Mama,

Another mother's day weekend and just another opportunity for me to reiterate how amazing you are as mums. Regardless of whatever you feel about the journey of motherhood that you are on, I want you to hear how beautiful you are and that you are doing a great job.

As we unveil the 100 mums of African descent leading change through Umi100 today, I want you to look at them and see yourself. I want you to feel validated, to be inspired and be encouraged that this mirror that these mums represent is a picture of what you are capable of and more. These mums are a worthy reflection of what happens when we continue to put one foot in front of the other, when we remain consistent even when we feel like giving up. Go check out the 100 mums from 23 African countries on umiformothers.com/umi100. If you want to read more about the reason we keep celebrating mums every year like this, check out my full reflection here

And if you still feel down and are in need of more encouragement in the company of other mothers like you who are trying to figure it out, then join the Umi Group Therapy coming up this July. Let's do some healing together in the company of a renowned therapist who will walk us forward to where we aim to be in the state of our mind and our outlook on life. Reserve your seat at umiformothers.com/gt

I am rooting for you and I do hope you feel as amazing as I think of you.

With love,

Moyinoluwa

My wonderful mums, you are absolutely a delight. I know I have been missing in action here for a while. The truth is I have had no words. When I come to you, I always wanted to come with something worthwhile; something worth your attention. Otherwise, this would become just another newsletter that sits in your junk folders. When you open Umi newsletter, I want it to really resonate with you. So, I kept away when I didn't know what to say.

But I want to write to you often. And I will like to hear from you as well. So, even if you do not hear from me, please know you can always write to me. Just use the email umiformothers@gmail.com or team@umiformothers.com. I will be reading. I am working with my team to curate meaningful contents for you. Because it needs to matter. And you should be impacted by it.

Well, today, I have something. We are hosting a panel session with some alumni from the Umi mentorship program who will share perspectives on "Work-life harmony." This panel is made up of mums from four African countries; Nigeria, Namibia, Kenya and Sudan (she now lives in Oman). This session is not restricted to mums within the mentorship cohorts alone; you are all invited to join. You can also bring as many mums as you like. We will be happy to host you tomorrow, Saturday October 11th, 2025, at 5pm WAT.

I hope to see you all tomorrow. I look forward to welcoming you with open arms. Don't forget to stay in touch. And I am cooking up something for you, I promise. 

I love you all. See you all tomorrow with your guests.

Join via this link: https://calendar.app.google/CH663Pw3p5q8Hgj16

Moyinoluwa.

https://calendar.app.google/CH663Pw3p5q8Hgj16

Mothers’ Day is one of the days I now look forward to for many reasons. One of those reasons is that while I support and honour mums in my work everyday, the world joins me in that celebration at least once every year - depending on what part of the world you are, or whoever is counting the days 🙂. And this year is no exception. My heart opens up with joy as I write this love letter to you and the one hundred remarkable mothers of African descent who wake before dawn and sleep after midnight, who whisper bedtime stories after board meetings, who give of your hearts as well as you give to your callings. 

Can you feel that gentle but persistent force that moulds our nations, our homes, our very souls? The force you’ll find in voices that sing lullabies you may never hear through record labels, in hands that sign corporate deals, calm weary bodies and then braid daughters' hairs. You’ll feel it in hearts big enough to hold both professional ambition and boundless motherly love. Can you feel the life that African mothers continue to give? No, I’m not talking about only those who gave birth to us, but also you and the ones who are birthing our future through their children and their work. The ones we’ve chosen to honour today - through our calls, status updates, text messages, and gifts - even the gift of the Umi100 honours list.

These women have learnt to bring their whole selves everywhere they go. They refuse the false choice between nurturing others and nurturing their dreams. Instead, they embrace the beautiful, messy, powerful wholeness of being both mother and change-maker. They teach us that change is whatever we define it to be, and we don’t have to lose our essence in that definition.

This year as is our wont, the Umi100 honours list wraps its arms around these mums and whispers: we see you, we feel you, we celebrate the revolutionary act that is your daily and ‘ordinary’ life.

Close your eyes for a moment. Feel the weight of the invisible crown that sits upon your head each morning as you rise - the crown of motherhood that the world often fails to see, yet you carry with quiet dignity. Now imagine that crown suddenly illuminated, its gems catching light, its worth finally acknowledged. And the light that beams is so bright, you can see the path that lies ahead.

This is what we do when we speak the names of mums aloud, including these mums: Catia Mondlane from Mozambique, a single mum who created a remedy for skin irritations through her organic skin care products, Abena Osei-Asare of Ghana, whose fingers have crafted national budgets and wiped children's tears. Wissal Fehmi of Tunisia who makes pastries with the same care she puts into helping her daughter eat healthy. Yvonne Aki-Sawyerr of Sierra Leone, whose voice has commanded city halls and sung indigenous lullabies. These women and their ninety-seven sisters who are all 2025 Umi100 honourees represent 27 countries across our continent. Each name is a heartbeat. Each story is a song that deserves to be heard. Even if it’s first heard and danced to among other Umi mums (Umi means life-giver, it’s who we are as mothers).

Sense the determination in Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah's steps as she leads Namibia while still answering to the sweetest title: Mum or Mêmê or Mama (oh, no, it’s definitely not Madame President. Or is it?). Allow your heart to break and then wholly mend alongside Adepeju Jaiyeoba, who transformed her grief into birth kits that save countless Nigerian mothers. And with Victoria Haihambo of Namibia, who recently lost her husband of 14 years to cancer, but somehow turned the pain into creating a foundation in his honour. Taste the progress being brewed by Apiwe Nxusani-Mawela, South Africa's first black female brewmaster, while fermenting values in her children. Take a deep breath in knowing that Adjany Costa of Angola protects the air and water that will nurture generations she may never meet.

What flows through all these women is not just excellence in their fields (which is so important) but the sacred rhythm of nurturing. An inhale of calling in their professions, and the exhale of maternal love and care. Their bodies hold this beautiful tension that many mothers I know deeply feel, and they’ve shown us that a woman need not be divided against herself. Motherhood and leadership, motherhood and service, are not weights on opposite sides of a scale but wings on the same bird; the perfect balance for flight.

Now, let me be clearer. These women are not distant idols to be admired from afar. Rather, they are mirrors reflecting possibilities you may have felt in your bones but couldn't give a name to. That itching at the center of your soul that you long to reach in and scratch. Each honouree whispers through her life: "you were made to be whole."

Feel the different textures of their journeys against your skin - the kente-like boldness of Bozoma Saint John's corporate brilliance interwoven with authenticity and motherly devotion; the delicate ankara-like smoothness of Diana Mbogo's engineering innovations and gentle bedtime routines; the wax-resistant embroidery of Nelly Agbogu making a name for herself between school runs.

They move through worlds as diverse as we are - studios and market stalls, board rooms and theatres, courtrooms and classrooms, hospital wards and parliaments. You might recognise some names instantly, as they shine their light so bright it casts shadows. Others work in beautiful - and sometimes deliberate - obscurity, their impact felt first by their children, then rippling outward through communities transformed by their quiet persistence.

We didn't choose any of the Umi100 honourees for the zeros in their bank accounts or the number of cameras that follow them. We chose them because when we placed our hands over our hearts and asked, "Who embodies this beautiful whole? Who refuses to shrink either her calling or her maternal love?", these hundred names rose to the surface, their pulses synchronizing with a deeper truth about womanhood and motherhood.

They are not superhuman. Neither are they wonder-women (sorry folks, let’s not create feeble pedestals). Far from that. They are gloriously, imperfectly human. And in their humanity lies the most powerful gift they offer: the permission to bring your full self to every room you enter, to live undivided, to mother and to lead with your entire being.

And this moment, I say to them, just as I say to you reading: let your shoulders drop for a moment and release the breath you've been holding. I see you, and I know the weight you carry.

The women we celebrate do not stand effortlessly where they are. Neither did they get there smoothly. Their journeys are mapped in sleepless nights, in tears shed in bathroom stalls between meetings and in empty rooms, in the ache of missed school gatherings, in prayers whispered over feverish children before rushing for another work engagement, and also in career-advancing opportunities they had to forgo for the people they love the most. I know you can feel in your own body the familiar tension they've held; the guilt that sometimes visits uninvited, the exhaustion that settles into your bones, and the sometimes faint resolve that gets you past that moment.

Many of them have navigated workplaces that raised eyebrows at pregnancy announcements. They've pumped breast milk in supply closets. They’ve held on through days when their spouses were away for lack of parental leave. They've taken conference calls while making dinner. They've faced the question people ask in an unconscious manner: "But who is raising your children?" Their response, unspoken but lived: "I am, along with those I trust. Always. In every moment. Through every achievement."

Many have rocked babies through power outages and political instability. They've helped with homework by candlelight and lamps during fuel shortages. They've created homemade remedies when medicine was scarce. And when the world offered no safety net, they wove their own - from friendships, playpods, extended families, and communities of women who understood without explanation.

Their success doesn't mean the mountain isn't steep, or the climb isn’t difficult. It means they've climbed it, carrying children on their backs. And in that climb, they've carved steps for you, for us, for those who choose to follow. Their achievements aren't a reason to shame other women or demand the same impossible resilience from all mothers, but a reason to smooth the path, to build a world where such extraordinary strength isn't required for ordinary flourishing. Or as the novelist and 2024 Umi100 honouree, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie recently alluded, we need to challenge the culture of shame and give women the freedom to make choices without judgment or pressure.

Now, place your palm over your heart. Feel its steady rhythm. Now imagine that beat multiplied by millions - that’s the collective pulse of African mothers rising together. This is not just a celebration; it's an awakening.

It is an awakening to move beyond admiration into action. To transform the world that these women have navigated so that their daughters and yours might walk with lighter steps. To honour the hands that rock cradles and write policies, recognizing that both shape our future with equal power. To create workplaces where a mother's wisdom is treasured, where her unique capacity for nurturing connection and driving progress is valued as the asset it truly is. To celebrate the woman who leads a corporation and the one who leads a community garden with the same reverence, knowing that each cultivates growth in her own way. To continue to join arms across generations, creating circles of support where knowledge flows like mother's milk between experienced women and new mothers finding their way - and for this, we are eternally grateful to our Umi mentors. To dream boldly of a word where we no longer talk about the (illusion of) ‘balance’ a mother achieves because we've built a world that no longer requires impossible choices.

And each time you place your palm over your heart, remember this awakening. Let's transform our dining tables, our boardrooms, our parliaments and religious halls into spaces where a mother's full humanity is not just accommodated but embraced as vital to our flourishing as a whole.

Let’s soften our gazes and look beyond today. In the distance, do you see it? The future taking shape in the most intimate spaces of our lives – at home where mums like the Umi100 honourees help with both homework and strategic planning calls; in bedrooms where they whisper dreams and prayers into sleeping ears; in living rooms where they are living examples of how power and tenderness can live in the same body, as they leave no one untouched.

Our sons, learning that women's voices carry authority and wisdom. Our daughters, internalizing the truth that their bodies can create not just babies but businesses, art, policies, science, softwares and designs. And they can legitimately choose which to create and which not to.

This is the world blooming before our eyes, where a mother's multidimensional capacity is finally recognized as her unique strength, not her limitation. Where success is measured not by how well a woman separates her identities but by how beautifully she integrates them.

Now, feel the warmth spreading through your chest as I write directly to you now:

To the hundred women who have now joined the Umi100 hall of love, we wrap you in light, grace and compassion. Your midnight worries and early morning triumphs, your divided attention and your multiplied love, your strategic mind and your nurturing heart - all of you is seen, is honoured, is loved, and is worthy. And all of you are. May the light this honour shine on your path illuminate the way for countless others. The world may know your titles, but your children know your heart. Today, we honour both.

And to you - yes, you - the mother reading these words who may never see her name on any list but who pours herself out daily in ways we don’t see, place your hand where it hurts, where you've felt the stretch of trying to be everything to everyone. Feel my hand covering yours. Feel the hands of all mothers who came before you, steadying your tired shoulders. You are writing the future with every boundary set, every kiss you land on the forehead of those that call you mum, every moment of presence you summon when your reserves seem empty, and every way you choose to show up to yourself and the world.

Love,

Moyinoluwa and Damola

PS: The complete list of the Umi100 honourees awaits you at www.umiformothers.com/umi100. Join us in this embrace of remarkable women showing us how motherhood and excellence aren't opposing forces but the same life-giving energy flowing through different outlets.

Compliment of the season to you and your family? May this year unfold for you better than you have imagined.

How are you? How was the first week of the year for you? For me, it felt like the year started yesterday when I resumed work. And from the way it started, I can tell that I am in for some wonderful surprises in 2025.

For this year, I made some resolve that I have began to commit to as a parent. Here are some of them;

• I will embrace the imperfect this year: It's okay for my house to be messy sometimes, and for some of my good ideas not to be fully planned out before I begin working on them. Nothing needs to be perfect, but I want to enjoy every bit of being in the imperfect moment.

• I will take my kid out more this year: We have enjoyed more of in-door games and plays in the past years (because the few times we've gone out together, she didn't seem to have fun), but she is at that age where she likes to go out. So, I am going to make it a thing this year.

• I will do some significant things for my career this year: I want to expand on my knowledge and network in my career this year.

• I will also be deliberate about getting help this year. Over the years, I have barely allowed any help around the house (because I have a system and I prefer to do things myself). However since I am embracing imperfection this year, I am going to get myself some help as I need it.

• Every year, I commit to a healthy lifestyle for my family. And we are usually very deliberate about it. Last year, we stopped taking carbonated drinks in the house or buying noodles as foodstuff. This year is no different. We will work more on incorporating more healthy diets into our meals and altogether improve our quality of life.

• My daughter is at that age where instructions are merely suggestions and it seems she just wants to do the things that you tell her not to do. So, I am hopeful that this year, I will discipline appropriately with less yelling and avoid the temptation to spank her. This one is more of a prayer than a resolve. So, help me God.

• This year, I am committed to delivering better services to you at Umi. I am going to be even more available to hear you out and proffer solutions to some of your needs as we grow through the year. You can help me to do this by telling me what you need and I promise you, I am reading and I will act on your suggestions and responses.

• This year, I am committing to a healthy family life, to be a loving and attentive wife and mother to my husband and kid, and stay relevant in my field.
  
  I hope you made some plans for yourself for this year. Things that you are willing to commit to, not just a ritual that you do just because everyone else is doing so. If you have not made any plans, now is the time to put pen to paper (or type it out on your gadget). That way, you have a testament to be intentional about in 2025.

Wow! It's been a rollercoaster for the past two months. I apologise for leaving you hanging. I took my own advice and got me some time to reflect on the different projects of Umi and the future dynamic that they all (especially this newsletter) will take.

However, some beautiful persons have joined us in the past months. We welcome you all. You are going to have a beautiful ride. You are free to send in suggestions of what you would like to see. Just reply this email and let me know. I will be waiting to read from you.

2024 has been a beautiful year for Umi. We grew in leaps and bounds. And we continue to work very hard to ensure that you are heard, seen and at home in this community. Like we advised at the start of the year, we maximised our time and relationships very well this year. We celebrated some amazing people and we had two successful cohorts of the mentorship program. We are hitting the ground running in 2025 with many beautiful projects that you will get to hear about as they unfold, starting with this exciting one. You will love it. Join us

Now, as you go into the year, don't forget to align your goals with your visions. Be very realistic in your expectations, but do not limit yourself. There's also the place of God in all these things. If God is in what you do, then you will make great progress. Plan your time. We never have time as mums, so having a schedule might do you lots of good.

And don't be afraid to pivot. It's okay to hit a wall. Just do not sink in. Bounce back.

In the mean time, enjoy this holiday with some beautiful family traditions. Don't be afraid to let loose and have fun. If you need to, delegate the cooking. Do not work yourself to the ground this season.

I love you all. Thank you for riding with us in 2024.

Merry Christmas and see you in 2025.

I listened to the recent chat Lupita had with Trevor Noah and a few things stood out for me. One of those things is the way she spoke with so much confidence in her ability, her identity, her crafts, her heritage as African, but more importantly her confidence in the home, the security that her parents provided her against all odds.

I enjoyed seeing that and hearing her share that she is not afraid to pursue her goals, neither is she moved by criticisms or discrimination, because her parents are always cheering her on and are ever ready to welcome her home if she needed it.

That validated my pursuit of a good foundation of values for my kids and the security that helps them be confident to be all that they want to be and also be assured of love and support all the time.

Parenting is not easy. And these kids won’t always make the best decision. We didn’t. But somehow, we figured out a path that brought us where we are now. 

I am reminding you (and myself) to focus more attention on setting the right foundation of values in your kids, and provide them a haven for them to spread their wings and to retreat to, should they need to do that.

We all often agree that it takes a village to raise a child. That’s probably because we usually think of the community in terms of people who are available to offer advice and give different perspectives that parents could adapt in raising their kids. And sometimes, maybe people who can help watch your kids or pick up and drop them off when you are unavailable. 

But community also extends to trusted people who could teach your kids valuable lessons; people who could chastise them when they are doing the wrong things (without you getting angry or going there to fight them for chastising your kids). And people who not only join in your joy when your kids are successful, but also share the responsibility of ensuring that they succeed.

This is why I like the concept of godparents so much. To me, it means other people in our community whose responsibility is not limited to buying gift occasionally for the kids, but who are on standby to teach the kids some valuable life lessons. These godparents and some other members of our community should be able to point the kids on the right paths as well. This is what our parents meant by “it takes a village.” A village of trusted people with shared values who you know would not do what you wouldn’t do. People who you trust to re-enforce the right values and principles to your kids so that they grow up to be all that they are meant to be. 

When we welcome such help, then parenting wouldn’t be so overwhelming. Because we will be doing it with people of like minds.

So, is the village welcome? And how are you learning to trust members of your village?

Those who say that you understand your parents better the minute you become a parent yourself, are not wrong.

I have only been on this journey for a few years and I understand certain actions of the people who raised me. Dr Daniel Amen once said that “God gave us parents until our frontal lobes developed.” This means that God puts us in our kids’ lives so that we can nurture and guide them until they are mature enough to make their own decisions. But it gets very difficult to do because kids have their own minds. Even though they are our babies, they came with their own personalities. 

As parents, before we even have our kids, we already imagined the lives that we want for them. It’s difficult not to do this, because they came from us and we want the best for them. So, the minute they get her, we try our best to fit these kids into the frame that we already created for them. And it probably works when they are babies, but the minute they can speak, it often feels like there is a constant struggle between the idea we have of them and the choices and path that they decide to chart for themselves. Sometimes, it is frustrating to see the will power in these kids.

Now, I look at my little girl and how much sway she has over everything, how insistent she is on certain things and the boundaries she pushes. I take it all in and I think back at the people who raised me. How frustrated it must have been for them at the time, for me to be so audacious to even think of doing things my own way. Even though I see a lot of my mums’ influence in my life now, I had to create my own path to adapting that wisdom to my life.

I just hope that I am firm enough to guide my kids on the right values, but patient enough to allow them to adapt to the way that fits their own person. I hope that I understand my power to truly create the lens through which they see the world, but also hold space for them to step outside in their true self to view it from a different perspective.  

These are not easy things to do. 

I just hope we open ourselves up to learn ways to do it.

A few things to note…

A question for you…

If you could change any decision you’ve made this year, what would it be? It’s the last quarter of the year. This is the best time to reflect and evaluate some of the decisions you’ve made so far. It is also the time to start planning for the year that’s coming. So, what would you like to do differently from now on?

Something to do this weekend…

What would you like to do? I am just trying to get my family better after we’ve been down with the flu all week. If you have some interesting thing planned for the week, please share with me. Let me live vicariously through you.

Enjoy your week.

For a lot of us, etiquette and fine dining was taught to us in school. I didn't even learn about fine dining until I was old enough to google it myself (just so that I do not embarrass my entire generation (lol)).

I don't want that for my kids. I would prefer they learn etiquette and fine dining from home. And in this generation where we take date nights seriously, it would be nice if we include the kids now and again.

Apart from etiquette being a lesson that is useful for them throughout their life time, taking them out to practice their etiquette teach the kids to be poise outside. And don't forget the bonding time with you and your partner.

Alright! Where should you start from:

Have dinner together. Sit around the table together at home to eat. You will not only bond with your kids, they will also pick up on some dinning cues that you might not be able to explain.

Teach them basic etiquette like chewing with their mouth closed, washing their hands before coming to the table, what to eat with spoons and what to eat with forks, and what type of fork or spoons is suitable for what. Also where their table cloth should be. These are basic etiquette that you should start to teach early (based on their level of understanding) so that they get used to it. You would also need to know them.

A gadget free table. While dinning, teach the kids to put their tabs/phones away. Food is meant to be enjoyed and the company be cherished.

Have them set the table. Yes, you will find that a lot of kids love to help with this.

Let them help with clearing the plates and clean up. It is courtesy to clean up after yourself when you are done eating. Practice that and teach the kids to do the same.

Teach them the proper way to exit a table should they want to leave before dinner is over. And teach them to say, "thank you" after having the meal.

If you do this constantly at home, they will behave a lot better when you go together to a restaurant to eat.

For so long, women (especially mums) have made work life balance an aspiration. It is the goal that we try to achieve to feel fulfilled. But the reality is that we have not been able to figure out how to give equal priorities to the different areas of our lives. We probably will never figure it out. This is why ‘Harmony’ is what we should aspire to. Harmony means focusing on what’s important per time without getting stressed about the things that are not perfect.

Last week at the Umi mentorship workshop series, we had our guest share some tips to achieve harmony with our work and other aspects of our lives. Some of the things she mentioned are:

• Align your life to your core values and goals. And stay true to it.

• Prioritise and order your schedules based on your core values.

• Be flexible with your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly schedules. Life is going to interrupt it.

• Communicate your needs and expectations.

• Get help. Do not attempt to be a super mum. There is no award for it.

• Stop comparing yourself to other people. You have different goals.

• Be intentional about your “me” time.

• “No” is a complete sentence. Learn to say “No” sometimes.

• Roll with the chaos. Be happy with the imperfect. Perfection is boring.

• Celebrate the wins that you get. Be proud of your journey.

With harmony, the pressure is off. It is left for you to determine your goal and find the best way to achieve it. It is also okay to change course. It’s all part of the process. Harmony is a journey, not a destination.

Lately, I have been chatting with mums who had their kids in their 40s. What's common in those conversations are the difference in time/era and how to stay alive to see the kids be all that they can be.

I agree with the difference in time. What used to be a trend or what usually works for parents 40-20 years ago no longer work with raising kids in this generation. Some things that parents could get away with in those days may be considered a punishable offence under the law in this generation. So, it really can be scary how to keep these kids alive, and also train them into well adjusted kids.

Also, because it took a while to have the kids, there's usually the fear of not living to see them grow up to be their own person. Those are real worries of older parents of newborns/toddler.

Well, you should note these:

• Do not compromise on values. I know times are changing and you may feel old-school. But values should remain constant. Don't change that.

• Learn new ways to impart. As long as you are open to always learning new ways to train your kids, you will be fine.

• Have fun with it. Let loose with the kids once in a while. I know parenting in those days was all about teachable moments. Don't do that. Sometimes, just let loose with them. These kids are wise. They pick up on things. And you will probably get their attention after having a fun time with them.

• Enroll them in schools and activities that blends conventional trainings with new age techniques. That way, someone else reiterating your values while also teaching them in a way that they would understand.

• Keep fit and eat healthy. You will need to prioritise your health at this point. Those kids need you alive and staying healthy is a way to ensure you remain here to see them be all that they are meant to be. Take your health seriously.

  Parenting has no timeline. When you get to be a parent is your time. And God only knows for how long each of us get to be here. We just do our best and leave the rest to him.

Ever so often, authenticity is used as a crutch for bad behaviour or lack of professionalism. When people say, "be your authentic self always," I worry. Because I do not give a lot of thought about the authentic self of my doctor, nor do I want to really get to know who my vendors are in their core. What I care most about is their consistent professionalism and delivery of top notch service.

While your authentic self may help your friendship grow stronger and probably distinguish you within your family. At work, it may very well be your downfall.

If I am ever my authentic self at work, I most likely will not make friends, would work alone, and be very well happy to just do the work and move on. But that does not bode well for my future at the organisation, nor does it help me form meaningful connections that will be useful in other areas of my life and neither is it helpful for the perception of my colleagues towards me.

So instead, I am learning to;
Maintain my values: There are certain lines that should never be crossed.

Show up consistently: Do the job that I have been commissioned to do. The one I've committed to doing.

Be professional. And keep my promises.

Be willing to learn.

And be confident.

That's what it takes to be authentic and professional.

Often times, what you perceive as your authentic self could benefit from some polishing, professionalism, confidence and lots of unlearning and relearning.

A lot of us grew up promising ourselves to be better at relating with her kids more than we were with our parents. That’s a very noble want. And very important also. Where we get it wrong (or maybe take it a little too far)a lot of times is going to the extent of always trying to be friends with our kids, so that the kids are not just happy. But we want them to be happy with us.

Well.... that’s a recipe for disaster.

The truth is if you are doing your job very well, your kids will probably not like you all the time. They most likely will not enjoy all the rules you have for them or the boundaries you set. We have been taught that one of the ways to be sure that an effort or a message is correct and effective is if it is followed by a positive response from the receiver.

That's not going to be true for a lot of the things that you do for your kids. They will not thank you for the disciplines you give when they do something wrong, neither are they always going to be happy with the rules and boundaries. But that should not deter you from doing your job as parents. You are the guardian and especially, when they are young, children need structure, boundaries, rules and discipline. Letting go of all these because you do not want to upset your kids is too costly a price that will affect them in the future.

So,

Maintain your authority, especially when it has to do with values, their safety and healthy boundaries.

Remember that it is not about you. Their experiences are going to be different from yours as long as you continue to try your best. So, separate your own history from your kid’s reality.

Do not overshare with your kids. Communicate with your kids and develop a good rapport. However, there are some things that kids should never be burdened with. Know that boundary and uphold it. Let kids be kids. There will come a time when they will be able to understand those things. Do not rush the process.

Do not hold too tight. Set boundaries, have structures and discipline in place. But do not hold too tight. Allow your kids their freedom within the confine of the boundaries you set. Let them branch out and do their own things. And be available to guide when they need it.

Eventually when your kids are adults, they will most likely come back to thank you for the structure you provided them when they were little. So, don't give that up just so that you can be friends with them now.

A lot of times, I hear people say, "follow your passion" as an encouragement to do what you enjoy. They mean it as a way of encouraging you to turn what you love into a career so that you feel fulfilled and so that it would not feel like "work."

However, as I start to maul it over, I find that the dictionary defined Passion as "a true desire sustained or prolonged" or "fervour and determination." None of those words used to define passion are easy to do. They require diligence, perseverance and consistency. Just like any other job would demand.

As someone who mostly enjoy to work behind the scenes, my work with Umi requires me to cultivate relationships with so many participants of the mentorship programs, our partners and the gorgeous mentors who have dedicated their lives to impacting the young mums in our community. I have loved cultivating these relationships (mostly because these people have given me enormous access) and people who are close to me have even said that I am good at it. But that was not easy for me to start. I was so scared when we were going to start because I never want to be an imposition on anyone.

However, I had mentors and friends who made me see that Umi is bigger than me as a person. And if it would reach it's potential, I would have to get comfortable with "bothering" people. They encouraged me to get comfortable with hearing "No" until I hear the best "yes." Thankfully, Our "yeses" have been more than the "Nos"

I have been doing this for two years, I have felt so fulfilled by the numbers of lives that the mentorship program and all our other offerings have impacted and we are working on so many amazing things that I probably would not have pictured myself doing five years ago. But the fact that I enjoy it does not mean that it is easy to do.

None of it is easy for me.

I love a routine. My work with Umi is anything but predictable. But I love it so much that I continue to stay the course. I am so determined to see more mums in Africa be all that they can be while they remain awesome mums to their kids.

So, yes, follow your passion. But know from the beginning that it doesn't mean that it would be easy to do. You will need to do the work, just like you would any any other job. Even more so, because this one will define you more than anything else would.

A few things to think about…

Something to think about …

What emotions are you suppressing right now? One of the things that was made clear from one of session from the mentorship workshop series last Saturday on “navigating generational trauma” is that emotions however long it stays suppressed, have its way of making it way back to the surface. That hurt, pain, or trauma that you do not seem to want to express right now, or maybe you do not seem to have the time to attend to at the moment, they come out. You need to sit with it (hopefully with a trusted person who can help you navigate it), reflect on it and process it so that you can move forward. Because they come out. they really do. And they might not come out the way you would prefer if you do not process them intentionally.

Something to do this weekend

How about we reflect this weekend. Take some time off social media and any other forms of distractions and let’s do a little digging into those repressed emotions and find a way to process them. You will feel a lot better and even free if you do it right.

I was listening to a chat that Dr Daniel Amen had with Jay Shetty recently about children’s brains and what parents are doing to keep their kids’ brains sharp or cause serious damage. And a lot of the things that he said resonates with me. I have shared some of them here. None of the things that he mentioned were rocket science; they were everyday things that we can build into our routine if we are intentional about it.

Here are some of the things he talked about;

• Feed your kids food items that are healthy for their brain development. The way we have foods that are good for the body, we have those that are good for the brain. Include those in your menu.

• Ensure your kids get adequate sleep. Sleep is very crucial for good brain function. Get your kids on a bed time routine.

• Play with your kids. Play games that probe into the curiosity of your kids. Find brain stimulating games that you can play together and you all have fun.

• Less screen time. More physical and creative activities.

• Do not attempt to solve all your kids' problems for them. Give them the opportunity to come up with solutions for themselves while you guide them through the process. 

• Kids need routine. Discipline shows that you are interested in what they do. Get your kids on a routine and teach them to be disciplined.

• Be grounded in values and divinity. Your kids need to understand that there are some lines that should not be crossed (values) and there are some things in the universe that cannot be explained (divinity).

• Trust your kids to do the right things and they will. If you expect only the bad things from them, that’s what you will see.

There are so many other things to learn from the conversation, but I think these few ones would refresh your memory and better help you be intentional about your kids. I think it would also be good for you as well.

It feels different.
Feeling welcome and feeling at home.
Most people that interact with you and what you create feels welcome.
Doing this alone is revolutionary.
Take it a step further.
Help them feel at home.

When we feel at home, we welcome the conflict because it makes us better.

We take responsibility and share.

At home, we don't just feel welcome, we belong. We belong at home.

A few things to note

One question to reflect on?

Am I doing too much? Or am I not doing enough?

I think both are equally terrible. You should always try your best at job, in your role as parents, with your friends, in your business, and everywhere else. It’s 100% or nothing. But never too much too fast. It usually doesn’t end well.

One thing to do this weekend

The kids are back in school. Spend this weekend praying over your kids. Even if you’ve done it before, do it again. Prayer does not become too much.

Enjoy your weekend.