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TL;DR – Social anxiety isn't something you "cure" – it's something you transform by building unshakeable self-confidence. After years of feeling terrified in social situations, I discovered that the secret isn't eliminating social anxiety, but becoming so confident in yourself that what others think becomes irrelevant. Here's the exact method I used to go from hiding in corners to genuinely enjoying social interactions.

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• The Social Anxiety Trap

• Why Traditional Advice Fails

• The Confidence-First Method

• Your Action Plan

• FAQ

The Social Anxiety Trap That Keeps You Stuck

Picture this: You're about to walk into a party, work event, or even just grab coffee with someone new. Your heart starts racing. Your palms get sweaty. Your mind floods with thoughts like "What if I say something stupid?" or "What if they think I'm boring?"

Sound familiar?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, social anxiety disorder affects approximately 12.1% of U.S. adults at some point in their lives - that's almost 40 million Americans. So if you're reading this feeling alone, you're definitely not.

But here's what most people don't realize about social anxiety – it's not actually about other people at all. It's about how you feel about yourself.

💡 Key Insight: Social anxiety is actually low self-confidence disguised as fear of others.

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I learned this the hard way. Growing up, I was literally afraid of eighth graders when I was in second grade. Not because they were particularly scary, but because I didn't have that solid foundation of confidence that comes from feeling truly secure in who you are.

The real kicker? I thought I had "solved" my social anxiety in high school when I found a better friend group. Finally, I felt confident! But here's the problem with that approach – I was borrowing my confidence from other people. The moment those relationships shifted, my social anxiety came roaring back.

That's when I realized the truth: Relying on others for your self-confidence is like building a house on quicksand.

The 7 Most Common Social Anxiety Triggers:

1. Speaking up in meetings or group conversations

2. Attending parties or networking events where you don't know many people

3. Dating and romantic interactions - first dates, expressing interest

4. Making phone calls or ordering food from strangers

5. Being the center of attention - presentations, celebrations

6. Disagreeing with others or setting boundaries in social settings

7. Job interviews and performance reviews with authority figures

Why Traditional Social Anxiety Advice Fails Hard

Most advice focuses on managing symptoms rather than addressing the root cause. You've probably heard these gems:

• "Just take deep breaths"

• "Remember that everyone's nervous too"

• "Fake it till you make it"

• "Use positive self-talk"

• "Just face your fears gradually"

Gif by buzzfeed on Giphy

But here's why this approach doesn't work long-term: You're treating anxiety like the enemy instead of treating confidence like the solution.

When you try to eliminate social anxiety, you're fighting a negative. When you focus on building genuine self-confidence, you're creating a positive that naturally crowds out the fear.

Think about it – have you ever met someone who was genuinely confident and also struggled with social anxiety? It doesn't happen. Confident people aren't worried about what others think because they know their own worth.

Social Anxiety in Our Weird Modern World

Social anxiety has gotten even weirder thanks to our digital lives. Now people struggle with:

• Virtual meeting anxiety - Being on camera, speaking up in video calls

• Slack/email anxiety - Overthinking every message tone

• Open office stress - Feeling observed and judged constantly

• Remote work weirdness - Lost social skills from reduced face-to-face time

• Social media comparison - Increased self-consciousness from everyone's highlight reel

The confidence-first approach addresses all these modern social anxiety challenges by building your foundation rather than managing each symptom separately.

The Confidence-First Method for Overcoming Social Anxiety

Instead of asking "How do I get rid of social anxiety?" start asking "How do I become genuinely confident?" Here's my proven method:

1. Find Your Thing and Get Obsessively Good at It

This is the foundation of real confidence. There's nothing more attractive – and I don't mean romantically, I mean in general – than someone who's found what lights them up and has doubled down on it.

Think about why we're drawn to professional athletes, artists, or entrepreneurs. It's not because they're perfect. It's because they've found their calling and owned it completely. They're so passionate about what they do that whether people think they're "weird" becomes irrelevant.

Your homework: Dig deep and ask yourself – what do I really care about? What do I want to get really good at? Then commit to improving at it every single day.

2. Master the Spotlight Effect (This Will Blow Your Mind)

Here's a psychological principle that changed everything for me: The spotlight effect shows that people think others are paying attention to them way more than they actually are. This is a well-documented psychological phenomenon studied extensively by researchers.

But don't just read about it – make it visceral. Here's what I do:

Whenever I walk through an intersection, I look around at all the cars filled with people I'll never meet. People who don't know a single thing about me. This is just one tiny intersection in the entire world, and there are billions of people who have no idea I exist and aren't thinking about me at all.

This isn't just an intellectual exercise – it's training your brain to understand how small your "audience" really is.

Nobody's going to bed tonight thinking about how you said "you too" to the waiter after they said "enjoy your meal." I promise.

3. Become Your Own Hype Person (Seriously)

Gif by WayfarerStudios on Giphy

From the moment you wake up and look in the mirror to brush your teeth, are you saying positive things about yourself? If not, that needs to change immediately.

If you're not your own hype person, why are you expecting other people to fill that role?

There's this guy Bob Proctor who talks about changing your "paradigms" – basically your deep-seated beliefs about yourself. The most effective way to do this is to be relentless about speaking to yourself positively.

In the moment, it might not feel authentic. But over the course of months and years, you'll notice a massive shift in how you see yourself. And how others see you too.

4. Cut Off Anxiety Patterns with the "NO" Command

When you catch yourself spiraling into "What will they think of me?" mode, you need to cut it off immediately. Anxiety loves uncertainty. Confidence thrives on clarity.

Here's what works: When you notice the pattern starting, mentally say "NO" or "STOP" very firmly. You'll notice an immediate shift in your state because you're taking control instead of letting your mind run wild.

This works because when you're in control, that's when you feel confident. That's when social anxiety melts away.

5. Use Curiosity to Break Anxiety Loops

This technique comes from Dr. Jud Brewer's research on breaking anxiety habit loops. When you catch yourself feeling nervous before social situations, get curious about it:

• What emotion am I feeling right now?

• Where is it coming from?

• Is the sensation still there?

Answer yes or no. If yes, ask again: "What emotion am I feeling now?"

Repeat this process about ten times. You'll notice the anxiety significantly reduces because you're observing it rather than being consumed by it.

(I wrote way more about this curiosity method in my panic attacks post if you want to dive deeper.)

6. Flip the Script: Stop Performing, Start Evaluating

Most social anxiety comes from feeling like you have to perform – say the right things, make people laugh, get them to like you. This creates a "pulling" energy that's actually repulsive.

Instead, flip the script completely. Go into social situations thinking: "My only mission is to see if I can find anyone I like or find interesting."

This shifts you from a needy, performing mindset to a confident, evaluating mindset. You're not trying to impress anyone – you're deciding if they're worth your time.

Game changer.

The Physical Shift That Changes Everything

Here's something fascinating I've noticed: When I use these confidence techniques, my body physically changes. My stomach relaxes instead of being sucked in nervously. My posture straightens. I take up more space.

The better you feel and the calmer you are, the safer people feel around you. Confidence is magnetic because it signals safety and stability.

Pay attention to your stance and state. Are you sitting or standing confidently? Your physical presence directly impacts how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself.

When to Get Professional Help for Social Anxiety

While the confidence-building approach works for most people, sometimes you need backup. The American Psychological Association recommends cognitive behavioral therapy as a first-line treatment for social anxiety disorder. Consider professional help if:

• You're avoiding work meetings or social events entirely

• You're having physical symptoms - sweating, trembling, nausea, panic attacks

• You're using alcohol or drugs to cope with social situations

• You feel depressed alongside the social fears

• Social anxiety is preventing career advancement or relationships

Professional options that work great alongside confidence-building:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• EMDR therapy for trauma-related social anxiety

• Group therapy for practicing social skills safely

• Medication for severe cases (talk to your doctor)

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Visualization: Your Secret Weapon

Before any social situation – whether it's a presentation, meeting, or party – visualize yourself feeling completely confident in that environment.

This isn't just feel-good advice. Mental rehearsal techniques are scientifically proven to improve performance and reduce anxiety. Your brain can't tell the difference between a vividly imagined experience and a real one. When you mentally rehearse confidence, you're literally training your nervous system to respond that way.

Take five minutes before social events to picture yourself calm, confident, maybe even funny. Picture how you want to carry yourself.

Real Talk: Everyone Is Messed Up (And That's Perfect)

One of the most liberating realizations: everyone has major flaws and insecurities. No one is perfect, despite what Instagram might suggest.

That person who seems so confident? They have issues too. That successful person you admire? They've failed more times than you've tried. That influencer with the dream life? They probably cried in their car last week.

Social anxiety is incredibly common – way more than people realize. You're not broken, weird, or fundamentally different. You're human.

Your Action Plan: Start Building Confidence Today

Don't wait until you "feel ready." Here's what to do right now:

Today:

• Identify one thing you're genuinely passionate about

• Practice the "NO/STOP" technique next time anxiety creeps in

• Look in the mirror and say three genuine compliments to yourself

This Week:

• Spend 10 minutes visualizing yourself confident in an upcoming social situation

• Practice the curiosity technique whenever anxiety arises

• Notice your posture throughout the day and adjust to confident stance

• Try the "evaluating not performing" mindset in one social situation

This Month:

• Commit to improving at your passion every single day

• Track your confidence levels daily to notice improvements

• Cut off at least one source of borrowed confidence (seeking validation from others)

The Bottom Line

Can social anxiety be cured? That's the wrong question.

The right question is: Can you become so genuinely confident that social anxiety becomes irrelevant? Absolutely.

When you focus on building unshakeable self-confidence rather than fighting anxiety, everything changes. You stop worrying about what others think because you know your own worth. You stop feeling like you need to perform because you're comfortable just being yourself.

This isn't about becoming an extrovert or changing your personality. It's about becoming the most confident version of who you already are.

Remember: You don't need anyone's permission to feel confident. You don't need to wait until you're "perfect" to value yourself. You can start building that inner security right now, one positive thought and one confident action at a time.

Which confidence technique are you most excited to try first? Drop a comment below and let me know how it goes.

Frequently Asked Questions About Social Anxiety

Can social anxiety really be "cured" permanently? Social anxiety isn't "cured" like a disease, but it can be completely transformed through confidence-building. When you build genuine self-worth, social anxiety becomes irrelevant rather than eliminated.

How long does it take to overcome social anxiety with this method? Most people notice improvements within 2-3 months of consistent practice. Quick wins appear in weeks, major shifts in months, continued growth over years.

What if I'm naturally introverted? Can I still become socially confident? Absolutely! Confidence isn't about becoming extroverted – it's about being comfortable with who you are. Many confident people are introverts who value their thoughtful nature.

Is this method better than therapy or medication for social anxiety? This confidence-building approach works excellently alongside professional treatment. For severe cases, professional help is recommended to accelerate progress.

What if my social anxiety is caused by past trauma or bullying? Trauma-based social anxiety often requires additional healing work alongside confidence-building. Consider trauma-specific therapies like EMDR for comprehensive treatment.

What's the difference between social anxiety and being shy? Shyness is a personality trait that doesn't cause distress. Social anxiety involves significant fear and avoidance that interferes with life and relationships.

Related Posts You Might Find Helpful:

• Goodbye Panic Attacks #1 - Deep dive into Dr. Brewer's curiosity method

• How to Eliminate Your Painful Memories - Memory work for trauma-based social anxiety

• One Powerful Exercise for Scary Emotions - Quick technique for overwhelming emotions

• Solve Your Problems with This Empowering Mindset - Living "at cause" vs "in effect"

Additional Resources:

• National Institute of Mental Health - Social Anxiety Disorder

• Anxiety and Depression Association of America

• Dr. Jud Brewer's Unwinding Anxiety

Important: This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of qualified health providers with any questions about mental health conditions.

you know the feeling

Most people think anxiety comes from stress, trauma, or just "being wired that way." They'll try meditation apps, therapy, or positive thinking to fix their racing minds. But what if I told you that your daily "health drink" could be secretly fueling your anxiety like gasoline on a fire?

In today's post, I'm sharing the wild story of how my kombucha obsession nearly sent me to the psych ward – and the surprising discovery that changed everything I thought I knew about anxiety and mental health.

Here’s what happens when you don’t understand the gut-brain connection: You can meditate for hours, eat "perfectly," and still feel like your nervous system is constantly under attack. Meanwhile, people who understand this hidden trigger seem to have an unfair advantage—they stay calm, sleep well, and don’t feel like they’re crawling out of their skin for no reason.

The "Healthy Living" Trap That Made Everything Worse

This was during my “try everything” phase—you know, that desperate time when you’re willing to eat nothing but kale and meditation if it means feeling normal again. I was vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, alcohol-free, and basically fun-free. I was going to acupuncture, trying different clinics, and reading every gut health book I could find.

That’s when I discovered kombucha brewing. The logic seemed bulletproof: homemade probiotics would be more powerful than store-bought, my gut would heal, and my anxiety would disappear. I mean, everyone on the internet was raving about fermented foods, right?

So I learned to make kombucha (which is actually pretty easy), and soon I was drinking a cup every day. I was living with five friends at the time, making gallons of the stuff, thinking I was some kind of wellness guru. They all made fun of me, thinking I was going to somehow poison myself.

What happened next was the opposite of wellness.

How My "Superfood" Turned Into a Medical Mystery

About a month into my daily kombucha ritual, something weird started happening. I began getting really itchy—and I mean REALLY itchy. It started in the most random place (my inner thighs, of all places), so naturally, I thought I had jock itch or something equally embarrassing.

But then it spread. Everywhere.

Picture this: I’m at work, already dealing with crippling anxiety, and now I’m sneaking into bathroom stalls to literally strip down and scratch myself aggressively all over my body. I looked like I was having some kind of breakdown—which, honestly, I probably was.

The itching got so bad that I finally went to an allergy clinic. When the doctor came back with my test results, he asked if he could take a picture of my back because he’d “never seen anything like this before.”

lol - yes, that’s my back. This wasn’t even the bad test! I just couldn’t find the other photo.

I was allergic to basically everything.

He prescribed powerful steroids, which helped temporarily. But the moment I finished the course, the itching came back with a vengeance. I was miserable, anxious, and now covered in scratches from constant itching.

That’s when I had my lightbulb moment.

The Histamine Intolerance Connection That Changed Everything

I started thinking like a detective: What was the ONE thing I’d changed in my routine between “not itchy” and “itchy everywhere”?

The kombucha.

I stopped drinking it cold turkey. Three days later, the itching was gone.

Three. Days.

Gif by fallontonight on Giphy

That’s when I fell down the rabbit hole of histamine intolerance—something I’d never heard of before. Turns out, your body can become overwhelmed with histamines, leading to:

• Severe itching and skin reactions

• Anxiety and panic attacks

• Insomnia

• Digestive issues

• Brain fog

Here’s the kicker: I thought I was being healthy by drinking fermented foods daily, but I was actually flooding my already-stressed system with histamines. Since I was already in fight-or-flight mode from anxiety, my cortisol levels were sky-high, and my body couldn’t process the additional histamine load.

It was like adding fuel to an already raging fire.

The Science Behind the Madness

Here’s what I learned that blew my mind: not all probiotics are created equal. Some strains actually produce more histamine in your body, while others (like Bifidobacteria) help break it down.

I was essentially taking a histamine supplement every day while my body was already drowning in stress hormones.

The research on this is fascinating. When you’re chronically stressed or anxious, your mast cells become hyperactive and release more histamine. Add fermented foods to the mix, and you’ve got a perfect storm of inflammation and nervous system chaos.

My Secret Weapon: Beef Kidney (Yes, Really)

After discovering the histamine connection, I started researching natural ways to support histamine breakdown. That’s when I learned about DAO (diamine oxidase)—the enzyme responsible for breaking down histamine in your body.

Guess what’s loaded with DAO and the B-vitamins that support histamine metabolism?

Beef kidney.

I know, I know. It sounds absolutely disgusting. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and I was willing to try anything that didn’t involve a lifetime of antihistamines.

I started taking desiccated beef kidney supplements (because let’s be real, I wasn’t about to start cooking organ meat), and the difference was remarkable. The B-vitamins, particularly B6, help your body process histamine more effectively.

The Mental Martial Arts Approach to Histamine Management

Here’s the system I used to start feeling better. It's not medical advice—just what worked for me.

1. The Elimination Detective Work (Week 1–2)

• Remove high-histamine foods temporarily (fermented foods, aged cheeses, wine, etc.)

• Track symptoms daily

• Notice patterns between food and mood

2. Strategic Supplementation (Week 2–4)

Please do your own research—this is what I personally experimented with.

• Beef kidney supplements – I took 1–2 capsules daily. High in DAO and B-vitamins.

• Vitamin C – 1000mg daily as a natural antihistamine.

• Histamine-reducing probiotics – Especially ones high in Bifidobacteria strains.

3. Gradual Reintroduction (Week 4+)

• Test foods one at a time

• Wait 2–3 days between reintroductions

• Build your personal “safe foods” list

4. Stress Management Integration

• Stress increases histamine release

• Combined the dietary shifts with anxiety techniques

• Remember: food isn’t the whole picture

The Plot Twist That Changes Everything

Here’s the thing that took me years to understand: diet wasn’t the root cause of my anxiety—it was just adding fuel to the fire.

Once I addressed the underlying mental and emotional patterns (through the techniques I share here, like this one for example), I could actually enjoy fermented foods again without major reactions. My body became more resilient because my nervous system wasn’t constantly in fight-or-flight mode.

This is why I always say: fix the mind first, then optimize the body. They work together—but trying to heal anxiety through diet alone is like trying to put out a house fire with a garden hose.

Ready to Solve Your Own Health Mystery?

Imagine walking through the grocery store without fear, knowing exactly which foods fuel your energy and which ones drain it. That’s what happens when you become a detective of your own body and stop assuming that “healthy” foods are healthy for everyone.

The kombucha experiment taught me that sometimes the things we think are helping us are actually holding us back. But more importantly, it showed me that our bodies are constantly giving us information—we just need to learn how to listen.

Which “healthy” habit are you most curious to investigate? Let me know in the comments below—I read every single one and love hearing about your detective work.

Remember: you’re not broken, you might just be drinking too much Kombucha 😉

P.S. If this helped you, please share it with someone dealing with mysterious anxiety or skin stuff. The answer might be hiding in their fridge. As always, if you have questions, shoot me an email. I’d love to hear from you.

BEFORE: When Food Became My Obsession

When my panic attacks started getting really severe and benzos became less and less effective with each passing day, I did what any desperate person with an internet connection would do: I dove headfirst into the dietary rabbit hole.

And wow, was I about to get lost in dietary chaos.

The 3 AM Research Spirals

I remember lying in bed at 3 AM, my heart still racing from another panic attack, scrolling through endless Reddit threads about people who "cured their anxiety with diet." I'd screenshot everything, convinced that somewhere in this digital mess was the answer to fixing my broken brain.

One day I'd read about someone who cured their depression by going vegan. The next day, I'd stumble across a carnivore diet success story where someone claimed plants were literally trying to murder them from the inside. Then there were the paleo people, the keto warriors, the gluten-free evangelists, and don't even get me started on the raw food enthusiasts.

But here's what really messed with my head: everyone had a different enemy. Red meat was inflammatory. Nightshades were deadly. Gluten was the silent killer. Dairy was evil. Sugar was poison. By the time you get through all of this, it feels like there's nothing left that's actually "healthy."

It was like being stuck in a dietary Tower of Babel where everyone was speaking a different language but claiming they had THE answer to fix my broken brain.

So naturally, I became a human guinea pig. Because that's what we do when we're desperate, right?

My Two-Year Food Experiment (AKA: The Crash-and-Burn Cycle)

The Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Phase: I felt better – genuinely better – but it wasn't life-changing. More like going from a 3/10 to a 5/10. Still anxious, still having panic attacks, and my misophonia triggers were maybe slightly less intense, but not by much. I remember calling my mom, so hopeful, saying "I think this might be it!" Only to realize a month later that I was still a mess, just a slightly less gassy mess who could tolerate the sound of people chewing for maybe 30 seconds longer.

The Vegan Honeymoon: For two glorious months, I felt like I'd discovered the secret to life. I was that annoying person posting about my "plant-powered energy" on social media. I probably told the cashier at Whole Foods about the incredible documentary I just watched while buying my third bag of quinoa that week.

I was going to save the animals AND my serotonin levels!

Then I crashed. Hard. Like, couldn't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week hard.

I remember sitting on my kitchen floor, crying into a bowl of sad, unseasoned tofu, wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I just be one of those success stories?

The Keto High: Same story. Felt incredible for about a month – mental clarity, stable energy, I was basically Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Then my body basically said "nah, we're done with this" and I felt worse than when I started.

The pattern was always the same: initial honeymoon phase where I felt like I'd cracked the code to human optimization, followed by my body giving me the finger and saying "nice try, genius."

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The Cult-Like Communities That Almost Broke Me

But here's what really got under my skin: the cult-like mentality in these communities.

When these diets inevitably stopped working for me and others, I noticed the communities would gaslight you with the classic "you're just detoxing" or “you’re not doing it right” lines.

Listen, if you feel like garbage for six months straight, that's not detoxing – that's your body screaming "STOP DOING THIS TO ME!" You're literally pooping out toxins daily. If you've ever had a good poop, congratulations – you just detoxed.

I started feeling like I was failing at everything. Not only was I still anxious and depressed, but now I was apparently failing at eating too.

AFTER: The Moment Everything Changed (And What I Do Now)

The Breakthrough That Saved My Sanity

The breakthrough came from the most unlikely source: my friend's 60-year-old dad who had a six-pack that would make a 25-year-old jealous.

We're hanging out at their house, and I'm probably looking like death warmed over, complaining about my latest diet disaster, when he hands me this book: "Eat Right for Your Blood Type."

I'm thinking, "Great, more confusing science." But this guy was clearly doing something right – I mean, have you seen a 60-year-old with abs? That's basically like seeing a unicorn.

I'm Type O. The book said I should eat like a caveman – more red meat, fewer grains.

And you know what? When I started eating more red meat, I genuinely felt better.

That's when it hit me: maybe we're all just wired differently.

My Life Today (The Plot Twist)

Fast forward to today: I eat a mostly paleo approach with the 80/20 rule.

80% of my meals are clean: grass-fed beef, chicken, sweet potatoes, vegetables, salads. 20% of the time, I eat whatever I want because I'm human and sometimes I need a good barbecue sandwich or I might lose my mind.

I meal prep once a week (game-changer for consistency), and I don't stress if I have to eat Subway on a road trip because I'm not a monk and neither are you.

But here's the real plot twist – and this is the part that took me way too long to figure out:

Diet wasn't my cure.

Yes, eating clean made me feel better. Yes, the gut-brain connection is real. And yes, there are people out there who have genuinely healed their mental health issues through dietary changes alone.

But for me personally, the mental work (NLP, therapy, addressing trauma) was what actually moved the needle. The diet stuff was just optimization on top of the real solution.

I went from believing that if I could just find the perfect combination of foods, I'd be fixed, to understanding that my body needed mental healing first, and dietary support second. Your story may be the reverse. It’s important to maintain an open mind while trying different ways to heal.

How You Can Skip Years of Confusion and Thousands of Dollars

Here's what I wish someone had told me before I spent two years and thousands of dollars playing dietary roulette, crying into bowls of sad tofu, and getting attacked by internet strangers:

The Real Truth About Diet and Mental Health

It's a two-way street. Your mental health affects your gut health just as much as your gut health affects your mental health. Most people don't realize this.

Bio-individuality is everything. We're all of different ancestry, which means most of us have different optimal diets. What works for your favorite influencer might be terrible for you. Some people thrive as vegans others as carnivores, for many of us, we’re somewhere in between.

Your body is smarter than the internet. It knows what it needs – you just have to learn how to listen to it instead of the loudest voices online.

My Hard-Won Advice for Your Food Journey

→ Listen to your body above all else. If a diet makes you feel like crap for months, it's probably not for you, regardless of what the internet evangelists say.

→ Ignore the diet cult leaders. Anyone telling you their way is the ONLY way is selling you something (usually their ideology). Trust me, I've been attacked by all of them.

→ Focus on whole foods first. More real food, less processed junk. That's probably 80% of the battle right there. Don't overcomplicate it.

→ Consider your ancestry. Maybe there's something to eating more like your great-great-grandparents did. That blood type book might sound crazy, but it got me thinking about bio-individuality.

→ Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. You don't need to eat like a monk to feel better. Life's too short to cry into bowls of unseasoned tofu.

→ Give things time, but trust your gut. A few weeks to adjust? Sure. Six months of feeling terrible while people tell you you're "detoxing"? That's your body rejecting what you're doing.

The Most Important Thing I Learned

Your optimal diet will never be found in a Facebook group or bestselling book. It's found through patient, compassionate experimentation with your own body.

My body doesn't care what the internet thinks about red meat being "inflammatory." It cares about what makes it feel good. And for me, that ended up being more red meat and fewer plants – completely counterintuitive to everything I'd read.

The Bottom Line

Stop looking for the magic bullet diet and start listening to your body. It's smarter than you think.

And remember – fixing your mental health might require dietary changes for some people, or it might require mental work like it did for me, or it might require a combination of both. But optimizing your diet? That's still a pretty damn good place to start.

Just don't make the same mistake I did and think it's going to be the only answer. And definitely don't let internet strangers make you feel like a failure when their approach doesn't work for you.

You're not broken. You're just human, trying to figure out what your unique body needs in a world full of conflicting information.

If this post resonated with you, I'd love to hear about your own food journey. Feel free to drop a comment below or send me an email. If this post was valuable to you, I’d really appreciate you sharing! Sharing helps me commit more time to writing these posts.

With love (and a well-balanced meal),

Chris

Sometimes the most profound healing happens when you're literally riding dragons with your childhood best friend.

Picture this: I'm wearing earplugs with noise-canceling headphones stacked on top like some sort of deranged audio sandwich, haven't slept in 72+ hours, and I'm genuinely wondering if my next address is going to be a padded room. COVID had taken my misophonia and panic attacks from "manageable life challenge" to "please someone put me out of my misery."

My dad had to fly overseas to literally save my life and drag me back to the States. At this point, I was basically a walking advertisement for why you shouldn't catch COVID when you already have mental health issues. Spoiler alert: it's not fun.

That's when my sister, bless her heart, connected me with two friends who'd tried ketamine therapy. Both had gone from being on more medications than a pharmacy to getting one ketamine injection every three months. They were going on and on about how it had "completely changed their lives" with the enthusiasm of people who'd found the holy grail of mental health treatments.

So naturally, I thought, "Well, I've tried everything else short of moving to a monastery, why not add 'legal drug trips' to my resume?"

The clinic looked like a regular doctor's office had a baby with a high-end spa. The patient rooms had big comfy recliners, blankets, plants, and mood lighting—basically everything you'd want if you were about to leave reality for a few hours. The staff had the most incredible bedside manner I'd ever experienced, which was refreshing after years of practitioners who acted like telling you "everything will be okay" would somehow violate their medical license. Every time I started crying during a session, someone would enter the room and check on me in a way that I can only describe as perfectly wholesome. It made me feel so safe and cared for. Which is extremely important when you’re on another planet in another dimension.

They started me with a dose so small I barely felt anything—basically making sure I wasn't going to have an allergic reaction and ruin everyone's day. Then they gradually ramped me up over six sessions like some sort of consciousness elevator. I cried every single time, though to be fair, I was crying at commercials back then, so that wasn't exactly breaking news.

By the fifth and sixth sessions, I was completely yeeting myself out of reality for over two hours. The best way I can describe it? Imagine the bookshelf scene from Interstellar had a baby with the dream-bending scene from Inception, except instead of being terrifying, it's like the universe is giving you the world's most expensive hug.

Here's where it gets absolutely bonkers: During my fifth trip, I was riding dragons with my childhood best friend—someone I hadn't talked to in probably 15 years. We were just living our best dragon-riding lives in whatever dimension ketamine had transported me to. When I came back to Earth and checked my phone, there was a text from him: "Yo dude, was just thinking of you, how are you?"

I mean, what are the odds? Either the universe has a sense of humor, or ketamine comes with some sort of telepathic side effects they don't mention in the brochure.

Here's the plot twist: Ketamine didn't cure my misophonia or panic attacks, but it did give me that sense of oneness, a new outlook on life.

The treatment didn't work the way I'd hoped. I still wanted to throw things when people chewed loudly, and my nervous system was still acting like a smoke detector with a dying battery. But what I gained was this profound sense that everything really is connected—and not in a "I've been reading too many self-help books" way, but in a "holy crap, we're all just energy having a human experience" way.

Sometimes the "failed" treatments teach us the most important lessons. Ketamine showed me that my brain wasn't broken (shocking, I know), it was just overwhelmed and trying to protect me from a world that felt too loud, too much, too everything.

PLEASE NOTE: Just because it didn’t work for me, does not mean it won’t work for you. We’re all different and my root cause is different from your root cause. I will always encourage you to keep trying new things until you find something that actually works.

If you're considering ketamine therapy:

• Find a clinic where the staff doesn't treat you like a walking diagnosis, dig through the reviews to make sure the bedside manner is top tier

• Prepare for profound experiences that might not "fix" your symptoms but could rearrange your entire worldview

• Remember that sometimes the best medicine is realizing you're not as alone as you think

Have you ever had a treatment "fail" but teach you exactly what you needed to learn? Sometimes the detours are more valuable than the destination.

You're not broken if treatments don't work the way the brochures promise. Sometimes the real healing happens in the most unexpected places—like on the back of a dragon with your kindergarten best friend.

— Chris

If you’ve read all the way through, I’m incredibly grateful. A share would go a long way in helping me keep writing regularly. Thank you.

P.S. As always, feel free to email me or comment below with any questions. Cheers!

Hey there - I meant to get this post to you in time for Thanksgiving, but life got in the way. Before getting into today’s post I just wanted to say the holidays can be hard for a lot of reasons. Maybe you aren’t close with your family or don’t have family at all. Whatever the situation may be, if this time of year is hard for you hang in there. Ignore what you see on Instagram (no family is perfect) and remember that times will get better. I used to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone in my room. Onto the post:

The holidays are here, and you know what that means: Christmas cookies for breakfast, marathon gift-wrapping sessions, and “lively” family debates sandwiched between It’s a Wonderful Life and the Times Square ball drop. Oh, and Aunt Linda asking again why you’re still single. Cue the deep breaths.

If spending extended time with family feels like a trip to emotional bootcamp, you're not alone. Luckily, there’s a secret weapon that can help: personality typing.

Here’s what we’ll cover today:

• What is personality typing?

• The four elements of Myers-Briggs personality types.

• How understanding personality types will help you maintain your sanity.

• Tips for navigating family dynamics with holiday zen intact.

🎄 The Secret Sauce: Personality Typing

Years ago, I stumbled upon personality typing thanks to a wise mentor who noticed my tendency to get annoyed by family "advice." Think Myers-Briggs: INTJ, ENFP, and their alphabet soup of companions. Learning about personality types was like being handed the Rosetta Stone for human behavior. Suddenly, the way my family interacted made so much sense.

🧩 Breaking Down Myers-Briggs: The Four Elements

Each Myers-Briggs personality type is a combination of preferences across four categories. Here’s a quick rundown to help you decode your family members:

1. Introversion (I) vs. Extraversion (E)

   • Introverts: Recharge in solitude. They may prefer one-on-one chats over boisterous group dinners.

   • Extraverts: Thrive in social settings and might take charge of holiday games or be the first to suggest karaoke.

2. Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N)

   • Sensors (S): Focus on concrete details and practical matters. They’ll discuss the recipe for the pie in detail or suggest the best deals on gifts.

   • Intuitives (N): Love big ideas and abstract thinking. They’ll be the ones wondering aloud about what holiday traditions really mean.

3. Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

   • Thinkers (T): Value logic and fairness. Their holiday arguments will center on what’s “rational” rather than what feels good.

   • Feelers (F): Prioritize harmony and emotions. They’ll ask how everyone is doing and will work to make peace in any conflicts.

4. Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

   • Judgers (J): Prefer structure and planning. Expect them to have the day’s itinerary mapped out by the minute.

   • Perceivers (P): Go with the flow and enjoy spontaneity. They’ll be the ones casually suggesting a last-minute movie night.

🚦 Why It Works

Understanding personality types isn’t just a party trick for small talk. It’s a mindset shift that can radically change how you interact with your family. Here’s why:

1. It Helps You Decode Intentions.
   Ever had a family member’s comment sting like a bee? For example, your sibling might casually remark, “Are you sure you want to move to another city? Seems risky.”

   • On the surface, it might feel like a jab at your decisions. But personality typing reveals that their comment isn’t an attack—it’s a reflection of their worldview. Maybe they’re a Sensor (S) who values stability and concrete plans. Or perhaps they’re a Thinker (T) who sees risk through a purely logical lens.

   • Instead of spiraling into self-doubt or frustration, you can reframe the comment: “They care about me and want me to feel secure.” Suddenly, their words feel less critical and more like a heartfelt (albeit awkwardly delivered) hug.

2. It Highlights Strengths and Blind Spots.
   Every personality type has its superpowers and kryptonite. Understanding this means you can predict—and prepare for—potential holiday tension.

   • Example 1: Your Judging (J) cousin loves a structured plan for the day’s activities, while you, a Perceiving (P) free spirit, prefer to wing it.

   • Example 2: You’re an Intuitive (N) who loves big-picture conversations, but your Sensing (S) parent finds joy in the details.

3. It Creates Space for Empathy.
   Family relationships often feel strained when we assume everyone sees the world the way we do. Personality typing is like a secret decoder ring, showing you that your brother’s tendency to poke holes in your ideas isn’t about being dismissive—it’s just his Thinking (T) mind at work.

4. It Lowers the Stakes.
   Once you realize that personality clashes are natural, not personal, it becomes easier to let go of petty arguments.

5. It Turns Frustration into Fascination.
   Instead of getting annoyed by Uncle Joe’s endless tales of his high school glory days, you might start to see him as a classic Extravert (E) who processes life out loud.

6. It Encourages Growth.
   Spending time with different personality types can help you expand your own perspective.

🧘‍♂️ Tips for Holiday Survival

1. Identify Your Personality Type.

2. Reframe Your Family Member’s Intentions - A big one for me was shifting from “they don’t support my decisions” to “they just want to make sure I’m safe.”

3. Carve Out "You" Time - This one is important because let’s face it, even if you digest this whole post, there still may be times when something your brother-in-law says makes you want to flip the dining room table. Setting aside time to walk outside, exercise, or meditate will allow you to maintain an even more stable state of mind.

🔑 Takeaway

Your family’s quirks are part of what makes them them. Instead of fighting the tide of clashing personality types this holiday, try riding the wave with understanding—and a bit of humor.

As always feel free to comment below or reply this email directly with any questions.

Happy Holidays to you!

If this post was valuable to you, I’d really appreciate you sharing. Thank you!

In today’s post, I’m going to give you a simple exercise you can do anywhere that will help you quickly move through scary emotions.

The more you practice this exercise over time the more you’ll distance yourself neurologically from these emotions and the less invasive they’ll feel.

Note** a major problem I’ve noticed with people recently is “emotional accountability.”

People will say things like “My brain is feeling this” or “My anxiety this” and these phrases don’t serve you because you’re removing yourself from the driver’s seat when you are the driver, even if you don’t always understand why.

To feel better mentally, you want to make sure you’re always taking accountability for all of your emotional states. Statements like “I don’t know why I’m making myself so anxious right now” are empowering. You’re in the driver’s seat. You’re in control. You dictate your progress.

Your emotions only have life within your mind, and whether you understand why or not, you are creating all of them.

The Exercise:

When you create an overwhelming emotion for yourself, most commonly fear, anxiety, panic, rage, or something else, label the emotion mentally and give it a rating on a scale of 1-10.

Let’s say you’re anxious - you would label the emotion, anxiety, and then its rating, for example, 9.

It’s even more helpful if you do it out loud, but 99% of the time I would just do this in my head (not trying to make you look crazy in public places by shouting FEAR, 12, lol).

When you’re first starting with this exercise, you might not notice a difference immediately.

In this case, it’s helpful to check in on the emotion, and then run through the exercise again.

For example:

What emotion am I creating right now? Panic. What level am I making it? Level 9. Is the panic still there? If yes, repeat the exercise.

After repeating this several times you should notice a shift in the emotion. You might catch yourself yawning or sighing a big sigh. These are GOOD signs.

Over time, your emotions won’t scare you as much as you’ll be able to move through them more easily and will feel more in control.

This exercise also helps you create distance between you and your emotions, and realizing you are not your thoughts or emotions and that you have control over them will do wonders for you.

As always, feel free to drop a comment or reply to this email with any questions.

Cheers,

Chris

P.S. I’d really appreciate you sharing this newsletter with anyone you think would benefit from this information. I hope you and your loved ones soon realize you have the ability to overcome mental health challenges.

P.P.S. We dropped hats & shirts!! 😉 use the code “ilovemyself” for 10% off!

Acceptance For Better Mental Health

This is a simple trick I picked up from Acceptance & Commitment therapy that’s helpful for both in-the-moment anxiety as well as resolving long-term standing anxiety around specific events.

This tool can also be used to resolve any unwanted emotion, sensation, or painful memory.

It works because instead of mentally running away from the sensation or memory, stuffing it down like a tasty bowl of ramen, which increases your fear response over time, you accept it.

This diminishes your body’s threat response by teaching your brain that this sensation, memory, or emotion is safe.

First, you need to identify what it is you want to make safe to your brain. What is the sensation you want to no longer bother you?

Of course, you may have MANY (lol), but you want to do these one at a time.

Acceptance Exercise:

Identify one sensation that’s bothering you, and ask yourself, “Can I accept this?”

Sit with the sensation or memory you're working on and this state of acceptance until your response turns to a “YES!”

Then ask yourself, “Is the sensation still there?”

Answer to yourself yes or no.

If yes, ask yourself again, “Can I accept this?”

Repeat this process until you notice your negative feelings around the memory, emotion, or sensation diminish significantly.

The more you practice the above sequence, the more you train your brain that this “scary” emotion or memory is actually safe, and the less it will bother you.

As always, feel free to reply or comment with any questions, or to send me an update on how you’re doing!

Thank you for sharing Mental Martial Arts with your friends ❤️ 

Love you,

Chris

Memory Reconsolidation Series

In this week’s newsletter, I’m going to teach you a powerful technique for eliminating painful memories so they no longer bother you.

You ever screw up in life? I mean, bad, so bad you feel ashamed of the choices you made.

Well, turns out, you’re a human being. You and I, we’re not perfect, and we’re bound to say or do things in this life that we later feel ashamed of.

It’s common for us to go through life and make poor choices.

Or maybe it’s not something we did but rather something someone else said or did to us.

You could’ve been bullied, assaulted, the list goes on.

Even though these events are over, the memories still seem to haunt you and no matter how hard you try or how many positive affirmations you say, you can’t seem to shake your past.

Talking about it in talk therapy hasn’t worked and your self-esteem might suffer whenever you recall these events.

It can feel like you’re trapped in this mental prison and you’re being held back from living your best life.

Here’s a technique that will help you remove the emotional charge from your negative memories:

Note: this entire process is one you will complete mentally. This process will help you create mental distance from this painful memory, detaching you from the emotions.

1. When you recall your painful memory, take a step outside of the memory. Instead of experiencing the memory through your own eyes, watch a clone of yourself experiencing the memory.

2. Notice how you feel one step removed from the memory, seeing yourself in the memory (third-person view) rather than being in the actual memory first-person. In your mind, think of this like you’re rewatching this memory as if it were happening on a tv screen.

3. Feel the emotions you would feel for yourself as if it were a close friend of yours experiencing this situation instead of yourself. When I do this, I think to myself something like, “awww Chris, you poor guy, you’re amazing and I’m sorry you went through that, I love you.”

4. This next step might be a little difficult at first. Mentally step outside of yourself again, so you’re two layers removed. Meaning, you’re seeing yourself watching yourself in the memory. If you were doing this in real life with your eyes open, you’d be looking at a clone of you that’s looking at a clone of you in the memory. Stay in this state for as long as you can and notice how it feels being two layers detached from the memory.

This process is called dissociation, and while in some circumstances dissociation can be bad, it’s a technique myself and others have found to be powerful for reducing the emotional charge on past memories.

Sometimes this process is a one-and-done, but in certain cases where the memories are supercharged with painful emotions, it might take time.

I like to think of it like a game of whack-a-mole, where every time the bad memory pops up, you go through the above process, dissociating, feeling empathy for yourself, practice detaching from the memory.

The more you practice this exercise, the less and less these painful memories will dictate your present state.

Another option to the above technique is:

1. After you step out of the memory so you’re seeing a clone of yourself in the memory (3rd person), replace yourself in the memory with someone you care about and love deeply.

2. Feel the emotions you would feel for that person having gone through what you went through, empathy, compassion, love, etc.

3. Practice giving those same supportive thoughts and emotions to yourself.

I know this technique can be confusing, so if you have any questions, send me an email.

If this post was valuable to you, I’d appreciate you sharing this newsletter through the link below. Thank you.

With love,

Chris

Recently, I crashed after moving to a new city because I forgot one of the most important elements of life.

Today, I will share with you some ways you can build a rock-solid community.

Backstory

Five weeks ago I moved to Austin, Texas.

I was so excited to move and had been looking forward to being in a new city for months.

My plan upon moving was to lock in on my work, goals, dreams, heart’s desires… you get the point.

My first week in the new city I was (after finding the grocery store of course) working my day job, hitting the gym, building Ikea furniture, and staying up until 3 AM every night editing videos for other projects.

Initially, I was feeling GOOD. I mean I had the energy pumping, the supplements going, whipping up healthy meals and protein shakes, and feeling so motivated.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make new friends, it was that I wanted to focus and have my job/business endeavors dialed in before dabbling in social land.

After about 10 days of this routine, I crashed and sank harder than the Titanic.

I started having panic attacks, and feeling so depressed which I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I called my family and friends crying and realized your boy had to make some changes.

What I realized was that the community I had had in San Diego didn’t move with me to Austin. I was so used to seeing people I knew everywhere I went and didn’t realize how much those little interactions had contributed to my mental health.

Don’t just take my word for it, community and its positive affects on your mental health has been well-documented and studied.

If you don’t want to read those two links, boiled down the findings are people with a greater sense of community experience less mental health issues.

Here’s What I Did And You Can Do To Build Community:

1. I found the local pickleball courts and started playing a few days a week. Pickleball is an amazing sport because it’s very social and you’re exercising at the same time. Courts are constantly popping up all over the US as its the fastest growing sport and you can use websites like www.breakthelove.com or simply google to find places to play, classes, etc.

2. I joined a gym. I found a gym that incorporates co-working, weights, yoga, and cold plunges + saunas. Instead of working from home all day, I would split my days, working from home in the morning and then heading to the gym to workout and wrap up my computer work for the day. Just simply being around other humans and having those little interactions was a game changer.

3. I jumped on the apps MeetUp and SweatPals and signed up for a plethora of different events ranging from functional fitness training in a park to morning breathwork and meditation sessions.

These three things fast-tracked my ability to build community and make new friends that aligned with my life vision.

I can’t recommend the apps MeetUp and SweatPals enough. I never realized how you can search for any kind of group you’re interested in and go join that same week.

Same with joining a gym. Joining a gym is one of the best things you can do for yourself not only because of the benefits you’ll receive from exercising but also because whenever you’re in the gym you’re surrounding yourself with people that are actively working on improving their lives.

A lot of gyms offer free day passes so you can go and see what kinds of classes or amenities they have to offer. If you’re new to the gym, when you’re talking with the front desk explain this to them because more often than not you’ll receive a free training session or at the very least there will be someone knowledgeable on staff who can show you the ropes.

What have you done to build up your community? I’d love to hear from you.

If this post was valuable to you, I’d appreciate you sharing via the link below.

Thank you!

With love,

Chris

Unshackling Yourself from Reverse Conditioning: A Guide to Embracing Action and Living Fully

Today, I will teach you about reverse conditioning and the benefits of shifting how you condition your life.

Have you ever found yourself caught in the cycle of saying, “I’ll start that when I feel inspired”, “I’ll go to the gym when I feel energized”, or “I’ll start dating when I’m more confident”? (Guilty ✋)

By understanding reverse conditioning and eliminating it from your life, you’ll be able to achieve all it is you desire a lot faster, and ultimately, become a lot happier. Sounds pretty great right?

Getting Started Is ALWAYS Better Than Perfection

Reverse conditioning can hold you back from seizing opportunities and embracing life to the fullest.

Reverse conditioning occurs when you believe you must feel a certain way before taking action on something you desire or need to do. It's akin to putting the effect before the cause or the cart before the horse.

This pattern leads to a cycle of procrastination, avoidance, and self-sabotage. Waiting for that elusive perfect moment, mood, or opportunity becomes an endless pursuit, causing us to miss out on the rewards and benefits of taking action.

The truth is, feeling good often stems from doing good. Action creates positive feedback loops, nurturing motivation, confidence, and inspiration.

For instance, if you wish to feel more confident around others, particularly when interacting with someone you're attracted to, waiting for confidence to strike before engaging in conversation won't help. Instead, engaging in conversation itself will cultivate confidence. Through these interactions, you learn communication skills, resilience to rejection, and that others are simply fellow human beings.

When I was bedridden dealing with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and misophonia, I was scared and ashamed.

I isolated myself for a long time because I didn’t want to be out in the world until I had resolved my mental suffering.

I was reverse conditioning.

I would say to myself, I will go do x, y, and z once I feel better mentally.

This was a recipe for disaster, as over time, I felt worse mentally rather than better.

Fortunately, I eventually started working with a practitioner who called me out on my bs and explained the fallacy of reverse conditioning to me.

Instead of sitting at home reading health books, talking to doctors, and meditating 24/7, I decided I was going to start going to yoga every single day.

A special note for you if you have misophonia - it can be hard to accept this mentality at times. However, I believe in you. You’re a lot stronger than you think.

The way I shifted my attitude was, every situation I go into where there will be triggers is an opportunity for me to overcome them. In yoga, there are a few triggers present, however, rather than avoiding going, whenever I hear one I would try to think of a REALLY positive memory, or respond by saying thank you over and over in my mind, or by thinking about how funny it is that this sound was creating this emotional reaction. See this article for more information.

By forcing myself to go to yoga every day several things happened.

1. I became more confident as I faced head-on the anxiety that was holding me back - the fear of people finding out about my mental struggles, that I wasn’t doing okay, and that I didn’t have my life together. Surprise, nobody’s perfect, despite what you see on Instagram.

2. I made amazing new friends who lived healthy lifestyles and were good influences. Most of the people you meet who regularly attend yoga are healthy, loving, and wise people.

3. I realized that people want to help others. When I shared what I was going through, people would come ask me questions and tell me their own stories of dealing with depression, anxiety, etc, and how they overcame or managed it. I started feeling awesome about my own story.

4. Guess whatttttt… I started to feel better and happier! Building this sense of community around yoga did wonders for me. And eventually I realized, “Hey, if I can make it through yoga classes, I can do more things outside of yoga.” I started seeing more friends, writing this newsletter/blog, thinking positively about the future, and LIVING life again.

So, how can you break free from the shackles of reverse conditioning and start truly living? Here are some actionable tips:

1. Identify Areas of Reverse conditioning: Recognize the aspects of your life where you consistently postpone actions due to feelings of unreadiness or unworthiness.

2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Question why you believe you must feel a certain way before acting. Is this belief genuinely true? Ask yourself when you started believing this and question it.

3. Shift to "Do-Feel" Mentality: Replace "when-then" statements with "do-feel" statements. Instead of waiting for a feeling to act (e.g., "I'll go to the gym when I feel motivated"), commit to action first, knowing that the feeling will follow (e.g., "I'll go to the gym and then I'll feel motivated, energized, healthy, etc").

4. Take Consistent Small Actions: Avoid waiting for the perfect moment. Begin with manageable, consistent actions. For instance, start with a ten-minute daily exercise routine, or going to yoga. Gradually increase duration and intensity as habits form.

5. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and reward yourself for taking action. Celebrate even the smallest victories, appreciating your growth and progress.

“But Chris, my anxiety and depression are so bad I can’t even”

You’re not alone. I used to feel the same way. Getting out of bed was seemingly impossible.

At one point, I didn’t shower for almost three weeks. I had to decide that I wasn’t going to let my mental health dictate my life anymore and that regardless of how I felt, I was going to keep doing seemingly hard things.

Reverse conditioning with our mental health can often make us believe that certain emotions or mental states must precede taking action. It's a mindset that perpetuates avoidance, exacerbating anxiety or deepening depression.

Consider this: waiting for anxiety to fade before socializing may only reinforce avoidance. Instead, engaging in social activities, even with initial discomfort, can gradually diminish anxiety.

This gradual exposure helps in desensitization, eventually making social interactions less daunting and contributing to a sense of empowerment and ease.

Whether you struggle with mental health issues or not, identifying areas in your life where you are waiting for the perfect moment to do something, and STARTING instead of waiting, will pay huge dividends for you down the road.

Remember, you will feel x by doing y. Starting is better than perfection. Love yourself and embrace this growth mentality.

As always, feel free to ping me with any questions. I hope this post was valuable to you. Thank you so much for sharing Mental Martial Arts, it means the world to me.

Love you,

Chris

If you don’t meditate regularly your idea of meditation might be something like this:

I started meditating in 2018 and started regularly meditating in 2020 after reading several anecdotal tales of people fully overcoming anxiety and panic attacks after starting a regular meditation practice.

Yes, people fully overcoming serious mental health challenges through a consistent practice of meditation.

I want to clear the air and say that no, you don’t need to be criss-cross applesauce, in the middle of a field, at 5am, to meditate, lol.

There are many forms of meditation and you can keep it as simple and short or long and complex as you’d like.

I’m going to break down some really simple ways you can get into the practice of meditating starting with the simplest:

Balancing Your Mental Input & Output

There is so much noise in the world today, so much social media, so much news, so much Jeffrey Bezos on your doorstep, so much going on all the time.

You can fall into this never-ending cycle of trying to enhance your productivity by listening to podcasts while you’re in the shower, audiobooks while you’re driving, and checking to see if you have any new work emails you while you’re at a redlight, only to get honked at moments later (guilty).

The reality is the internet is pretty much infinite, and with good ol’ AI, the amount of content one can consume is vastly expanding.

There’s always going to be another news story, another book, another productivity hack, another friend of your dog’s twice removed cousin that’s getting married and for some reason you’re spending your precious time investigating.

There’s SO. MUCH. INPUT.

Input = consumption, checking your phone, listening to something, reading, binge-watching a show you don’t even really enjoy.

The beauty of input is that we have the power to control its levels in our lives.

Okay wow yeah I really went on a tangent here, back to meditation.

If you’re not ready to drop fully into meditation, a simple life change you can make is making a conscious effort to balance the amount of input and output in your life.

When you’re driving or walking, instead of blasting music, throwing on a podcast, or downloading irrelevant opinions to your subconscious, you have the option to choose mental output.

Output = letting your mind think. Letting your thoughts run free. Sitting with your silence and noting your feelings.

Over the years I’ve found this output, this space to process, incredibly valuable for my mental health and you will too.

Of course we have a mental health crisis in the US when most people are constantly hooked up to portable slot machines we call phones and in states of sensory overload.

The more you take a step back and choose to give yourself space for mental peace free from interruption, the more easily you’ll be able to navigate and deal with your anxiety or other mental health issues.

Next up is yoga, and boy oh boy do I love yoga.

YOGA

In my opinion, yoga’s easier than traditional meditation because “iT’s A mOviNg mEditAtion.” I know, I know… so cliche. It’s true.

But really, yoga is insanely good for you. The less tight you are physically the less tight you are mentally. Countless studies have proven yoga's significant positive impact on your mental health.

I think a huge part of this is because you’re breathing into different muscles of your body, and releasing pent-up tension from the recent argument you had with your boss or uncle.

Plus, you’re forced to be off your phone and present for an hour and if you go to a studio you’re able to build a community of people that are mental health conscious.

An active yoga practice was one of the key changes I made that completely turned my mental health around.

Getting Started With Active Meditation

There are several ways you can go about this. You can download apps like Headspace and Calm to your smartphone, find local places in your community that host meditations or utilize one of my all-time favorite platforms, YouTube.

When you’re starting out I want to remind you of what it feels like to start going to the gym. It’s not fun at first. It’s not easy at first. However, a few months later when you’re sleeping better, feeling happier, and looking sexy, you realize starting was an amazing decision.

You don’t have to lift heavy weights right off the bat. You can actually just sit in silence for one minute. Literally, I mean that, one minute of mindfulness has been proven to reduce your stress and blood pressure levels while improving your sleep and mood.

What I mean by “watch your thoughts” is to take a back seat perspective in your mind. Instead of reacting to every thought or feeling you have, you just practice observing what’s going on in your mind, and labeling thoughts or emotions.

For example, let’s say you’re sitting for your one minute of mindfulness and you’re having a bunch of stressful thoughts about work. You would label this as “stressful thoughts about work” and let it float by.

The more you practice mindfulness, the better you’re able to respond to situations in real life because the less reactive you are to your own thoughts and feelings.

Longer Meditations + My Favs

The longest I’ve ever meditated for was around four hours. I have a wild story about this experience but for the sake of keeping this post short for our warped attention spans I’m going to leave it out this time.

I’ve found my personal sweet spot to be meditating anywhere from 10-30 minutes.

Since beginning meditating, I’ve gone through phases where I’ve been consistent and phases where I’ve given it up completely.

Every single time I start meditating again I can’t imagine why I ever previously stopped.

As you can imagine, right now I’m in monk mode. Meditating every day, loving it.

My favorite time to meditate is the last thing before bed. I find meditating at night helps me relax and clear any unresolved tension from my day, so I wake up feeling rejuvenated and calm instead of wondering what in the world is taking Sam so long to respond to my proposal.

I’ve realized over the years I prefer guided meditations and have tried countless variations on YouTube.

If you have a specific ailment or issue you’re working on resolving, I recommend you search on YouTube (I promise, YouTube didn’t sponsor this post, sadly) “meditation for _________” and inserting what it is you’re trying to overcome.

The Following Are Three Of My All-Time Favorite Meditations:

I really enjoy alternating between these three meditations because combined they incorporate gratitude, visualization, forgiveness, and some inner child work. Pretty epic combo right?

1. Gratitude

2. Forgiveness

3. Visualization One & Visualization Two (I know, I know… I said three, and there’s four, forgive me)

I hope you learned something from this post and it was valuable to you one way or another. There’s a link below where you can easily share with your friends, family, or people you know could really use a chill pill.

If you have any questions about meditation feel free to drop me a note.

If meditation has also changed your life, feel free to reach out as well, I’d love to hear your story.

With love & gratitude,

Chris

Good morning fellow mental warriors.

It’s been a minute and you bet your bottom dollar I’ve missed you.

I moved recently and crashed mentally my first week into the move (post on the crash coming soon…)

Anyhow, I want to share with you an incredibly SIMPLE technique that I’ve used for the past few years to break out of anxiety and other unwanted mental states.

Recently, a few close friends of mine have been going through rough patches and I shared this process with them and thought you know what let’s share this with the community.

This technique comes from Neuro Linguistic Programming and is referred to as the pain paradigm.

It’s called the pain paradigm because it’s typically used for people who suffer from chronic pain.

If you don’t struggle with chronic pain, here’s a brief synopsis of why this technique works for chronic pain:

Often we develop chronic pain and other chronic conditions due to chronic suppressed emotions. This theory was popularized by the late Dr. John Sarno, who after examining countless x-rays realized that there were people with seriously screwed-up backs who didn’t have back pain, and people with perfect backs who struggled with excruciating back pain.

Sarno hypothesized that chronic back pain was due to patients’ mental and emotional states after recognizing the low impact rate of back surgeries on reducing back pain.

Patients of Sarno were diagnosed with TMS, Tension Myositis Syndrome which encapsulates the above hypothesis that your mind creates pain symptoms to aid the repression of our subconscious thoughts and feelings.

Patients were prescribed a series of protocols from education to journaling to alleviate and ultimately eliminate their chronic pain symptoms. There are countless anecdotal stories online of people who were wheelchair-bound and now walk pain-free. If you struggle with chronic pain, I highly recommend researching TMS and Nicole Sachs (who’s one of Sarno’s successors and biggest advocates).

But chronic pain isn’t what this post is about. It’s about breaking out of your anxiety or other unwanted thought loops and emotional states.

The pain paradigm is this sequence:

1. Ask yourself, “What emotion am I feeling now?”

2. Answer with the emotion. If anxiety it’s usually fear, anger, sadness, shame, or something similar.

3. Ask yourself, “Is the sensation still there?”

4. Answer, yes or no. If no, great, go about your day.

5. If yes, respond, “Great!” and start over at question number 1.

It’s important to note that sometimes you must repeat this sequence of questions 10-20 times before noticing a positive change in your state.

For example, if I’m ever having a terrible bout of anxiety or panic, I might sit there and run through this sequence 10+ times with the answer to the first question being fear every single time. Then my answer might shift to anger, then sadness, and then I’ll feel better.

It’s common for your answer to the first question to shift around from fear to sadness to anger to guilt, etc. You might even start crying or laughing. This is GREAT because it means you’re expressing your EMOTIONS.

Expressing my… real emotions?

The more confident you become in expressing your genuine emotions, the less and less mental turmoil you’ll experience.

The whole point of this exercise is to shift your mind from your current negative state, anxiety or something else, to a state of curiosity.

This process allows you to recognize the emotions you’re feeling and potentially suppressing that are causing you to be in a state of anxiety, depression, or panic.

Doing so breaks your negative thought loops and gives you more agency over the feelings you’re experiencing.

If you have ANY questions about using this technique to snap out of bouts of anxiety, depression, or another unwanted state - shoot me a message! I want to make sure this makes sense for all and helps you on your journey to blissful mental health.

You deserve to feel happy, loved, and to hold within you a deep sense of belonging.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and family as this helps grow our community. If you REALLY enjoyed this post, consider becoming a paid subscriber as this helps me pay my bills and write more of these posts. Thank you and love you!

Solve 👏 YOUR 👏 Problems 👏 With This EMPOWERING Mindset

“Imagine that changing one belief could increase your life by fifteen years, protect your close relationships from breaking up, stop you from getting depressed even in the most challenging circumstances, speed up your healing, make you a more generous and helpful human being, and enable you to make the other life changes you’ve always wanted to easily. Imagine there was research to prove that this one belief could do all that. This article is about that belief: the belief that since you are able to choose what you think about, you can create your own future.”

This is a quote from an article by Richard Bolstad. And before I continue with this post, there’s one more excerpt I want to share:

“William James, the nineteenth-century medical doctor, suffered from severe depression. Graduating as a medical doctor at the age of 27 only left him more depressed and anguished about the pointlessness of his life, which seemed predetermined and empty. In 1870, he made the philosophical breakthrough that enabled him to pull himself out of his depression.

This was the realization that different beliefs have different consequences. James had been puzzling for some time about whether human beings had genuine free will, or whether their actions were the deterministic results of genetic and environmental influences.

He now realized that such questions were insoluble and that the more important issue was which beliefs have the most useful consequences for the believer. James discovered that the belief in determinism made him passive and impotent; the belief in free will allowed him to consider alternatives, to act, and to plan.

Describing the brain as “an instrument of possibilities” (Hunt, 1993, p149), he decided, “At any rate, I will assume for the present -until next year- that it is no illusion. My first act of free will shall be to believe in free will. I will go a step further with my will, not only act with it, but believe as well; believe in my individual reality and creative power.” His depression lifted, and James went on to become the central figure in the development of “scientific psychology.”

Hats off to you, William. Pretty amazing story isn’t it?

This same mentality is what took me from being bedridden with depression, anxiety, etc to being back out in the world living life again in a short matter of time.

The good news is that this mindset can radically transform your life for the better as well.

I highly encourage anyone to read the entire article here, however, if you’re stubborn, if you hate being told what to do, or if your older sibling always got their way - I’m going to summarize the article in this post anyway. You’re welcome.

The mindset I’m referring to is what’s known in NLP land as being “at cause.” Outside of NLP, you can think of it as taking 100% responsibility for your thoughts and your life.

Now, this isn’t to say you’re responsible for any traumatic events that have happened to you. That would be terrible and misleading. It’s rather to empower you to realize you have the ability to overcome whatever is in your way, whether this is traumatic memories or something else, and to achieve everything you want in this life.

Cause and Effect

In life, cause and effect is a relationship between natural phenomena. Something happens, and this causes more stuff to happen. There are effects of the initial something happening.

For example: Because it rained, we canceled our trip. Boohoo. In this instance, the cause was the rain and the effect was the cancellation of the trip. When someone is living in effect, it means they’re disempowered, and failing to recognize any relationship between their problems and themselves. So in this instance, someone who’s living in effect would complain about how it’s raining, how it always rains when they want to go on vacation, and how frustrating it is.

On the other hand, someone who is living at cause would approach this situation by finding alternative activities to do indoors, or by planning a different trip to a location where rain is less likely. They would take responsibility for their own happiness and adapt to the circumstances, rather than blaming external factors for their disappointment.

Which of the above two types of people would you rather spend time around? Exactly.

It’s draining to be around people who are always complaining and not taking action to resolve the issues they constantly complain about. Sometimes you want to look at them and say:

Living Life At Cause

Being “at cause” means taking ownership of the problems in your life. It means taking 100% responsibility for the results in your life. It doesn't mean you caused every problem in your life, it means you're responsible for finding solutions to overcome them.

One more example of being at cause vs being in effect is someone with a boss who drives them NUTS (we’ve all been there lol). Being at cause means recognizing that you have the power to change your reaction to your boss's behavior and find ways to improve the situation, such as applying for a new job or reaching out to HR, rather than constantly blaming your boss for your frustration and doing NOTHING to resolve the problem.

Living in effect would mean you’re constantly complaining about your terrible boss and how you can’t sleep at night or how your life is miserable because of them. Living in effect means you don’t realize any relationship between the problems in your life and you.

One more time for fun - the mentality of being “at cause” is what took me from being bedridden with depression to out in the world living life again in a short matter of time.

It wasn’t simply shifting the mentality that changed everything of course, it was the empowerment this mentality gave me to resolve my mental demons.

These gifs are just too good I have to include another one:

Victim Mentality

Before reading into the cause-and-effect relationship and how it relates to our lives, I wholeheartedly believed I wasn’t embodying the victim mentality.

I had been spending a RIDICULOUS amount of time devouring books on mental health, experimenting with different diets, and consulting with practitioners all over the world. Heck, I even did a 16-day water fast at one point. I was absolutely being proactive.

However, deep down I was still blaming people. I would think, “If only my parents hadn’t done x, y, or z, I wouldn’t be dealing with these problems right now…” It wasn’t just my parents, there were a few other experiences where I ultimately realized I had been blaming others for my mental state.

So how did I shift my perspective?

Essentially it boiled down to this: I realized no one ACTUALLY hurts OUR feelings.

Read that again.

No one actually hurts OUR feelings.

Rather, people say or do things, events happen, and we CREATE feelings based on the way WE interpret those events.

We consciously and subconsciously decide how to respond to all events in the world. Let’s say someone cuts us off in traffic - we can either get angry and chase them down, or we can breathe, think “Hey, no one’s perfect, I cut people off on accident sometimes,” and express gratitude an accident wasn’t caused.

So in relation to my mental health issues - instead of continuing to blame anyone for my agony, I started taking 100% responsibility.

My mindset became, “My parents did the best they could, and I responded the way I did, I started thinking and acting the way I did, which resulted in me creating a poor level of self-esteem that eventually manifested as severe mental health issues.”

Regarding the panic attacks, shame, anxiety, etc that I was dealing with at the time, I would think to myself, “I notice these mental patterns I created in my mind and I’m going to figure out how to make them safe so they no longer get in the way of me living the life I want to live.”

If you’re struggling with Misophonia in particular - the mindset I used was, “I created an unnecessary rage response to this sound, and I’m going to figure out how to update this sound to safe in my neurology.”

It was absolutely VITAL to cut out language like “it’s so hard when my anxiety flares up” and to shift the dialogue to “when I flare up my anxiety.” Do you see the difference in those two sentences? The first treats anxiety like it’s something outside of our control, and the second sentence takes ownership of anxiety.

This is SO important. I know it can feel like we don’t have control over our mental agony at times, but we do. We 100% do.

Now this shift to living at cause or taking 100% responsibility didn’t occur overnight, it took some practice. Even to this day sometimes I catch myself in effect and have to shift myself back over to being at cause. So be patient with yourself.

Further Benefits Of Living At Cause

Okay so now you have a better understanding of what it means to live “at cause.” It’s taking 100% responsibility for your problems, your results, and your actions rather than relying on excuses and complaints.

Mental health challenges are undoubtedly complex, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. However, the "at cause" mindset equips you with a powerful frame for taking charge of your mental well-being. It empowers you to recognize that your responses and actions play a pivotal role in your journey toward healing and recovery.

Why Living "At Cause" Is the Best Way to Live

So, why is living "at cause" the best way to live? The answer lies in the transformative impact it has on every aspect of your life. Here are some compelling reasons why this mindset is a game-changer:

1. Empowerment: Living "at cause" is all about empowerment. It means you no longer passively accept the circumstances life throws at you. Instead, you actively shape your own destiny. You become the author of your life story, making choices and decisions that align with your goals and aspirations.

2. Resilience: With the "at cause" mindset, you develop resilience. You're better equipped to bounce back from setbacks, whether they're related to your career, relationships, or personal challenges. Adversity no longer feels insurmountable; it's an opportunity for growth and learning.

3. Improved Relationships: Living "at cause" leads to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships. By taking responsibility for your responses and emotions, you become a better communicator, a more empathetic partner, and a more understanding friend. Your relationships benefit from the positive energy you bring to them.

4. Personal Growth: If you aspire to be the best version of yourself, living "at cause" is the way forward. It allows you to break free from self-imposed limitations, develop healthier habits, and embrace personal growth opportunities. You're no longer held back by excuses and external factors. You are in control of your growth journey.

5. Happiness and Fulfillment: Ultimately, living "at cause" paves the way for a happier and more fulfilling life. You are not at the mercy of external circumstances or the actions of others. You are the architect of your own happiness. You choose how to respond to life's challenges and setbacks, making the most of every situation.

In conclusion, the "at cause" mindset isn't just a belief; it's a way of life. It's a choice to be proactive, resilient, and empowered. It's the path to a life filled with purpose, personal growth, and the ability to overcome whatever challenges may come your way.

Thank you for sharing Mental Martial Arts. You’re awesome. Come say hi at the social links below!

Lots of love,

Chris

Understanding Neuro-Linguistic Programming: A Pathway to a Better Life

Alright, Chris. NLP this, NLP that, what the heck have you been talking about and what is this mysterious acronym? Before you ask - no this isn’t an article about natural language processing, lol. Here’s the story:

After spending all of my savings and traveling around looking for answers to cure my misophonia, panic attacks, anxiety, depression… all the fun stuff, I was finally introduced to NLP by someone on the internet (yes - there are positive sides to technology!) who had overcome their misophonia, depression, anxiety, and more. This person (who I’ll be writing more about soon) also introduced me to another wonderful human from Denmark who had overcome misophonia.

As you can imagine after years of searching, when I initially heard these stories of triumph I was bouncing off-the-walls ecstatic. “It’s possible to restore your mind? Really? THANK GOODNESS.”

I will give you both my personal view of NLP and a summary of what’s out there on the internet.

My View of Neuro-Linguistic Programming:

NLP is a set of tools collected from successful therapists that allow you to rewrite your fundamental beliefs and views of yourself and the world around you, so you can sleep well at night and live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.

When I say successful therapists, I mean successful in that these therapists’ patients overcame the issues they walked into sessions with, and didn’t have to talk about them for years on end with no real resolution.

The tools under the umbrella of Neuro Linguistic Programming allow you to “clean up” traumatic memories from your past and build healthy, concrete, and lasting levels of self-worth, esteem, and confidence.

In one sentence: NLP is a set of mental techniques and exercises that allow you to rewrite the mental operating system you’ve been ingrained with since childhood.

What Is Neuro-Linguistic Programming? The Internet’s View

NLP was developed in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who believed it was possible to identify the patterns of thoughts and behaviors of successful individuals and to teach them to others. The title, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, includes three essential components:

• Neuro: This component is related to our neurology, our mind, and how we think.

• Linguistic: This aspect deals with how we use language and how it influences us and those around us.

• Programming: This element is about our behaviors and how we organize our ideas and actions to achieve our goals.

In essence, NLP is about personal development, effective communication, and psychotherapy. It relates thoughts, language, and patterns of behavior learned through experience to specific outcomes. NLP is often used as a personal development tool or in psychotherapy.

Is NLP backed by science?

It's important to note that while people have reported positive results with NLP, the scientific community has raised concerns about its empirical validity and the lack of robust scientific evidence supporting its claims.

As such, individuals interested in using NLP should approach it with an open mind and consider seeking guidance from qualified and reputable practitioners if they choose to explore its techniques.

There are some bad actors in the NLP space that, in my opinion, are the reason its reputation has been tarnished and cast aside as ineffective. And when I say bad actors, I mean full-on snake oil salesman. People that are way more interested in taking people’s money than helping them improve their lives.

This is sad because there are some incredibly powerful mental exercises from NLP that radically changed my life - from being bed-bound with ear plugs in and headphones on - to out and about living a “normal” life again. These are techniques I’d never been taught in conventional talk therapy and other forms of therapy (e.g. CBT).

Given how powerful and transformative NLP has been for my life and many others I know personally, my hope and goal is to advance the knowledge of NLP so it will be more widely studied and used as a common form of therapy. I’ve already completed master-level NLP training and have started coaching people back to more balanced states of mind.

Okay - back to the NLP basics.

The Presuppositions of NLP

NLP operates under several assumptions, which serve as valuable principles or beliefs that contribute to the process's effectiveness. These include:

1. The map is not the territory: Our perception of reality is not reality itself but our own subjective understanding of it. This means reality is what we conceptualize it as in our mind. “Chris, this is confusing what’s a map and what does this mean?” Great question…

   A “map” in NLP is our subjective lens/view of the world based on our past experiences and personalities. In layman’s terms “the map is not the territory” means two people can experience the same event and have different views, memories/feelings about, and opinions of what actually occurred in this event.

1. There is no failure, only feedback: Mistakes should be viewed as opportunities to learn and grow.

2. People work perfectly: Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. The person that flipped you off in traffic the other day? They’re doing the best they can with the mental programs they’ve been ingrained with.

3. The meaning of the communication is the response you get: If your communication is misunderstood, it’s your responsibility to express it in a different way.

4. If one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it: If someone can achieve something, it’s possible to model it and teach it to others.

5. The body and mind are part of the same system: Our thoughts and emotions affect our physical bodies and vice versa.

Techniques of NLP

There are a LOT of NLP techniques. Since NLP’s inception in the 70s, the original creators have iterated on the original methods and developed new techniques. Additionally, outsiders have crafted their own NLP techniques for specific problems.

It’s important to note that because we all have different primary processing styles, specific techniques work better for some processing styles than others. When I say processing styles I’m referring to visual, auditory, feelings, Myers-Briggs type traits.

Here are a few of my favorite NLP Techniques:

Time Line Therapy

We all conceptualize time in different ways. For example, if I asked you to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then point to where your future is, and then to where your past is, these locations might be in different areas than one of your peers. Common timeline representations are: one’s future is out in front of them, and the past behind them. For some people the past is to their left and the future is to their right, you get the gist.

A common problem for people is their inability to let go of past memories. These memories can cause issues on a daily basis such as overthinking, anxiety, etc…

Once we understand how someone represents time in their mind, we can use Time Line Therapy techniques to revisit past memories, reframe them, eliminate negative emotions around them, and positively distort them so that they are no longer causing negative issues in one’s life.

One of my favorite Time Line Therapy uses is for limiting beliefs. “I’m not smart enough, good enough, worthy, attractive” anything along those lines. Time Line Therapy can be very effective for taking people back to the original event that caused a limiting belief, giving them a new perspective on this event, and shattering the limiting belief that was created.

Working With Submodalities

Submodalities are how we encode and give meaning to our memories via internal representations and the five senses - sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste.

For example, close your eyes, and imagine a blue car in your mind. When you imagine this car, where does it appear in your perception? Is it right in front of you? To your left/right/above/below you? Is it a big or small image? Is the image bright or dull? Is the image close to you or far away? Is the image focused or blurry? Is the image moving or still? These characteristics of the representation of the blue car are submodalities.

Now - here’s the cool part of working with submodalities. Submodality exercises can be used to forgive others, overcome phobias, break unhealthy eating habits, and a whole lot more.

In the context of forgiveness, there were a few people in my life I was having a hard time forgiving. Right - someone really wronged you and you know you need to let it go but you just can’t figure out how.

What I would do was:

1. Elicit the submodalities of someone in my life I genuinely loved and admired. Usually, the submodalities of the person I loved would be bright, colorful, close to my face, etc.

2. Elicit the submodalities of the person I needed to forgive - and these typically weren’t as positive. These submodalities were generally a dark picture, blurry, further off in the distance, small, etc.

3. Perform a process known as mapping across - where we take the submodalities of the value we want to change - in this case - the person I wanted to forgive - and shift them to match the submodalities of the person I loved.

4. I’d start off with location - I’d move the image of the person I wanted to forgive to the location of the person I loved in my mind. I’d then make the image of the person I wanted to forgive bright, colorful, closer to my face, and so on. I would continue to shift the submodalities until I genuinely felt love and compassion for this person I had harbored a deep anger for only minutes beforehand.

I remember one time after performing this forgiveness exercise I actually missed the person I had wanted to forgive so much that I called them up afterward to check in on them.

This forgiveness exercise is just one of many ways submodalities can be used to shift our thoughts and feelings around people, places, events, memories, and more.

Dissociation

You may have gathered this already - there were a lot of negatively charged memories taking up precious real estate in my head for quite some time. What was I thinking letting them cause me so much unnecessary agony for so long after the events had occurred? This is one of the best things about the past. It’s in the past. However, given our reptilian evolution, sometimes the lizard section of our brain fails to realize that these events are over.

Okay Chris, focus, dissociation. A lot of times when I would previously recall negative memories from my past, I would be associated in these memories, meaning I would experience them in first-person in my head almost as if they were happening all over again.

What I learned from NLP was the technique of dissociation - viewing memories from a third-person perspective. When I would start to recall a memory I didn’t particularly like, instead of viewing the memory through my own eyes as usual, I would mentally step out of this memory, so I was seeing myself in the memory like a third-party observer.

Sometimes, I would play around with switching back and forth from associated to dissociated with a specific memory, and note the difference. Every time - I found the dissociated state offered a significantly decreased emotional burden compared to the associated state.

What I really loved about this exercise, was it allowed me to realize I had the power to control and play around with these painful memories that were floating around in the back of my mind on a daily basis. Once I became comfortable dissociating from memories, I started playing around with making the memories smaller, moving them further away in my mind, and a few other techniques I’ll touch on later.

How Else Can NLP Improve Your Life?

Beyond the shortlist of techniques I described above, there are many other ways one can use NLP to benefit their life.

1. Personal Development: NLP provides tools for personal growth and self-improvement. It can help you increase self-awareness, set and achieve goals, and develop a more positive mindset.

2. Overcoming Phobias and Fears: NLP techniques can be used to address and overcome phobias, fears, and anxieties. By changing the way you perceive and respond to these triggers, you can reduce their impact on your life.

3. Breaking Habits and Addiction: NLP can assist in identifying and modifying unwanted habits or addictive behaviors. It helps individuals understand the underlying patterns and triggers behind these behaviors, making it easier to break them.

4. Stress Reduction: NLP offers strategies for managing stress and handling challenging situations with greater ease. Techniques like anchoring and visualization can be used to promote relaxation and emotional balance.

5. Goal Setting and Achievement: NLP provides methods for setting clear and achievable goals. It helps individuals develop effective strategies and motivation to reach their objectives.

6. Enhancing Relationships: NLP emphasizes building rapport and understanding the perspectives of others. It can improve your ability to connect with people, resolve conflicts, and communicate more effectively within personal and professional relationships.

7. Leadership and Influence: NLP techniques can be valuable for individuals in leadership roles. They can help leaders inspire and motivate their teams, make better decisions, and become more persuasive communicators.

8. Performance Improvement: Athletes, artists, and professionals in various fields have used NLP to enhance their performance. Visualization, mental rehearsal, and confidence-building techniques can boost performance levels.

9. Coaching and Therapy: Some practitioners use NLP in coaching and therapeutic settings to help clients overcome personal challenges, improve self-esteem, and address emotional issues.

10. Creativity and Innovation: NLP can stimulate creativity and problem-solving by encouraging individuals to think differently and break free from mental blocks.

11. Learning and Education: NLP techniques can be applied in education to enhance learning experiences. They can help students develop effective study habits, overcome learning difficulties, and improve memory and concentration.

12. Communication Skills: NLP helps individuals improve their communication abilities, both in terms of verbal and non-verbal communication. This can be beneficial for better relationships, negotiation, public speaking, and effective persuasion.

Want me to write about a specific topic? Have comments, questions, or concerns? Shoot me an email - mentalmartialarts@proton.me I would love to hear your story and how you’re doing.

Misophonia Cure Update

Hello beautiful human. I’ve received a number of inquiries regarding Misophonia and if I’ve overcome it, how, etc. So I’m writing this post as an update to how I’m approaching Misophonia.

I tried a lot of things - ketamine therapy, water fasting, acupuncture, different kinds of therapy, medications, and none of those provided long-term relief.

This is how I currently view Misophonia and how I’ve been going about unwinding it so the sound of someone chewing doesn’t make you want to kill them - lol.

What Misophonia really is (my opinion)

Essentially it boils down to Pavlovian conditioning. Pavlov rings the bell, feeds the dogs, rings the bell, feeds the dogs, etc. Eventually, Pavlov rings the bell, and the dogs start salivating - because their brain has associated the sound of the bell with dinner time.

In the case of Misophonia, for whatever reason our brains have tagged these sounds as extremely threatening (I’m not a doctor, and this isn’t medical advice, this is my view).

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical threat, it could’ve been a massive embarrassment while the sound was occurring in the background. The brain tags the sound as a significantly negative stimulus. Similar to Pavlov’s dogs, now whenever the sound is heard, the rage-disgust-i-want-to-destroy-you response is elicited - lol.

Another example could be eating at the dinner table - getting ridiculed by parents or scolded for not finishing the plate, meanwhile, dad is smacking his lips.

My Approach To Misophonia

The good news is that because our brains operate like computers, programs can be reversed - yes - the triggers can go away. I should also mention I personally know two people who no longer have Misophonia. It is possible. Misophonia also means your body is functioning properly! Woohoo. Lucky us right? But really… the brain thinks it’s protecting us from danger.

In order to undo Misophonia, we need to identify a positive stimuli so powerful it will surprise the limbic system (which triggers the Misophonic response).

One of the best questions to ask yourself to find positive stimuli is “What would I need to hear, see, feel, or do immediately after the trigger sound, to neutralize it completely?” What could someone say to me or what positive memory could I recall immediately after a trigger sound that would overpower the Misophonic rage?

Avoid anyone (usually family members) who could’ve been involved with the origin of triggers with the solution. Someone that was part of the problem is most likely not going to be part of the solution.

Anywho - finding people you love and attempting to recondition negative the brain with positive stimuli has worked for some people. It’s been enough for them to overcome their triggers. The key to success is speed. The limbic system acts FAST. Just like when you hear a trigger and the response is immediate, the positive stimuli must be activated IMMEDIATELY after the trigger sound in order to create a “limbic system update” - meaning your brain goes “ooo ahh… wait… maybe this sound isn’t so bad after all.”

I tried this approach for a few months and it worked well. I was able to successfully overcome several triggers and normalize the sounds using this approach.

The issue for me was for some of the bigger, meaner, stronger triggers, the change wasn’t permanent. However, it was still exciting hearing triggers and not being activated for the time being.

I think for me some more internal memory healing was necessary in order for the big trigger shifts to be permanent. I’ve been approaching healing through Neuro Linguistic Programming - which I’m going to be writing about thoroughly in future posts. NLP has truly changed my life.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on the way to becoming what the ex-misophoners call “supersonic.” Haha. If you’re struggling with Miso, there’s hope for you, we’re all going to be supersonic and trigger-free. Hang in there.

If this information is valuable to you - consider becoming a paid subscriber. It helps me dedicate time to researching and writing about Misophonia and other mental health issues. Thank you.

One more tidbit of wisdom before I go:

Goodbye Panic Attacks #2

TL:DR – As a child, I misinterpreted the pressure my parents put on me to succeed in school as them not loving me. As a result, I developed some severe insecurities around my intelligence and a desire to be “cool” instead. This resulted in me caring way too much about what others thought of me. I started having panic attacks in college after years of feeling like I had to act a certain way to fit in. One of the main methods I used to overcome panic attacks and anxiety stems from the work of Dr. Jud Brewer. Useful links and my personal spin on his method are at the end of this post.

Picking up where we left off on Goodbye Panic Attacks #1 – it’s now the summer before my senior year of college and I’ve had my first few major panic attacks. I developed a significant fear of the fear and became constantly worried about having another panic attack, or worse that people would find out I was having them. I felt so much shame and guilt around these panic attacks. Am I having them because I drank too many beers in college? Am I having them because I’m a terrible person and God is bringing down his mighty wrath on my brain? What the helicopter am I going to do to get rid of these panic attacks?

Before you read any further - know that you are an incredible person. What you are experiencing - panic, anxiety, or something else is completely normal. It’s going to be okay and you will be able to overcome these issues. Additionally, I want to say that I love my parents. They are truly amazing people and we have an excellent relationship now. The following anecdote is for you to understand what I felt led to me developing anxiety and panic attacks.

Childhood

Growing up, I felt a lot of pressure to do exceptionally well in school. Around second or third grade was when I started really slipping behind in a few of my classes in my mom’s eyes. I remember I had a C or D in a math class and for the life of me could not figure out how to do the homework. I remember sitting in class while the teacher explained the lesson each day and feeling like everything was going way over my head. This was an advanced math class as my mom always wanted me to be in the most advanced classes. I now know this is because she really loved me and wanted the best for me.

I would voice to my mom that I was struggling and couldn’t figure out the homework, and my mom would say things to me like “well you better figure it out” and that my grades weren’t going to cut it. I remember spending around a week one night crying myself to sleep because I thought I was going to be a failure, whatever that meant. This math class performance led to a series of massive fights with my parents. I would be so frustrated at my inability to figure out my math homework, and felt like my mom didn’t care at all that I was struggling. I would mouth off to my mom, and she would call for my dad, who would rush into the kitchen and punish me. I would run away from him, eventually be caught, and receive some tasty soap in the mouth. If you’ve ever were soaped as a child, you know how much of a thrilling experience it really is.

This continued for some time, not being able to figure out the math homework, arguing with my mother who I thought didn’t care about me, and my dad coming in with zero context and spanking me, soaping, etc. I became terrified of my dad. For some reason, I was always afraid of voicing my issues to my parents, so I never told my dad what I was feeling or experiencing. I now wish at the time I had had the confidence to open up to my dad about what I was going through in school, as I think my perception of him and my childhood and early adulthood experiences would have been drastically different.

This period of really feeling like I was going to be a failure lasted around two years. I developed the mentality that my parents didn’t care about me. Additionally, I had an older sister who exceeded my parent’s expectations in every way possible. Straight As in all honors classes, awards for this and that, she was their perfect and favorite child was how I felt. I developed this deep anger towards my family and remember making a decision that I was going to be the cool kid. The smart successful kid was already occupied by my sister so in order to get love I was going to have to live life differently.

Well unfortunately this identity of “being cool” was something I relied on externally based on which social circle I was in. In middle school, a girl told my friend that she thought I was really ugly. My friend courteously passed this information along to me saying “She said you are so ugly.” Well, given the low self-esteem I already had due to my misinterpretation of my parent’s desire for me to be successful as them not loving me, and the new identity I had developed as being the cool child, this news completely shattered my world. I remember thinking this sucks, this is awful, my parents don’t like me and think I’m stupid, girls think I’m ugly, what am I even doing here?

At the time, I didn’t even know what therapy was and I can only imagine how much it would have benefitted me at the time to talk to someone about everything I had been experiencing. I was a closed book and kept everything I was struggling with inside.

High School & College

Life continued and I held onto this desire to be the cool kid. Given my new perception that I was ugly, I went to great lengths every day to make sure I looked okay. I would cut my hair differently, gel it, straighten it, whatever it took so that when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked okay. I developed this habit too where every time I walked by a mirror I would look into it, and ridicule myself thinking thoughts like “I wish I was better looking.”

In high school, the being “cool” mentality, fortunately, worked out for me. I felt like I eventually made friends that I thought were cool and fortunately, these also happened to be friends that I really loved and still keep in touch with today. However, when I hit college, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I worked my ass off in high school to get good grades and to be able to get into a good school and ended up going to USC in Los Angeles. When it came time for me to start at USC, I was still carrying this need to be “cool” identity with me.

I planned on joining a fraternity, and there were a few fraternities at USC that were the “cool” fraternities. If you don’t know what a fraternity is - it’s an exclusive organization for men that are part of some universities in the U.S. I dressed and acted the way I thought was “cool” and was accepted into one of the fraternities that was considered “cool.”

Immediately, imposter syndrome set in – “You’re not good-looking enough, you only got in because of your connections, you aren’t cool” I was constantly telling myself these lies in my head. In hindsight, I can’t believe the way I used to speak to myself. Anyhow – I was extremely self-conscious in college – worried about fitting into this fraternity I had joined. I tried to act, dress, and talk a certain way that in my head I thought would deem me “cool” and allow me to fit in.

Fortunately, similar to high school, I was lucky and actually made some amazing friends in this fraternity that I realized loved me for who I really was, and contrary to what I thought, I didn’t have to please them by acting or dressing a certain way. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. Years of pretending to be someone else, suppressing my real thoughts and emotions, and not feeling good enough are what I believe led to my nervous system’s snap and resulting panic attacks.

I share the above story in case you have been through a similar experience, or struggle badly with social anxiety, panic attacks, etc. and deem it might be the result of never feeling like you could be your true self.

Thank you for sharing Mental Martial Arts!

Getting Over Anxiety & Panic

Now – let’s get into how to get over all of that “I’m not good enough” bs. If your panic attacks are a result of a different set of circumstances – say – a specific traumatic event – the following tips will still apply.

As humans, we are creatures of habit, and our brains love patterns. Sometimes we have great habits like exercising and meditating and other times we have bad habits like sniffing our own farts or drinking too much – here’s the point: chronic anxiety, panic attacks, etc are a habit.

This concept was first introduced to me by neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Judson Brewer. The following are a few links with articles and videos explaining how you these anxiety and panic habit loops are formed and some things we can do to break out of them.

• The Habit Loop – Anxiety (Video) – 2 Minutes

• What Is The Anxiety Habit Loop And How To Change It – 2 Minute Read

• How To Break Your Anxiety Habit Loop (Podcast) – 1 Hour +

If you don’t have time to read or listen to the above – here is the spark notes summary of my takeaways from Dr. Brewer’s teachings:

Chronic anxiety and panic attacks are habits we develop over time. There may be a specific instance that sparks the initial experience with either panic attacks or anxiety, and afterward, we develop this fear loop into a habit by feeding the fear of the fear. “What if I have a panic attack at work? While talking to my crush? While giving a presentation? What if people find out I’m experiencing this?” Ever had any of these thoughts? Lol.

Here's the fun part – breaking the habit loops. It’s extremely simple, and does require a little bit of patience – but it worked for me. Curiosity. Yes, curiosity is the antidote. 

Here is your homework: over the next few days or weeks – become a detective.

Whenever you start to feel panic or anxiety look within with curiosity – ask yourself “Where is this coming from? Where am I feeling it in my body? What is my body trying to alert me about?” Work on identifying if you have any common triggers that start the fear loop triggering anxiety, panic, etc. This is a very empowering exercise that will start you on your way to regaining control over your mind and eliminating your fear of insanity.

Additionally – while practicing this curiosity detective work – remember to work on shifting the perspective towards anxiety and panic from fear to excitement. When anxiety spikes – work on shifting your internal dialogue from “Omg what’s happening to me ahhhh everyone will find out, what if it happens again, what if I die ahhhhh” to something like “Wow, this is so exciting, my body is functioning properly and trying to alert me of something. Awesome! Thank you body.”

Here's how this exercise looked for me initially: Anxiety would spike and a few different mental processes would occur – 1. Past memories from college would pop up where I felt pressure to fit in, and I would feel anxious about running into people from college, or people finding out I wasn’t “cool.” 2. I would think about my parents, and how much trouble I was going to get in for screwing up my brain (lol – I didn’t screw up my brain – but it sure felt that way). 3. I would worry about going insane and ending up on the news.

My process for overcoming the anxiety and panic loops was the following: whenever one of the panic/anxiety patterns began to loop I would immediately respond internally with some humor – something like “ohhh yeah baby here we go again haha” to shift my emotional state out of fear – and I would proceed by asking myself one of the following questions:

Btw – these were my top 10 curiosity-provoking-anxiety-loop-breaking questions to ask myself, however, yours may be different. When asking these questions – allow them to marinate in your mind until you notice a positive shift in your anxiety or panic.

Questions

1. Where is this sensation coming from?

2. Where do I feel this sensation in my body?

3. What is this sensation trying to make me aware of?

4. What do I need to learn from this sensation to allow it to go away?

5. What do I need to express in order to allow this emotion to go away?

6. What does this sensation feel like?

7. How can I give myself enough love to release this sensation?

8. When did I decide to think this way? – this one is great for specific cases like feeling as if people don’t like you or won’t like you etc.

9. If you have memory-specific triggers – ask “What are the positive lessons I can take away from this experience?”

10. Where does this sensation start and end in my body?

When I initially started using these questions sometimes scary memories would come up – in this case – I would take a deep breath and go through the above list of questions. I noticed I would sometimes reach for a distraction like my phone when the painful memories popped up, however, these memories were the ones I needed to process in order to break the loops. Asking the above questions while holding these memories in my mind allowed me to shift my perspective on the past, and move from a scared, stuck, fight or flight state to an empowered, confident, happy state.

One more step – after noticing a shift through curiosity and questioning – I would speak to myself with positive affirmations either in the first or third person, sometimes both. For example “I am more than enough” or “You are more than enough, Chris.”

One final curiosity exercise for you that helped me immensely was sitting with feelings of anxiety and asking myself “What emotion am I feeling now?” Then labeling the emotion – usually fear, sadness, guilt, shame, or anger. Then asking myself “Is the sensation still there?” – referring to the physical sensation in my body associated with the labeled emotion. If yes – saying to myself “Great” and repeating the initial question “What emotion am I feeling now?” Repeating this process roughly ten times would usually result in a great reduction in whatever negative emotion I was feeling.

If you have any questions on the above or want to share your story – feel free to reach out to me directly at mentalmartialarts@proton.me.

Thank you for subscribing to Mental Martial Arts. Your support means the absolute world to me. I hope this information helps you (or a loved one) on your journey to mental peace. If you’d like me to write on specific topics or have questions feel free to drop a comment below or respond to this email directly. This is the story of a time I flew across the world to try a gut health treatment in hopes of curing my mental woes.

Georgia

Recognize this flag? I wouldn’t have a few years ago. In fact, I didn’t know The Republic of Georgia (the country of Georgia) existed before my exposure to a specific treatment.

Turns out, Georgia is one of the oldest countries that still exists today, and human remains have been found there dating back to 1.8 million years ago. If you like history and want to have your mind blown, read up on Georgia.

While in Missouri, although I was moving more towards resolving my mental health issues through mental exercises, I was still very much convinced it was possible to get there through proper gut health treatment. Numerous studies show the connection between your gut health and your mental health, and I had done a lot of tests showing signs of dysbiosis in my intestines. High levels of strep bacteria, very low levels of flora diversity, this boy needed some fiber stat.

Gut Health? What Do You Mean Chris?

Great question - if this is your first time reading about gut health, I’ll give a brief overview of what I have discovered. Keep in mind I’m not a doctor and some of this information is debatable depending on which sources you read.

Essentially, we have trillions of bacteria that live in our digestive tracts - referred to as our microbiome - helping to break down food and turn it into nutrients and vitamins to power your body. If the levels of the different kinds of bacteria in your gut become imbalanced, too many or too little of one kind, this can result in health issues including some mental health disorders. ASU is actually leading a lot of research right now correlating gut health with Autism related conditions and developing treatment protocols.

Famous Greek physician considered the father of medicine

There are different ways to nourish a healthy microbiome such as eating a healthy diet with lots of fiber, exercising, eating probiotic foods, and more. However, we’re all different and what diet makes one person feel better may not work for another. For example, for a long time, I had really high blood levels of Histamine (probably because I was so anxious all the time). If I ate probiotic foods, also high in histamine, my skin would become itchy. Keep this in mind when trying different diets, if you’re trying something new, and you start to feel terrible, it might not be for you. Now back to bacteriophage therapy.

Bacteriophage Therapy

A family friend of mine in the biotech space introduced me to a head scientist working on microbiome therapeutics in the United States. This friend introduced me to a treatment known as Bacteriophage Therapy which uses viruses (good viruses - yes there are good viruses lol) to target different kinds of infections in the human body. This is something I didn’t know prior to this treatment, viruses and bacteria keep each other in balance in nature. Bacteriophage Therapy can be very effective for treating dysbiosis in the gut, rebalancing the flora that keep you healthy physically and mentally.

What’s unique about Bacteriophage Therapy compared to antibiotics is phages target specific kinds of bacteria while antibiotics kill both good and bad kinds of bacteria.

Unfortunately, Bacteriophage Therapy is not FDA-approved in the United States yet with the exception of life-or-death situations (UCSD in San Diego has an excellent program, iPath, for those of you curious about learning more. The founder’s husband nearly passed away from an infection before being saved with phages). As antibiotic resistance becomes more of a problem, I think phage therapy will be an effective solution if developed and tested properly.

Randomly, one of the countries leading Bacteriophage Research is Georgia, specifically, the capital city of Tbilisi. So in the midst of COVID, I reached out to both of these Georgian treatment centers and mailed them stool samples. Yes, lol, it is legal to mail stool samples. While it felt weird dropping a box of shit off at the post office, I was desperate in my quest for mental harmony.

A few days later, the centers informed me of what I had expected, that I had severe gut dysbiosis - and fortunately - it was relatively easy to treat with Bacteriophages. I had to pick one of the centers and decided to go with Phage Therapy Center due to their responsiveness and also the fact that they had a coordinator based in the US. Initially, the clinic said they could ship the treatment to me.

This sounded excellent, but unfortunately, the center informed me that their shipments were being stopped because the phages looked too similar to Covid vaccines. So it was either I had to fly to Tbilisi, or wait until the end of Covid. Given I didn’t have much going on in Missouri aside from my daily mental regimen, and I had money saved up, I decided to fly to Tbilisi, Georgia. Yes, literally the other side of the world. It looked like such an interesting country and I hadn’t been on a trip other than to doctors’ offices in a long time.

A few weeks went by and I packed my bags, left my car in a storage unit in Missouri, and off I went to Tbilisi. I was so excited to go, as I finally felt I’d found the answer to my ailments. This phage treatment was going to rebalance the bacteria in my gut, thus causing me to feel significantly better mentally. While this may sound seemingly simple, this conclusion was founded on hours of research and conversations with doctors from all over the US.

Arriving in Tbilisi was a bit of a culture shock. I had spoken with two people who had been there before and they had given me an overview of what to expect. However, the reality was different from what I’d been told. Very few people spoke English at all, only a little at best. I bought a SIM card from the airport and fortunately had arranged pick-up with a driver from the phage center.

I booked an Airbnb to stay in Vake, which is one of if not the nicest parts of the city. It’s unbelievable how less expensive staying in second-world countries is compared to the United States. I had my own apartment in an amazing part of the city for less than $800 a month. My treatment was scheduled to start the next day, so I settled into my apartment and walked around town a little bit.

Tbilisi is such a fascinating city with a rich history. Seeing the buildings from the Soviet era, and how the city had evolved since, was fascinating. Walking through certain parts of Tbilsisi felt like you had used a time machine, while others were modernized and could be confused with any modern city.

Soviet control era buildings

Fabrika - a must see if in Tbilisi. Modernized spot with different bars, restaurants, etc.

Anyways, I digress, back to phage therapy. Given Georgia is on the opposite side of the world, the time difference knocked me on my ass. I didn’t sleep at all the first night, and woke up at three in the afternoon the next day, missing my first appointment. Fortunately, I was able to go to the clinic later in the day to meet with the doctors, review my symptoms, and run fresh labs. We didn’t start the treatment right away, but rather, they gave me a series of IVs during the first few days to cleanse my system. Vitamins, minerals, antifungals (ever heard of candida?) and I felt amazing after the third day of ivs.

The fresh labs showed signs of severe dysbiosis in my gut, as well as high levels of candida. So the ivs continued, and I started taking phages for dysbiosis. Phages come in small glass vials, and I would drink one every morning and evening. Additionally, they gave me special probiotics to take with the phages. I took probiotics that were specifically beneficial for breaking down histamine, due to my previously high histamine level test results (another post on histamine coming soon).

This regimen continued for about two weeks - phages for dysbiosis twice a day with probiotics. By the end of the treatment, my mental state was about the same as when I had started. One of the Georgian doctors pulled me aside and in a Georgian accent said “Chris - this problem you have, is not a stomach problem, it is mental problem - every day, walk to the top of the mountain and tell yourself “I am healthy, I am strong” and you will be well.” While I appreciated his support and encouragement, this is what I had tried doing in Missouri for six months.

Although bacteriophage therapy didn’t cure my Misophonia or really help with anxiety/depression - after the treatment was over I was able to eat all foods again without issues - including eggs (crazy, I know lol). So while it didn’t help my mental issues, Misophonia, Anxiety, etc. it certainly helped with digestion and my ability to consume a larger variety of foods again.

Tbilisi

Because living in Tbilisi was so inexpensive, I decided to stay for a while and continue my research for a cure while living in a new city. Every day I would hike to the top of a mountain, work out with some Russians, journal, and explore. The food in Tbilisi is insanely good, with influences from all over the world. An incredibly nice meal in Tbilisi with wine would be around $10 in total and closer to $20 if you were really ordering a lot. Some of the best dishes are Khachapuri, which is a breaded cheesy bliss with an egg on top, and also Khinkalis, which are very similar to Xiao Long Bao (soup) dumplings if you’ve ever tried them. Georgia has its own cheeses, yogurts, wines and style of wine-making, breads, and so many unique dishes.

Georgian market selling cheeses from the different regions

One other element of the country Georgia I found interesting was it was very homogenous, as not a lot of people have ever left, or been to the United States. The culture there is incredibly rich. Emotional expression is much more common - and I mean emotional expression. It was common to hear people yelling at each other in the streets, and when I would ask my friends what was wrong, they look at me confused and say they were just arguing, or that the people shouting at each other weren’t even arguing, they were just communicating. In the US it’s almost as if emotional expression is frowned upon. People in the United States almost don’t know how to respond if they see someone crying, and the slightest tone of anger in someone’s voice can terrify others. I think emotional suppression is a reason for a lot of dis-ease in the United States, and I’ll touch on this in another post.

While in Tbilisi, one of my Air Bnb hosts had a son, and the son invited me to hang out with him and his friends one day. I was so incredibly nervous going to this gathering for some reason, writing this two years later, I think at the time I was harboring an incredible amount of shame around the mental issues I’d been struggling with and was always nervous I would have a panic attack or be perceived as weird while feeling anxious.

Anyways, I ended up going to the gathering, meeting my host’s son and his friends, and having an incredible afternoon. They spoke English and we ate amazing food, drank some wine, played games, and talked about life. They welcomed me into their friend group and we spent the next few months hanging out nearly every day.

I was blown away by how much people smoke in Georgia. It’s almost as if the news hasn’t hit yet that smoking is bad for you. I saw one guy at this gathering go through four packs of cigarettes and went to get more when he ran out.

Every town my new friends and I explored had an incredible story behind it and cuisine that was unique to the town. We drove to a town called Borjomi and on the way passed through a town named Surami, with people on the streets everywhere waving loaves of bread around for sale. The bread was called Nazuki, and it’s a Georgian sweet bread that is delicious. After consuming nearly an entire loaf of this amazing bread, we continued to Borjomi.

Nazuki bread stands on the side of the road

Nazuki baker preparing the bread

Nazuki being baked

Hot dogs or legs?

A quick side-story on Surami. In this town are the remains of a legendary fortress. According to legend, when constructing the castle it repeatedly collapsed. The architect didn’t know what to do and sought the advice of a fortune teller. The fortune teller looked into the future and saw that a blue-eyed male, who was an only child, must be buried alive within the castle walls for the structure to be completed without collapsing. At the time, this was seen as a great honor and a sign of faith. So a sixteen-year-old volunteered to be buried alive inside one of the walls of the fortress. The fortune teller was supposedly right, and the castle was completed without collapsing ever again.

Now, here’s where things get interesting. The wall of the castle where the boy was buried inside is still standing. It doesn’t matter the day, time, or weather, this wall is always wet and dripping water. The tale now goes that the wall is wet with the tears of the boy once buried alive inside.

The wet wall where the boy was buried alive inside you. You can’t tell very clearly in this photo, but the stones where my hand is are wet.

Okay, hope you’re not too claustrophobic after that story, now back to Borjomi. Borjomi dates back to the middle ages (maybe earlier?), and natural mineral water springs were discovered there with healing properties. Initially, Russian soldiers took note of the water’s healing properties, and Borjomi water became so famous a Russian Tsar took his sick daughter to the springs, where she was healed by the water. Now, Borjomi water is for sale all over Georgia, and is commonly known to help with any sort of sickness.

Borjomi Water Benefits

My Georgian friends enjoying coffee at one of their grandmother’s apartments in Borjomi

My friends and I spent two nights walking around Borjomi, going to the springs, eating good food, playing games, and living life. It felt so good to be living a somewhat normal life again. Going places with friends, socializing, exploring, and just having fun. Despite still struggling mentally, these experiences lifted my spirits dramatically. Seeing the living conditions some of the Georgian people were in, like run-down, post-soviet-union, wires sticking out of the walls, and how happy they were, was such a strong reminder to me to practice gratitude and to be grateful for everything I had back in the United States.

The best Georgian friends in the whole wide world

The people in Georgia were so incredibly friendly and inspiring. If you ever have the chance to visit Georgia - you’re in for a treat. Feel free to ping me for recommendations. Before I wrap up this post - here are a few non-health related stories from my time in Georgia.

While staying in my friend’s Air Bnb, a Russian woman and her boyfriend checked into the apartment next door to mine (also owned by my friend’s family). My friend and I were out of town with our other friends when the Russian woman checked in, and the first night she called my friend and said she was too drunk to figure out how to get home etc. So we had to help her find her way back over the phone. I returned home to my Air Bnb the next day, and heard her crying through the walls. Her sobs were so loud, I wanted to knock and ask if she was okay. For some reason, I refrained.

The next two nights, I heard her and her friends partying late into the night. They were smoking so much inside the scent started seeping through the walls. So I finally knocked on their door and asked if they would please open a window to let the smoke out. Two very normal, nice-looking Russian’s answered the door and we talked about how they had lived in New York. They were very polite and said they would stop smoking or go outside.

A few days later, the Russian woman was supposed to check out of the apartment, and my friend informed me that he hadn’t heard anything from her, and she wouldn’t answer her phone. She had the key to the apartment, so my friend had to get it from her. Anyways, two days later I am working out on top of the mountain with my Russian friends and my friend calls me asking if I can come to the police station. Freaked out, I said of course and asked why, and my friend said he would pick me up and explain.

Since my friend hadn’t heard from the Russian woman that was supposed to check out, he and his dad went to the apartment and went inside, what they found was like a scene out of a horror film. The apartment was completely trashed, and I mean TRASHED. There were cigarette butts all over, the sink was clogged with black water, clothes were strewn all over the apartment, and suitcases were left there. What was most interesting, was there was a laptop, a really nice camera, and the guy who I spoke with about smoking the one night had left his passport there.

So, the police wanted me to identify the Russian woman as well as the guy that I had spoken with. I did, and the police informed us the woman had left the country the morning after she checked in.

We had no clue what had happened - and of course thought this was a crime scene. Was there a body stuffed in the closet somewhere? Why would they leave all of there stuff in the apartment? That night, I was supposed to go back and stay in my apartment next door, and I was terrified. Was whoever committed the crime next door going to track me down? I voiced my concerns to my friend and his family and my friends came and stayed with me in the apartment in case anything happened.

Panic Attacks. Yep, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Am I dying? Am I losing my mind? Am I a terrible human being? It’s so much fun to be involuntarily engaged in a full-fledged fear response for seemingly no reason, isn’t it? This series of posts is going to document my experience with panic attacks, starting from the first one I ever had, and all of the tools I used to stop them in their tracks and prevent them from occurring in the future. If you struggle with panic attacks, I hope this series is helpful for you. Please consider sharing with a friend or loved one you think could benefit from this information. If you have specific questions or want to share your journey, get in touch.

I’ll never forget the day I had my first panic attack. It happened so quickly and changed the next six years of my life until I was able to resolve the underlying issues. I landed my dream internship after my junior year of college and was working in a high-rise building Monday-Friday. The weekend prior to this first panic attack was jam-packed with activities, alcohol, and an inadequate amount of sleep.

The morning of my first panic attack, I completed my usual routine. Wake up, put on my suit, drive through Starbucks, and order a breakfast sandwich with a double-shot latte. Drive through an hour of LA traffic, and arrive at my job so caffeinated I probably could’ve skipped the elevator and jumped straight up to the eleventh floor.

This morning when I walked into work I had been tasked with the riveting duty of compiling and consolidating several Excel databases. I knew I needed to lock in and get this done quickly, so I grabbed my monitor and set up shop in a conference room. About fifteen minutes into this activity I noticed feeling a bit off, I was stressed and felt like the screens I was working on were too small and hindering efficiency. About five minutes later, it happened.

I started feeling like the room I was in was shrinking, and like I needed to run out of there. I tried to stay calm and then started feeling like I was losing control of my body. My first initial feeling was guilt. I thought to myself “I must have done something to screw my brain up, this is what my parents warned me about as a kid, they’re going to kill me.” I also felt like I was dying, my heart was pounding, and I thought I might be having a heart attack.

Before continuing with this post, I want to acknowledge that everyone will experience panic attacks differently. I’ve spoken with a lot of people that have struggled with panic attacks and for some, they’re in completely random moments, for some it’s only when driving on the freeway, and for some, it could be the sight of someone who looks like someone they were close with who passed away. Whatever your experience is with panic attacks, the tools for freedom from panic all apply in similar ways.

I rushed out of the office and didn’t know what to do, so I went down to the parking garage and started pacing up and down. I must’ve walked all the way up and down the parking garage twenty-five times. I called my parents who were very kind and didn’t understand exactly what was going on. “What do you mean you’re freaking out for no reason?”

I told them it felt like I was dying and stuck in the middle of a car accident.

The scariest part of this first panic attack was feeling like I was losing my mind. I worried that I was going insane and would end up on the news as one of those crazed Florida man stories. I felt so ashamed, like I had committed a crime and was being punished by God.

Fortunately on this first day, after maxing out my Fitbit’s daily step limit in the parking garage, and talking to my parents and a doctor, I was able to calm down and make it through the rest of the work. We had a work dinner that night, and I remember at the dinner being so incredibly grateful I was feeling better.

The next morning, I woke up for work and immediately felt the fear of the fear. “What if it happens again?” “What if my boss finds out?” “What if everyone finds out?” “What if I’m a terrible person?” These thoughts were running across my mind and at the time, I didn’t have the tools to stop them. Fortunately, the morning went smoothly, however, I had a work lunch with my bosses and a client. This second panic attack is what sent me over the edge.

I was sitting at the lunch table and thought my life was ending before my very eyes. My heart was racing, I couldn’t think or form proper sentences, I couldn’t eat anything. I got in my boss’s car and he dropped me off at my car and I put my seat all the way back and started crying. I couldn’t drive anywhere, I was in the middle of a panic attack that felt ten times more severe than the one I’d experienced the day before.

My ex-girlfriend (one of the sweetest humans in the world, bless her heart) had struggled a lot with anxiety and I called her, and thank GOD she answered. She told me I was having a panic attack and that they were terrifying and that it was going to be okay. I called my dad and told him I was going to go to the emergency room because I thought I was dying and bless his heart, he drove all the way up to LA from San Diego to make sure I was okay.

So I arrive at the emergency room with my ex-girlfriend, and my dad arrived shortly after. The nurses took my vitals and assured me I wasn’t dying, that I was just having a panic attack, and suggested I see a psychiatrist. “A Psychiatrist?” I thought. I didn’t want to go on medications. I envisioned the rest of my life as this dark scary place where I’d have panic attacks and have to be on strong medications (at the time, I was scared of medications due to a bad first experience in high school).

In the following weeks, I had several more severe panic attacks, ended up in the emergency room one more time, and found a good doctor in LA. I must’ve called fifty therapists trying to schedule an appointment as soon as possible to figure out what in the world had changed and why I was now experiencing these panic attacks. The doctor I saw suggested I go on an SSRI, however, due to my previous experience with SSRIs, I opted out and instead was prescribed a low dose of Ativan to take before sleep and as needed throughout the day.

I remember deciding in my mind that if there was a way for these panic attacks to start, there had to be a way to make them stop and I desperately wanted to figure out how. In the meantime, I took my medication as prescribed and only ever used Ativan if I was having a severe panic attack. Having the Ativan handy was incredibly helpful, just knowing that I had a fix in case a severe panic attack set in was incredibly comforting.

This was not a fun fate going into my senior year of college. Afraid of having panic attacks, feeling ashamed and like there was something wrong with me, and not knowing how to solve this problem. I started reading book after book, talking to different practitioners, and scouring the internet for answers.

I had one doctor’s appointment and, while the intention was positive, the doctor left me feeling worse. He said “Chris, unfortunately, you’re going to have these for life. It’s common, and nothing to be ashamed of.” I remember walking out of his office and thinking, no I’m not. I’m going to find a way out of these panic attacks.

Now here’s where we start getting into the tools and tricks I’ve learned, and these will continue as part of the Goodbye Panic Attacks series. Some tips are simple, and some more elaborate, and they are what allowed me to become panic-attack-free.

As much as I want to give this information out for free, sometimes I get hungry. Thank you so much for supporting my writing and helping build Mental Martial Arts!

Hello, fellow mental warriors. How are you? What’s been going on? I hope this message finds you well.

A lot (I mean A LOT) has happened between the initiation of this blog and where I am today. I’m going to gradually release posts about all of the fun things I’ve tried along the way to get to where I am now (mentally).

In the meantime, I thought I’d write this post as an update on how everything is going regarding finding a cure for Misophonia, Anxiety, Panic, Depression, etc… and I have fantastic news for you.

I’m currently rocking between 100% and 90% better or “cured” depending on the day. I’m in the process of solving the last piece of the puzzle to create permanent, lasting change. What has proven most effective for me is NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming. It’s relatively similar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and unfortunately is considered pseudo-scientific.

For all you Misophonics out there - the guy that introduced me to NLP used it to overcome Misophonia. I owe this man an incredible debt of gratitude and I will be writing future posts about him, his story, and the work we did together.

Over the past year or so, I’ve read and studied a ton about NLP and the different exercises that can be used to resolve mental turmoil. I’m in the process of completing my training to become a master NLP practitioner and this past weekend completed training in what we refer to in NLP land as Time Line Therapy.

Time Line Therapy is one of the most fascinating and powerful tools in NLP. It can be used to resolve past traumas, limiting beliefs holding you back, and so much more.

Chris – what do you mean it can be used to resolve past traumas?

Great question.

It’s not that these memories are deleted from your brain, it’s that the emotions associated with them are eliminated, so these memories no longer bother you.

A few of the other amazing benefits of Time Line Therapy are:

1. Boosting your confidence (significantly)

2. Acknowledging and fully believing in your self-worth

3. Feeling happy and excited about your future, turns out things can work out

4. Forgiveness and compassion toward others

It’s really nice to feel like you respond to current situations based on reality and not the past experiences that have fogged the lens you’ve been looking through.

I can’t wait to share what I’ve learned over the past few years. Thank you for your patience as I continue to write about valuable tips and tricks. I want to make it a point that moving forward (aside from the past… somewhat funny? maybe? stories) I only share with you what’s actually worked either for myself or people I know. I hope my story and what I’m learning will eventually help you achieve mental harmony and live the life you’ve always wanted.

Lots of love,

Chris

TL;DR - I spent 6 months hiking around Missouri and reciting positive affirmations to myself all day, every day - manifesting, visualizing, and shifting paradigms as some refer to this kind of work, and it didn’t resolve my mental health issues (I spent around 1.5 years in total “manifesting”). Although I didn’t achieve significant success, I realized how important it is to be your own best friend and to practice positive internal self-talk. Life is hard enough as it is and being kind to yourself will certainly serve you on your quest to mental well-being.

Well well well… it’s been over a year since my last post and a lot has changed. Things went downhill significantly, and fortunately, are much better now. I’ll elaborate on the gargantuan health swings in a series of future posts. For you to understand the full picture of what worked for me, I think it’s important to explain everything I had previously tried. We’re going to travel back in time a bit to the beginning of 2021.

I had left my job on medical leave and had been living with my parents for over a year (knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have moved back in with my parents - especially while trying to overcome certain issues like Misophonia).

The first year I was home progress had been sporadic, up then down then back up etc. I had been focusing on tackling my issues mostly from a physical point of view. I was trying different diets/supplements, seeing different doctors, and experiencing widely different results - none of which were very promising long-term.

Given the questionable results after a year at home, my parents and I stopped seeing eye to eye. They were getting fed up that it’d been so long and I hadn’t been able to figure out my issues and we were arguing more and more. It wasn’t a healthy environment for them or myself. I’d also been isolating, spending little time with anyone other than doctors and therapists, and telling myself that I was going to go out and do everything I wanted to do in life when I felt better and had cured all my ailments.

I knew I needed to make a change and didn’t want to pay rent for a single apartment in San Diego because ya know… it was expensive. After a little thinking, I had an epiphany one day. I love driving, I love listening to music, and I had never lived fully alone before. I told my sister about my idea of moving to a cabin in the woods and living alone, and she encouraged me to move forward with this plan. When my sister came to visit, we went on good ol’ Air Bnb and looked up a cabin with a fireplace. Given my budget at the time, only three locations in the US popped up. One of them happened to be in Missouri near Branson and Table Rock Lake.

So, I decided that come January, I was going to head out to Missouri for six weeks to live alone in a cabin in the woods. COVID had started and the world around me had shut down anyways. So, driving to Missouri seemed much more exciting than staying in my parent’s guest room waiting for results from different doctors to come in. Additionally, during this time I had delved deeply into the work of Joe Dispenza, Bob Proctor, as well as a few others, and wanted to be able to heal by changing my thought patterns. I had developed a strong affirmation and meditation routine, which I planned on continuing whilst in Missouri.

When January rolled around, I excitedly packed my car and headed out. Along the way, I stopped and stayed with friends before finally arriving in Missouri. I actually crashed my friends Harley Davidson in Arizona. Turns out, they’re a lot heavier than dirt bikes.

The first week of living alone in a cabin in the Missouri woods felt strange. This was a brand new environment and not having people around me I already knew felt odd. A bit of loneliness set in as I developed new routines. I spent several days questioning why the hell I’d thought it was a good idea to drive cross country to live alone. Thankfully, I was still able to talk and Facetime with friends from different parts of the world.

Slowly but surely I developed an empowering routine consisting of exercising, reading, yoga, and a few other activities. It was difficult to meet people because of COVID, but occasionally people would stop me on walks and we’d talk about life, which was very refreshing. It’s always been comforting to me to talk with older people about the healing/recovery journey because the older the person usually the wiser and more sound advice they have to give.

A lot of people in the Branson area were very religious. Both of my parents are from the South and my dad’s dad was actually a minister, so this felt familiar. There is a reason this part of the country is referred to as the bible belt. Just like anything else in life, I think there are a lot of pros and also some cons to religion. Religion is a complex topic and something I’ll dive deeper into in another post.

One woman I met nearly died from cancer. Her name was Susan and she owned a store in Branson, MO called The Copper Coin. She loved the penny because of something to do with when “In God, We Trust” was minted on the penny (I can’t remember the full story). Susan wrote a book, Against All Odds, and overcame cancer after surrendering her life to God. She and her friend placed their hands on me and prayed for my well-being. This was a really beautiful experience. Knowing there are others out there, strangers even, that deeply care for you and are rooting for you in the darkest of times is comforting. Susan encouraged me to maintain strong faith that my condition(s) would improve.

Every day I would wake up and meditate before embarking on a long hike. Arriving in Missouri in January was a bit strange because it was still winter, and the woods at this time were very eerie (see photo below). At any time it felt like I might turn around to encounter a bear or a herd of zombies (yes the bears were supposed to be hibernating at this time, but you never know).

I was very big into manifesting and believed I could affirm my way to what it was I wanted to achieve mentally by shifting my thought patterns. Every time I hiked, the entire time I would be stating positive affirmations to myself. “I am healthy, I deserve to be healthy, I deserve love, I am loved, I am beautiful, I am confident, etc” If you’re familiar with the book The Secret or the concept of manifesting, you’ll be all too familiar with this process. The goal was to shift any negative mental “paradigms” that were negatively impacting the way I was feeling on a daily basis. While there are people out there that claim this work has healed them from x or allowed them to achieve y, it ultimately didn’t work for me after nearly six months of trial. Of course, everyone is different and what works for you might not work for everyone else, but I can wholeheartedly say as much fun as prancing around the woods of Missouri and reciting these positive affirmations was (even when it was snowing - lol) it didn’t work in helping my Misophonia, Anxiety, etc.

While I didn’t get the results I was hoping for out in Missouri - there were a few valuable takeaways. I think being your own best friend and getting in the habit of speaking to yourself positively is an extremely valuable muscle to develop. To this day, I still try to always talk to myself positively. Whenever I catch myself “shoulding” (you should have accomplished this or that) or critiquing my appearance, I mentally say “stop, stop, stop” and get myself back on the positivity train. You can do an exercise yourself right now - sit or stand wherever you’re standing and repeat “I am strong” to yourself fifteen times, notice how you feel, and then switch to something like “I am weak.” When I do this, I notice a significant difference in how I feel after repeating positive vs. negative phrases internally. Maybe you won’t notice a difference. We’re all different.

Some other fun things that happened while in Missouri. I slid out on ice with my car for the first time in a parking lot and got stuck, along with four other cars. This guy who was missing a few teeth and smelled like he’d been chain-smoking cigarettes since the 80s jumped out of his car and in about 2 minutes had my car unstuck and back on the road. I tried to tip him and he wouldn’t take the cash. I felt so bad for judging this guy and felt like it was God or the Universe teaching me a lesson. A few weeks later I saw the same guy at a busy turn signal waving to a bunch of people in a lot to pull out ahead of him. This guy was living life right, being cheerful and exceptionally kind to others despite whatever circumstances he grew up in.

Tornadoes - something we don’t experience out in California. What is even scarier than the tornado itself is the warning system they have in place. I mean sheesh it’s already dark and stormy outside and all a sudden you hear this alarm blaring that sounds like it was plucked straight out of The Exorcist. Here’s a video clip so you can see for yourself. This phenomenon was wild and happened roughly five times during my stay in Missouri. Exciting, terrifying, and exhilarating these tornadoes were. Fortunately, I never saw one actually touch down.

Turtles - there are turtles in the road everywhere out here. I was constantly pulling over to move the turtles out of the road so they wouldn’t get run over. Of all creatures to cross the road turtles have it the hardest. Part of me wondered if it was some kind of Russian Roulette game the turtles play for thrills analogous to humans skydiving.