be sad, shameful, angry, or whatever emotion pops up about the situation helps you move past it.

It gives your brain a break from solution-seeking, and that rest gives you the impulse for your next step.

When you stop resisting how you feel, you actually move through it quite fast. That’s why all you need is an evening.

But you have to go all in, no guilt, no self-shaming or judgment around how you feel.

Don’t be afraid you’ll overindulge. That’s the thing about pity parties, eventually, you process the emotion and feel tired of feeling sorry for yourself. You reach a quiet place of acceptance for the situation.

Your pity party is your self-made safe space to process all your emotions, and invite clarity. Once you’re in a different mindset, you’ll feel like yourself again, and the path forward will lighten up in front of your eyes.

So if you’re going through one of these weeks, buy the ice cream, find the saddest Spotify playlist, and just feel sorry for yourself. I promise you’ll feel better.

Orianne

PS: Know someone who’s feeling the weight of their latest business challenge? Forward this to them and give them permission to throw a well-deserved pity party. We all need it sometimes.

About me: I am an ex-Airbnb turned mindset coach. I support business owners (and future ones) in the many transitions of their business journey.

Running a business can be overwhelming and lonely. I act as your sparring partner to help you gain perspective, deepen your people skills, increase confidence and self-awareness.

Looking for a sparring partner? You can apply to my coaching program.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

I’d start with this, who are people?

Most anxious high achievers are afraid of being judged. They spend a lot of time trying to predict how people around them will react so that they can better control the narrative.

It can be paralyzing, lead to wrong decision-making, or simply be mentally exhausting to constantly check against what we imagine other people think.

So how do you cut through that noise?

Orianne

Reading time: 3min.

Your inner critic: the puppet master behind ‘people judgement’

You’ve read this before, no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself.

When you try to control your narrative or try to influence how people see you (avoid their judgement), what you are in truth doing is avoiding the discomfort of your own judgement.

Introducing Judgy Judy

Judgy Judy is the part of you that is highly judgemental. Judy does not just judge you, she judges others too.

The more she judges, the more judgmental you become. After all, if she judges others, others may judge you. Judgemental thoughts become this scary, uncomfortable thing you want to run away from, but can’t stop producing.

Judy is like that drunk guy who can’t get enough attention and will hover the conversation with a nonsense topic just for the sake of keeping the attention. The more attention you give her, the more she’ll talk.

Like anyone craving attention, she’ll try her best to keep it.

So when you dissociate from Judy (learn about how in this edition), distancing and moving past judgement, she has a sneaky move.

Impersonating ‘people’s thoughts

When you reduce your inner judge voice or disregard it, she has no choice but to operate under an alias.

‘What if others judge you?’ is a creative way to push self-judgement. Whatever you tell yourself people think, is a reflection of your judgement.

So when you are afraid people think you’re lazy, not good enough, did not perform, are weird, you name it… You are putting in people’s mouths what a part of you thinks.

You’ve got to give it to Judy. It’s a clever move.

Panicked by the potential of other people’s judgement, you rarely pause and question these thoughts you may have questioned if they felt like a self-judgement.

It’s self-judgement in disguise.

Take off the mask

You can’t control what other people think or say, it’s overwhelming to try to do so, and that’s where your attention goes when Judy operates under an alias.

But you can work on your inner dialogue.

When you feel the urge to justify yourself, when you assume someone’s critic or words (why are these assumptions mostly negative btw?), take off Judy’s mask and face her.

Behind the mask, you’ll see that Judy is actually really scared.

She’s irrationally afraid that people may abandon you, or reject you and so she tries to be one step ahead by generating a judgement. Hoping it will at least remove the surprise if it happens and at best get you to adjust your behaviour.

It’s a state of fear and not much clarity and quiet happens in that state.

So if you want to move through life, and your career, with a quieter mind you have to unmask and acknowledge Judy, choose what is worth listening and adjusting to, and let go of the rest.

One nudge for you

Next time you assume someone’s thought about you, pause for a moment. Take off the mask, and observe where this judgement is really coming from.

How does this judgement make you feel, can you sit with that feeling for a bit?

It sounds incredibly simple, but taking a moment to observe and sit through the feeling behind your judgment is how you cut through it.

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

This week, I wanted to share some practical tips I recently discussed with a client, about ways to enhance team spirit and make team members feel seen and respected.

Remember, it’s the small consistent actions that set you apart as a leader.

I appreciate you for reading!

Orianne

PS: If you want to improve your leadership skills (or those of your team), reach out!

Reading time: 3min.

3 habits to make your team feel seen

Say thank you for

Remember that your team members may be stressed and wondering whether they’re doing a good job.

Even if what they did is part of their job description, it cannot hurt to thank them for it. Create a habit of saying thank you, be specific about it, and do it for the small things too.

Saying thank you makes your people feel seen as you acknowledge their work and effort.

Benefits:
1 - Creates mutual respect, and makes the other person feel valued.
2 - Fosters a culture of gratitude and acknowledgment between team members
3 - It’s a way to practice gratitude, which leads to feeling more satisfied

Ask what they need

It’s a classic miscommunication scenario. Someone comes to you to vent, you offer solutions, you both end up frustrated.

Don’t assume, ask what they need.

Do you want advice, support, or venting? How can I help you best?

Don’t let them off the hook, unless they’ve clarified what they want from the conversation. They may need the conversation to clarify their needs, but then you know where you’re heading.

You also have a reference point to understand if they got what they needed from you.

Benefits:
1 - Avoid miscommunications
2 - Encourages team members to get better at formulating what they need
3 - Creates clear standards for not expecting others to read their mind

Show them their superpower

Most people are not aware of what they do well, show them you’re watching with care.

When the opportunity arises, tell them about it. Of course, you want to have regular feedback loops with your team members, but this is a bonus. I am talking here about casually dropping a compliment in the moment.

Thank you for your presentation, you’re really good at catching everyone’s attention.

Extra: don’t stop at their superpower, show them also that you see when they improve.

Benefits:
1 - Strengthen team member’s self-awareness
2- Fosters a culture of encouragement
3 - Increases team member’s confidence

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Many clients I work with, usually impact-driven personality types, struggle with office politics. It’s a tough game to play. You can’t ignore it’s happening and just rise above, you can’t engage in it either, or else it leaves you drained.

So what can you do?

Reading time: 3min.

The basics

What is office politics?

Informal, and often behind-the-scenes, actions taken within an organization to gain advantage, influence decisions, or achieve personal goals, sometimes at the expense of others.

Pain associated with it:

• Inauthenticity

• Frustration, misalignment with value

• A feeling of unfairness,

• Anxiety from dealing with social dynamics

• Distrust in people and organization…

3 tips to deal with office politics

What not to do: resist and try to change the culture as a whole

What to do instead: lead by example by not getting pulled into the game, try to make changes at your level, not a company level.

I know I repeat this often, but it’s great advice: start small.

Trying to change an entire, already-established company’s culture is like trying to eat an elephant at once. You want to go one bite at a time.

Where do you actually have influence?

• How you show up and act

• How you respond

• How you treat other people and let them treat you

You cannot elicit a change in people’s behavior if they don’t want to. This is likely what’s causing your biggest frustration. There is a gap between the reality of how people around you act, and how you’d want things to be.

So first, you want to accept you cannot change the company, or certain coworker’s ways of acting.

You can only focus on you.

How you act may influence how other co-workers act. May is a keyword here, if you expect change, you’ll keep feeling frustrated.

Watch your ego - work with your frustration

Become aware of what office games are triggering for you.

Most tension comes from watching office politics happen not because of people’s behavior but because of how it makes you feel, and potentially act.

Dive in your frustration. These questions can help:

• Are these frustrations temporary or systemic?

• Which of your values is being challenged by this situation?

• What role are you playing in office politics?

• In what way are office politics impacting your actions and behavior?

• What elements outside of your control are you not accepting and putting too much attention on?

• Do you feel like you are ‘better’ than the ones playing office politics? Why?

• What do the ones playing office politics have that you don’t?

When we consider other people misbehaving (ie. they play office politics and it’s bad), we tend to blame them and place ourselves ‘above’ the situation.

Office politics may have bad press, but really it’s a social game requiring social skills, an ability to connect and communicate. The game in itself is not that bad, it’s certain players’ behavior and how you react to it that bothers you.

Bringing awareness clarifies what your frustration is showing you, and helps you adjust your behavior accordingly.

Focus on impact, make your own game

Sometimes we get dragged into other people’s games, despite not wanting to play, which leads to more frustration. Or we refuse to play, leaving us isolated, which leads to… frustration too.

Get back in the driver’s seat. Reframe the politic game, create your own social game.

• How do you want to show up socially with coworkers?

• Which social skills could you improve on?

• What type of relationships do you want to build with your coworkers?

• Who do you want to / need to build a genuine relationship with?
  What’s a good way for you to strengthen these connections?

• What’s your mission as an employee? What do you want to be known for, how do you want to help and connect?

• Where are your boundaries regarding your behavior and other people's behavior?

• What small steps can you take now to act in a way that aligns with your own game?

Take them.

Shift the focus back to your goals and the associated action you can take. Don’t ignore the game, keep a pulse on what’s going on. Use these guiding rules to deal with office politics:

1. Be aware, not involved: observe

2. Build genuine relationships

3. Set clear boundaries

I know dealing with office politics can be a lot, especially in a demanding, fast-paced environment, if you’re going through that, I am with you.

I do want to highlight, when the gap between the company’s culture (the general way people behave in the company) and your value is too big, your mounting frustration may signal it’s time for a change.

If you struggle with office politics and want help I’d be happy to support you.

As always, thank you for reading,

Orianne

Manage your frustration at work

Experiencing frustrations every week? How your mind responds to these frustrations, defines how you feel. Let's explore mindset tools to move from frustration to accept…

thesimplemind.beehiiv.com/p/frustration

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently Wanna Know a secret? from Freida McFadden — I can’t put her books down, and La Resilience des Samouraï by Robert Mercier).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

This week I was faced with a problem I could not solve. I knew what I wanted, but the way forward was far from clear, any solutions I came up with were messy.

I took my own advice, one I have given to many coachees, and decided to pause the decision-making process until Friday.

It’s counterintuitive as a fixer to let a problem marinate in a corner of your mind, I’d even say it’s uncomfortable. The not knowing, the lack of action, creates inner tension and highlights our relationships to uncertainty and control.

Staying in that discomfort though is one of the best leadership moves one can make.

The day after I made my decision to pause, I received news that completely changed my approach to the problem. I was missing information, and pausing allowed me time to get that information and avoided having to rebuild a solution.

On any level, be it in the middle of a heated conversation, or when making strategic decisions pausing is a powerful tool.

Let’s talk about how you can start using it more.

Reading time: 3min.

One reminder for you

Pausing can feel awkward and uncomfortable, it can also feel like a waste of time.

The secret to reducing the discomfort is to consciously choose a time when you’ll go back to the problem. When you do this, two things happen:

• Your mind can relax: you basically told your mind you’re not ignoring the problem, it will be taken care of at that date, meaning you can stop worrying about it until then. Leaving room for other things.

• Your mind works in the background: whilst you consciously focus on other things, your mind has registered the problem you’ll solve in the future and is collecting information as you go. Making problem-solving easier on the said date.

A relaxed, aware mind is how you produce ‘random’ good ideas (you know the solution that popped into your head in the middle of a workout or in the shower). They’re not random, your brain simply had a quiet, relaxed setup and time to work on it in the background.

A relaxed, aware mind is also how you can lead from a place of calm, and be the eye of the storm when your team needs it.

Two nudges for your

Practice pausing to get comfortable with how it feels, and observe how beneficial it is. This will teach your mind, that not only is pausing safe, it’s actually a super practice.

The benefits of pausing are most visible in the midst of a crisis. Your ability to remain calm, and step out in a heated conversation, or at a critical time of decision will set you apart and make you efficient in how you deal with situations.

You’ve got to learn in the quiet, make it a habit, so it becomes second nature to pause and reflect in a storm.

Start with conversations

Active listeners pause often. They let their interlocutors process their thoughts and express them.

Pausing in conversations can be awkward. Most people are not comfortable with silence, so they’ll try to fill the gap. If you pause for long enough, they’ll go deeper and share more. It also leaves space for the conversation to take a turn you may not have expected.

Practice it

• Next time you talk to someone you care about, pause after asking how they are doing. This will allow them to go beyond the classic ‘I’m good’.

• In your next team meeting, practice asking team members for their opinion, without jumping on what they say. Leave room for them to unfold their line of thinking and ideas. Leave room for other team members to react without you giving your opinion.

Delay decision making

Obviously, if you have to decide on the spot do it. But, if things feel unclear, and you have time, pause for a while. Ask yourself:

• What information am I missing?

• What is still unclear about this situation?

• How do I feel? (often restless, on a loop in fixing mode)

• Can I postpone decision-making, until when?

Then, until said time of decision, commit to observing only. Don’t hyper-fixate on finding the solution.

Hyperfixation is often what gets in the way, we create this mind scribble and struggle to step out of it. Pausing helps undoing the knots, by taking an observing stance.

Whenever ideas or new information come in, stay away from fixing mode, simply observe the solution unfolding before you. Eventually, the solution will be so obvious, it’ll be a no-brainer.

I appreciate you for reading!

Orianne

PS: if you want to make the most of Q4 and are curious about how coaching can help, book a clarity call. 

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

You want something real bad and you make it happen. Well done.

Well, that’s what everybody is saying. In your mind, it’s a bit different, you don’t feel as happy as you thought you’d feel. If anything, you feel disappointed.

It’s ruining your wins. So, how do we switch things around?

Reading time: 4min.

Disappointment is showing you a much-needed mindset adjustment

Any feeling is a signal. So, when you feel disappointed despite reaching a milestone you really wanted, what is it telling you?

The Now what? effect

Yay, you made it, but you’ve just passed the finish line, and instead of enjoying the high of your race, you’re already thinking about your next run. You don’t want to be stagnant, to stop growing (I should talk about this high performer fear in a soon edition).

So you maintain some sort of dissatisfaction cycle, where nothing is good enough, and you should always seek out more. In last week's edition, I talked about this, it’s about the energy you infuse. You're using the stick to keep yourself moving, could you switch to the carrot?

What you need: cultivate being content.

How?

1 - Accept that you can be content and desire more, that’s the very first step. Be happy for what you’ve achieved, and excited for whatever you choose to do next. Why should your next step rain on your milestone’s parade?

2 - Decide on your next step, based on a strong desire, not an obligation. If you don’t know your next step, just be in this win for a bit. Observe what you really enjoyed about it, leave room for new ideas and challenges to arrive. If you know your next step, take a moment to enjoy the win anyway, and create space to decide if that next step still makes sense.

3- Practice being content with the small things. Meaning practice gratitude. Create a habit of appreciating the small things, so when the big things happen you know how to appreciate them too.

List every day three things you deeply enjoyed, no matter how small they seem. The magic often is in the small things. And that magic can be used as fuel as you reach your next goal (you know, instead of guilt, and negative self-talk).

The mental hassle is not worth the results

You get the yes, you get the promotion, you raise the money. But man, you went through hell and back in your mind. So now, this win that is awesome and you wanted so much isn’t worth it. It’s not worth the mental roller coaster you put yourself through. It’s not worth how complicated it became.

Know the feeling?

You made it complicated. Well, your anxiety did, but you let your anxiety take over.

It’s normal to feel anxious and have fears when it comes to doing something you truly desire. What you want to avoid is your anxiety taking the driver's seat, instead of just hoping on for a few miles.

What you need: work with your mind. Observe the panicky thoughts, but don’t let them run the show. Learn to quiet your mind in these moments and stay in charge instead of being overruled by your emotions.

How to do it:

1 - Back in your body, out of your head. You can do that through meditation, a workout, a gentle walk, a shower… Anything that grounds you back.

2 - Don’t ignore the Panicky Betty inside of you. Let her express her concerns, then move on. You can list all of your worries and how you feel on paper, as a way to acknowledge panicky Betty but also distance yourself from her and her irrational fears. You’re not your panic or your fears, dissociate from that side of you, so you can acknowledge how parts of you feel and get back in the driver's seat from a quieter mind.

Learning to foresee panicky thoughts and quiet your mind takes time and practice, try out different things, observe what works, and keep practicing.

The Too-late Phenomenon

Yea, you got the promotion, it’s great but frankly given how it is, you could have gotten it earlier. You made a big deal out of getting there, this milestone is nice but you could have done it earlier in your career, had you trusted yourself.

That one is tough. Getting somewhere, realizing it was not as hard as you imagined, and could have been done much earlier.

What you need: eyes on the right prize, and frankly more confidence.

How?

1 - Eyes on the right prize. We get it, you have big ambitious goals, that’s awesome.If you want to run 10 miles, you can’t be mad because you have to go through 9 other miles before arriving on the 10th.

You need steps to get to your big goals. Yeah you could run faster, but can you actually handle it?

Your mindset couldn’t handle going faster, that’s why you stopped yourself.

The different parts of you (including Panicky Betty) are trying to protect you. You needed this meh feeling to realize you need to trust yourself more. Now what do you do about it?

2 - Work on your self-confidence. One aspect of self-confidence is your belief in your ability to overcome challenges. If it took you so long to tackle this challenge, it’s because you did not believe you could.

Now you’ve given yourself proof that when a challenge arises, you can overcome it. Keep giving your mind proof that you can overcome challenges. List past challenges (big and small), and acknowledge every time you overcome a challenge, even if it’s just 1 mile.

This leads back to point number 1, practice contentment.

Let’s recap

1 - Practice being content, even for the smaller wins. Use it as a fuel.

2 - Don’t let anxiety run the show and add complications

3 - Accept - and be content, where you are at.

As always, thank you for reading,

Orianne

PS: If you want to lead from a quieter mind, I can help!

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently Brain Damage from Freida McFadden and The Almanack of Raval Ravikant).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I have a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

One story for you

There was a guy in my primary school called Rodolphe. He and I were both pretty good at the game of school, he naturally became a good competitor to compare myself (you’re never too young to let comparison steal joy away).

Whenever I’d get an assignment back, my mom would ask what grade Rodolphe got.

Every time he scored better than me, I’d feel a disappointing ‘not good enough’ feeling drag my shoulder down.

Ironically, I hated school and thought it was a pretty stupid system, meaning I did not see grades as a reflection of one’s value. But somehow if he graded better than me, I’d feel less valued.

So when I had to find a name for the part of me that occasionally criticizes me with a good old ‘not enough’, Not Enough Rudolph was an obvious choice.

Every single founder I talk to (and frankly most coachees), eventually bring up their version of Not Enough Rudolph in our session. “I feel like I am not doing enough, I could do much more”.

Except for the occasional time management tweaking, in most situations, they’re doing more than enough. If anything they waste time doing unimpactful tasks to soothe the guilt of not doing enough.

So this week, let’s talk about strategies to help you deal with your inner Not Enough Rudolph.

Let’s dive in!

Orianne

Reading time: 5min.

4 Strategies to deal with your ‘Not Enough’ Rudolph

Stop justifying Rudolph’s behavior

You’d love to feel content about your work and life, but you also don’t want to overindulge, I get it. What if feeling content with where you’re at resulted in a decreased growth mindset?

No one wants that. Rudolph is a gatekeeper of your overindulging self.

Well, that’s what we tell ourselves.

Just like perfectionists hide behind their desire to get better, we justify Rudolph Not Enough’s speech as a driver. Thanks to him we do more.

And to some extent it’s true, but what’s the driving force?

With Rudolph, it’s guilt.

Imagine a world where you feel content and still aim for more, not from guilt, not from wanting to prove your worth, but simply from a desire for novelty and improvement.

This world only exists if you tune down Rudolph.

Stop ignoring Rudolph, it’s rude

The problem with our inner critics is how harsh and targeted they can be. They make us uncomfortable, feel uneasy, and a bunch of feelings that we don’t always affectionate.

They sometimes resonate with moments of our lives we’d rather not think of too much. So we try to dismiss them, change our mind, focus on something positive…

Any part of your inner critic you ignore will come back knocking.

You have to acknowledge these thoughts and normalize them to take away their power. You have to sit in and think about how ‘not doing enough’ makes you feel.

Rudolph comes in to show you an emotion. The only way out of an emotion is through, if you look away, it will only grow bigger in the background.

Don’t ignore Rudolph when he shows up. Welcome him, acknowledge how he makes you feel, listen to what he has to say. But don’t consider the information is coming from you.

You’re not Rudolph

I’ve talked about this before when working with imposter syndrome.

If a friend told you you’re not putting in enough hours or doing enough for your business, you’d likely push back. You may take in a few feedback but overall, you’d share with them how packed your schedule is, how necessary the gym and rest are for a clear mind.

You would never agree with everything they say, especially if it’s false, and delivered in a highly emotional manner.

So why do you agree with Rudolph?

Giving that part of yourself a name (you don’t have to stick to Rudolph, though it rhymes), and having that inner dialogue as you would with a friend you care about, allows you to disassociate from your inner critic.

It gives you space to choose what part of that feedback is useful, and which part is just an overload of hyper emotion. It allows you to process the emotions without feeling overwhelmed.

You then get into a healthier and healthier relationship with Rudolph, which means less guilt, and a much quieter mind.

Not enough compared to what? Compared to who?

Rudolph tends to make us forget our goals, and focus on what we ‘should’ do AKA what other people seem to be doing, or what we believe society thinks we should be doing.

If your ‘Not Enough’ comes from comparing yourself to others, or ideas others have, bring the focus back to you vs you. Look into your past progress, and where you want to get.

Rudolph is showing you something you may want to improve, maybe behind the guilt, there’s an element or two of truths and you may want to act on it.

‘Not enough’ focuses on intangibles.

It’s this blurry idea of wanting better but with no clear action.

Make it clear.

Set yourself up for success by deciding where to improve, the how, and the what.

Make the why of the improvement about your goals and desires, not about guilt and Rudolph.

This is how you free yourself from ‘Not Enough Rudoplh’, you work with him, not under him.

Thank you for reading,

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently The Little Prince, and The Almanack of Naval Ravikant).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Why do we need clear goals?

When it comes to running a business, the answer’s obvious: clear goals align the team to work in a clear direction. (Obvious, not always applied, but that’s another topic).

When it comes to goals you set for yourself, it’s easy to dismiss their clarity. After all, these are your goals. You don’t need alignment in your head. It’s obvious you understand what the goal is.

But do you?

How many goals have you set, then forgot about, or unintentionally tweaked?

I was recently interviewed in Life Intended podcast (link below), where Kelly and I discussed self-confidence and the importance of clear goals.

This week, I want to talk about how self-confidence and clear goals interwind.

As always, thank you for reading.

Let’s dive in!

Orianne

Reading time: 3min.

Blurry Goals Create Blurry Confidence

You need a point of reference

Your self-confidence is rooted in your trust in your ability to overcome challenges (self-efficacy). So you need to register your wins.

If goals are blurry, you forget about them, it’s unclear when you reached them, and it’s unclear if you didn’t. It’s actually the reason why most people set blurry goals.

To some level it removes pressure. You can’t quite fail.

You can’t quite succeed either.

Being clear on what you are trying to achieve gives you a point of reference. Made it, or didn’t, you can acknowledge and celebrate a success, or acknowledge and learn from a failure.

Failure is necessary to build self-confidence

Ignoring failure, keeping things murky to avoid it, not only prevents you from building self-efficacy, it creates more, unecessary pressure.

Failure becomes this big scary monster you must avoid at all cost. It makes it hard to keep a quiet mind when the stakes are so high. It makes it much harder to recover when you do fail.

Acknowledge when you succeed as much as when you miss the mark. It will increase your confidence in both your ability to reach your goals, and your capacity to bounce back when you don’t.

For that you need a crystal clear goal.

Going above and beyond SMART: clear intention

Everyone loves SMART Goals. It’s a great way to make sure you clarify every aspect of your objectives, with a clear measure for success (wait what’s SMART goals?).

SMART Goals are great, especially for business. But here’s an element you want to focus on when it comes to mindset: what’s the intention behind your goals, how do you want to feel?

This will help you know when to pivot and avoid pursuing unfulfilling goals (which would impact your self-esteem and self-confidence).

You can set clear goals and later change your mind

I get it, clear goals feel like commitments you may not want to make.

You can decide you no longer want to pursue something, without impacting your self-confidence.

But it has to be a conscious choice, else you’ll feel like you failed. You’ll associate moving on from the goal as not being resilient enough, not being good enough or whatever else you use to self-critic.

Focusing on your intention will allow you to pivot easily. Whether it’s because your intentions change, or the plan (your SMART goals) are no longer fulfilling the intention.

A client once wanted to scale their business and reach a certain team size. As they grew, they realized managing was actually not something they enjoyed, and chose to adapt their goals accordingly.

Their intention was still to run a successful business, but having a day-to-day they enjoyed was a non-negotiable for them. They pivoted.

Iconic GIF from TENOR

Registering a pivot as a choice to move closer to your broader goals (or intention) removes shame and builds confidence in your ability to honor your needs.

Wrapping up

Clear and intentional, no matter the outcome, build your self-confidence.

It’s rarely ever about positive outcomes (though these are nice). It’s about knowing you have what it takes to overcome any challenge, and knowing you show up for yourself by honoring your vision.

One resource for you

Want more on self-confidence? Listen to my conversation with Kelly for Life Intended Podcast.

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently a french novel, and Sell like crazy from Sabri Suby).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Guys, some compliments strike more than others. They make us feel seen.

This week, I received a review on GrowthMentor (a platform where I offer mentoring) that touched me.

The mentee highlighted my ability to ask surgical questions.

I felt seen.

See, I am the fixer-type. I used to work in ops, where my biggest strength was my ability to oversee a problem and fix it. It’s a pretty useful skill as a business owner.

As I learned to coach, leaning into the power of good questions was quite a journey. I had to practice switching between fixing and exploring mode depending on the situation.

You need problem-solving skills to run a business no questions here. But fixers tend to think they know the answer, limiting them.

Your ability to ask good questions opens up new possibilities when it comes to fixing a problem, but also, and mostly deepens relationships, understanding, and perspectives.

It basically 10x your leadership skills and it’s easy to implement, so why

This week, let’s talk about asking the right questions.

Orianne

Reading time: 4min.

The power of good questions

Why you want to learn to ask better questions

Good questions lead to good conversations. Good conversations build stronger relationships, bring new perspectives, and hence, unexpected solutions.

Think of it this way, we all experience life through our own glasses. Each of us has a unique color shade and correction based on our upbringing, experience, and personality traits.

This is how sometimes two people involved in a situation don’t see the same thing. This is why there is no such thing as ‘common sense’.

When you have good conversations, led by good questions, it’s like exchanging sunglasses with different shades at sunset.

You suddenly experience a different scenery, the new glasses may allow you to notice things you hadn’t seen and to let go of things you thought were important, but actually aren’t.

When you put your glasses back on, the way you experience the view is enriched. The other glasses brought awareness of previously unnoticed elements you now look at through your lens.

Sometimes, switching glasses helps you realize how blurry things had been too.

Through good questions, you invite more clarity and new insights.

It improves your leadership, but also your friendship, networking, and most recently, your AI prompts.

Fixer hat, out, explorer hat, on

The energy you want behind your questions: Genuine curiosity.

Let go of the know-it-all energy.

Consciously or not, leaders often use questions to direct the answers they want or think they know.

It’s a habit learned from childhood.

Directing questions is a strategic parental tool.

“You want the strawberry yogurt or the apple?”

Because “What are you in the mood for?” would likely result in candies for dessert.

As adults we sophisticated it but the strategy is the same.

We limit potential answers or assume we know what the answer will be. It’s a fixer mentality.

If you want to improve the quality of your exchange and your problem-solving, you want to ask better questions. To ask a better question, you have to switch mentality.

It’s you vs you.

Be willing to not know and to challenge what you think you know.

How?

1 - Be intentional
When starting a conversation, be aware and set a clear intention. You’re an explorer, you know which port you’re departing, but you don’t know what the scenery will look like when you arrive, or where you’ll arrive.

2 - Ask open-ended questions
Yes or no, and option-based questions should not be used much. You want to ask open questions where the person's line of thinking directs the conversation, not yours.

3 - Watch your thoughts
Projecting a destination is a natural instinct, it feels safe. Train your mind, to be comfortable with not knowing the answer.
If you ask a question with the answer already in your mind, you’ll likely won’t even listen to the full answer, just the part that validates what you assumed.

Question your question. Have you directed for a specific answer? Ask a different question, or reformulate it to invite more ideas in.

3 - Go deeper
Challenge what the person is saying. Not for the sake of challenging, but to get a better understanding.

Watch for queues to go deeper. It can be body language, two slightly contradicting statements, something the person seems to assume or be sure of and could be challenged, or something that surprises you, does not match your logic.

Rephrase what they say to ask deeper questions, always leading with curiosity.

A list of questions for you

Ok, this is endless, but here are 5 of my favorite go-to questions framework:

• Asking for the motivation behind an action or idea: To what end, What motivated you to?, Why is this important for you?, Where do you want to be in 5 years?

• Mirroring what they say: If I summarise, you think […], did I get it right?, So, in your opinion, […]?, It’s interesting you said […], but also […], I am curious what’s the friction here?

• Inviting new perspective: Have you faced this situation with a similar or different context? Who else experiences this? If you put yourself in […] shoes, what do you think is at play for them? Where else do you see similar situations / dynamics? What’s an option you have not considered yet?

• Opening to any direction: What’s top of mind for you right now? What’s one random thing that happened / somebody said that stuck with you? What are some good things that happened to you recently? How is life at the moment? (living a silence after the usual ‘good’ answer).

• Challenging ‘certainties’: Is this true? Says who? What makes you believe this? Is there a world where this is different?

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently a French novel, and Sell like Crazy from Sabri Suby).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Many entrepreneurs struggle with this one:

You’re on the edge of burnout, you can feel it but can’t rest. Even if you try, your mind’s restless. There’s a big milestone coming in (isn’t there always one), so you’ll rest then.

—or when your body stops you, likely at a very inconvenient time.

When faced with an on-the-edge-of-burnout entrepreneur, who knows it, seeks coaching because of it, but does not want to take days off, I usually ask:

How do you get some rest and revitalize?

They look at me with big eyes that say “Don’t you dare tell me what everyone tells me, I can-not take a 10-day holiday”.

I rephrase.

What are some ways you can get some rest without taking a holiday?

Blank stare.

Yes, there is a way to get rest, and to revitalize, in times of hyper something (growth, work, stress, you name it).

It’s more subtle than just unplugging for days but also can be more effective.

Because taking 5 days off stressing about your company, will not allow you to rest.

I know it because I had to learn the hard way.

Every time I don’t get enough rest, every time I over-stimulate or overwhelm myself, my body stops me.

I used to self-judge, call myself lazy for listening to my body. The truth was, I wasn’t lazy, I lacked strategic thinking.

As a business owner, your mind and health must be part of your strategy. Without a clear mind and a healthy body, you’ll hit a wall eventually.

When your business needs a big push, which these past two years, have been the case for many entrepreneurs, you’ve got to learn to be strategic about your energy management.

It’s a marathon, with mini sprints in it. Many of them.

You have to pace your effort like an athlete, not throw your all at it, and then struggle for the rest of the race.

Come join me, on the -almost- relaxed side of entrepreneurship.

Let’s dive in!

Reading time: 5min.

Rest as a strategy

There’s a voice in our head, telling us rest is lazy, I call it Lazy Jerry. In this grind economy, dominated by the 5 AM club, we bully ourselves into ignoring our body and mind to push through.

It’s not sustainable.

It’s like burning cash with your company, it may work for a while, as you’re backed by investors, but eventually, you need profitability and sustainable growth.

The same applies to your mind. You can, and should sometimes do sprints when you push through. You should sometimes unplug for a week or so to get some deep rest, but most of the time, you need to find ways to push through, just enough, and keep your energy.

So how do you find that balance?

You work on rest, the same way you work on money. It needs a clear strategy and constant optimization.

Productivity vs busyness

We somehow confuse productivity and busyness.

We keep telling ourselves we have to be productive when in reality we are forcing ourselves to be busy, not productive.

Productivity requires both rest and vitality to effectively manage our time, and get the optimized output based on minimal input.

Busyness means pushing, pushing, pushing inputs, without necessarily monitoring outputs. We default to busyness to feel in control, often because there is a lot of pressure on results.

Your mind is clearer and more effective, hence productive, after a good night of sleep, after meditation, or after a workout. Not when you push in 10 hours of ‘work’ (aka time in front of the computer).

Action: Whenever you blame yourself for not being productive, gently ask yourself, am I aiming for productivity or busyness? Meaning, is this the optimal (most productive) use of my time, or do I keep busy to feel in control?

Dealing with Lazy Jerry

Lazy Jerry is that manager saying he focuses on output over input so you can leave the office whenever you’re done, then ask you if you took off the afternoon when you take off at 6 PM.

Well, a version of it but in your mind.

The thing is, every time you get rest, or revitalize yourself through an activity you enjoy you feel guilty.

It’s not you, it’s a byproduct of society, social media, school, likely your parents’ education, and let’s be real here, a fear of not having what it takes to be an entrepreneur.

Many entrepreneurs I talk to have this underlying fear of not being hard-working enough, of not doing enough.

It comes down to control (again). When you run a business or lead a team, many things are outside of your control, only within your influence.

Busyness makes you feel in control, rest, makes you feel shame, and like you’re giving away even more control.

Lazy Jerry is a tad evil. You have to watch for him.

It’s not his fault, he’s simply a part of you full of inner resistance.

He loves to rest and indulges in it when you do (that’s when you take a 5-minute break that turns into an hour of scrolling). He’s torn between his need for rest, which is a real need, and a lack of discipline.

Ironically, you usually lack discipline because you don’t get enough rest and resourcing.

Give yourself what you need so you don’t crave it

or worst, indulge in it.

What do you think works best?

A couple of weeks a year of strict detox, followed by weeks of bad eating because you deprived yourself, or a regular healthy diet, not so strict, allowing cheat meals from time to time?

Don’t get me wrong, a week of detox sometimes is necessary (these are your business sprints), but it has to be backed by consistent, disciplined eating habits.

The same applies to your business, the same applies to your mind.

There’s no such thing as overnight success, it’s a long, steady effort, invisible to most, that yields results.

It’s the small, seemingly insignificant disciplined habits of rest and revitalizing that lead to feeling energized in the long run.

If you deprive yourself of rest, you’ll crave it even more, resulting in more procrastination, more shame, being harder on yourself, less rest… a vicious circle leading to burnout.

Go Micro

Create micro-revitalizing and resting habits, that will ensure consistent breaks and allow you to be more disciplined, because you’re getting what you need.

These habits are low-effort, short-time activities (1 min to 40 min.) that revitalize you (make you feel motivated, happier, more creative) or allow you to rest (make you feel less tired, clearer, etc.)

It may feel silly to meditate just 5 minutes a day or to do a 20-minute workout when you are exhausted. Such small things don’t feel like they’ll move the needle as much.

But these are the pit stops (just like a marathon runner getting water and food micro-breaks) that allow you to manage your energy and push further than you thought you could.

Action: Think about short activities that make you feel more relaxed, creative, energized, etc. Reflect on how often you do them.

One nudge for you

Create a list of 5 resting activities and 5 revitalizing activities between 1 minute and 40 minutes. And yes, you need both.

Schedule in your calendar one of each daily.

Hot tip: you can use these activities as ways to open or close a task.
ie. Do a 5-minute meditation before starting deep focus work, or doing a short run at the end of your workday.

I hope this is helpful. As always, thank you for reading,

Orianne

PS: I have 4 spots left for Founder’s Mindset Coaching, where we use our 1:1 sessions to create a mindset toolbox to help you deal with any situation as a founder. More info here.

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently a French novel and Sell like Crazy from Sabri Suby).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

You can change how you respond.

Today I want to go beyond just work and talk about human-to-human dynamics, sharing principles to make communication and relationships smoother.

Like many things, it's about how you respond, and more often than not how you react.

Happy Friday!

PS: I will be offline exploring London on a cool summer breeze next week, so there won't be an edition, but I'll definitely be back in two weeks!

Reading time: 5min.

5 principles that will change the way you look at your relationships

1 - You may speak the same tongue, but you have different languages

When we build a relationship be it professional or personal, the getting-to-know phase, and the many adjustment phases that come after, are about translating to one another.

You communicate trust, anxiety, appreciation, or any other important things in different ways, and receive it differently.

Approach your relationship with the same level of curiosity you’d have for a new language, genuine curiosity without judgment.

2 - Don’t assume

None of us has the same frame of reference (because you know, we’re all wildly different).

How you think ≠ How they think, so you can’t afford to assume.

A classic conversation I have with clients is when we talk about feeling valued.

When I ask them how they show a team member appreciation for their work / how much they value them, they assume their team members know it. There’s no clear how, or limited examples of how. The regularity of it is blurry too.

When I ask them if they feel valued for their work by their own managers, they usually don’t.

If I ask what the managers do to show they value them, it’s usually the same as what they apply to their own team. “I guess my manager just assumes I know it. (aha moment) I do the same to my team”.

It does not apply just to know how you feel about them, it’s about any information.

Assuming other people know what you have in mind is dangerous.
Assuming you know what they have in mind too.

You have to communicate, the good, the bad, the boring even when you think they know.

As a rule, whatever you label as common sense or knowledge needs to be communicated.

Or reiterated.

We’re all busy living our lives, focused on what matters to us, and we forget. What matters to others, may slip your mind and vice versa.

State your needs

As you know, people forget. State and reiterate what you need.

Not in a needy or bossy kind of way, simply sharing it with confidence.

Let’s take a personal relationship scenario (hypothetical but could have happened).

Sometimes as a business owner, I need a space to vent.

I spend my days overthinking about my business, or a specific problem and sometimes around a glass of wine, it’s nice to just get it out of my chest.

A friend who also owns a business may come to me with solutions. After all, I am sharing a problem.

Unless I state clearly I just want to be listened to we’ll both end the conversation frustrated.

“I wanted a space to vent and assumed she knew that was my expectation, after all, I am saying no to all her suggestions, she could take the hint.” — could be my reaction.

My friend may not understand, because in her own language, when she shares a problem, she loves to get a solution back, so she was trying to be helpful. She took the no as challenge to brainstorm better solutions but eventually got frustrated because I shut her down.

She did not feel appreciated despite spending her night off trying to help me. I feel frustrated not getting my needs met in the relationship.

Get the idea?

And I know, communicating our needs, and sometimes having to reiterate what we want can feel vulnerable.

4 - Most people actually want what’s best for you and the relationship

So give them a real chance.

Here’s the thing if someone is not reliable, does not have good intentions or simply doesn’t care you’ll know.

You’ll know even faster if you communicate your needs straight away and get really curious about who they are (their language), and how they think (not assuming it).

If you get defensive, you’ll receive a similar response from the other person.

The only way to give them a fair chance is to lead with curiosity, show the way, express your needs, and give tools to the other person to understand you better.

If your needs are not met, adjust your expectations or move on from the relationship. Some people are just not our people.

5 - Respond, don’t react

Reminder: react usually comes from ego or feeling attacked, it’s defensive (me vs them). Respond comes from reflection, and focuses on solving the problem (us vs the problem)

Ok, limit reactions, because by definition if you react you do not have the time to take a step back and respond.

If you apply the previous principles, it gets easier to respond in times of disagreement.

Things feel less personal, you feel more inclined to communicate better your needs when they are not met, you lead with curiosity instead of assuming. It all gets lighter.

Bonus: give space

This is how you avoid reactions and invite responses. From both people involved.

Sometimes we want to fix things, we want an answer right now, but learning to give a bit of space, allows for the mind and emotions to quiet, for new perspectives to come in, and for more curiosity.

In the heat of things, emotions are often too high. Whenever there is a conflict, or a big decision to make, choose space.

A reminder for you

Relationships require work. We’re too different to just be getting perfectly along — and frankly how boring would it be to be all the same?

Adjustments are perfectly ok, if anything they are a requirement.

The best partners, at work or in life learn to check in often and share openly when their needs are not met, when their language evolves, or when they make a mistake.

Thank you for reading.

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently The coworker from Freida McFadden — I can’t put her books down, and Sell like crazy from Sabri Suby).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.

The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

This edition is inspired by two things:

• It’s officially the beginning of summer, or at least the weather is starting to feel like it, so I am in a celebratory mood.

• Earlier this week I talked with Kelly Berry from Life Unintended podcast about all things self-confidence. We talked about the importance of celebrating, and Kelly shared a habit for celebration I loved (more about this in the Nudge section!)

Here’s the bulk of it: celebration, and post-mortem, done in a systematic way are crucial for your mind to register your ability to overcome challenges, which boosts your self-confidence.

Let’s dive in!

Orianne

PS: Kelly podcast helps listeners embrace their individual journey, encouraging them to follow what feels right for them. Pretty cool huh? Check it out and I’ll let you know when the episode we recorded together comes out.

Reading time: 5 min.

A reminder for you

There are two elements of self-confidence:

• Insecurities: the not-so-nice things you tell yourself, we can call it your inner bully and how much you let it take over

• Self-efficacy: your trust in your ability to overcome challenges

These elements feed one another. I like to say self-confidence is similar to a set of muscles.

Infographic - Self-confidence - The Simple Mind

Insecurities = your core: are you able to put mental boundaries on your inner critic?

Self-efficacy = specific muscles: if you have strong muscle in an area, does your confidence lay in your strong muscle (skills), or in your ability to grow muscle?

The importance of looking back

This is what you do when you do a post-mortem or a celebration. You look back on what happened, acknowledge and register what you went through and did.

It sounds basic, and as an overthinker, you likely feel like you spend enough time reflecting and going back again and again on what happened.

Yet doing it in your head, vs taking a moment to write it down and celebrate is different.

The travel back in time test

In my self-confidence workshops, I ask participants to travel back in time and think about themselves when they were junior.

What was one thing that felt scary as a junior and you now do without even thinking about it?

Think of one (ex. writing emails, voicing your opinion, talking in meetings…)

Now, when did it stop being scary, can you think of a specific time?

Not really? It just happened, and you moved on.

Your overthinking brain spent a lot of time back then, rethinking email and how you could have done better, or thinking about how you lacked self-confidence, but did you ever take a moment to register your progression?

Not really?

This plays a big role in building self-efficacy (your trust in your ability to overcome challenges).

We often don’t celebrate cause “it’s too late”

When we lack self-confidence, it feels like even when we reach a confidence milestone, we’re late to the party. Let’s say you own your business and you don’t feel confident asking for specific pricing.

When talking about money, many of us don’t feel confident, we are afraid to ask for too much, to appear cocky, to invoice too little. Many struggle to state their prices with a quiet, confident mind.

Once you reach a level, where you finally feel comfortable asking for what you want, it does not feel like a win, it feels like a long-overdue mindset. So not only you don’t celebrate it, you dismiss it.

Think about it, where do you dismiss your progress because it’s too late?

Shame takes over. Shame of not doing it earlier, shame of celebrating something that seems basic, or that seems like a small win in the bigger vision.

We reserve celebrations for “destinations”. Celebrating the milestone feels both like it’s too late, and like it’s too soon. After all, there are many more milestones to come and we’re late on our made-up “schedule”.

Celebrating your progress ≠ stop wanting more

Here’s the thing, it’s not you vs what other people do. It’s not you versus where you should have been a while ago (that kind of self-talk does not help).

It’s now-you vs past-you.

Of course where you want to go matters, and as an over-thinker you spend a lot of time thinking about your progress and where you want to go next. So what’s the point in stopping, writing it down, and doing something to celebrate? Sounds more uncomfortable than anything…

As a driven individual, you won’t stop looking towards your next step, and I am not encouraging you to stop.

I’m encouraging you to learn to pause for a moment, reflect and register, so you can build more amazing things, with a quieter mind.

Register it all the good, the bad, and the ugly

And let’s be clear both can happen for the same project or business. You could celebrate some wins or learnings and still do a post-mortem on what went wrong.

You could have a lot of things go wrong and still celebrate the one thing where you made progress.

What matters is to do it

I recommend doing it in writing, and for celebration creating a moment, doing something to treat yourself to register and activate your reward system (which registers in your mind when there is a hardship and I push through, something good comes up, let’s do it again)

How you can write about it:

Do it around an easy structure, using a simplified hero journey.

• Comfort zone: what was the situation before you started?

• Call to adventure: what nudged you to make a change, take on a new project, start a new product, try something new?

• Challenges: what took you out of your comfort zone, how did you feel?

• Overcoming the challenges: what happened? Which mindset shift took you on the other side of things?

• Return: you come back to your comfort zone, only you are different, and your comfort zone slightly expanded. What’s your new comfort zone? What have you learned (the good and the bad)? What will you do differently next time?

One nudge for you

Celebrating can feel uncomfortable for all the reasons I’ve mentioned. Maybe you feel cringe to celebrate yourself, maybe you feel like it’s not enough or too late, so not knowing how to celebrate becomes the excuse not to do it.

Kelly had a solution for this, make it easier for yourself, reduce decision-making around celebration by creating a celebration list.

Put in there 10 ways to celebrate, some big ones, and some smaller ways so you have an option for each occasion. When you celebrate, take a moment to mentally acknowledge what’s happening:

“I am celebrating this milestone, overcoming this challenge”

Some ideas to get you started:

• Try out this new restaurant down the street

• Have a little dance party in your living room,

• Booking a flight

• Buying new clothes or a piece of jewelry

• Taking someone who supported you out for lunch

• Taking a day off (or a lunch break) for yourself

• Book a workout class…

It does not have to be fancy, it can be fancy but does not have to. It just has to be something that will spark some joy and create a good memory that you’ll associate with overcoming the challenge.

It may feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but with time you’ll feel more and more at ease doing it. And Also, isn’t life more fun when we take a moment to celebrate?

Want more on self-confidence? Check out exercises in this self-confidence workbook.

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I am a mindset coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you’re ready for coaching you can book an intro call.