[Editor’s Note: This piece has been edited from the original. Mostly to remove profanity :).]

[Author’s Note: Quyen is censoring me. :(]

[Editor’s Note: I was censored when we went backpacking with your grandfather so. I can declare an issue of the buzz a no swearing zone if I want to.]

[Author’s Note: :(]

[Editor’s Note: rough.]

Howdy! Quyen has generously given me this platform to crash out about graphs. Boy, I did not know I had such strong opinions about this. Let me set the scene. Wednesday February 11th, I’m lying on the couch when Quyen comes home from AMS council. She pulls out her phone and shows me a couple graphs that were included in a presentation about student opinions on proposed fee increase referenda that will appear on the ballot this election. This sets off a cascade of feelings as my little Research-Pilled brain attempts to understand how we got here. Before I begin my Crash Out™, I’d like to say that I have nothing personally against the presenters, I’m sure y’all are chill. However, the presentation of these survey results was blatantly misleading and a textbook example of bad dissemination of results. 

One of the graphs in question

Now, without further ado: 

I know, right? Where to even begin? I guess the lack of transparency of methods is as good as any. Girls… what scale did we use? What questions did we ask? There’s a reason methods are an important thing to report. It is fundamental to understanding the data presented to us and what conclusions it allows us to draw. In general, you need to report what you asked. If you ask things on, say, a 5-point Likert scale, you need to report those scores as you collected them. You can’t arbitrarily lump together responses, especially not when you pair “neutral” with “supporters”. In what world does that make sense? Why even include “neutral” on your scale if you are not going to report it as a distinct response? If you don’t want “neutral” responses then do a forced choice scale where it isn’t even an option. “Neutral” needs to be treated as a valid and distinct response—you can’t group “abstains” with “yes”s. Also, what is the point of using a scale that has multiple options if you are going to reduce it to a binary “supporter/potential supporter” anyways? Speaking of, “potential supporters”? Are you kidding me? That is meaningless. You can say that about literally anything. What in the “everybody is a potential friend you just haven’t met yet” is this? You don’t get to do that when reporting results of a survey. It is deceptive and misleading. Especially when you are not transparent on precisely what you asked. What was a 1 on the scale? What was a 5 (or a 7, or whatever because we don’t know how many points were on the scale). Was it “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree”? “Very unlikely” to “very likely”? Look at any methods section with self-report measures, and they will always tell you what scale they used and what high vs low scores represent. What was presented gave us so little to work with. The AMS claims that the survey was to assess sentiment and not a preliminary vote. Sure, fine, that makes sense. But what is the point of doing that if you are going to be deceptive when reporting the results? How can you make a plan on how to sway voters if you misrepresent your data and obscure the full picture? 

Another thing I took issue with—the use of the word “significantly”. I’m sure you’ve seen that nifty little term floating around in research. When we’re talking about the results of a survey like this, where they were supposedly testing to see if knowing where the money was going made students more likely to support the fee increase referendum, the term “significantly” tends to be taken to mean “statistically significant”. That is to say, the probability of the difference observed between before and after was greater than chance. I’m sure many of you are familiar with significance testing. I’m in psychology and we use the p <.05 threshold to determine statistical significance. Now, I don’t think a t-test or any analyses were done on this data beyond throwing it into a couple of hideous graphs (I will get to this), so the use of the word “significantly” is the misleading cherry on top of a deceptive sundae. 

To end on a slightly lighter note, let me talk about the graphs themselves. The visuals. I’m sure most of us have seen our fair share of graphs and have likely made a couple ourselves. When I was a young, fresh-faced second year psychology major taking my required PSYC 218, I learned some important “dos and don’ts” of graph making that have stuck with me. Most critically, don’t include unnecessary noise. It's distracting, ugly, and gets in the way of understanding a graph. Now, I admit, these presenters’ infraction was relatively minor, but it upset me nonetheless. Gradients. Really y’all? Gradients? They are ugly and add nothing to the presentation. I know Powerpoint sometimes automatically applies one to shapes but like… even if that is what happened, would it be so hard to just change it? Not to mention the dark background (with yet another, weirder gradient). Y’all there is a reason graphs tend to have white backgrounds—it makes them more legible and the contrast of colours really helps with accessibility. You want your bars to stand out from the background and a white background tends to be the best option for contrast. 

In conclusion, be transparent. You’re a university student at a research institution. Honestly and accurately reporting your findings is critical. You need to give your audience everything they need to know to understand your results and you need to understand and be clear about the limits of what your data can tell you. I know it seems semantic, but be careful about your language. Don’t use the language of “significant” unless you’ve done significance testing to back it up. Also, if you’re going to be misleading and deceptive, don’t make it so obvious as to include “neutral” with the “supporters”. That’s such a red flag gang. 

[Editor’s note: Matthew and Claire (the referendum coordinators) do seem really nice! And Claire was super knowledgeable when I talked to them two councils ago — I think they have a good sense of direction for how to pull these referenda past the finish line. But these graphs were a very big flop.]

Other News

New Ubyssey Merch

You’ve seen the press passes. You’ve seen those iconic blue press vests amongst the crowds of protests. Some of us even have press hats! Like old timey reporters. But there is one realm of apparel that The Ubyssey has yet to have the gall to enter. Until now. Introducing……………..

The Press Tampon!!!!

Going deeper since 1918

I’ve proposed the name: The tampyssey. But that’s a bit risky in the pronunciation department. I’d also accept the tambyssey (though that’s not as fun).

Also pitched to the Deputy Managing Editor (for some reason he wasn’t that keen on the tampyssey) were Press Pads and the Ubycup (A diva cup but themed after our dingbat.)

Now, no one has actually started making these. But don’t worry, I’ve already found a supplier: Custom Condoms UK

Bulk Promotional Tampons & Custom Branded Tampons

Create your own branded tampons. Low MOQ. Packaged individually, our promotional tampons are perfect for promotional use or stocking in toilets.

customcondoms.co.uk/shop/custom-tampons

DO YOU SEE THE VISION???????? CONVINCE SPENCER. If Doug was allowed to make Ubyssey golf balls to hand out to…. anyone who seemed UBC-aged, surely we can do this to support women.

[Partner’s note: Please don’t encourage her. I’m begging you. It’s a bit for you, but I need to live with her.]

[Editor’s Note: I asked how much was reasonable to spend on the Tampyssey and was told $100. And then $50. And now I’ve been told if I spend any money on the Tampyssey, my partner won’t speak to me for a week. But if the deputy managing editor spends money on this………………..]

New Columnist!!!

Close Up: Has anyone at Netflix ever watched a movie?

From the way its executives talk about film, it doesn’t seem like it. In her debut column, Fiona Pulchny looks at the company’s confusing stance on theatres and what they’re doing to the cinema experience.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/close-up-has-anyone-at-netflix-ever-watched-a-movie

Y’all should send your love! Fiona’s Close Up is awesome.

That’s All!

Oops I forgot to take the time to swap over to a different newsletter service :/. Next time, trust. Speaking of next time, I’ve been considering…. what if I went back to nightlies during the election period? Would be a silly funny throwback. But also I will have so many other responsibilities that week that it might not be possible. Perhaps I shall try and be content to fail. We’ll see.

Anyways, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into a summer project that I’m excited about. I’ve been bullied about spending so much time on it because I spent like a 7 hour car ride working on it, then spent the night working on it, then woke up and continued working on it. It’ll be big if it happens. Not to spoil, but I have a very clever name for at least one (1) aspect of it that I hope becomes a thing.

Hope you folks enjoy your reading week. Get lots of rest or lots of work or lots of vacationing or lots of rotting in bed in the liminal state of horror and exhaustion as you mindlessly subject yourselves to the horror of the world.

See y’all in a fortnight at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

Closing my teeth and opening my mouth since 2025

So maybe this newsletter was supposed to come out last week. And maybe I forgot about her until fifteen minutes before this guy was supposed to go out. Oopsies.

Anyways, a column happened:

Point of Inquiry: What makes a good student politician?

Your candidates need to be CLEAN, meaning they have Chutzpah, Leadership, Experience, they need to Align with your beliefs and they need to be kNowledgable — yes, I know the last one is a stretch.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/point-of-inquiry-what-makes-a-good-student-politician

WITH A CUSTOM ILLUSTRATION (this is epic).

A guy on Bluesky thought the acronym should have been CLEABkN because it’s “giving IKEA” which is hilarious and awesome.

I’m sure other things are going on but my mind simply went blank when I started writing this guy. OH! We wrapped a Draw Steel game earlier today! That was cool.

And last week was Gay Week — named because one of the coops at my job took the week off for her gay wedding, which is super exciting!!! W for the sapphics.

I also took an honest to god three hour nap today. That was nice. Even though I wanted to work on things. But that’s okay.

And I watched maybe my first rated R movie. (It was Deadpool because my editor got me back into Marvel LMAO.) I’m very brave and y’all should tell me I’m very brave.

That’s All!

I’ll definitely remember to publish something next week over Valentines :). Everyone better get their confessions of love for me ready (you’re all legally obligated to have a crush on me and tell me you have a crush on me next week).

At least mark carney fucks with gay porn since 2025

I’m gonna be so honest, y’all. I really spent most of my newsletter writing time researching alternatives for beehiiv. I mentioned this to my partner, and they thought it was a betrayal of the bit. (The bit, of course, being this newsletter’s origins in the Barry ‘Bee’ Buzzword joke campaign.)

On this, I agree. It is a betrayal of the bit. BUT, I think a greater betrayal is happening right now: the betrayal of beehiiv HELPING ME SPY ON YOU.

It’s really uncanny. Like… I don’t need to know that one of you is reading from Dublin.

I could have known when Danielle got back to the US from the ol’ term abroad in Italy because of this location tracking. I haven’t even spoken to Danielle!!! I’m just able to stalk you. (btw, thanks for listening to a reading of my column, but I can’t believe you said you would have voted for Scooter Dom. You’re dead to me, Danielle <3)

Back when I was doing these nightly, I COULD SEE WHETHER PEOPLE WERE SLEEPING IN SURREY OR OFF SASAMATS. It’s honestly so weird and uncanny. I truly don’t need this information.

Beehiiv also puts trackers in to determine when you open emails. Giving stats that I truly don’t need to know, like how of the past 15 emails, the president of our student union has opened 12 within less than a minute (and 9/15 in less than 15 seconds — the median was 12 seconds, the minimum was 6 seconds, and the maximum was 43 minutes).

Likewise for seeing who opens what links. I don’t need any of this information. And I hope you feel kinda creeped out that I know this. I’m creeped out that I know this. Because I shouldn’t.

So… here’s the deal. I’m gonna bail on beehiiv — probably not next newsletter but the one after. In the meantime, I figured out RSS, so here’s the link to that: https://rss.beehiiv.com/feeds/aLcPMS8KAn.xml

You should RSS it up. It’s great :D. I can’t track you, and neither can people on other websites.

I’ll be able to copy y’alls emails over to whatever service I switch over to, so there shouldn’t be any service disruption for you folks, just a visual change, probably. Also, I may send the next newsletter from both beehiiv and whatever new service I settle on. But maybe not, too :D.

Other News

Reading books goes hard

CW: Discussions of suicide (by an LLM)

Who’d have thought, reading is good??? I’ve read four books so far this year, which is honestly epic. 3 non-fictions: On Tyranny, Enshittification, and One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This (the last, on loan from my boyfriend). And one poetry (ish): What Makes Us Human, which is… co-written by GPT-3.

I liked the first three.

The AI Poetry was… not good. Here’s an excerpt:

I can’t recommend the book. BUUUUUTTTTTT. I annotated it, and I thought it would be fun if a bunch of people wanted to read and annotate it. :D. Then you’re reading a collection of people reacting to each other and a silly little language model. Idk could be silly.

Anyways, here’s my favourite quote from this ai poetry collection:

Anyways, if people have recommendations for books not cowritten by GPT-3, that’d be snazzy :D. Bonus points for fiction, extra bonus points for a sci-fi anthology.

Invermere.

in the east kootenay town of invermere for the largest lake curling bonspiel in the province

and let me tell you, yes

— Justin McElroy 🇨🇦 (@jmcelroy.bsky.social)
5:33 AM • Jan 17, 2026

Can’t believe Justin made it out there (plz don’t notice me Justin).

I’ll keep the curling in mind next time I write about a place I haven’t been to.

I watched Guardians 3

I hate to say it, but I am now vaguely aware of Doomsday and I’m a little bit excited for her. Why is Steve Rogers coming back??? Just for money???? Unclear.

I thought I fell off Marvel but she is in fact fun. (Whoever would even dare to say Marvel is in the same genre as inferior films such as the Transformers franchise should be given the electric chair.)

Journalism-ing

New column! With another coming Soon™️ 

Point of Inquiry: I thought I’d be done with the AMS in 2025. I’m glad I’m not.

In 2025, the Huntley administration replaced toxicity with focus. In 2026, as students confront the affordability crisis and the AMS faces its deficit, service costs and businesses’ performance, this is the new bar in student politics.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/point-of-inquiry-ams-2025-review

Some have said this is the best one :). She’s gonna be in print, me thinks. NEW PRINT LAYOUT, TOO!!!!! (I like what I’ve seen of it, Ayla)

Sam Low-key

I’m gonna be sad when you leave in three monthsssssssss.

Also I regularly fear that everyone hates me lmao. My poor partner has to listen to me stress about “what if Spencer decided he hates me and he hates what I wrote and he never wants to speak to me ever again” literally every week. (They’re a champ for putting up with me LMAO).

Hope you feel better bud. Can’t wait to leave you more notes in the new office :D

IDK why but i’ve been thinking about trips I want to do :)

No plans, just desires. Probably won’t do any of these because I hate spending money:

• Big train — maybe to Toronto??? (It’s sad because train is like 3x the cost of plane)

• Cheeky little Whitehorse visit

• Cheeky little meet up with friends in New York maybe a Niagara type situation

• Fourth thing

That’s All!

Oops we’re a little late. It’s been a weird week. My failing tech startup had their all hands this week. That was something.

Fun week coming up, though :D. Something pretty exciting overmorrow, but it means I’ll have to get to work early tomorrow — and probably Wednesday too.

Also we’ve got a Dune scheduled for the end of the month and i’m so excited to Dune again. We need to get a Bene Gesserit win condition.

Aaaaannny ways. I’ll stop writing so I’m only 15 minutes late on this one.

Gay socialist polyamoury since 2025

(Oops I set her to publish at 12:03 pm CT instead of 12:03 am CT. My bad, y’all. The Icosatetra-Yearly, Twice-Weekly, Daily Nightly Buzz regrets this error.)

I don’t do them. At least New Years’ ones. I don’t think it’s a particularly effective way for me to improve my life. More power to you if it’s a helpful framing :D. But I just don’t think it’s reasonable to expect myself to change overnight. And every time I expect myself to, I’m setting myself up for failure. (I’m not good when things are framed as pass/fail. The all or nothing attitude makes me give up at the first setback.)

Anyways, that’s not to say I’m not thinking about how I want to improve. I’ve been doing this thing since… at least since I started college, where I choose something I’d like to focus on for the year. And because I’m a goober, it’s aligned to the school year not the calendar year.

I think of her like a theme. It’s not something I can fail at, just something I’m working towards. And something I acknowledge I will fluctuate on. I try to keep it vague and high level too, to encourage not getting tripped up by the specifics.

The year I went into college, my focus was Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Education. I was cognizant of how I’d be liable to completely absorb myself in school to an unhealthy degree — to the detriment of the rest of my enjoyment and life. I was also concerned that I’d be obsessed with grades such that getting good grades was my became my main focus, rather than actually learning.

So throughout the year, I was intentional about disconnecting my grades from any sense of pride or accomplishment. It helps that in the abstract I don’t believe that a 100-point scale is a useful measure of learning (someone tell me what the difference between 76 and 77 is).

I think I was very successful with that! I still get anxious when checking my grades, but I’m not concerned about it, if that makes sense? I get stressed when doing schoolwork because I want to do my best work, but not because I want to get a good grade. Which is how it should be, I think. Anyways, during my final year I should try to get one or two Bs in a class :D. I can’t go through life literally getting As in every course.

My second year, I wanted to focus on Developing an Appreciation for My Body. You know. Historically, had a fairly negative view of my body a lot of times. Big bummer. In part, this was Gender Stuff. But it was also just like… a general disconnect? I didn’t always feel in my body, if that makes sense.

One of the things that inspired this theme was I started taking HRT that year. August 12. (I had to look that up in text messages with one of my friends, fyi.) I’m not sure that physically made a big difference that year, but it definitely helped with my emotional view of my body, if that makes sense. There was a lot less of “ew, gross. I hate that.” Starting to date my partner and having them call me pretty also helped :).

A lot of the work was really just… being intentional about how I thought about my body. And I was really careful about not letting those thoughts lead into skinny = good because (a) I don’t think that’s a good thought and (b) I have the type of personality that could easily fall into Not Healthy eating habits. (I didn’t and haven’t, thankfully.)

I also got a lot more comfortable with affectionate touch. I’d be fine with it before, but just because it was important for the other person. (Famously, before we started dating, I would give my now-partner “robot hugs.”) But I’ve developed into a bit of a (with consent) handholdy huggy guy. Tbh I feel like I could be a friend cuddle guy, but that hasn’t happened yet.

I just think this was a very productive year. I’m pretty happy in my body these days. I get bummed out only rarely about my body. And — not to be vain — I very often think I am very pretty.

Third year, I worked to Intentionally Devote Resources to Relationships. Listen, the fact of the matter is, I’m bad at staying in touch with people. Truly there are too many people where I have drafted a message I forgot to send or meant to get around to writing a message but haven’t yet. (Among them, Sam Low who sent me a very thoughtful email over a week ago that I’ve been meaning to respond to. And will respond to before I send this post.)

Ultimately, I realized this wasn’t something that would be completed by Just Trying Harder Lol. Because it really doesn’t happen on its own :(. Even with people I really love.

So, ✨structures✨. Regularly scheduled calls are honestly so big. Incredible innovation. It’s in the calendar. And if something gets in the way, you can reschedule? It’s so epic. Honestly I need to set up more regularly scheduled calls/spending time with people. But alas, I’m trapped Jostling in the Jostleplex most weekdays. Being back on campus starting in May is going to be peak.

Another (sam)low key embarrassing structure is adding a daily item in my (now defunct) todo journal that was literally “message one person/three people.” (I had a minimum viable “partially complete” option and a “fully complete” option for all of my tasks which was very helpful.) I was messaging my friends/family so I could fill in a little circle in my little book and it was GREAT. Because I like my friends/family AND I like filling in little circles. Win-win.

I’ve fallen off in recent months on the whole keeping in touch with people thing, which is a shame. Honestly, I think I need to bring back the todo journal and my friendship interaction quota. I hate that I need a circle to fill in to motivate me to talk to people I care about, but if it works, it works. I do think I’ve been good about scheduling things, though! Dinners and events and the like. More to come, hopefully :D.

And this year. My big thing was Acquire Tools to Handle Stress Healthily. I just… have been aware that when I’m stressed, I’m not always great to be around. Sometimes I just fully lock in and completely ignore everything around me (as in, I’ll make acknowledgements when I’m address but I will process literally 0 information.) Other times, I get kind of snappy. I’m told I radiate stress.

So, you know. This has been something I’m trying to work on. I’m not sure I’m succeeded right now. My stress response is just kind of panic as I audibly list out everything I need to do in my entire life. And then shut down and not do it.

I think right now, it may be more worthwhile to establish structures that will reduce my amount of stress, rather than trying to manage stress better when it piles up. So… pre-managing stress. I think this means I should probably go out to the newsroom multiple times a week. (Alas, the bussy is one of my greatest sources of stress, but that’s okay because I love her.)

But that’s not to say I’ve done no stress-reducing stuff! Biking to work has honestly been incredible. Just the every day exercise makes such a big difference in my mood. (I’m in Texas right now where my morning routine is brush teeth, shower, start jostling, probably don’t eat breakfast. It’s BRUTAL.) I also restarted running with my boyfriend in the evenings, which was also really nice. Because it meant I got to see him most nights :). And then we’d yap as I escorted him back home. And then I’d get to walk home without my phone at 11pm. (That sounds like it should be stress inducing for a non-man like me, now that I say it out loud.) I also think I’ve gotten better about communicating when I’m stressed, rather than just radiating.

Anyways, that’s the main story :D. I did a pseudo new years resolution, but I’m not counting it because it was a single action that I took days before New Years, and I want to say I’m Not Like Other Girls and don’t do resolutions. It was deleting YouTube from my phone. I’ve made zero other commitments to myself about my usage of YouTube.com, she just no longer has an app on my phone. Yet I think it’s gonna go well :).

Other News

My Discord Kitten told me to add this recipe to the buzz

She said not to change anything, and I do as I’m told.

(Something about Texas makes me hardcore flirt with my friends and their girlfriends. I know a lot of hot people, okay.)

((also this is a PSA that everyone I know in Texas should get a passport so they can visit Vancouver so they can be convinced to move to Vancouver foreeeeevvvveeeeeerrrrrrr. Or maybe we can all move out to Whitehorse together and have a big gay Yukon party of happiness and health insurance.))

(((also also, triple parenthesis are often used as an antisemitic dog whistle, which is a thing I think about every time I do the double parenthesis as I have in the preceding paragraph)))

Pizza :))))

Makes 4-6 pizzas. (3 pizzas safely serves four people)

The pizza is a little bit wavy, but it doesn’t require a lot of preheating or a pizza stone/steel.

Ingredients

• 2.5 cups warm water (100-105F)

• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar

• 1 packet active dry yeast

• 2 tablespoons olive oil

• 1 tablespoon salt

• appx 5 cups of flour (all purpose has been what I use — but maybe other ones would be better? idk)

Dough Preparation

Ensure the Yeast is unfucked. Put the 2.5 cups of warm water into a large bowl with the 1 tablespoon of sugar. (My typical vibe is a bit under a cup of hot water and the rest of room temperature water.) Then add a packet of active dry yeast. Stir then let her sit for a couple minutes. You should see the yeast bloom, which'll look like frothly bubbles appearing on the top of the water. This is good. If you don't see this after 5-10 minutes, your yeast is dead and you'll have to restart.

The rest of the dough. Now add 5 cups of flour, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and 1 tablespoon of salt. Mix them together. I use my hands, since you'll have to give up on a spoon at some point anyways. If she's too wet and annoying to work with, add a little bit more flour. You want to knead her until she forms a pretty cohesive ball. Trust your gut :).

Rise the first. Cover the bowl with a wet towel and let her rise for 30 minutes.

The Divergence. Knead her a little bit more. The more you knead, the thicker the dough will be (I think). What we had was zero kneads at this stage — I think like... 3-4 goes at it would probably make it a little better. Then, set out 4-6 containers that you can seal up. Put a bit of olive oil in each one. Then, tear of roughly equal sized bits of dough and put one in each. Use the dough to rub down the inside with oil. Seal those containers.

Rise the second. Let these rise again. If you're planning to eat them same-day, rise them on the counter for 2 hours if possible. If you're going to have them later in the week, put them in the fridge. I think they'll last at least a week.

Sauce

I don't super have a recipe for this yet. I'm trying out a bunch. But as a base, you'll want:

• 15 oz can of tomato sauce

• 6 oz can of tomato paste

• 2 tbsp olive oil Then, throw some spices in! Here's what I'd start with:

  • Oregano (quite a bit)

  • Salt to taste

  • Sugar (1-2 teaspoons)

  • Pepper

  • Onion Powder

  • Garlic powder

Or you could just buy pizza sauce from the store. I'm sure they'd have that.

The precarious baking

This is the scary bit. I highly recommend getting everything layed out before you start. You don't want to be cutting pepperoni or grabbing cheese out of the fridge during this operation. Also make sure no one fucking else is in the fucking kitchen. You need your fucking space for this, your family can wait 30 seconds to do their fucking dishes. Be a bitch if you need to. It'll be good practice for you, Emily <3

Prep. Do the following things before you start:

• Pizza Peel. Grab a light cutting board or flat baking sheet or pizza peel or the like. You'll use this to transfer the pizza into the oven, so make it light.

• Flour. Set up some way to get a small amount of this out without sticking your hand into the container.

• Cheese. Make sure she's grated before you go. In an easy to access bowl

• Sauce. Put a spoon in her

• Toppings. Make sure they're in a state to be applied as quick as possible

• Oven. Clean one of the oven racks. Put her as high as she can go. Put your oven's broiler on high.

• Things for Touching Hot Things (Like you kitten 😽). Oven mitts and tongs.

Roll the dough. Put a sprinkling of flour on your baking sheet. (A lot of recipes say corn meal is more traditional but that feels like a lot of effort.) Pull the dough out of one of your containers (I like patting around the edge until she comes... out.) Put her on your baking sheet and flatten her a bit with your hand. Sprinkle some more flour on top. Then, roll her out with a rolling pin or a wine bottle or something. Go to whatever thickness you desire/whatever size will fit comfortably in your oven.

The tricky transfer. Open the oven. Pull the oven grate as far out as you can. Grab two "corners" of the pizza dough and lift her up. Pray. Drape her across the oven grates. CAREFULLY lift up bits of the dough to make sure it's not falling between the grates too much. You can optionally take the oven grate out to do this, but you still have to be careful with the heat.

POV: You're a bird. Watch this shit like a fucking hawk. If you've got an oven light, use that. Otherwise, open your oven for a quick look truly every like 20-30 seconds. You're looking to keep any big bubbles from forming. If they start to, reach in with your tongs and pop that shit. You're also looking to make sure you're cooking the pizza evenly. If your broiler is uneven, you may have to rotate her. (A tip for this is sometimes it's nice to pull her out onto your baking sheet, adjust her, then pull her back into the oven. Once you get a nice crisp going on the bottom, you're ready to go to the next step. I try to let some sections char a little bit if I can.

Nascar Tire Change. It's go time. Clear the fucking kitchen. Open the oven and pull the rack as far out as she'll go. Grab your tongs and flip that pizza over. Then go to town on the toppings. Pizza sauce (I find starting with three big spoons gets me close to the amount I want) — try to get her as far towards the crust as possible. Parmasean cheese, if you like can be nice to put on right after the sauce. Mozzarella cheese — definitely go with low moisture cheese if you're hoping for full coverage, otherwise it'll be super oily. Toppings of choice. Once you're done, push that rack back in and...

POV: You're a bird (again). Again, watch her. Constantly. Rotate if need be to cook evenly. You can pull her out whenever you want, but if you leave her too long the cheese is gonna get her all oily.

Extract. Pull her out when she's done. Cut her and serve :))))

Twilight

Oh god I watched twilight for the first time.

Everyone is an abusive son of a gun. Like both Jake and Edward are weird and bad and toxic. I appreciated Jake for suggesting polyamory though. But I would appreciate that. As a little poly girlie. I don’t think that’s possible though because both Jake and Edward are abusive and also hate each other. Except for that one tent scene that spawned a million fanfics… I have been told.

Y’all don’t know how much I freaked out when I heard this line in particular. Mark my words, I’m gonna write a segment on the Vilest Rag just to get to say this line at the end.

We watched Breaking Dawn Pt 1 the other night, and I was Warned™️ about the birth scene. Like I was told it was really gnarly. So I did what anyone would do and hid my head between my friend’s back and the couch. And when the sounds got all bitey and bone-breaky, I’d either scream or flirt with my friend’s girlfriend (also face hidden behind her back) to drown it out. 10/10 highly recommend.

Not beating the autistic allegations

A NEW TRAIN OPENED UP BY MY TEXAS HOME

The Silver Line. It’s really cool. I’m a no car guy here in Texas which is a little isolating. But now there is train!!! And it’s really nice. I really hate to admit this, but I did start taking photos of the train once I got inside (I WAS VERY IMPRESSED OKAY DONT JUDGE MEEEEEEE.)

I also would jump up and down and clap my hands every time the train pulled into the station. And when it blew its little train horn!!! Such a beaming smile on my face. Really not beating the allegations.

There are tables! And luggage racks!

I’m a little sad how empty she is, but I’m sure that will change

It really pisses me off though because there is a movement of cities trying to withdraw from the regional transport group. Which is like… actually so silly. The new train station was completed in November. If my town pulled out of the transport group, the train would literally just roll through the station. It would be a massive waste of 2 billion dollars.

Also the pro-withdrawing from the transport group councillors were like “if we pull out of the Dallas-area public transport, we’ll still have public transport, it will just be better and cleaner and quicker and cheaper. How? uhhhhhhhhhhh still working on that but it totally would be all of those things.”

But it’s like… the folks who want to withdraw from the group aren’t boots on the ground. I watched a 3 hour city council meeting, and literally of ~35 people who spoke, only one spoke in favour of putting withdrawal on the May ballot.

It strikes me that up in Vancouver, we’re arguing for the construction of a train line to our university. But down here in Texas, transit advocates are advocating for a train line that was already built to… continue running a month after it opened.

My ex boyfriend got Discord hacked

He’s just like Aisha for real. (Also Aisha I’ve mentioned you to my friends in Texas and they were like “oh yeah, I definitely recognize that name; you’ve talked about her before” and also they said your name was pretty.)

I think I’m very funny and also an artist. (I drew this in my phone’s notes app while in the car, but you really can’t tell.)

That’s All!

My brother turned on the news while I was writing this and I’m gonna be honest, listening to the President justify kidnapping the leader of a sovereign nation wasn’t the vibe. But this is not a national politics type of newsletter so I shall leave it at that. I much prefer the local variety. Anyways, this was a real chunky one.

Also for those who know about/care about this sort of thing, I finished Ascension 19 on all four Slay the Spire characters — going for The Heart each time. I’ve been hoping finish A20H on all characters before StS2 releases, and it looks like I’m gonna get there!!! This is literally gonna be my greatest video gaming achievement of my life.

Also also, I read my first book of the year! On Tyranny (she was mentioned in a meeting with my editor ages ago, and I finally bought her).

Also also also, just to tease you nerds, but I’m sorry that the version of myself I’m constructing for the internet is unwilling to send screenshots of texts with my father. Because some of them are incredibly funny. My man’s be crashing out about how his moving to Columbia affects his relationships with his children. I did stray from my buzz identity a little bit by including so much profanity et al in the pizza recipe but I was told to leave it unedited :D.

Hope y’all’s winter break was nice. I fly back to Vancouver during my work day this Wednesday. Which sounds stressful. But alas, it is like that, occasionally.

See y’all in a fortnight (Jan 18) at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

Not anyone’s fault, just the facts and reality since 2025

I feel like you should at least be in business class?

I’m trying not to stare, since I know there are cameras he can see through. There’s a beautiful sunset. I shan’t describe the golden ichor painted across the sky or the pillowy skyscape beneath us. You know what a sunset is and I wouldn’t do it justice. For it was beautiful. I felt lucky to gaze upon it. Flying always fills me with wonder. Our people make miracles for each other.

Did he see that sunset? He faced the window for quite some time. The mirage refracted through sensors and processors and diodes. Was that a sunset? It feels less Real than mine. Transmuted. Processed. Recreated, as Theseus’ ship.

Yet my view was processed too. Transformed by a technology light enough that I forget it rests on my face. My sunset was processed, yes. But only by refraction. It wasn’t remade. The real sunset reached my eyes. It didn’t reach his. His was intercepted. He got a mirage. His was less Real. Right?

The attendant comes by. I ask for apple juice (as always). I get it without ice (a treat). He asks for club soda. The visor stays on. Does he see her? Does she feel seen? His face is obscured. Yet eyes still meet hers. Eyes-like-his meet hers. Like-eyes-like-his meet hers. It doesn’t feel human. It feels disrespectful.

He has a partner. They wave at each other through the visor (she doesn’t have one). He looks at her as she sleeps. Does it feel as Real for him as it does when I watch my partner sleep. Does the visor plug the wellspring of love? I doubt it. He adjusts her hair as she begins to wake. He stares into her eyes. What does she stare back at. Is it Real? Does it matter? It doesn’t stop love. He leans in. She leans forward. A quick peck — they adjust around the visor. Does it get in the way, or is it just something they needed to adapt to?

[Author’s note: If I’m wearing an Apple Vision Pro, I don’t deserve to be kissed. Information that will surely be relevant for many readers of this newsletter.]

He goes to the bathroom. The visor comes off. His cheeks are red. Not a blush, but a similitude. A weight is lifted off him. Is he happier, seeing — really seeing — the rest of us? Even if it is while queueing to piss.

I think I’d be blushing too once that came off. I never feel good about my time spent away from The Real.

I like humans. It’s why I love my bike to work. I don’t talk, but I see trench coat guy and one-cuff-woman and cargo parent. We are a people. And I am in The Real. The journey is from me. I make the journey. It wouldn’t be without me. I make the journey Real. My technology doesn’t get in the way of that. Right?

I wish I had more than twenty pages left in my book. I want to stay in the world of The Real. But I am a hypocrite.

I didn’t enjoy it that much but I’m a cry guy these days so I did tear up at the end

Other News

I’m supposed to tell y’all about trench foot

But to be honest, I’m scared to actually do research because what if the feet are gross. (Famously, I don’t watch R-rated movies because I’m afraid they’ll have blood.) So… here’s a wikipedia page

(I removed the image from the embedded link, you’re welcome babes)

LITERAL PROOF I HAVE MORE. THAN ONE OUTFIT

Just… not many more. I think all the Vilest Rags for the year have come out. And I was very brave and wore something different in each one. SO THERE IS VIDEO PROOF I WEAR MORE THAN ONE THING, GUYS. Have you now seen basically my whole closet? Let’s not talk about that. The point is, anyone who says “you’re wearing literally the same thing every time we see you” or “you wore that outfit last time. except maybe the pants. wait turn around I want to look at the embroidery you did on your ass” is verifiably WRONG. And a bad person.

Anyways go listen to the Vilest Rag. The Caleb episode may be longer than the Spencer episode, but the Spencer episode has more one sided bullying.

(I was having dinner with my Canadian relatives the other week and my uncle went “how’s the podcast going?” “oh yeah I guess it’s goin—” “I watched a couple.” me, gagged)

I’m going bowling tonight

manifesting 100+

That’s All!

I wasn’t sure what that was gonna be until I started writing. I took some quick notes on the plane but I didn’t want him to seeeeeeeee. I’m happy with how she turned out given I gave her less than an hour. (I owe you folks another Point of Inquiry. It’s been too long.)

This is the last newsletter of 2025. It’s been a crazy time. I hope you all know I’m grateful for all of y’all. This has been a really great year. I fell short of a fair few of my goals (I wanted to be better about maintaining relationships but… oops sometimes you ignore people for months). But I’ve also met challenges I hadn’t even dreamed of. I’m proud of myself this year. I hope the rest of you feel similarly about yourselves.

Enjoy your families and your sloths and your festivities and whatever brief respites you’re afforded. 2026 is gonna be great :DDD. I’m excited

See y’all NEXT YEAR (Jan. 4) at 10:03 pm (or Jan. 5, 12:03 am for me). Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

“Fuck you Kellogg” novelty vibrator since 2025

As you folks know, I’ve started doing a bit of bicycle transportation. Because like… exercise is good or something? And it’s like… genuinely as efficient or faster for most of the places I’m going. Actually so incredible. A great decision. I really need to get a basket or panniers or something. But alas.

Anyways, cast yourselves back to… a week prior to today. I am, of course, in my cooking era. And I decide to make pizza for the polycule (basically every night for the past two weeks that I’ve eaten dinner at home either myself or my partner has cooked for the polycule. It’s been epic). I, of course, need to get yeast and cheese and tomatoes and toppings for the ol’ pizza. So I decide to bike to the store.

Now you’ve got to understand. It’s morning, but like… not that morning. As in morning defined as just starting to be a productive member of society. So like… 2pm. I’d showered and everything, but this was the only time I was going to leave the house, so I was just like… this is a quick trip to the store — 2 minute ride — I’ll just rock sweatpants and a t-shirt. No bra, since it would be quick.

(Thank god that wasn’t the day I ran into Drédyn Fontana at the grocery store LMAO. That would have been crazy.)

Anyways, I go on my little bike ride. I’m having a great time. The sun is shining. The boirds are choirping. Hard to be upset. I cross the first intersection. Everything is fine. A car slows down so I can pass it. We’re chilling.

As I approach the roundabout (that is the second intersection of three on my way to the grocery store), I do a standard check to ensure that there isn’t a car actively entering the roundabout. Yahoo, there isn’t. (I should note, this is about all I can do because of the visibility at the corner.)

Once I enter the roundabout, I glance to my right and I see a big ol’ car barrelling down on me. Clearly, they had decided to just zoom and hadn’t yielded in any way shape or form. I was fucked. They were going to hit me. Like… actually trust me that by the time I could have seen them, and my position and with their speed there wasn’t really a chance for me.

So it’s like… what do you do when you’re going to get hit? I felt I had two options. I could slow down/stop or I could try to beat them. Perhaps I could have run myself aground on the centre island? But it didn’t occur to me then. Anyways, I chose to try to beat them. I figured if I might actually be able to avoid it by going fast enough, or at least position myself in a better spot. And so I zoomed as much as I could zoom in a second or two.

It worked flawlessly. I got hit — but only at my back wheel. I stayed up, and was able to pull over on the sidewalk opposite me. I feel very vindicated in my decision to zoom. Because if I stopped, I wouldn’t have stopped before the collision. So I just would have slowed down and got the front of my bike hit, probably going over the handlebars, then onto the car, then in front of the car (rough) or I would have been hit at centre mass, leg crunch, bike owie, knocked onto the ground, hopefully she stops before she runs me over (more rough). This car was also one of the tanks with the massive fuck off front part that makes it very easy to knock someone over and under. Not a cute little sedan.

On the side of the road, I checked myself. I wasn’t injured — I didn’t think I had been hit. I checked my bike — she had definitively been hit, but everything seemed to be mostly in order, with exception of my fender being a little bent. It is at this point, that I am struggling to smile. Genuinely and honestly, my thoughts are “oh my god. this is so great. this is so much fun!!!! I can’t believe I got hit by a car — what an adventure!!!”

I look up, and I see the car: she says “I’m sorry” as she rolls through the roundabout and starts to head off. I glance over at the street, and I see some debris. I run over and grab it. It’s the bottom of the license plate holder (WE BROKE IT OFF LETS GO TAKE THAT). My adrenaline filled brain is like “this nice lady is driving away without a piece of her car! I should go return it.” So I start to run after her with this piece of plastic.

Someone from behind me shouts “hey, were you just hit by a car?” And I’m like… “I guess I was? But I’m fine.” She drives away. I can’t give her the plastic.

The two people approaching me were like “we heard that shit from like a block away! Don’t worry, I filmed her driving away — I think we should be able to get her license plate.” Which was incredibly sweet. In my head I was like “this seems like way to much work for my being uninjured and with a barely damaged bike, but I really appreciate it so I guess I’ll take her license plate number.”

But as we’re scrubbing through the video, SHE CIRCLES BACK. And she offers to give me her number. And I — and I cannot emphasize this enough — very unenthusiastically take it. El oh el. Like I knew I was fine and getting my bike repaired probably wouldn’t cost much so like… but I knew it was the thing to do. I also got to say “here is a piece of your car.” Which was epic. She was honestly very nice and apologetic and did offer to pay for anything I needed with my bike.

My fender was bent and rubbing against my wheel, so I locked my bike to a street sign and I walked one more block to the grocery store. And got pizza stuff (I really struggled to find the crushed tomatoes lmao). Then I walked back to my bike and walked home with it. I put my groceries and my helmet into our apartment then I went out to walk my bike to the bike shop (once again, like 3 blocks away.)

I walk in and with a likely unnerving excitement said “I got hit by a car, not but 45 minutes ago. I am okay, my bike seems mostly okay — just the fender is a little bent.” So the very nice people start fixing my bike’s fender (and apparently a couple of the spokes too).

And the person — who was very nice and sold me my bike and has helped me multiple times already — was like “does this make you consider wearing a helmet next time.” And I was… I wouldn’t say indignant, but certainly defensive. Because I had worn a helmet. I just took it off because I was walking my bike (honestly I was carrying it a little since I didn’t want the friction to wear the tire).

Anyways, they didn’t charge me at all for the two minute repair which was very nice. And it was nice to talk to them after being hit with a car.

That’s basically it. I’m very cautious about roundabouts now. Walking and riding. That one specifically. But it’s not like a major fear? Literally as soon as I walked my bike home and got my helmet, I made myself ride out to where I got hit, just so I didn’t psyche myself out about it.

Also telling people you got hit with a car goes so hard — especially when you don’t have to follow it up by “and the hospital put two of my limbs in casts and now I have 27 pins in my body and I’m 10k poorer because of the US’s fucked up medical system”

Other News

So remember that investing meeting…

Yeah it went wayyyyyy differently than I thought.

So I was going to VanCity because I’m a filthy leftie. I’m going to be very vulnerable about my ignorance with finance. I totally thought I was going to sit down across from a VanCity advisor and they were going to ask me about whether I wanted to invest in the Vancouver Nonmarket Housing Fund or the Vancity Environmental Startup Fund. (These aren’t real things, I just assumed it was)

That was uhhhh…. not what I got. I go in there and the Most Finance Guy possible confronts me. This guy made every VP Finance look like a card carrying, money hating communist. After I told him that I don’t want to think about investing in my daily life and I just want to have it happen in the background, guy was like “well I’ve got this app that I use. You could probably use it too. It allows you to invest in cryptocurrencies.” And I was like “well, truly all I want is some Not Morally Disastrous index fund or some shit where I can put money and have it become more money.” And guy was like “you know, a lot of young people start out investing on their own — like if you like Tesla, you can put like $40,000 into Tesla stock — and then if that doesn’t work out for them they settle down into something like that.” And I was like “I don’t want investing to be a hobby, I just want it to happen.”

And then guy talked me through some options using numbers and concepts that were an order of magnitude off from how much money I have. (Guy said “a hundred thousand dollars” so many times 😭. Which is obviously an amount of money I have. From… all my Ubyssey checks that aren’t just free snacks. Or me and my boyfriend’s middling success of a Draw Steel adventure.)

Also when he was pitching things like tax free savings accounts and stuff, guy was like “by the way, you can’t invest in cryptocurrencies here.” And I was like TRULY I DONT CARE GUY. I ACTUALLY PREFER IT THAT WAY.

Sigh. And then we looked at specific funds which was honestly the best part because he noticed my visceral reaction when he pulled up one with Nvidia as 10% of it (and other AI companies for the next 10) and showed me a different fund. That was cool I guess.

But then he didn’t help me set up any accounts. And also ended off by making me look at his investing app where he was once again like “are you like 100% sure that you don’t want to invest in cryptocurrencies.”

And then I talked to one of my coop coworkers whose gay fiance is some sort of financy investment person and she said basically what I already knew which is to just throw it in an index fund.

Honestly such an L Vancity experience. Like probably some of it was my unfounded expectations going in. But also like… CRYPTOCURRENCY????? Like I know that computationally we’re way more worried about AI training siphoning away our precious water and electricity but like…. crypto farms do that to??? Not very environmentally based.

Next thing I know, Vancity is going to offer to refinance The Nest as an NFT.

I MEANT TO PUT THIS IN THE LAST ISSUE

But my character playlist for Zelikaz my dead troubadour is all musical theatre songs. Which was honestly kind of tough for me. But I did it and I am happy with it. So I shall share it!

Fun fact, the first song added to the playlist was the BDSM/SA porn song — on recommendation from my boyfriend.

I am hopelessly illiterate when it comes to music. But I have resolved that each of my Draw Steel characters in a long term campaign will get a playlist in some general stylings of them. (I don’t want to say genre because truly I wouldn’t get a 50 on a true/false genre quiz.)

My space-fantasy character Kayzyxx the Unkneeling is much more like… idk grungy emo punk type music? I think? I dunno. Perhaps I shall share that if my boyfriend ever gets back to running that game.

Cooking Era

Yeah so anyways I’m firmly in my cooking era

I don’t remember what all I made since last time, but I think it’s the following:

• Some cauliflower Mac and cheese from a vegetarian cook book. Pretty good. I enjoyed it and it was pretty easy to do, all things considered. Made me want a bigger oven

• Car crash pizza. The pizza isn’t car crashed themed. Only named as such because I got hit by a car in the process of purchasing ingredients (see above). Honestly so so good. We don’t have a pizza stone or steel or anything, so I basically use the broiler to cook the bottom of the pizza then flip it, put on the sauce and cheese and toppings, then let the broiler melt the cheese and stuff. It’s really really good :). I killed the yeast the first time I made it, but I made it again today and the yeast worked so hard. Bestie fully oozed out of the container I put her in and wedged herself between the shelf and the top of our fridge (it was an ordeal to free her)

• Zucchini pasta. Honestly it was just angel hair pasta and zucchini and a little bit of parmesan. But it was good! Also a recipe from the vegetarian cookbook. It was kinda a messed up recipe though. Like… a pound of pasta needs more than a single zucchini. Especially if you’re saying it serves FOUR. And also more than two tablespoons of parmesan. Those are rookie numbers. Next time I make her I’ll do probably 1-2 zucchini.

• ORANGE CHICKEN BUT TOFU. This is like actually probably my favourite thing I’ve ever made. It tasted sooooooo gooooood. And honestly wasn’t that bad to make. Like… oh my god. I haven’t actually eaten orange chicken in a while, but this felt like exactly it. The orange sauce just really like… oh my god. Incredible. Also using the oven to crisp up the tofu worked really well — I think we’ve been putting our tofu on too low a rack so far. I’m gonna make this so so much. It’s sooooooo gooooooooodddddddddd. I need her in my life so badly. I’m actually obsessed if you can’t tell. And I know some people question the tofu part of this but… idk I thought it was good. I guess you’d have to come over for dinner to try it 🤷 

• Vanilla pudding???? From scratch??? This was actually so easy it’s crazy. I impulsively decided to make it this morning 30 minutes before our Draw Steel session. (I had already said I’d make pizza for people after it.) It was literally so easy. Just 3 Tbsp sugar, 1-1.5Tbsp corn starch, some salt, and 1 cup of milk per serving. And then a splash of vanilla extract. IT WAS REALLY GOOD. I wasn’t convinced but after like 4 hours in the fridge she was perfectly good. And I burned a little bit on the bottom of the pot so it smelled like marshmallow while I was doing dishes. It was epic.

I’m so glad all the Ubyssey people glazed me so hard at Pender. I don’t think this whole era would have happened without that. And making food for people is making me so happy. I just want people over at our place eating our food every night. Like I’m not literally inviting anyone to come over any evening to our home for dinner but like………. if you’re reaching out by 3pm……………..

Pender food is going to go so hard next year, you don’t even know. Consider

• Veggie Lasagna

• Pizza with homemade dough and sauce

• Tofu tacos (THEYRE GOOD ELENA, TRUST. OR COME OVER FOR DINNER AND SEE FOR YOURSELF)

• Orange chicken/tofu (probably wouldn’t actually do this since I feel like people would be more opposed to this tofu more broadly. Maybe as a lunch? For me and a couple other people?)

• Chickpea curry (I’m realizing we’re at more dinners than there are at Pender lmao)

• Pancakes (maybe I’ll bring blueberries and chocolate chips for some fun and funky inserts)

• [Remember to come up with another breakfast Quyen]

• pudding of varying flavours

• iced chai

Plus Stephen said he’d make starters. It’s gonna be so epic. I really hope nothing goes terribly wrong and this will actually come to pass.

MIGHTY NEIN CONTINUES TO BE VERY GOOD

Not to tip my hand too much, BUT WIZARDS ARE SO HOT. I love a little wizard spies special opps mission. More so when it’s BISEXUAL POLYAMOROUS WIZARDS. It goes so hard y’all. Every piece of media should have bisexual polyamorous wizards.

LOOK AT THEM. I’m so normal about everyone in the Mighty Nein. (btw there is gore in this clip)

From the Archive

Not really an archive, but a subtweet of my favourite spreadsheet of the past two weeks.

The personal budget I made in 30 minutes this evening has more line items on it lmao

That’s All!

I know this was all a very rambly newsletter. But this is okay. I do not make promises of quality writing here. (Quality writing is over at The Ubyssey — hopefully Soon TM.)

Hope people’s finals season goes well!

See y’all in a fortnight (Dec 21) at 10:03 pm! Or around there. I’ll be in a different timezone by then :p.

Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

“My Christian faith has always put me at odds with partying” since 2025

Some have said I forgot the newsletter was supposed to go out today. They’d uhhhhhh… be wrong for…. reasons.

Anyways, my sweet thespian Draw Steel character was slain, two weeks prior to today. It was epic. He did his dream of writing, producing, and starring in a successful play. And literally right after opening night, the party went to do a heist/hit on a extraplanar stronghold of a faction set on killing the queen. And ummmm… he died on that mission. Which is epic. Anyways, I’ve been given permission to release the Zelikaz files, so here’s his backstory. (It’s kinda crazy in such a fun way.)

Zelikaz

My story starts on a ship sailing out of Vyzich. A new world and journey at my fore and a tired old story at my aft. Debt and personal quarrels had gotten the best of my life before I left, but now I was to start anew. I had heard whispers of the forests of Iyu, but little of its people: surely industrious to survive in such magic-touched lands. I knew they would have great technologies and resources and art. And with them, I could trade and barter, eventually developing a product that none had ever dreamed of! That money would free me to produce plays and create whatever art the heart wants.

Few had talked of successful business ventures on Iyu: to any reasonable mind an indicator they were too scared to seize their destiny or too worried someone else would first. I have no such fears. My future was my own. They could not trick me into believing there was nothing of worth on Iyu. I would seek it out and profit greatly! The fools.

Captain Griffith and the One-eyed Monkey

I had chartered the ship of the honourable Captain Griffith (she/her), who had offered to sail me to Iyu for a small fee, which I assured him would be delivered upon my arrival in Iyu. We took her standard sailing path, frequently stopping into port side towns. I myself particularly enjoyed the sea and–at the insistence of Captain Griffith and her crew–stayed within the hull of the One-eyed Monkey  during our visits. And successful visits they were for each time she returned from visiting a port, Griffith returned with a bounty of gold, gems, and pelts: surely more valuable than whatever goods she brought to trade.

Alas, it was not to last for by the time we reached the southern tip of Callegria, Captain Griffith had seen through my ploy. I had no gold to give–just my precious collection of tomes of the greats and my own writings. I offered to pen a ballad for her crew in exchange for the remainder of my journey, but she accepted no such offer. As her crew closed in on me, threatening to throw me overboard, I spun a fable to entice Captain Griffith. To our north lived a powerful magma dragon, I had read in the legends. One with a mighty hoard of gold and treasure. This much–to be sure–was true. However, I then told her that I had found a word of power, that when chanted prevented this mighty being from perceiving you: Spirrim. She bought this lie, sparing my life on the condition that I travel along with her and her crew to the mouth of this dragon’s lair. I had not expected avarice to cause the honourable Captain Griffith to become blind to reality, but I counted my blessings that I could live another day.

In the night, I knew I must escape. Though we sailed up a stream of scalding water, I knew my fate was better in the drink than with the dragon who awaited us. The crew was stationed on the deck, absorbed in their chanting as I had instructed them. Spirrim, Spirrim, Spirrim, they chanted, eyes closed. I weighed my options and risked a venture into the hold of the One-eyed Monkey. Within, I found gold beyond measure, gems enough to make the late Octavian jealous, and miscellaneous trinkets and items a plenty. Captain Griffith’s business skills truly had no match, and I wished I had learned her bartering techniques. But no time for that, I grabbed what I could and jumped off the ship into the steaming water, cries of Spirrim, Spirrim, Spirrim behind me. 

Solo in Callegria

For many weeks I walked across Callegria. Alone. Much of the gold I had taken from Captain Griffith’s treasury had left my arms as soon as I touched the water, but I had enough to purchase supplies in the towns I came across. Though things are expensive in Callegria! Probably 10-20 times what I paid back in Vyzich. I oft hoped that the honourable Captain Griffith realized my deception and turned back in time, but by the rumble of the mountain in the days after I left the ship, I suspected the worst.

Many kind people offered to help me on my journey, riding my gold ahead on horseback and allowing me to stay in their home for the night. Would that I could include these kind folks as much more than a footnote in my esteemed autobiography, but I fear too much adventure lies in my future.

I arrived in Callishay, where I once again went about attempting to charter a ship: though now with actual funds. I mean no offence to my Callishayan readers, but the seafarers of Callishay were uneducated and inexperienced, calling the late honourable Captain Griffith a fool for sailing to the south of the continent instead of the north. One particularly bad mouthed sailor even had the gall to call her a corsair! The inhumanity. 

Across the Ocean in the Soulraker

Luckily, in time I found a reasonable offer. The fourth mate of The Soulraker promised me passage, so long as I stayed quietly in the hold and hid in a barrel when the crew came within. I accepted, giving them half my gold before the journey and promising the other half of my gold upon my arrival. 

I was used to staying below decks, as was my arrangement with the late honourable Captain Griffith. However, my month-long experience upon the Soulraker was unsettling, to say the least. The fourth mate: named Phage (she/her), always wore this white mask covered in blood and pus-like stains. Her clothes too were thick, cloaking the entirety of her body in black fabric such that I’d never see her skin. When she came down every other day to feed me, she’d throw this strange, rat-like insect-like creature to my feet. Though it was covered in eyes and tongues, it was all I had to eat. And even though it made me ill, it was better than nothing.

I have experienced better accommodations and hospitality. The sounds from above decks were chilling: akin to screams and mournful wailing. I asked Phage about this once and she said something about her culture and worship. And, well, if I am going to a new continent, I best get practice adapting to unfamiliar cultures! Free myself of judgement and the expectations of Vyzich.

Not only that, but the ship was in poor repair. The walls of the hull appeared to be leaking for each time I touched them, I felt a viscous liquid. And the wood of the ship itself was squishy and almost… pulsing. I thought this ought to be checked on, but Phage assured me it was under control.

By the time we arrived in Aisir Aiwenor, I had grown tired of my time on the Soulraker. My eyes yearned for light and my skin for the gentle touch of sun. Phage insisted I stay below decks, citing something about my… soul’s marination. I suspect an error in translation; afterall, Naportivian is not Phage’s first language. After a couple days of insisting on getting some time on land and consistently being shut down, I had had enough. I went to push past Phage and leave the ship myself. Phage in a moment of surprise, lashed out to strike at me, though it never connected. A diamond ring I had taken from the late honourable Captain Griffith began to glow, protecting me. No attempt to explain myself got through to Phage and I cursed the language barrier between us. When she called out for assistance, I made a break for it, knocking her back and grabbing her mask before rushing through the winding halls of the ship, weathering the assaults of the various crew members. My diamond ring glowed brighter and brighter, deflecting a strange variety of ceremonial weapons: barbed tongue like whips, blood stained claw-themed daggers, and slings flinging stones painted to look like eyeballs. By the time I jumped from the deck, my ring had glown impossibly bright… and shattered. But I was free.

Nocturne’s Hospitality

By the time I washed up on the shore of Aisir Aiwenor, two nights had passed. I was defeated. My precious tomes had long since been lost. Much of my money spent or sunken at the bottom of the sea. I must have laid on that beach for hours and I must admit I would have stayed for many hours more were I not found by a kindly fisher and her posse of elderly assistants. Her elderly assistants carried me to her cottage, a tall tower in the midst of the wilderness. 

She called herself Nocturne (she/her) and explained she was an enchanter that had been driven out of her very own town–Aisir Té. I know not why her people had such animosity for her. In her kindness, she performed a rite to restore me to health. I must say, before that, I had felt very much not like myself, stuck below decks of the Soulraker. Nocturne reinvigorated me, restoring my purpose and spirit.

I thought of asking her why she insisted on having the elderly serve her and tend to her cottage, but I figured it rude, given her generosity. I told her of my plan to journey to Iyu and establish a great business venture, much to her amusement. She laughed when I offered her a share of the profits; I only realized later how ridiculous an offer that was. What use is money if your town has inexplicably turned against you? She gave me a counter offer. She would prepare a ritual to teleport me to Iyu. In exchange, I would agree to gather an Empyrean Stag Heart, which I think is some type of rare plant only found on Iyu. She left a book out that said as much in the days before offering me the deal. I gladly accepted, and she performed an elaborate magic handshake, apparently to bind me to my word, before translating me to Iyu.

The Forest’s Name

I arrived within a wonderful forest, vibrant plants and sparkling lights surrounding me. Butterflies of purple and blue danced around me, and a warmth filled the air. I wandered for a bit, taking in the environment. I’d sit and eat some of the scintillatingly-hued fruits growing from the trees and pick the cutest mushrooms off the ground.

A wonderful time it was, though I cannot remember how long I spent in that state. I knew I had no idea where I ought to be going and little motivation to leave this paradise. 

Until a figure arrived before me. They called themself [REDACTED]. They welcomed me to Iyu and told me they could tell I was not from around here. I conceded that I was not and explained my purpose and my journey, insisting that though from a land far away, I was open to learning and practicing the traditions of the place I now was. 

[REDACTED]’s face alit at that. I think they were nervous before, but seeing my well-intent, relaxed. They told me that something that everyone has on Iyu is a Name. A Secret Name. One they hold close to the chest. And if I were to fit in with the people of Iyu, I would have to find a Name. I felt a little out of my depth, but thankfully, [REDACTED] offered to help me find my Name.

I chose: [REDACTED ZELIKAZ TRUE NAME], after a legend sung about the rise of the late Emperor Octavian. [REDACTED] gave an Iyuan performance, then congratulated me on the binding of a Name to my soul. Not only that, they showed me where I should go next, and arranged some people that I can meet to get my start. 

[REDACTED] said though that I should keep our arrangement hidden, only spoken of in whispers beneath the full moon. They helped me develop a story to tell: that I was a student at a drama college and that I was working on a thesis: the story of heroes. I liked this plan, for I know that–in addition to my future successful business ventures–I am destined to be a world renown writer and thinker!

Other News

The Mighty Nein show is very good

These guys are my babies I love them so much and now they’re animatedddd. This doesn’t have any of the babies, but it has COOL MAGIC WHICH I LOVE. They use material components and it’s so coooolll. I love magic. Wizards are in fact the sexiest class. Magic is so cool and how does one not love a massive nerd.

They made a lot of changes from the 556 hours, 34 minutes, and 24 seconds of source material, which I think was really positive. They also made Beau the absolute coolest, which is deserved because she’s literally so epic but the Critical Role online community hates women, so she caught a lot of vitriol.

Also, huge discovery by Sam Low(key), if you click the image for the Mighty Nein animated series on duck duck go with safe search off, it very quickly brings you to a lot of porn. (I fact checked this while sitting at Sam Low’s desk with my editor on the other side of a cubicle divider. I’ve never seen more blue tits in my life.)

More Cooking

I found some epic tech which is you can go to used book stores and just page through vegetarian cook books to get ideas :). I’m in such a cooking era y’all. It’s great. I made some like… macaroni and cauliflower and brie casserole thing today which was good. I was going to make a zucchini angel hair pasta but my boyfriend’s partner doesn’t like zucchini so I changed it because I’m a good metamour. I’ve made pancakes for our Draw Steel group (essentially the polycule + our token cishet man but with crazy bi wife energy) like two weeks in a row which has been epic.

On Wednesday I’m going to try to make Orange Chicken-but-with-tofu. Which I’m excited about :). Will get some orange zesting action happening. I’d love if I pulled it off because I am an orange chicken enjoyer but I am not a chicken cooking enjoyer. I’m believing so hard that it’ll go well and it’s not high stakes at all because it’s not like I’ve invited four people over for it and it’s not like one of the reasons [REDACTED] is my boyfriend [REDACTED] (which is slightly [REDACTED]).

Beehiiv is a silly little guy

She’s trying to get me to sell ads to you folks. And I’d need a subscription to do it and it’d be for 3 (three) dollars. Rest assured, even though I can see exactly when and sometimes roughly where you open these newsletters, I’ll never sell you folks out. You’ll never believe this, but I’m not here for the money.

Speaking of Money

Boy I’m really filling space that doesn’t need to be filled because I wanted to tell you folks that I scheduled an investment meeting at my credit union??? They were so nice. I went in person and I was just like “can I do the investing?” and the person was really sweet and told me how proud she was of me a bunch of times (I love off external validation). She asked me so many questions that I was just like… shrug about because they were using words I simply didn’t know. But she was nice about it, which made me feel better :). Anyways I’m (sam) lowkey kind of excited about it because I’m gonna learn so much about money stuff and I’m going to be so on top of being ethical it’s gonna be great. (I’m also gonna predict that there is going to be an explanation of Conservative/Balanced/Growth/Aggressive like Gagan gave in council. See mom, who said student union politics wouldn’t apply to real life!)

That’s All!

I’ve got to go run! And write a thing for the EIC before tomorrow. My boyfriend have been doing a lot of late night runs which is… basically the only chance we get to do stuff outside of ttrpgs. But that’s fine because exercise is incredible. It makes you… feel better? Crazy times. There have been very scary mentions of doing a half/full marathon in May. Which would be silly funny times. That’s a lot of fitness to regain (me when I unironically peaked in 10th grade), but it would be doable. Could be fuuuunnnnnnn :)

See y’all in a fortnight (December 7) at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

Some people are competent and some are astronauts since 2025

Okay this is gonna be so great. I just got back from The Ubyssey’s annual Pender Island retreat. Which was very fun. There was disc golf. There was some very intense non alcoholic ginger beer. There was a truly epic hunt for a phone in the woods beneath a cliff (we found her!).

But maybe my favourite part was that the place we stayed had a BEAUTIFUL kitchen. I forgot to take photos of her (oops) but she had so much counter space. And so many drawers and cupboards. And a beautiful range. And some very nice cast iron pans. Before the trip, I had planned to make food for maybe 8 people? But I think I ended up bringing enough food to (at least partially) feed everyone there for three meals.

This really made me so incredibly happy. I’m so glad people were willing to try my food. And it was nice when people helped out. It was just really cool to be chopping a freakish number of carrots with people :D. And people said such nice things about the food which was very sweet and really nice to hear. I’ve historically felt very bad about my cooking skills and a little incompetent and definitely worse than my partner, so it was good to have a lot of people say nice things to me :D.

And I’m so excited for my next chance to make food for lots of people. It’s gonna be incredible. I will make better transport decisions though. I gave my editor a bag of jars to bring in his car, then I brought a bag of everything else on the walk/bus/train/bus/ferry. And — big blunder — my bag was way heavier. This also meant there was a bunch of things I’d wanted to bring/make that I couldn’t just because of food transfer logistics (RIP lunch poutine).

For the amount of food I made, the groceries cost was honestly not bad at all. Like $90 for 35-45 person-meals. SUPER worth it. Truly I have discovered a new vacation type for myself which is rent somewhere with a nice kitchen and trad wife for a bunch of friends. And one of the other editors said that next year they’d do starters and I could do the main course which sounds INCREDIBLE. I’m so excited :)

Anyways, I shall replicate the three recipes I made here: two dinners and one breakfast. As well as a little bonus of iced chai. You should tell me if you try any of these! They’re all at least vegetarian (if eggs count as vegetarian) because I don’t like cooking meat :D. I’m also giving recipes for the amount I made on the trip — so you might reduce them significantly if you are not cooking for 10+ people.

Iced Chai (8-12 servings, I think)

I feel bad because I don’t think my editor (iced chai enjoyer) actually got to try any of this? Mostly because we ran out of milk. (See also, transit above.) Next time I shall bring significantly more milk.

But this is a super quick one. She takes like maybe 5 minutes? And makes truly like 8-12 glasses of iced chai. It’s not quite the same as the type of iced chai you might get at a coffee shop, but I still love her. And also she is maybe 8% the price? Or lower? idk I haven’t mathed it out.

I should also add that my partner developed this recipe :D

Ingredients

• A pitcher (this isn’t strictly an ingredient, but you should have a pitcher to make/store this in!)

• Hot water (enough for the pitcher)

• 4-6 tea bags of Chai (I’d start higher, since you can always dilute with milk!)

• ½ Cup of brown sugar

Instructions

1. Put tea bags into pitcher

2. Pour hot water into pitcher

3. Put brown sugar into pitcher

4. Dissolve the brown sugar by stirring

5. Let steep outside the fridge for a couple hours

6. Put in fridge

To serve, just pour over ice and add milk :). You can also change the amount of sugar/tea bags to your liking.

Veggie Lasagna (18-24 little lasagna squares)

Of The Vilest Rag fame! The EIC of The Ubyssey talked about this on her episode of the podcast. I got the recipe and made it for the polycule + others (hi others, sorry Aisha that you weren’t others) and it was really good! So I brought her back for Pender.

(I think the recipe is the first one when you google vegetarian lasagna. I’ve modified her a little because I think the food processor is dumb)

Truly this may be my favourite recipe now????? She’s just so delicious. And though she takes a little while to make, she makes a lot of lasagna. A great meal for lots of people.

Ingredients

• ½ cup olive oil

• 6-8 carrots

• 2 bell peppers

• 3 zucchini

• 2 onions

• 2 800ml cans of diced tomatoes

• 4 cloves of garlic

• A big container of spinach (truly go with god. She’ll wilt down)

• Fresh basil (I just buy whatever the little plastic container of organic spinach is at Safeway)

• One of 750g containers of low fat (1%) cottage cheese

• 1 packet of no boil lasagna noodles (~18)

• Low moisture mozzarella cheese (I get a block that’s 400g)

• Red pepper flakes

• Salt

Instructions

First, we’re gonna do the sauce! You can actually make this a couple days before the rest of the lasagna. For Pender, I made it during my lunch break on Wednesday!

1. Strain the diced tomatoes in a colander. Don’t rinse them, but do a little shake to get the wet out.

2. Dice the diced tomatoes. Just make them really small. I do this a handful at a time. I’d kinda fun! Move them into a bowl that’ll be big enough to do some more sauce action!

3. Chop the basil and add her! I also normally add a little extra of just the dried basil from our spice rack.

4. Next, get that garlic real fine and add her in as well!

5. Season with about a teaspoon of salt and a heaping half teaspoon of red pepper flakes. The spice is honestly really nice, trust! I have honestly been sneaking a bit extra red pepper flakes too.

6. Add ¼ cup of the olive oil then mix her all around.

7. You can either jar her for later or set her to the side while you make the rest of the lasagna parts.

Next up is all the veggies. This is a chopping heavy step — perfect for putting some keen reporters to work on some carrots and zucchini.

1. Chop all of the carrots, zucchini, bell peppers, and onions! I try to get these as fine as I can with a knife while also not taking years to chop. I don’t mind the texture of individual pieces of veggies though :p.

2. Start cooking her on the stove top with ¼ cup of olive oil. (You don’t need to measure this. Just go with God. You’re putting oil in a pan just go until it looks mostly covered.) I’ve needed to use two different pans to deal with the number of veggies, so just a heads up on that.

3. Let her cook for like… 15 minutes? You don’t want her to char, but you definitely want some browning. Make sure to stir!

4. Throw the spinach in! She will wilt away into nothing.

5. Put the cottage cheese into a bowl and add the veggies to her! Add salt (start with ½ teaspoon but I go up to a full teaspoon) and however much black pepper you are called to. Stir her around. I actually have a photo of this one

Ignore whatever is happening with my hand. In my mind, my hand would show the scale of the bowl. (el oh el)

And now we assemble! I have previously done this in two 8 inch by 8 inch pans which were stacked pretty high! But at Pender I did one and a half longer dishes that were like … 8 inch by 14 inch maybe?

1. Base layer: 1/3 cup tomato sauce

2. Lasagna noodles covering the area. If you’re doing an 8×8, this is probably 3. Just snap them down to fit and use the scraps to take the place of a noodle later on. It’s lasagna so you can commit a lot of assembly sins and no one will notice!

3. Put a goodly amount of the veggies and cottage cheese — about half of what you’ll use on the lasagna. Then throw around 2/3 cup of tomato sauce and a handful of the cheese on top

4. Lasagna noodles

5. More cottage cheese! This is the last time you’ll cottage cheese + veggie. Then more shredded cheese. About the same as before.

6. Lasagna noodles

7. Put whatever sauce and cottage cheese you have left. Then all the cheese you have left. I have another photo for this step!

:)))))))) I LOVE THIS RECIPE

Let them cook

1. Preheat oven to 425

2. Cover the lasagna with foil (make her like a little hat so there’s air between the foil and the cheese). Or if you don’t have foil but you do have two more dishes that are the same size, you can use those instead! (See above)

3. Place her in the oven on one of the higher racks. You want to get some heat towards the top of the lasagna for some cheese browning action!

4. Let her cook for 20 minutes

5. Remove the covers then let her cook for 15 more. Maybe rotate her if you’re worried about how even your oven cooks things.

6. If the cheese isn’t browned on top, maybe throw the broiler on? I didn’t do this either of the times but I wish I had tried it!

7. Take her out and let her cool for 20 minutes or so

This lasagna is so good. You can feed many many people. It’s great. Definitely try this. It’s genuinely not like… a compromise to make it vegetarian. It tastes so good, it doesn’t even matter that there’s no meat :).

Pancakes (makes a lot. Like… 25-30?)

My truth is I searched pancake recipes and did the first one. But she was pretty incredible. I brought some whipped cream and a jar of maple syrup as toppings. (My editor was EXTREMELY confused as to how I got the maple syrup into the jar because it wasn’t the syrup’s normal receptacle.) I’d bring more maple syrup and whipped cream next time. And maybe some jam?

I had the honour (this is genuine) of waking up early to make these before someone had to leave to catch a ferry and it was a great time. I slept almost-outside on a little bed with a view of the sky and water. It was nice and cold. I got to walk up to the main house. It was great. And I got to make pancakes for a friend :). Well, lots of friends :).

I also learned I can DO THE CLASSIC PANCAKE FLIP. I’m so cool y’all. You don’t even understand. I’m the coolest.

Ingredients

• 6 cups of flour

• 4 tablespoons + 2 teaspoons of baking powder

• 4 tablespoons white sugar

• 5 cups milk

• 12 tablespoons of melted butter (two hits of 30 seconds in the microwave did the trick for melting, with a bit of stirring action)

• 4 eggs

Instructions

1. Sift all the flour, baking powder, and sugar into as big a bowl as you can find.

2. Add the milk and butter. I’m a coward who is afraid of egg shells, so I cracked the eggs into a separate container before pouring them into the big bowl.

3. Mix her good. Make sure everything is combined. It’s okay to be a little lumpy!

4. Put her on the stove! I did a bit of butter for the first pancake, then none the rest of the time. The butter honestly just made the first pancakes worse, so maybe that’s not necessary. Having a big thermal mass in the cast iron was nice and meant the pancakes cooked super evenly. Just keep an eye on them and test if they’re ready by lifting up an edge of the pancake before flipping. Also if you take breaks between making pancakes, make sure your pan is thoroughly heated before you throw down the batter!

Trust me: Tofu Tacos (about 30 little guys)

ITS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD I PROMISE. Throw away all your dumb little assumptions about tofu because it’s actually really versatile. I promise she is very tasty and you will like her! Like I promise she’s so good. At least one person who said they didn’t like tofu told me they did in fact enjoy them! Maybe this was a lie, but if it was then the kids are right: journalists are all Biased, Boring Liars.

She is also great for multiple meals! You can reheat her pretty easy. You can make quesadilla type things. Highly recommend. She’s one of my go to things to make. I use this size of recipe for me and my partner, so we get at least two more meals of left overs.

(My partner got her off Instagram and we made some tweaks. Mainly adding the beans :p)

Ingredients

• 2 blocks of tofu. At least firm. We go for a 350g extra firm block

• A can of beans

• 2 onions

• 6 cloves of garlic

• Salsa

• Can of pineapple chunks

• Soy sauce

• Oil of choice (we typically use grapeseed but I subbed this for melted butter at Pender and it was fine)

• Dry Tofu Spices: 4 teaspoons of cumin, 2 teaspoons of paprika

• Tofu Sauce Spices: 2 teaspoons cumin, 2 teaspoons paprika, 1 teaspoon chili powder. Sometimes I throw in some garlic/onion powder.

Instructions

1. Shred the tofu! Just with a cheese grater. Put her in a big bowl

2. Add 4 tablespoons of soy sauce, 2 tablespoons of oil of choice, and your dry tofu spices! Mix her around.

3. Preheat your oven to 400. Spread your tofu as thin as possible on 1-2 baking sheets. Put her in for half an hour or so. Stir her around whenever you feel like it. Probably at least once. (We will sometimes split the tofu between the oven and the air fryer. The air fryer gets her a lot crispier, so it’s a nice variation in texture.)

4. Take a 20 minute break. You deserve it!

5. Come back and chop your onions and garlic. With some oil of choice, throw her onto the stove in a pan big enough for all the tofu.

6. Add your tofu sauce spices as well as 4 tablespoons of the salsa! Let her cook for a couple minutes, or until you get bored

7. Partially open the can of pineapples and get as much of the juice into the pan as you can. Add 1 tablespoon of soy sauce too.

8. Rinse beans in a colander then add her to the pan

9. Once she’s bubbling, drop the heat and add the tofu. Stir her in and give her a taste. Add more seasoning as you desire!

Serve in a vessel of your choice. We go for like 6 inch tortillas. I’d heat these wrapped in foil in the oven, normally. But tragically the Pender kitchen — though she is my wife and I am going to marry her — did not have any foil. So I painstakingly heated every tortilla for each person as they queued.

My go to toppings for this is cheese (obvs), bell peppers (I would go for 2, for the size of our group), the pineapple from the can, the salsa, and some limes. I also sometimes go for lettuce, but my truth is I was shopping and I saw the lettuce would be $5 and I didn’t want it that much LMAO. Sorry any Ubyssey lettuce enjoyers.

Also a pro tip is if you want to stretch the taco filling a little longer, you can make 1-1.5 cups of rice. Either make people do some rice with their tofu or mix it into the pan. If you go with the latter, maybe add some more cumin, paprika, and soy sauce. Go with your taste buds.

Other News

The future of creative freedom…

Okay so this is very niche but the graphic design/layout software I’ve been using for years just had a whole big thing. ‘Twas the Affinity Suite and it’s better than Adobe because you pay like $150 for it once and then have it forever. It is worse than Adobe in many other niche ways (god I’d kill for being able to use GREPs again when I’m going layout). But she’s perfectly functional for everything I do and also not a million dollars a month and automatically using everything I make to train a stupid ai plagiarism launderer.

sigh

Anyways, Affinity took down all their apps and essentially nuked their website at the start of October and replaced it with an ominous “the future of creative freedom is nearly here.” Which is. TERRIFYING. That’s the phrasing of a super villain who is about to reach the culmination of their evil plan. And this whole vibe wasn’t exactly helped by Serif (the company who made Affinity) being bought out by Canva last year. Because Canva is angling for an IPO soon so like. Yeah. I don’t trust them to do right by their customers for the rest of time.

But it turns out the future of creative freedom was a new version of the app which is completely free (with AI features 🤮 available with a Canva subscription). This is — dare I say — still terrifying. Because software isn’t free to make. So it’s like… where’s the money coming from? They say that it’s coming from… professional designers at companies using Affinity (which is free) but then the companies are like “because our designers are using Affinity, we need to add more seats to our Canva subscription for… the non-designers”?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?! Also they might be yoinking what I make for ai training purposes which is gross????

Maybe I’m a hater but I do a little bit think there’s gonna be a shenanigans within the next half-decade. It’s just scary because I was an Affinity enjoyer. And I’d legitimately rather pay for it because I’m getting genuine value out of it and I feel like it’s worth the money. But now there’s the Free Software Enshittification of Damocles hanging over my head. Which is less snazzy.

Anyways, niche rant. But what isn’t here.

A new sigh

I ironically picked up a little sigh + head shake my editor does when he’s annoyed by rock climbers, birds, etc. Because I am of course Spencer Izen, Perspective Editor at The Ubyssey. (This joke doesn’t need explanation, obviously.)

But then drunk people (singular, not you if you’re reading this, genuinely) were being drunk. And it was very annoying to me personally as a maximally sober person. I dunno it just got on my nerves a lot because it was like… go lie down or drink some water or eat some food instead of making it my problem. Also because I’d totally be more together if I only had two drinks (footnote?).

But I was very annoyed, and I constantly did the Spencer Sigh and it was genuinely very good for my emanation of frustration.

From the Archive

No photos or link because this was CENSORED FROM THE INTERNET.

But there is a special sexy calendar issue of The Ubyssey with nudes from Ubyssey + AMS execs. WHICH IS CRAZY. A former coordinating editor told me of this issue’s existence, then I found her with the help of the current eic.

Terrible but also epic. In brief looks I got as we flipped through the pages horrified, they looked somewhat tasteful? Like it wasn’t just dick pics.

Also don’t be a freak and say this should happen again. Don’t do my friends like this plz.

That’s All!

I reeeeaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyyy want to cook for a bunch of people again. Alas, our kitchen is not quite equipped for bulk cooking. But I could do 6-8 people. (tbh we’re mostly limited by the chairs situation at the moment.) And I’m totally gonna. Personal goal is to make food for a group twice a month. I may make my partner’s chickpea curry the next time we have people over? That sounds good. She’s very yummy :)

I need to find some more recipes for next time :D. I’m so excited to cook for my wife again (the Pender kitchen is my wife). I might also try to figure out how to make home made French fries and vegetarian gravy so we could do a poutine thing next time.

If y’all have recipe suggestions please send them my way! I’d really appreciate it! I don’t cook meat or seafood (which is also meat), so maybe don’t send in like an epic T-bone steak recipe? But if the crux of the dish isn’t necessarily the meat, I could figure out how to sub it out :).

Who knew that I’d discover that I realllllyyyyyy want to be a stay-at-home tradwife.

ALSO NOT TO FREAK OUT BUT THE MIGHTY NEIN ANIMATED SERIES COMES OUT NEXT WEDNESDAY. I’m gonna try to convince my partner that we should do watch events Thursday evenings after my opinion meeting (starting probably 8:15 pm). Or maybe Friday evening would be better. Idk I’ll figure it out this week.

See y’all in a fortnight (November 23) at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

POV: You’re a bird and there’s foot stuff at Pender since 2025

In the newsletter titled “Critical Role Campaign 4: A misogyny prediction” published on October 12, Occtis Tachonis was misspelled as Occurs Tachonis. The Icosatetra-Yearly Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz regrets this error.

You might not get a main story, depends on how other things today go. But we finished our two-and-a-half year long Pathfinder 2e campaign. I’d like to review the system for y’all at some point. Or at least yap about the campaign. Fun fact: a campaign started before either of my current relationships. It was epic and cool. I’m looking forward to running different systems though. I’m thinking Slugblasters or Masks.

Main Story

Other News

POI

She’s a little outdated at this point but that’s fine.

Point of Inquiry: Is stability worth a restriction on autonomy? The AMS asks students to decide for resource groups.

At the upcoming AGM, the AMS is going to ask members to support bylaw amendments that give long-term stability to resource groups like the Social Justice Centre and Pride Collective — at the cost of some autonomy, writes AMS Columnist Quyen Schroeder.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/point-of-inquiry-stability-autonomy-resource-groups-bylaws

Theoretically more coming at some point relatively soon.

The Vilest Rag

Everyone is legally required to say I’m very hot in these and my eyeliner is suspiciously consistent between episodes. I haven’t technically watched any of my segment yet. But yeah

I made the Aisha lasagna mentioned in the first episode — I don’t remember if y’all have heard yet. It was very good. I’m looking forward to making it again.

I really need to get back on the bandwagon of scripting these

Hades II

I beat Rivals 4 on both surface and underworld. And I’m doing 32 fear fairly reliably on the underworld. This is meaningless to most of you.

I’m still missing the Icarus romance though, alas. I’ll get him at some point. AND Bewitching Eyes. I don’t know what I need to do to get that song, but mark my words. Scylla will sing it for me.

Presented Without Comment

“Anna, Lindsey Halligan Here.”

My Signal exchange with the interim U.S. attorney about the Letitia James grand jury.

www.lawfaremedia.org/article/anna--lindsey-halligan-here

Presented With Your Mom

S.V. Dáte thinks the White House press corps should hand in their badges, too.

The White House press secretary told him “your mom” chose Budapest as the site for a meeting with Vladimir Putin. HuffPost’s senior White House correspondent says it’s all part of America’s slide toward autocracy, and journalists must take collective action.

www.cjr.org/the-interview/sv-date-white-house-press-corps-leavitt-cheung-your-mom-huffpost-parnell.php

el oh el

This is so funny and childish. I love her

From the Archive (I want to bleach my eyes)

August 31, 2009

I was in the newsroom flipping through old papers and found the Too Sexy column and found this cursed letter.

I truly don’t mean to shame anyone but if your default assumption is every “common substance” is safe to stick a dick into… I mean… sigh. What even. LIVER???????? THATS WILD

That’s All!

Yay. We are trying to get this one done quickly since I do need to be writing :D. I’m also going to try making poutine tonight which is fun. Hopefully that goes well.

There’s The Ubyssey’s Pender Island retreat coming up which I’m pretty excited about. Actually the weekend of the next newsletter. Hype. I have extensive meal plans that will hopefully work out.

Until Sunday, November 9 at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

since 2025

So not this most recent Thursday but the Thursday before was my birthday. And that evening, the first episode of Critical Role’s fourth campaign premiered.

Critical Role is a show where nerd actors play DnD essentially live to tape with zero editing. So each campaign (basically a season) is released weekly in four hour chunks over the course of 3 years. It’s… a lot.

I’ve been off the bandwagon for multiple years. Because of life and because I have a LOT of criticisms about the way they produce their show and how it makes for a terrible viewing experience. But a great parasocial experience which… isn’t really my thing.

Anyways, we invited some folks over to our place and watched the premiere of the first episode, which was good and fun. But also it was four and a half hours long and it starts at 7pm. So for the last 45 minutes my partner, my boyfriend, and I (everyone else smartly left) were writhing on the floor begging for the sweet release of the show’s end. It sounds like suffering, but genuinely it was very fun.

Aaaaaaannnnnnyyyyyy ways. One of the ‘fun’ things about critical role is that the online community is……… Something. Like they’re so much. And not always in a good way.

There’s a LOT of misogyny towards the female cast members. My personal favourite was someone on the reddit who wrote a “Minor educated rant” — in which they criticized one of the female cast members (Ashley Johnson) because when she rolls dice which famously are intended to generate random numbers, she “rolls the worst rolls.” The poster went on to write “You can see this as some times where the other members make small jokes about Ashley rolls. When she needs to roll anything, I get goosebumbs [sic] fearing the worst everytime.”

I cannot emphasize this enough. This poster thought that Ashley was a worse player because she didn’t care enough to learn how to roll her dice. I am not even exaggerating. “I do think some of them learned some ways to better roll the dice,” one of the user’s comments said. “It seems that Travis and Liam” — two of the male cast members — “get in general good roles [sic], and I think if they didnt [sic] learn a better way to roll their dices [sic].”

Not to keep bashing this person, but: “depending on the dice size you use, people can maybe understand how to roll a bit better sometimes.”

Anyways, that digression is just to say there’s a lot of misogyny in the Critical Role fandom, and I thought it would be funny to take the characters in the new campaign and predict how people are going to be misogynistic towards them.

The Women

Thimble

Thimble has a big connection to the character at the centre of the campaign’s spiderweb of interpersonal connections (Thjazi Fang). Namely she is his “companion and partner in everything,” following her being gifted (not in a weird ownership way apparently but as a symbol of the protection of the fae?????) to him before his wedding. So there’s definitely some home wrecker misogyny at play there (but tbh what really messed up Thjazi’s marriage was his being a revolutionary).

Also the community might not let Thimble be her own person and only think of her in relation to Thjazi and his death (he got hung by the church+state).

Murray Mag’nesson

“And even though it is a funeral, you know, she has to show off her proudest asset, which is her big ol' rack and as she likes to say, you know, lanterns are lit, so are the tits.”

Beyond just the general Marisha Ray hate (again, I must emphasize. all the women of critical role get hit with so much of this shit — Marisha first and hardest), there’ll be misogyny about how Murray approaches her appearance. Why does she care so much about her tits, the like. Also woman with a beard. People might be weird about that.

Tyranny

I’m so interested to hear second hand about how things go with Tyranny because she has such a… charged dynamic with one of the other cast members. She’s a demon who is being brought up in a church of light that isn’t not christianity coded. So it’s like, there’s definitely a greater real world historical context to children being brought up in an indoctrination sort of way in the church and I’m soooooo intrigued by how CR is going to navigate that. (I’m sure it’ll be great. Brennan is incredible)

On misogyny, people are going to think she’s sooooooooooo annoying. And are probably gonna infantilize her a LOT.

Vaelus

Okay Vaelus is so incredibly cool Ashley did so well playing her. She only came in the last like twenty minutes of the episode, but she absolutely stole the show. Simply so much presence she absolutely rocked it.

(Reminder, the last twenty minutes of the episode is this far into it)

She’s gonna be called so bitchy and bossy and sassy, and such a know it all. The critical role fandom hates an opinionated woman, and Vaelus is strongly opinionated about her god being killed.

Thaisha Lloy

People are gonna be so misogynistic to her for so many reasons. Honestly she’ll get the most misogynied. Truly the biggest one is that the person who plays Thaisha — Aabria Iyengar — is strongly disliked by a vocal subset of the community. I’m not saying that it’s because she is a Black woman but like…………… I hate to say it, but people are in fact going to say that she’s taking up too much space at the table and talking too much.

Thaisha is also an older woman and a motherly figure. But not in a super traditional way. In the ol’ backstory she had kids with another character in the main cast then went to travel the world on her own so like…. yeah honestly? People just hate Aabria which is really sad.

[Editor’s Note: There is already Aabria Iyengar drama. They’re so predictable ]

The Nonbinary Folks

yup.

The Men

okay there’s gonna be less misogyny here but still some. Some of them I just want to say things about them.

Teor Pridesire

He might get some “always being right” privilege in the eyes of the community.

Also, y’all. He’s a lion guy and his last name is Pridesire. This is literally so funny. It could only be topped by someone doing something like putting the word wolf in their pet wolf’s name.

Occurs Tachonis

I talked with someone else who watched the episode about this newsletter before publishing, and I wrote down two words on Occtis from our conversation: fox sex.

ALSO HE HAS A THIGH HOLSTER FOR A NEEDLE THATS CRAZY

Wicander Halovar

A priest of the light church. This guy literally yelled at a woman (Tyranny) in the first episode. He’s doing pretty good for himself on the old misogyny front.

Halandil Fang

Hal is such a tradwife. And I love that for him. I wish I were more of a tradwife. (I told my partner a while back that I’d try to tradwife and cook/clean more and instead I spend all my time with my mistress the ubyssey). It remains to be seen whether the critters are going to make that a thing about his masculinity. I think maybe not because they’re much more forgiving of men’s characters having flaws.

Not naming names but a straight man we were watching the premiere with mayyyy have pointed out Hal’s crotch, noting the amount of detail in the illustration. Again, I would never leak the name of whoever said this. Oh look, there appears to be some sort of bug in the beehiiv system — it bolded a bunch of random letters. Weird.

Sir Julien Davinos

You can just tell that he’s such a wanker. That’s a man who will talk about how he’s a centrist and both sides are getting extreme but also he voted for Trump and loves Elon Musk and hates trans people. The misogynists are going to love this man for all the wrong reasons.

Bolaire Lathalia

I think Bolaire is going to get actual misogyny because it’s not exactly as though his presentation is man-maxing. But also his hair goes so fricking hard.

Kattigan Vale

People are going to lose their shit over Kattigan (horny). The man is literally in a third of all extant critical role campaign 4 fanfics.

Also the wolf? Wulfric. Truly such a silly little name.

Azune Nayar

Not to end on a weak note but I don’t have much for Azune right now. Probably just the general getting the benefit of the doubt and being allowed to be a flawed character in a way the women aren’t able to.

Other News

The podcast, it exists

I’m so hyped. Aisha talked about making vegetarian lasagna in this first episode and I got the recipe and am making it on Tuesday I’m so hyped. (Aisha can’t join us for dinner though which is very sad.) I’m such a lasagna enjoyer but I don’t like cooking with meat so I’m so excited to vegetarian lasagna.

Also I have a segment at the end of the podcast. I was very clever and called it Since 1918. But I didn’t name it until the fifth episode so oops. Everyone pretend that at the end of my segment I said “I thought we agreed not to talk about my vilest rag since 1918.”

I haven’t actually watched my segment yet, but I was shown a three second clip and my hands were moving like crazy. We did in fact move the microphone so I could do More Hands.

Also it’s been very unnerving to have been writing this section and anytime I glance up Aisha is staring directly into my soul.

Biking to work goes so hard

Who knew that exercise was good for you? I’m like so awake every day it’s great. It makes me very happy :D.

And also it’s literally faster and more enjoyable than taking the bus so like… what’s not to love. The only days I don’t really bike to work now are when I need to go directly from the office to the newsroom. Like it’d honestly take the same amount of time but there’s a massive hill on my way to campus and I’d like not to show up drenched thank you very much.

(NB: Going forward, I’ll be distinguishing the locations for paid computer work and unpaid journalism work by calling the computer work “the office” and the journalism work “the newsroom.”)

I was also very brave and yesterday I put my bike on one of the bus bike racks and it didn’t fall off :).

The Daily Buzz

Listen, I know I’m not publishing daily anymore, here at the Icosatetra-Yearly Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz. But there is someone who is sending nightly emails out: The Ubyssey. You can subscribe over on their homepage (Ubyssey.ca or ubussy.ca).

AND THEY HAVE A SECTION CALLED THE DAILY BUZZ

this is big, huge even. thank god someone on campus is filling the daily buzz space

Hades II

Hades II

Battle beyond the Underworld using dark sorcery to take on the Titan of Time in this bewitching sequel to the award-winning rogue-like dungeon crawler.

store.steampowered.com/app/1145350/Hades_II

I’ve been so excited for this game and I’m so glad she’s finally here. I have in fact lost full days to this game. It’s just intoxicatingly easy to go on one more run. I got the first ending but am currently working towards the true ending. And also towards Night’s Champion III.

Video games are so fun I need to play more. But also there’s so much other stuff that I need more, more. But some day I’m gonna be such a (video) gamer girl. Just you wait.

Presumably, a column or two or maybe three will exist

Watch this space:

Point of Inquiry

Point of Inquiry is a column written by AMS Columnist Quyen Schroeder about our student union’s governance and policies. It seeks to analyze the AMS with a critical — but constructive — eye.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/point-of-inquiry

Also not to get hyped but I heard there was maybe discussion about potentially some columns having boutique graphics which I would in fact be very happy about but I also love the current one and I think it’s really funny to completely take over the opinion section with a bunch of them in a row

From the Archive

Actual factual real life Noam Chomsky (that one) wrote in to The Ubyssey in November 2010.

no spoilers here

That’s All!

I’m wayyyyyy more a fan of this schedule y’all. Having time to think about/write these goes hard.

Also watching CR in person with folks was incredibly fun. I want to do it again some time. Not Critical Role because that’s abusive but something else. I was kind of thinking an Arcane watch would be fun. Would probably run it on non-Council Wednesdays. Idk I think it could be fun :p. If you’re not employed by the AMS and are interested let me know :). Or I’ll let you know 👀. One of the two.

I love the sitcom fantasy of just like… friends showing up to each other’s homes unannounced and then just having dinner and spending the evening with each other. That goes so hard. I’m not like… mentally there quite yet. But I’d love to be. Anyways this is my way of saying I want more people at our house :p. Also my partner has been collecting a bunch of plants and making the place look really cool and I think more people should see it :D.

See y’all in a fortnight (Oct 26) at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

6pm is lunch, 9pm is afternoon since 2025

In Wednesday’s issue of this newsletter, I wrote that the six month anniversary of this newsletter was on August 2 and in the future. The six month anniversary of this newsletter was September 2, which has — in fact — already passed. The Twice Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz regrets this error.

(my partner bullied me as soon as the newsletter was sent out; in my defence uhhhh… eepy guy)

So yeah, the six month anniversary was almost a month ago and I missed it! This is I think the 70th newsletter too. Which — dare I say — missed opportunity. Should have ended the damn newsletter last time on the 69th newsletter. Well, that’s just the newsletters that have been out since the Presidential campaign period started. There is one secret newsletter that most people didn’t get

We’ll zero-index it like a comp sci kid and call it the zeroth newsletter.

Other News

I watched a video about the death of my phone

(it was while I was doing dishes at the end of a long day don’t judge me)

Apparently she’s at her second death, which is hilarious. Because she’s still serving me pretty well. Sure, sometimes it takes her 30 seconds to realize I’ve started typing. And sometimes she just freezes for a couple minutes. But like…. what’s a bit of freezing between friends.

Some might say that it’s actually a good thing. I don’t like… actually know that I want a new phone? Like I feel like my phone being annoying will probably be a nice motivator to use her less. Which is objectively a good thing. There’s very little in a new phone that I think would improve my life. Be nice? Sure. Be a cool piece of tech? I guess. But like… phone doesn’t make happy? I dunno

I also feel like I’m not the median tech enjoyer. Like I read reviews for my computer before I got her and there were a bunch of things about how the colour coating would wear off and show the metal beneath, especially on the corners and around the ports. And honestly? I think it looks freaking sick. Like actually so rad. I love it. It’s the same thing on my key carabiners (not beating the gay allegations): the black coating has rubbed off on the edges revealing the metal beneath. I dunno. I think a bit of wear is incredibly aesthetic and I love it.

I also biked to work for the first time

Did I maybe do it on a day that it was a little drizzly and I didn’t bring any rain layers because I didn’t check the weather? Besides the point. It was very nice. A very calm experience, honestly. Though it didn’t help the whole being sleepy at work situation. (One of the other co-ops and I both took a 15 minute nap in the lounge on Friday which was incredible.)

I’ve always said: Shout out the War Measures Act of 1914

HOW DID THEY DISCOVER THIS????? I”M SO CURIOUS!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW SO BADLY.

Two Sessions Remain of My Pathfinder Game

Our long-running campaign named Avarice and Virtue is coming to an end. We played out the first part of the climactic battle today and it was honestly so fun. Maybe a little bit because I sort of said frick Pathfinder, we’re making this more like Draw Steel. But hey. It’s like that sometimes.

It was honestly so rad. There was a spectral dragon ferrying troops across the island. There was a devil ship summoned by one of the party’s allies. There was a group of random revolutionaries that simply never got engaged with all campaign but have low key (sorry Sam Low) been a thing for a year and a half. There was a psionic crystal dragon teleporting people all over the place. There was a massive songbird made of air and storms. There was an ancient rainbow luck fish. There was almost every faction that has featured in our two and a half years of playing this silly little game.

I’m looking forward to being done because… pathfinder. But like. We’ve had a real good run. I need to start thinking about what I’m going to run next! (Probably after a break. I’m behind on a lot of things right now lmao.)

I pitched Sam Low on Slugblasters, whose tagline is “Kickflip over a Quantum Centipede.” Which? Frickin’ rad.

I’m also kind of considering Masks: A New Generation because the drama of teen superheroes is speaking to me.

I think just…. less tactics — at least for a little bit. I love myself some Draw Steel combat. I just don’t need to be running it every week right now :D. Plus we’ve got like two Draw Steel games going in our group right now, which is a lot! We can mix it up a little. (Also when I start running I think it’ll be biweekly because I want to board games in that slot semi-regularly.)

A New Name

What do you folks think of the Icositetra-Yearly Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz? Would probably publish the 2nd and 4th Sunday of every month. Making it 24 publications a year (hence, icositetra). I feel like she’s a silly crazy name

That’s All!

What a silly and funny time this newsletter has been. Never let it be said I won’t commit to a bit. I’m a U-Haul Lesbian for bits because I’ll marry one on site :D. Perhaps to my detriment, but like… isn’t that what college is for? To develop an irrational feat of the time 10:03 pm and pretend to go to the bathroom during social events so you can schedule a newsletter to go out two minutes later. I’m pretty sure it is, says Quyen, famously doesn’t drink, has been to a single party and a single concert.

(Someone I know said we should both go to a club for the first time together and I genuinely think that’s an incredible idea even though I know I won’t last fifteen minutes LMAO. Wait do you need to pay to get into clubs? Someone with experience, please advise.)

Also Critical Role’s fourth season airs its first episode this Thursday and I kinda want to do a watch party for it. (Only non-AMS people are allowed to come, sorry AMS-heads. I’m only willing to centre the community in my journalism so much.) It’s very funny because there are official watch parties, but only four in Canada, three of which are in BC, none of which are in Vancouver. BUT YOU KNOW WHERE ONE IS?????

FUCKING INVERMERE!!!! IT”S ALSO AT A PLACE I LITERALLY REVIEWED IN A PREVIOUS NEWSLETTER. (I’ve never been to Invermere.) Just very funny. Invermere has a special place in my heart because of that issue LMAO.

Until October 12 at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees! (Unless I want to send out another newsletter sooner :D. I reserve the right to do that.)

Sam Low-key since 2025

Alas, I think there will be some scheduling changes in the Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz. Mostly the twice-weekly part. Because I simply have not had time for this. Which is tough. But that’s okay. The six month anniversary of the Buzz is August 2, which I simply insist on making it to.

But after that, it’ll become… fortnightly? Bi-weekly? Twice-monthly? Not on a schedule? Nonexistent? Who knows. But not a strict twice-weekly schedule.

Other News

Quinn’s Quest

I love Quinn’s Quest. I love RPGs so much I want to play so many but that would mean doing less of other things that I also love to do. So I shall I suppose stay at 2.5 games a week. Speaking of — the third-to-final session of my long-running Pathfinder game is theoretically this weekend (if I neglect enough responsibilities to prep for it).

POI is in the papers :)

If you pick up the most recent Ubyssey I have a full page for my most recent Point of Inquiry

(she’s up on my wall now :D).

That’s All!

YALL I FORGOT TO SCHEDULE SEND HER THIS IS SO SAD!!!! I MISSED MY PUBLICATION TIME.

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

_______ made me do it since 2025
- lmao

Hey folks! VEEERRRRYYYYYY short one today. I wrote another point of inquiry!

Point of Inquiry: In forty years, only three AGMs have met quorum. Let’s change that

The AMS wants an AGM that meets quorum on October 22. Students should attend, but their student union should actually allow them to engage — unlike their practices from past years.

ubyssey.ca/opinion/point-of-inquiry-forty-years-three-agm-quorum

Pretty fun and snazzy. To go alongside it, I whipped together a hack of the Barry bee buzzword website to make a Point of Inquiry Bingo!!!! It was absolutely an exercise in humility to come up with 24 Quyen-isms. Here’s the site:

I’ll make it better at some point when I have time.

That’s All!

After the debate I’m camping out at The Ubyssey. Doing reporting. So that’s fun. Send thoughts and prayers for another Point of Inquiry… tonight??? Tomorrow.

Thoughts and prayers for me staying awake at work tomorrow.

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Let’s pray for mental health since 2025

We’re on the grind so hard. But like… the column this time is like… not actually causing me to crash out about how I’m terrible at writing so that’s an absolute W. Not pulling teeth is such a great place to be writing from.

Other News

Exercise

We did two of them this week. Not ideal. Would have liked to do more, but that’s okay. We still got out there.

On Saturday, I technically started off with a .11 km bike ride. Which… was shorter than I planned because my rear wheel was flat :((((((. But I was very brave and I took it to the bike shop and got it fixed and listened to the first half of girl violence at the park while my bike was in the shop.

Then I went on a silly little 14.27 km bike ride from my home to UBC and back. Ostensibly because I needed to print some stuff at the library. It took like 52 minutes in total (not counting printing) which I think is pretty good? Especially given the massive frick off hill on the way to campus. I realize sometimes I need to be more disciplined about not always go zoomies and kinda take it chill? Crazy thought because zoomies are so much fun.

After the ride I went back to the bike shop because they misaligned my wheel when they reinstalled it so the chain rubbed against my wheel when I was in a low gear but I was very brave and did it.

I also did a run this afternoon. 3.5 miles. Pretty chill. Was with my boyfriend so I wasn’t able to quite do it in the 21 minutes I was planning on, but I suppose that’s fiiiiiiinnnnnneeeeeeeeeee. (39:26).

I got new pants!!!!

I stopped by the thrift store on my way home on Friday and found a pair of pants that make me very happy. Y’all don’t get a photo because I’m not out here trying to put leg pics on the internet (unless y’all think I should start an OF 👀). But they’re so nice. They fit my waist very well and they have CHONKERS of pockets and they’re a colour I don’t super have yet (like a dark black jean LMAO). I actually love her so much.

That’s All!

Shorter one today. Probably a shorter one Wednesday too. Because I’ll be “““doing journalism””” and “““covering the VP Party debates””” while “““not being the elections administrator because that would be a ‘‘‘conflict of interest¹ ’’’”””. And doing all the other writing assignments I’m behind on. But fun fact, libraries are great for working. (All of you knew this already.) I just always forget how cracked they are until I work at one for like 90 minutes and bang out 700 words of my column.

Also something very exciting/scary happened in the past couple days that I won’t be telling y’all about at all but I’m very excited about it — if indeed it ends up happening. I’ll wait at least a week to see if there are takesies-backsies before getting my affairs in order (said with love <3). I’m pretty sure only like seven of you know what I’m talking about but yeah. I am tentatively hyped.

Until Wednesday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Strap to pipe to rabbit pipeline goes crazy since 2025

I’m writing this in the midst of council while live posting while also making notes for the column — WHICH IS DEFINITELY HAPPENING THIS TIME.

I dunno what we’re talking about today, I guess whatever I have time for. The food is pretty alright. There’s sushi I’m not eating, but that’s normal. I’m not a big fish enjoyer, tbh.

Do y’all know I’m vegetarian-ish? Like I’m very much not going to cook meat at all. It’s just gross and slimy and I feel bad :(. So it’s mostly tofu at home (big soy boy, here. soy girl? soy them? that doesn’t have the same ring to it as soy boy. maybe the boy in soy boy is gender neutral?).

I’ll eat meat at a restaurant or if someone else makes it for dinner. But I’m not about cooking it. I’ll do other animal products though. Butter. Eggs. Milk.

Yeah, that kinda passes for an interesting newsletter. Congrats, y’all.

Other News

We be fiddling

I don’t want to straight up doxx my place of work, but they have a REALLY funny name. It’s not Fiddle, but it sort of has a similar pseudo-sexual connotation.

And like… no one mentions it (other than us coops). And it’s crazy. Like they actually play into it.

Anyone who works at Fiddle (remember not real name) is called a Fiddler. The office is called the Fiddleplex. People will say “I’m looking forward to fiddling with you!” They have a quarterly company event called Fiddlefest (it sounds like an orgyyyyyyy).

I’m actually losing my mind about this y’all it’s crazy.

Photoshop is my passion

From AMS council:

"Point of Order. The staff are not 'trapped' in the office", AMS President says minutes before approving renovation to add prison bars to the office.

— Humour At Home (@ubussy.ca)
2:18 AM • Sep 11, 2025

concept art

— Humour At Home (@ubussy.ca)
2:45 AM • Sep 11, 2025

Riley I think that photo is a really great meme template

— Humour At Home (@ubussy.ca)
2:49 AM • Sep 11, 2025

"You can take me to EPA"

BOLD WORDS FOR SOMEONE WHO ASKED ME TO BE THEIR CONFLICT OF INTEREST EARLIER THIS WEEK

— Humour At Home (@ubussy.ca)
1:58 AM • Sep 11, 2025

That’s All!

Godspeed y’all this is all I’ve got

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Losing club virginities together since 2025

My partner and I have been watching Strange New Worlds recently, which I’ve been enjoying. It’s the first Trek I’ve regularly watched and it’s been a good time! It’s fun being surprised by things that the show expects to be obvious (I totally thought Moustache!Kirk was the famous Kirk, and I was expecting Scotty to be killed lmao).

I’m not entirely unfamiliar with Trek — I actually wrote an essay about the Pilot of Star Trek back in second year. But yeah, it’s a fun time. If a little silly and funky sometimes.

This show is so freaking gay y’all. And yet, so incredibly hetero that it’s frustrating. My partner has started to get annoyed because I sigh and become visibly/audibly exasperated every time there is a male–female romance happening on screen.

But anyways, my ranking of the 10 main cast members (as decided by Wikipedia) on how gay they are, starting with the straightest among them.

10. Joseph M’Benga

Nothing against him, but 4 ex-wives is kinda hetero behaviour. He does seem like a bigly ally, though. (If you’re a doctor, you’re a bad one if you’re not an ally, imo)

9. Christopher Pike

He just radiates uber-straight but ally energy. Like a supportive dad (I assume, I don’t have personal experience in that sector).

He’s also such a freaking trad wife it’s hilarious. We love that for him. Not insecure about his masculinity. Such an icon.

8. Scotty

Not especially fruity, but seems cool, I guess.

7. Una Chin-Riley

The whole Illyrians being illegal storyline felt kinda queer. Like having to hide who you are and then coming out. There was even a frankly hilarious courtroom episode about it.

6. Hemmer

Acespec. I’m not taking questions.

5. Nyota Uhura

She/they. Queer. Iconic. I won’t elaborate.

Honestly watching an episode of original Trek with Uhura in it was such whiplash. She’s so much cooler in SNWs.

Also, dare I say hilarious section of her wiki:

4. Spock

I know this man is like… canonically queer and canonically marries Kirk and they canonically have so many gay kissies. But like… what can I say. He keeps pulling beautiful bisexual women and then not treating as they deserve. T’Pring literally did so much to make their marriage be a thing — accepting his being in Star Fleet, trying to understand his humanity, getting her family to accept him. But like… sigh. She deserved better.

And like… with Christine? He kinda had some weird vibes when they broke up? And then was beefing with her new boyfriend (pro tip, if someone you crushed on gets a new partner, flirt with their partner/buy them Discord Nitro to bribe them to go on a Ghibli-watching date with you). Though Spock did actually become chill with the new boyfriend whose name I can’t even bother to remember

I simply have no idea why Spock pulls so many beautiful bisexual women. I don’t think he has bi wife energy. He isn’t even a cool, based, mega-ally gamer boyfriend who could have exclusively dated five bisexual women smh my head.

Also we see this man with his shirt off way too freaking much. Please just… stop.

3. Christine Chapel

Actually factually the only confirmed queer character in this show. It was a throw away line about how she’d been with a woman before. Which… cool. We could tell, but alright. Yay bisexual representation.

However, she also only dates/shows any interest in men in the show. Which again, IS FINE. That doesn’t make her any less bisexual. Even though she could do way better than either of the men she dates imo, but that’s not here or there. (I think beefing over someone you're dating is kinda cringe, imo.)

But there’s also a point where she’s like “oh, I don’t want to be tied down; not until I find the right guy” and it’s just like. Aaaaahhhhh.

2. La’an Noonien–Singh

Bi. Not taking questions. Badass. I wish I could be as cool as her when I grow up.

Again, could be doing a LOT better than Spock.

1. Erica Ortegas

Now…. she isn’t technically confirmed gay. But like… come on. You don’t even need a functioning gaydar for this. Like. That’s a lesbian if I’ve ever seen one. The hair? Incredibly fruity. All of her quips while flying the plane??? Her fits whenever she’s not in uniform? Simply so freaking gay.

Listen, she doesn’t need a girlfriend. But I’m just saying, La’an and Christine would both be waaaayyyyyyy better off with her. She actually has chemistry with both of them!!!! Also I swear to god if Ortegas gets with Spock, I’m going to kill everyone in the SNW writers’ room and then myself.

Other News

That was an excuse to complain about how Spock gets all the bisexual women.

Men 🤢 

Unfortunately, men do be men-ing.

I’m very invested in the absolute character of a man who keeps trying to shoot his shot with my partner’s sister’s boyfriend’s friend by means of 2135 word long messages. It’s soooooooooooo funnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy.

I’d actually love to share those messages with y’all so much but it does in fact feel in bad taste to publicly post someone’s 2135 word message of “mutual vibes” (read: I really want to bone will you let me bone me before you leave town).

Also, I feel like I should take this moment to share with the fact that… sigh this is actually so embarrassing. 50% of the people I have asked out in my life have been asked out by means of very long invisible inked text messages. I know it’s so embarrassing. But I’m better than homeboy here because (a) I did it to people I was actually friends with (not just co-workers/acquaintances), (b) it actually worked for me once, and (c.) the time that the person wasn’t interested, I WASNT A CREEP AND I DIDNT SEND ANOTHER LONG ASS MESSAGE BEGGING THEM TO TALK TO ME (we’re still friends because, you know. I’m an adult. And not a freaking creep. And we were friends before and I’m genuinely so happy and content to be friends with them. Even though I do flirt with their partner :D).

Co-op

Truly nothing has happened the past two days. We’ve been waiting on emails that we should have been sent last Friday and without them we haven’t been able to do anyyyyyythingggggggg. It’s soooooo borrrrrringggggg I hate it. I’d rather be TAing for 8 hours tbh. TAing was great. I can’t wait until I find myself in Rossland BC being a teacher. It’ll be goated.

In case y’all were wondering, I did figure out what to wear. I wore a purple button down that I found in a Rossland thrift store. (If you want to see it, tune in to the Ubyssey weekly podcast in like….. 2 months or so lmao.)

The other co-ops there are cool, too. There’s at least one other gay — but I think probably two–three. I actually ran into one of them while I was on my way to film Since 1918 earlier today.

That’s All!

I was thinking it would be kinda fun to do like a mini little boardgames/TTRPG convention at our place. Like just with friends and stuff. Probably max three tables. I dunno. Might be a fun vibe. Literally haven’t done anything besides go “that’d be a cool idea.” Like a week of a mini con? Would be fun. We don’t have the tables or chairs for it (and the space would be… uhhhhh…. tight), but that’s why it’s a fantasy land idea.

Also, we have a tiny pride flag in a cup by our window. And our upstairs neighbours just put out a pride flag that’s slightly bigger than ours in their window. So like…. I think we should put a full-sized pride flag into our window: I assert dominance and show them we’re gayer than they are. Thoughts? How do we escalate if they put out TWO big flags. These are the questions I want y’all to answer for me.

Okie gonna go pay my tuition since it’s due today! (why are the fees when co-oping only like $2-3000 cheaper than when taking a full course load. I realize this is an insane thing to say to all the Americans on the newsletter. Up here, domestic tuition is like… $6000 a year)

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Mascot? More like ascot [I’ll come up with a better one] since 2025

Short one today, just a quote from Wil Wheaton’s blog

Also, while we’re on Wil Wheaton, apparently there’s going to be a ttrpg actual play with him and Anjali Bhimani AND Iman Vellani (WHICH IS CRAZY). And some other people I don’t care that much about. I’m just excited to see Iman Vellani in a TTRPG thing I think it will be cool. (But also it looks like simply So Much production. So it’s not as much an actual play as a loosely ttrpg themed show/escape room thing????)

The thumbnail doesn’t have Iman or Wil Wheaton on it which is very mean.

Also, I’ve so desperately wanted one of the niche nerd streaming services to get Wil Wheaton to do a more modern version of TableTop (his show with geek and sundry where they played board games with various guests). Dropout has Parlor Room but I have Opinions on it.

… okay fine I’ll rant

Basically, I (personally) don’t like Parlor Room as much because it’s just way too chaotic? Like I get Dropout is a comedy streaming service, but I think for this show, the just random and zaniness just sort of detracts from the conceit of the show? Like I’d like to watch the people play board games but I don’t necessarily need people upside down in their chairs while they do so. I emphasize the chaos of this show, I just want you to know that there is inexplicably a segment where they just… eat someone’s favourite snack? Which… cool. Great television.

The show’s tagline is “Where strategy meets shenanigans” but it feels way more like “where _strategy meets SHENANIGANS”, which I just feel isn’t the ratio that I’d prefer in the show.

And TableTop wasn’t like… serious non-nonsense gameplay. There were definitely jokes (especially in confessional-esque cut aways), but it was mostly focused on the game itself. TableTop also created a narrative throughout the game that gave it a through line.

I also think Parlor Room doesn’t do a great job at helping the audience follow along with their games (though they often don’t need to because many of the game they play are like basic party games — not said with judgement, those games are fun too!). Wil’s overview of the game at the top and the graphics throughout explaining rules as they came up were much more effective at teaching the game than Becca monologuing off a teleprompter while the rest of the cast giggles off to the sidelines.

Anyways, this is just my opinion of Parlor Room as a board game show. Which like……. I don’t think it actually is? I think it would be more accurate to classify it as We’re All Friends Hanging Out Playing Games And You, Viewer, Are Also One of Our Friends Isn’t It Fun To Hang Out With Us In a Definitely Not Parasocial Way. Which is a fine thing for a show to be — and a lot of the choices that I dislike because they make it a subpar board game show make it a great We’re Just Friends Hanging Out show.

This is all to say: I still want TableTop Revived.

From the Archive

I was looking from old newspapers for fact checking Since 1918, and I found this shit!!!

Nov 21, 1933

I can’t get over how this was published in our school newspaper six years before WWII officially began. You can really see all the dominos of genocide and antisemitism and fascism having been both set up and already starting to fall.

Allow me to share another excerpt from Wil Wheaton’s blog, apropos of nothing

That’s All!

Anyways, that’s it. Have fun y’all. We’re going to be driving back to Vancouver — hopefully I won’t be too carsick to do all the writing I’m behind on :p

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Jostle me at the Jostleplex fellow Jostlers since 2025