If you're a Neurosparkler reading this, you know exactly what I mean when I say we cannot turn off what others assume we can control.

You've been told to "just focus" when your brain processes seventeen different inputs individually and simultaneously. You've been asked to "tone it down" when your natural operating level is what others call too intense.

You've been expected to "just relax" when your nervous system doesn't have an off switch - it has a glitch switch.

They're wrong about what we can control.

This newsletter exists because I'm done pretending we can moderate what cannot be moderated. I'm done with sanitized, clinical versions of our experience created by people who study gifted neurodivergence but don't live this reality.

Neurosparkle is my term for all the STIQS that make Twice Exceptional (2e) cognitively complicated grown ups who we are - the neurological intensities others expect us to suppress, control, or explain away because we also happen to be smart.

Neither Neurosparkle or 2e are diagnostic terms. They are simply my lived reality.

🧠 What Does “Twice-Exceptional” Mean?

Twice-exceptional (2e) individuals are people who are both gifted (typically in cognitive ability, creativity, or intellectual potential) and have one or more neurodevelopmental differences or disabilities, such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing disorder, or others.

This combination creates a paradox:

Our high ability often masks our struggles, and our struggles often mask our abilities — leading to chronic misunderstanding, misdiagnosis, or missed support.

In other words:

Who This Is For

You are the adult who was the "weird smart kid" who never quite fit anywhere. 

You compensated so well that your struggles were invisible. You achieved despite your challenges, so people assumed you didn't have any.

But you know what it costs to operate in a world designed for people whose brains have volume controls your brain was never issued.

We are the people who:

• Cannot turn off pattern recognition even when we want to ignore what we can’t not see

• Process emotional data from everyone and everything around us whether we try to or not

• Think in interconnected webs that others expect us to translate into linear explanations so they can understand what we mean

• Feel everything at maximum intensity because that's how our nervous systems work…

• Until our glitch switch gets tripped and we shut down, melt down and have to restart to recalibrate

• See solutions and connections that others miss, then get asked why we "overcomplicate" things and think we “know it all”

We are exhausted by:

• Being told we're "too sensitive" when our nervous systems process everything at full volume

• Having people assume we can dial down our intensity on command

• Existing in systems designed for people who can compartmentalize what we experience as an integrated whole and still recognize the individual components

• Being expected to explain why we can't just "turn off" our natural neurological state

Why I'm Doing This Differently

I've spent years trying to write a newsletter where I translate Neurosparkle into Nearlynormie. It never worked.

When I speak fluent Neurosparkle without worrying how it sounds, something different happens. The people I am talking to hear me.

This week I have been conducting an experiment. I'm posting on TikTok - unfiltered, unedited, speaking directly and unapologetically about what it's really like to live with neurological intensities that don't have off switches.

No algorithm optimization. No concern for conventional social media rules. After all, TikTok may go away completely so it’s an experiment, not an investment.

Just pure Neurosparkle communication to see who shows up.

I have a feeling it's going to change everything because so far with just a few days it already has shown me why this matters:

There's a massive hole in the content landscape shaped exactly like authentic twice-exceptional communication, and I'm about to fill it.

The Neurosparkle Reality Check

Here's what nobody tells you about being twice-exceptional:

Your brain doesn't have the same control panels others take for granted. When they say "just calm down," they're asking you to access neurological functions you don't have. When they tell you to "focus," they assume you can selectively attend to single inputs instead of processing everything simultaneously.

This isn't a deficit. This is how your nervous system works.

But the world expects you to operate as if you have the same neurological equipment as people whose brains can compartmentalize, filter, and moderate in ways yours cannot.

The result?

You spend enormous energy trying to appear "normal" while your actual neurological experience remains invisible and unsupported.

What's Coming

This week's TikTok experiment is proving that when you stop trying to appeal to everyone, you start reaching the people who actually need what you have.

Just in a few days of irregular but authentic posting, my TikTok followers have grown by over 250%.

Next week: I'll tell you how breaking every social media rule led me to find my people, and why the algorithm was wrong about everything.

The Auntie Paige Promise

Every week, I'll send you insights about living with the STIQS that make Neurosparklers who we are. Real talk about twice-exceptionality from someone who lives it, not someone who studies it.

No clinical distance. No academic jargon. No sanitized versions of our experience.

Just the unfiltered truth about what it means to live with neurological intensities that others cannot understand and expect us to control.

Because we deserve content that reflects our actual neurological reality instead of asking us to pretend we're someone else.

🪧 Subscribe now because Your Brain Doesn't Come with Volume Controls...

Are you ready to stop translating yourself for people who will never understand your neurological frequency anyway?

The intensity isn't a flaw. It isn't a phase. It's ingrained in your STIQS. And if you don't learn to work with your neurological reality, you'll spend your life apologizing for what you cannot control.

I hate to tell you this, but you don't get to opt out of how your nervous system works.

One moment.

That's all it takes for everything to click.

Someone speaks your neurological language. The patterns make sense. You realize you're not broken—you're just operating with intensities others can't comprehend.

You're no longer just "too much" or "too sensitive" or "too intense."

You're a Neurosparkler—and everything changes when you stop trying to dim your brilliance because it hurts someone else's eyes.

Subscribe now for unfiltered truths, authentic experiences, and unapologetic reality from someone who speaks fluent neurosparkle and refuses to translate.

Purchase my book “Through the Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto” here https://a.co/d/hWIosQR

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Last week, I told you we bought our first investment property.

Plot twist: We didn't.

Not yet anyway. But we made offers on three houses instead of just that one. And that's exactly what was supposed to happen.

Because once you figure out what you're actually supposed to be doing, the next steps become easier and easier. The key is building systems that work with your brain, not against it.

🧭 When Your Cognitive Architecture Becomes Your Business Strategy

Here's what most people don't understand about building a life that fits your brain: it's not about accommodation. It's about optimization.

For 58 years, I've been collecting data on how my mind actually works. The patterns. The processing style. The decision-making quirks that everyone else calls "overthinking" but are actually advanced pattern recognition.

Now I'm using that data to build everything - newsletter, business, lifestyle, relationships, wealth - around my actual cognitive architecture instead of fighting for consensus in a world that doesn’t see things the way I do.

This is what it looks like in practice.

🏠 Case Study: How Neurosparkler Brains Buy Real Estate

The Situation: Three houses, three different outcomes, same decision-making framework.

• House One - The Flagship: We love it and want it to be our showcase property, but we're not emotionally tied. Foundation issues discovered during inspection. We're waiting on their counter offer and hope to close tomorrow.

• House Two - The Encumbered Quickie: Looked perfect for a fast turnaround to get renters in until we discovered the solar lease that is a dealbreaker. We walked away immediately.

• House Three - The Sweet Spot: Almost ready with easy cosmetic upgrades if the inspection comes through clean. This one feels right for our number two.

The Neurosparkler Difference: We had hoped to close yesterday. Where others see three failures or complications, I see three data points that clarified our decision-making criteria.

Each "no" made the next decision clearer. We didn't get discouraged. We got educated.

🧠 Introducing the Philosophy: Ulterior Altruism™

While navigating these properties, the philosophy behind everything we build became crystal clear. I call it Ulterior Altruism - and it's how you build a business that fits your brain when your brain is wired for empathy and systems thinking and your lifestyle is wired for wealth and legacy building.

Most people assume "ulterior motives" are hidden and self-serving.

But what if your ulterior motive is to build short term income, long term wealth and serve a greater purpose for your family and your community?

Ulterior Altruism is:

• Profitable on purpose (not despite purpose)

• Principle-driven over performance-obsessed

• Built with a long term lens, not quarterly pressure

• Altruism by design, not donation

• Treating empathy as strategy, not just sentiment

🧱 The Get to No Framework in Real-World Action

Remember last week's TRIP assessment? Here's how my cognitive architecture processed three different opportunities:

House One:

• Tackle the Topic: Foundation issues revealed in inspection

• Research the Role: Repair costs could destabilize our business model

• Interrogate the Inkling: We love it, but mathematics overrides emotion

• Practice Pragmatic Positivity: "Not yet" - their move

House Two:

• Tackle the Topic: Solar lease discovered in due diligence disclosures

• Research the Role: Lease terms create long-term complications

• Interrogate the Inkling: Gut feeling said "this feels unnecessarily complex"

• Practice Pragmatic Positivity: "Hell no" - walked away at least until encumbrance can be addressed

House Three:

• Tackle the Topic: Cosmetic upgrades needed, solid foundation

• Research the Role: Timeline and budget align perfectly with our model

• Interrogate the Inkling: Everything about this feels aligned

• Practice Pragmatic Positivity: "Yes please" - offer made pending final inspection

The Pattern: My brain processes opportunities through systems thinking, not emotional attachment. Each decision refined our criteria for the next one.

🌱 What We're Actually Building Here

This newsletter isn't about real estate. Real estate is just the case study. It’s not about my Neurosparkle. My neurodivergence is the least interesting thing about me.

This newsletter is about building a complete life ecosystem that works with your cognitive architecture:

• Business model that leverages how you actually think

• Decision-making framework that prevents cognitive overwhelm

• Lifestyle design that optimizes for your processing style

• Wealth building that aligns with your values

• Mixed cognition relationship dynamics that honor both partners' cognitive needs

The Real Product: A replicable system for building anything when your brain works differently.

🔮 What You'll Learn Here

Every week, I'll document how I use cognitive frameworks to build:

• Business systems that work with ADHD and autistic traits

• Decision-making models that prevent analysis paralysis

• Lifestyle design that optimizes for hypersensitivity and hyperempathy

• Relationship strategies for cognitively complicated couples

• Wealth building that doesn't sacrifice values for profit or profit for performative values

Real brain. Real business. Real results. Real frameworks you can adapt.

📬 This Is Your Neurosparkle Laboratory

If you've ever felt like business or relationship advice doesn't work for how your brain actually operates, this is your space.

If you're tired of trying to force neurotypical systems onto neurodivergent processing, this is your research lab.

If you want to see what happens when someone stops fighting their cognitive architecture and starts building with it, this is your front-row seat.

Next week: The complete Get to No University framework - all four components of the system that's guiding every decision I make.

Because if you're going to build a life that fits your brain, you need frameworks that fit your brain.

May your systems serve your authentic self,

Auntie Paige

P.S. The houses are just the beginning. The hummingbirds, the writing, the marriage, the caregiving - it's all data for building a life that actually works. Stay tuned. I am still figuring it out!

Purchase my book “Through the Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto” here https://a.co/d/hWIosQR

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Our exit plan from traveling photography has always been clear but seemingly out of reach:

Invest in a real estate rental portfolio that would allow us to stay home and do what we both do best—without sacrificing the life we love.

But knowing what you want isn’t enough.

Not when real circumstances stand between you and a goal that’s visible… but not yet available.

We knew what we wanted once the time was right. We didn’t change the dream to fit the moment. We didn’t shrink the vision to match convenience. We didn’t settle for something else that would be almost good enough.

Instead, we lived the dream in the meantime.

We built a life that aligned as closely as possible with what we knew was coming—so when opportunity and challenge arrived, we were as ready as we could be.

And this week…

we bought our first investment rental property. We close next week!

We’ve Known What We Wanted—But It Didn’t Happen Overnight

We’ve photographed over 7,000 residential properties, vacation rentals, and hotels. We have both managed rental properties in our previous lives. We remodeled two houses together. We understand residential real estate investing better than most.

But more importantly—we understand how to make decisions when your brain works differently.

The "obstacles" that kept us from buying investment properties earlier weren't character flaws or lack of ambition:

• We couldn’t manage investment properties while living on the road. After 15 years of full-time travel for our commercial photography business, we are finally home. For good.

• We couldn’t buy properties while navigating full-time caregiving. After two years of caregiving, my dad is now thriving—just two miles away at the Illinois Veterans Home.

• We couldn’t create a new business that required me to put my dream of writing full time on hold once again. After a lifetime of wanting this chance, I finally have it.

Each constraint was real. Each timeline was necessary. Each "not yet" protected something essential.

🧭 From The World’s Longest Honeymoon to Caregiving Chaos to Business Clarity

As we have rolled out the Neurosparkle Newsletter, we've shared the reality of navigating AuDHD while managing dementia caregiving and running a traveling photography business and maintaining a marriage. The executive function challenges. The sensory overload. The way neurodivergent brains process crisis differently.

What we haven't shared yet is how those same cognitive complications that made us amazing caregiver are exactly what make us unconventional business builders.

🏡 Introducing Hey Jude Holdings, LLC

This next chapter builds directly on everything we've explored together about loss, love, and unconventional life paths.

Hey Jude Holdings was formed on my mother's birthday—the same day our great nephew Jude died. I gave both their eulogies and now we get to continue their legacy. We bought this first property with the intent of giving back to caregivers.

It's our real estate investment company, but it's also a laboratory for what happens when you build wealth with purpose instead of building it despite pain.

The frameworks we developed to survive 15 years of travel, two floods, COVID, and caregiving while maintaining our marriage, our business, and our sanity?

They're the same ones we're using to build wealth without burning out.

🧠 Get to No University: Universal Decision-Making Framework

The decision-making framework I developed while navigating caregiving, neurodivergence, and business building isn't just for brains like mine. It's for anyone who has ever felt stuck between knowing what they want and knowing how to get there.

GTNU is a 4-step framework for anyone who is tired of chasing what looks good in theory—and finally ready to fail fabulously doing what they were built to do.

You don't need help dreaming bigger. You need a structure for saying:

• No to what doesn't serve you

• Not yet to what isn't ready for you

• So you can say Yes when what finally aligns catches up with you

🐇 Step One: The Rabbit Hole Roadmap

Before you chase what you can do, pause and ask: Should I Take This TRIP?

T — Tackle the Topic 

Acknowledge what's real right now. What is visible? What is available? What do you know to be true?
Example: Real estate investing is visible (we see properties daily). Available (we finally have stable location and capital). True (our experience gives us genuine advantage).

R — Research the Role

Are you made for this? What does success require? What does failure cost? Who's already doing this and what can I learn from them?
Example: Success requires property management systems, market knowledge, and emotional regulation during negotiations. Failure costs relationship strain and financial loss. We studied investors who failed during 2008 crash and those who thrived - including ourselves.

I — Interrogate the Inkling What will you have to give up if you "win"? What will you lose if you're wrong? What does your gut tell you if you stop arguing?

Example: Winning means less liquid capital and more responsibility. Being wrong means delayed retirement and damaged partnership. Much of business success is trusting your gut even when you can’t explain why.

P — Practice Pragmatic Positivity You're allowed to say: Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever. So that when the time is right, you are able to say Hell Yes!

Example: We said "not yet" to dozens of probably perfect properties over the years. When this one appeared, every factor aligned. Hell yes was the only possible response.

🌱 Four Paths Forward

Starting next week, I'm launching four separate content streams:

The Neurosparkle Newsletter continues as critical thinking for the cognitively complicated. We'll explore how owls, eagles, hummingbirds, and parrots show us how to think differently about thinking differently—through the lens of the actual birds living adjacent to my hummingbird sanctuary.

Vision Quest, LTD is where we document building our dream like a business and our business like a dream. Lessons from 15 years as digital nomads with a a home base. Strategic decision-making. The business side of making dreams happen while honoring what matters most.

Hello Hummingbird was my original dream—365 daily observations from Cielo del Colibri, my ruby-throated hummingbird sanctuary. Simple. Profitable. The thing that would let me stay home for summer migrations.

If I could do one thing that earned me $250,000 and never had to do anything else? I would post about my hummingbirds and how I see them. That's it.

So why not try that first? And document how I use Get to No University to figure out what comes next.

Hey Jude Holdings will be where we spend our time building and documenting our real estate journey in real time—the SOPs, the systems, the Curated Comfort Concierge concept we're developing for Curated Comfort Zones for Caregiver-focused midterm rentals.

I realize that they don’t all work under one newsletter umbrella but each is a story that needs to be told.

📬 This is the last combined issue.

Next week, you will be asked to choose your adventure:

• Stay for Neurosparkle thinking - weekly newsletters to share critical thinking for cognitively complicated grown ups

• Follow Vision Quest, LTD blog - frameworks, systems and stories about how to build your dream like a business & build your business like a dream

• Hello Hummingbird - join us daily at Cielo del Colibri for short videos and fun fact lessons on hummingbirds.

• Track our real estate investment journey on the Vision Quest, LTD website as we roll out the concept Curated Comfort Zones for Caregivers

• Or subscribe to all four and watch how different perspectives on the same life create different kinds of value

The framework is universal.

The applications are infinite.

The house and the hummingbirds are just the beginning.

I am so excited to see where the journey takes us next.

May you choose to see what was always there,

Auntie Paige

📬 Subscribe now for the next issue of The Neurosparkle Newsletter, where I’ll show you exactly how I use the Rabbit Hole Roadmap and how it’s helping us build Vision Quest, LTD from the ground up.

Purchase my book 📖 Through the Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto
https://a.co/d/hWIosQR

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The most common form of dementia is Alzheimer’s, accounting for between 60 - 80% of age related dementia. So most people, clinicians included, default to treating any dementia as if it’s Alzheimer’s.

• Alzheimer’s primarily affects memory storage—the memories are gone.

• Fronto-subcortical dementia affects memory retrieval and regulation—the memories are in there, but hard to access without cues.

• ADHD is a neurodevelopmental cousin to fronto-subcortical disorders—sharing executive function deficits and similar behavioral patterns.

In today’s newsletter, I discuss how I realized that my father’s vascular dementia often looks more similar to my ADHD than Alzheimer’s. And how that information helps me understand him, and myself, better.

🔬 Alzheimer’s vs. Vascular Dementia and ADHD

After my father’s symptoms first developed 16 years ago, we assumed it was Alzheimer’s. The doctor started him on Alzheimer’s medication and his symptoms subsided.

Case closed? Or so I thought.

We had a problem to prepare for so I did what I always do:

I studied. I watched. I prepared.

Alzheimer’s is cruel but tends to follow a predictable and painful path.

I expected:

• The slow unraveling of memory.

• The confusion.

• The fading of his personality.

• The eventual loss of recognition (that was what I dreaded the most).

But those signs never came. In hindsight, his symptoms resolved because his initial mild stroke was resolving—not because of the medication.

What I saw instead?

There was a distinct difference between before and after his second stroke but after the first few months, he was mostly himself but with glimpses of me.

Mistakes I know intimately. Habits I fight daily. Expectations I am unable to meet.

Cognitively complicated traits that looked a lot like my own experience with AuDHD. 

All the things that drove him crazy when he was his younger “old self” and he thought that I could do better if I just tried harder.

I will never forget the day when he apologized to adult me for not understanding my undiagnosed ADHD. He saw my “potential” and was frustrated that I didn’t execute consistently.

Finally he understood. Oh how I wish he never had to.

When Dementia Looks Like ADHD: What My Father’s Stroke Taught Me About My Own Brain

We were preparing for Alzheimer’s. We braced for the long goodbye. We created a lifestyle conducive to caregiving.

But his symptoms didn’t match the script.

His long-term memory? Sharp.

His short-term memory? Spotty but cuable.

His stories? Still intact just shuffled.

It wasn’t until a full neuropsychological evaluation that we got clarity: Vascular dementia not consistent with Alzheimer’s.

And the area of his brain most affected? The fronto-subcortical region - the same region that lights up differently in people with ADHD.

That’s when I realized: His brain didn’t look like it was fading.

🧭 The Twist: His Brain Looked Like Mine…Cognitively Complicated But Intact.

🧠 Here Are Six Ways Vascular Dementia and ADHD Overlap:

1. Working Memory Gaps

   He couldn’t hold multi-step instructions in his head. Neither can I. The biggest challenge for my parents came around meal time when following a recipe became challenging and supper wouldn’t get finished until bed time.
   
   Even today, his physical therapist reminded me that I need to give him cues one step at a time. “move your left foot, move your right foot, do the Hokey Pokey, turn yourself around, etc.”
   

2. Needs Cueing to Recall His Stories

   My father has always used Echolalia to communicate. The right word, song, memory. The memories are still there—but inaccessible without prompting and cueing. I know my father’s greatest hits by heart so I can fill in the blanks of his stories. I’d offer a detail, and he’d light up and can finish the story as if he’s telling it for the first time.
   
   That’s how my brain works too: I don’t forget and then remember—I misfile and then recall them all at once.

3. Task Initiation Paralysis

   Once interrupted—usually by one of his frequent bathroom breaks or other distractions—he wouldn’t pick back up where he left off. The momentum was gone. Starting again felt impossible because we do not remember - we reconstruct or recall.

   Same for me. That’s not laziness—it’s executive function shutting down midstream. Hurrying us or interrupting us does not make the story get told faster…it means you have to start from scratch because we don’t remember where we were…we reconstruct from the beginning.

4. Emotional Reactivity

   He gets overwhelmed quickly, his emotions are labile and often insensitive or inconsistent.

   Even when his words miss the mark, his empathy never leaves. He may say something that stings, but he feels the sting too—deeper and longer than I do. He just can’t always regulate the gap between what he feels and what he expresses.
   
   I have to guard my reactions because if he hurts my feelings, he is devastated for days. He can’t remember what happened…just that I was upset and it was his fault.
   
   ADHD isn’t just hyperactivity—it’s hypersensitivity. He and I both ride a fast emotional elevator.
   

5. Impulse-Driven Speech

   He’d repeat phrases, talk over others, or interrupt without meaning to. When he has a thought on his mind, it’s easiest to let him say it. He will not remember and his ability to track the give and take of a conversation is often sidetracked by his brilliant thought that popped into his mind/mouth at the same time.
   
   So do I. It’s not rudeness—it’s cognitive urgency, and it’s hard to pause when your mind moves fast.
   

6. Inconsistent Attention

   He can spend days perseverating over an idea and then just as quickly, it’s gone. Multiple calls to ask the same question but once he hears the answer, he accepts it…until he forgets and calls again. Hyperfocus and distractibility aren’t opposites. They’re twins.
   
   The reason I am more patient than most would be is that I know the feeling. Each time I ask the same question, it’s the first time for me…even if my husband has already answered it 10 times.
   

Recognition Changes Everything

Realizing we were dealing with fronto-subcortical dementia, not Alzheimer’s, gave me an advantage: I was already fluent in this kind of cognitive complication.

It made it easier to care for my dad because I understood his brain. After 58 years of living as a cognitively complicated conundrum, I know what works for me.

And I found many of the same strategies and frameworks worked for him too.

This is how cognitively complicated caregiving begins: With recognition.

🪧 Subscribe now because The Call is Coming…

The call is coming. And if you don’t get that call one day, it’s because someone else got the call about you.

I hate to tell you this, but you don’t get to opt out.

Not forever.

One call.

That’s all it takes for everything to change.

Schedules collapse. Plans disappear. Priorities reorder themselves without your permission.

You’re no longer just a daughter, or a husband, or a child.

You’re a caregiver—and nothing will ever be the same again.

Subscribe now for strategies, stories, and soliloquies from someone who has been there and lived to thrive after caregiving.

Purchase my book “Through the Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto” here https://a.co/d/hWIosQR

💔 Caregiving Didn’t Break Us—But It Could Have

In this series, I aim to help cognitively complicated caregivers make sense of the invisible labor no one talks about—especially when the caregiver is neurodivergent and the aging parent becomes cognitively complicated due to dementia.

The caregiver gets the kudos..but who cares for the caregiver? Who cares for the partner who cares for the caregiver?

📊 The Reality We Don’t Talk About

A CBS/Caring.com study found:

• 46% of baby boomers caring for aging parents said caregiving damaged their romantic relationship.

• 1 in 4 divorced boomers reported that caregiving played a major role in their divorce.

Meanwhile:

• An estimated 60% of ADHD-impacted couples experience chronic marital dissatisfaction (conflict, dissatisfaction) with 12% of non-ADHD partners pursuing separation.

Let that sink in.

Caregiving is hard. Mixed cognition marriage is hard.

Being married to someone who is cognitively complicated and currently caring for a parent who is cognitively complicated? That adds a whole new layer of chaos, crisis, and communication challenges.

Here’s How We Thrived Through What Most People Can’t Even Imagine Surviving

1. We knew that caregiving was coming “one day” so we built our life around it from Day One.

When my father was diagnosed 16 years ago, I made a vow: Help my parents stay independent for as long as humanly possible and then care for them full time when they could no longer remain independent.

Greg and I met shortly after that moment. And instead of pretending life would stay simple, we designed everything around the truth:

Caregiving was inevitable.

So we crafted systems and engineered flexibility that could absorb crisis without collapsing our marriage or our business.

And still, it was hard AF.

I honestly don’t know how couples with “normal” jobs do this. I don’t know how caregivers who don’t have supportive spouses do this. Frankly, I’m still not sure how I did this.

Because caregiving isn’t a side gig. It’s not a task list.

It’s a total nervous system commitment and if you don’t have shared language and structure, your relationship becomes the collateral damage.

2. We didn’t wait until crisis showed up to talk about what caregiving would require.

We didn’t start planning when the stroke happened two years ago. We started long before—because we knew it was coming.

We built a life around caregiving before it arrived. That preparation didn’t make it easy. But it did make us ready when the hard conversations had to happen.

Our shared agreement was simple but sacred:

We would help my parents but not at the cost of our marriage, our health, our business, or our own home.

My parents vowed to make caregiving easier for us, not harder. They promised we wouldn’t have to sacrifice our future to protect theirs.

That promise was easier to make back when we thought caregiving would come in slowly like a tide that eventually erodes the dunes. Instead, it came like a tsunami that flattened everything in its path and threatened to drown us all.

One phone call:

A stroke. A fall. Three broken ribs. And nothing was ever the same after that.

My mom died unexpectedly just six months later. Three months after moving to my hometown so Greg and I could care for them.

The move was traumatic. But so was the version of caregiving we’d lived before that.

Years of 14-hour drives, coordinating care between hotel photography jobs, years of me rarely being home, trying to hold everything together across state lines and time zones. My only sister was caring for her husband as his 5 year battle with melanoma came to an end. Her only daughter was caring for a new baby after losing her first child and then her father and then her grandmother.

The only thing that made those impossible decisions bearable was this: We had set the boundary before we were forced to draw the line.

We had already said the hard things. So when the time came, the conversation didn’t break us.

It reminded us of what we’d already promised: We’d protect our marriage while we cared for my parents, not lose it to caring for them.

3. I Had the Neurosparkle Cognitive Wiring and the Frameworks to Understand Dementia in Ways Most NearlyNormies Don’t

I’m a Neurosparkler: hyperverbal, hypercognitive, hyperaware.
I think constantly about thinking differently.

My undergrad degree was in speech communications.
I completed most of a master’s in social work.
And I’ve had 40 jobs in 40 years—many of them in:

• Professional caregiving

• Financial planning

• Crisis response

• De-escalation and behavior management

Greg and I even built a business photographing senior living and residential treatment facilities. I took mental notes the whole time. My brain doesn’t miss things. It sees everything at once.

So when we finally learned my father didn’t have Alzheimer’s (read that story here), but instead vascular dementia caused by a stroke, it all began to make sense.

The area of the brain affected by his stroke? The same region that lights up differently in people with ADHD.

That’s when I started to see the overlap.

This wasn’t the kind of memory loss where things are gone.
This was the kind of loss where things are just out of reach—until someone cues them.
His dementia didn’t erase his stories.
It just scrambled the index of his echolalia

And I know the index of his mind by heart.

Thanks to my mother, who remembered everything, and to my brain, which remembers random details all at once, I can fill in the blanks now that she’s gone.

The bottom line: I didn’t try to “win” at caregiving. I tried to stay myself inside it.

I became:

• Nurse

• Power of Attorney

• Social worker

• Logistics manager

• Grief container

• Sometimes… punching bag

But I didn’t become someone else. I was still the wife, sister, aunt, business owner, and daughter that I have always been. I am still Auntie Paige.

I returned to rituals, language, and structure I had created long before the crisis came.

I clung to them. They held. And now I am sharing my perspective because not every family has an Auntie Paige.

💬 TL;DR

Caregiving didn’t break me.

It didn’t break my marriage.

It stretched us. It transformed us. It made us fall even deeper in love. Because we had already built what we would one day need to survive it.


Not in spite of the chaos, but because we chose each other in it…again and again. We saw what we were made of and we still wanted more of each other.

🧭 Final Word to the Cognitively Complicated Caregivers

I’m not here to romanticize caregiving. And I sure as hell won’t romanticize neurodivergence.

I’m here to say: You are not crazy. You are caregiving.

And there is a way through—if you don’t drown first.

Next week, I’ll share Part 2:

📬 What Happens When the Caregiver Is Neurodivergent and the Parent Has Dementia

If you’re not yet subscribed to the Neurosparkle Newsletter, now is the time.

Because cognitively complicated couples need a shared language and this is where we start learning how to speak us fluently.

Purchase Through The Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto https://a.co/d/bnLgAef

“Empires with Empathy. Capitalize both E’s.”

I was driving through North Carolina when I finally saw my “it”.

It was a quick exchange. A throwaway line in a conversation between friends. Two grown-ass men. Millionaires laughing like little boys about a word they didn’t quite understand at the time and honestly still don’t.

For them, “Empires with Empathy” was a clever turn of phrase Shaan threw out. Sam quipped, “Capitalize both E’s,” giggling about authenticity, empathy, and nuance—as if those things were contagious like cooties.

What they didn’t realize is:

They’re masters of all those things. Even if they don’t call them by those names. Two years ago, they missed the power of what they had just said. Not because they aren’t brilliant…but because they are.

They just see “it” differently than I do. And that’s the whole point of why I listen to them.

Before I can build my own Empire of Empathy and capitalize on both E’s, I aim to reclaim the definition of the one word even the most brilliant voices in my mind don’t totally comprehend.

Empathy.

Sam and Shaan probably wouldn't even remember the exchange. But as I listened to it two years ago, I finally saw the answer to the questions I’ve been asking my entire life:

• What is my purpose?

• What can I do better than anyone else?

• And how do I get paid to do it?

I have tried to start this newsletter for several years. Real life has resulted in a series of starts and stops that keep bringing me back to step one with no momentum. But finally I am home to stay. Hopefully to do what they both did but to do it in my own way using my own language.

Sam Parr and Shaan Puri, hosts of the My First Million podcast, both started and sold newsletters for seven figures or more.

With the money they earned from their exits, they graduated from doing what they could do to doing what they want to. That, to me, is the definition of success and can’t be measured in millions.

Now these two unconventional high achievers have a podcast where they interview other unconventional high achievers about how they made their first million dollars (among other things).

I devour their podcast episodes. I dissect them. I read the transcripts and the YouTube comments. I read everything that they write on social media and try to moderate my comments so I don’t seem like a stalker.

I run everything I’m building through AI using their filters:

• How would Sam the brilliant copywriter say what I am trying to say?

• How would Shaan the consummate story teller summarize this soliloquy?

• How would a My First Million listener interpret what I’m trying to convey?

Not because I am copying them. Not because they or their listeners are my target audience. But precisely because they’re not.

Sam and Shaan don’t know me…but theirs, their guests and their followers voices are some of the loudest, clearest voices in my head.

I listen to every episode. I read every comment. Yes, all the way back to Season One, when Shaan was recording solo in a rented studio, popping his P’s into a cheap mic. Those early episodes that they probably don’t even remember are some of my favorites.

I catalog every insight from them and their guests. File them away, not as individual takeaways, but as a gestalt of success:
 
They are what it looks like when unconventional high achievers choose to do most what they do best, in the way that works best for them.

Together, they’ve become the avatar for why I must write and speak using my own language.

They represent the Eagle in my Bird Brain.
The “What Is” section of my Daily Vision Questionnaire.
The Known pane of my Johari window.

They have never heard any of those terms but once I heard the words “Empires with Empathy,” I couldn’t unsee them. My first book, Through The Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto is an adult message disguised as a children’s storybook.

That phrase, those three words - Empire of Empathy - became the basis of my writing and the foundation of my Ikigai. The “it” in my version of “It is what It is”.

What is my purpose? To build an Empire of Empathy
What can I do better than anyone else? Build an Empire of Empathy
And how do I get paid? Build an Empire of Empathy

I don’t know yet what “it” will become but I know whose voices will help me figure “it” out.

Starting next week, I’ll be dissecting another episode of My First Million. This one where Sam Parr and Greg Isenberg teach me “How to build a $1 Million Startup using AI”.


Watch the Clip that accidentally defined my Ikigai -

Watch the full My First Million episode here: https://youtu.be/pM2oNbwgsZc?si=gt-FOPwG77Xzs7yf&t=1243

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There’s an elaborate show taking place in the skies around my deck today as the female hummingbirds prepare to lay their eggs. Each summer, I create an oasis for hummingbirds. Our little house in the middle of the Quincy Bay transforms into Cielo del Colibrí (Heaven of the Hummingbird).

For female hummingbirds, who showed up this year in greater numbers than ever before, it’s Choosing Time. The time when all the males try to outperform each other with elaborate aerial acrobatic air shows hoping to be chosen for a fly-by bootie call.

Purchase Through The Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto
https://a.co/d/3rN78Je

🩸 Not Every Bird Is Born to Breed

Some can’t. Some don’t.

Not because they’re lazy, or broken, or indecisive. But because when their instincts say not now, or not here, or not this time, they follow them.

Birds don’t ignore their instincts.

They don’t override their wiring with shame or ego or guilt about what they should be doing. They simply respond to what is visible and available. To safety. To nourishment. And yes, sometimes to a sexy dance depending upon what is called for…in the moment.

Meanwhile, we humans consider ourselves apex creatures. We call ourselves enlightened. We say we’ve evolved past instinct. We call it “choice” but forgot what choosing even means.

We think choosing is deciding between two or more equally attractive options.

But a hummingbird knows—

Choosing is recognizing when the answer is no. Not because of what she sees or wants, but because of what she feels and knows to be true. Deep in the marrow of her wings.

Even the smallest hummingbird knows the difference between Can and Should:

• Just because she can, doesn’t mean she should.

• And just because you want to, doesn’t mean you will. Or can. Or should.

• Not if the conditions aren’t right. Not when the body says no. Not when the soul says wait and rest.

Maybe it’s not that we need to be more like birds. Maybe it’s that we already are. We just forgot how to listen to our own Bird Brains.

🩸 Hummingbird Reproduction 101

The Mechanics of Hummingbird Baby Making

✅ 1. The Female Builds the Nest Before She’s Pregnant

• A female hummingbird builds her nest before she has an egg developing inside her. (Male hummingbirds do not build or live in nests.)

• Nest-building is a pre-mating behavior.

• She scopes out the location, gathers materials (like spider silk, moss, downy feathers), and shapes it to fit exactly one or two tiny future eggs.

• This takes days, sometimes more than a week.

• Why? Because the moment her body is ready to lay, there’s no time to build. She needs the nursery prepped.

✅ 2. Nest First - Bootie Call (or calls) Second

• Birds don’t get "pregnant" the way mammals do. Instead:

  • She mates via a brief cloacal kiss—a touching of the two birds’ cloacas (the shared opening for waste, eggs, and sperm).

  • It takes seconds.

  • Sperm enters her reproductive tract and fertilizes an ovum (the yolk of the future egg).

  • She may mate with multiple males during the season—and it’s biologically possible for each egg in a single clutch to have a different father. Hummingbirds are unapologetically polyamorous, and the female remains fully in charge of both her territory and her timeline.

✅ 3. Then Her Body Forms the Egg

• Once fertilized, the yolk travels down her oviduct to become what we think of as the egg. Along the way, it gets coated in:

  • Albumen (the egg white),

  • Membranes, and

  • Shell (formed mostly of calcium).

• This process takes about 24 hours.

• She will lay the egg soon after that shell forms—often early in the day. Then she rests, and if there’s a second egg, it’s usually laid one day later.

The Meaning Behind the Mating Dance

Female hummingbirds don’t bond with the male that they choose to fertilize their eggs. The role of a male hummingbird in the fly-by bootie call is over in a matter of seconds. The male does not slow down or stick around. There is no bonding, no nesting partnership. Females are radically autonomous.

Here are a few reasons why a female hummingbird might not lay eggs even after she shows up for the bootie call:

🪽 1. She’s too young

• First-year females may not yet be mature enough to breed, especially if they hatched late in the previous season.

• Some might attempt nest building without completing the reproductive cycle.

🐦 2. No access to a suitable mate (keyword: suitable)

• Even if males are present, mating can be highly competitive and territorial.

• A female may avoid areas dominated by aggressive males or fail to find a mate within her territory.

🌿 3. Environmental conditions aren’t right

• Cold snaps, drought, or heavy rain can delay or inhibit nesting.

• If nectar, insects, or protein sources are lacking, she may not risk the energy expenditure of reproduction.

🧠 4. Instinctual resource assessment

• Hummingbirds are strategic. If a female senses that the territory is overcrowded, or that predators (including larger birds or non-auntie Paige humans) are nearby, she may hold off on nesting.

🌸 5. Territory is claimed by a dominant female

• In areas like my hummingbird sanctuary, where dozens of feeders, plenty of flowers and a veritable cornucopia of insects are available, dominant females stake claim to prime zones.

• Subordinate females may still feed and live in the area but not nest there if it feels too competitive or unsafe.

• The more dominant female hummingbird is always the Chooser.
  

The Harsh Hatch Reality for Hummingbirds

The skies may be filled with dive dances and the boom chicka pow music of birdie bootie calls, but below the surface, something sobering lingers.

Not every female we see buzzing around our feeders will become a mother this season.

And even for those who do, the odds are stark:

There’s an 80% chance her eggs won’t hatch—and if they do, there’s another 80% chance her babies won’t survive their first year. That means only 4 out of every 100 eggs will become yearlings.

And yet, she builds the nest. She lays the egg. She chooses, because that’s what she was made to do.

She does her job and I do mine. My job is to create an ecosystem of possibility to provide them with a place where they at least have the option to choose.

What does “being the Chooser” look like in your life right now?

Not every conundrum is a problem that needs to be solved. Sometimes, it’s a unique operating system that deserves to be understood and celebrated.

You already know your greatest strength: you think differently. You see the world in fractals and fragments, grasping the whole and the parts individually and simultaneously.

Are you ready to stop apologizing for how you are and start embracing who you are with radical authenticity?

The Neurosparkle Newsletter is your invitation to do just that. 

Each week, we deliver insights and strategies that help you harness your unique way of processing the world, offering a community where your perspective isn’t just accepted—it’s valued.

One final Fun Fact about HummingBirdie Bootie Calls:

Even if a female hummingbird doesn’t lay eggs in a given season, she may still engage in mating behaviors, including the “fly-by bootie call.”

Why a Female Might Participate in Mating Rituals Without Laying Eggs

1. Instinctual Response, Not Commitment

• The mating ritual is triggered by instinct and stimulus, not necessarily the intention to reproduce.

2. Mate Selection Practice

• Younger or first-year females may “entertain” males as practice—learning to observe displays and assess mates for future years.

3. Power & Territory Dynamics

• Sometimes, responding to a male’s dive is part of maintaining her territory, keeping him engaged just long enough to distract him or manipulate male presence around her feeding grounds.

4. Hormonal But Not Fertile

• Just like humans, she may experience hormonal cycles even if she’s not ovulating or building a nest. The drive and the outcome aren’t always aligned.

🧠 Translation in Neurosparkle Terms

Sometimes she lets him do his little dive and sexy dance, and then flies off—no nest, no mess, no regrets. Because choosing not to choose is still a choice.

Every morning for months, I listened to the same meditation on my Breethe app. Over time I turned the meditation into a Daily Vision Questionnaire: an AI journal prompt based on these four questions about the Meantime:

• What Is: Is the status quo tenable?

• What If: Are my current circumstances sustainable?

• What Now: Is there a better option visible?

• What Next: Is that better option available now, or is there a next step I must take toward it?

Most people aren’t living the life of their dreams because they think they are supposed to know what to dream for based on their current understanding of What Is. But What If you could design the life of your dreams around how you want to feel…not what you want to do in order to feel that way?

In a world that prioritizes “What do I need to do” over “How do I choose to feel”, this was a vocabulary shift for me. A way to express something I already do internally. Because if I have learned one thing over the past 58 years, it’s that my to do list is not within my control. Life happens despite all my beautifully designed lists.

I am not always the Chooser of what happens to me but I am the Chooser of how I Choose to understand what it means.

My dream of publishing my Neurosparkle Newsletter has proven elusive despite my best intentions and well laid plans. Organizing my writing has proven to be an insurmountable challenge that has in no way diminished my desire to write.

For me, right now, the only option - publishing what comes to mind as it comes to mind—is that next and only step.

I am a Neurosparkler, possibly the only one who identifies this way and I only speak for myself.

If my hypothesis proves true though, my message will reveal itself over time and I may find that there is an entire tribe of people who know what they know yet don’t have the words to explain it themselves.

I have spent a lifetime explaining myself to a world that still does not have an accurate diagnosis for my way of being different. But not anymore.

If you didn’t quite fit in because you are too smart, too scattered, too sensitive, too much on one hand and not enough on the other, then perhaps you are a Neurosparkler too.

I’m building something called Get to No University, a place where we learn to stop apologizing, explaining, and start designing lives that fit how Neurosparklers actually think.

If that’s not you, I say this with love and clarity: Please. Do. Not. Follow out of curiosity or charity.

I am not seeking an audience or followers.
I am seeking resonance.

If my message doesn’t align with your reality, it’s not meant for you.

Either go write your own, or go find the one that fits you better. I promise I won’t be sad.

But if the unfiltered, uncensored words I share begin to make sense to you - if they feel like your own thoughts finally made visible - then I ask one thing:

Respond.
React.
Tell me what lands.
Tell me what doesn’t.

I am writing this while awaiting my final neuropsychological report. Soon, I’ll have the diagnostic terms to match the boxes I’ve checked off for decades.

The report won’t say Neurosparkler—not yet.
Because that word doesn’t mean anything to the world.
But it means everything to me.

Here’s what to expect from me going forward:

• I will be writing. A lot.

• This newsletter will be curated and sent whenever it’s ready with:

  • One deep dive

  • A handful of links and sparks from the things I have written since the last one.

• Eventually, it will evolve into a scheduled weekly newsletter I hope —because I am evolving. But for now, the confines of having to publish on time are not conducive to my lifestyle.

Soon, I’ll launch a paid tier that includes a community and all access behind the scenes.

I need a space where I can publish my Neurosparkly wisdom with abandon and get the feedback of other Neurosparklers in my own Empire of Empathy. A place where I can workshop my thoughts and build the bones of the body of work that’s been waiting for a lifetime…even if it only becomes my private diary that no one else reads.

If you’re still reading this—thank you.

But again, I’ll ask you:
Please unsubscribe if this doesn’t resonate.
I am not building a following. I am building a tribe of Neurosparklers — the ones who say: “I’ve always known this about myself… but never had the words for it.”

Neurosparklers are not problems that need to be solved. We are cognitive conundrums. And it’s time we Revolutionize the Status Quo.

Welcome to a different way of thinking about thinking differently.

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Every human is born with what I call a Stack of STIQS - Strengths, Traits, Idiosyncrasies, Quirks, and Skills. This theoretical framework explains how I see the difference between what makes us excellent and what makes us exceptional. It emerged from my work understanding how both nearly normal and neurodivergent brains, including my own, process and interact with the world in our own unique ways.

The Chooser gets to Choose.

Your Stack of STIQS is uniquely yours but you don't get to choose them. You do, however, get to choose whether to carry them like a burden, a heavy weight strapped to your back, or to ignite them and use the light and energy they create to illuminate things in the way that only you can.

Think of your Stack of STIQS as your personal operating system.

These aren't characteristics you choose or develop - they're your factory settings:

• Strengths: Your innate abilities that come naturally and powerfully

• Traits: The core characteristics that define how you move through the world

• Idiosyncrasies: Your unique ways of processing and responding

• Quirks: Those distinctive features others might see as odd but serve a purpose

• Skills: Both the innate and learned capabilities you've developed

We can either carry our STIQS as burdens on our backs or toss them into what I call the cosmic bonfire - where they combine with others' STIQS to create energy and light. When analytical strengths meet creative traits, when systematic processing meets intuitive thinking, we can achieve things none of us could alone.

Understanding your Stack of STIQS requires more than self-reflection.

It requires an Empire of Empathy - gathering perspectives from others who can see aspects of ourselves that we can't. These outside viewpoints help us understand how our STIQS manifest in ways we might not recognize.

The goal isn't to build a "better" Stack of STIQS - it's to understand and work with the one you have. Your quirks aren't flaws to be fixed but features to be leveraged. Your idiosyncrasies aren't problems to be solved but tools to be utilized. What looks like chaos in one person might be their most efficient state. What presents as attention to detail in one might manifest as analysis paralysis in another.

When we understand our Stack of STIQS, we can create environments where these elements work together optimally. Instead of forcing ourselves into someone else's mold, we can develop systems that work with our natural tendencies rather than against them.

What this year has taught me: Introducing My Stack of STIQS in Action

Throughout the past years of caregiving, I witnessed how each element of my STIQS manifested exactly when needed.

My strengths - the ability to process complex medical information rapidly, to communicate effectively with healthcare providers, to advocate fiercely when necessary. These weren't new capabilities I developed under pressure; they were fundamental parts of who I've always been.

My traits - the analytical mind that could track medications and symptoms, the emotional resilience that allowed me to be present while maintaining clarity, the stubborn determination that kept me going when exhaustion set in.

My idiosyncrasies - the obsessive attention to detail that others might view as excessive but ensured nothing was missed, the need to understand every aspect of her care that some might see as controlling but guaranteed she received exactly what she needed especially when her voice was gone.

My quirks - the ability to hyperfocus for extended periods, the tendency to process information through patterns and connections, the capacity to function on minimal sleep when necessary. The ability to be so completely in the moment that everything outside of that hospital room disappeared. The reality that once I crashed it would be completely but until that point, I was on.

My skills - both learned and innate, from medical knowledge accumulated through years of curiosity to the intuitive understanding of what she needed even when she couldn't express it.

These elements weren't activated by the crisis - they were revealed by it. Like a photo developing in a darkroom, the image was always there; the circumstances simply made it visible.

Understanding your Stack of STIQS is the first step toward conscious choice:

Will you carry these elements as burdens, or will you throw them into the cosmic bonfire where they can light the way for both you and others?

My Book is Ready to Order: "Through the Hummingbird's Eye" 🐦 👀

Hey there Bird Brains,

I'm thrilled to announce that my groundbreaking book, Through the Hummingbird's Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto, is now available on Amazon and Kindle! 📚✨ This book isn't a metaphor—it's a reflection of the profound truths I've observed in the real birds I share space with…and what they teach us about our own ways of being and seeing.

 🧠 Meet Your Mirrors: The Bird Brain Archetypes 🧠 

In this book, you'll encounter four archetypes drawn directly from the behaviors of eagles, owls, parrots, and hummingbirds:

• The Hummingbird 🌺 - Navigating unseen patterns

• The Eagle 🦅 - Soaring high with grand vision

• The Owl 🦉 - Reflecting deeply in the quiet

• The Parrot 🦜 - Collaborating and communicating truth

These birds aren't symbols. They're mirrors—reflecting different facets of ourselves. By understanding their ways of being, we gain a clearer view into our own nature.

🌈 Honor Different Kinds of Normal

This book is a celebration. Of authenticity. Of diversity. Of the idea that there's no wrong way to be, only different ways of seeing.

When an Eagle stretches its wings, When a Hummingbird dances in ultraviolet light, When an Owl broods in contemplation, When a Parrot echoes unheard wisdom—

They are not striving for an ideal. They are embodying their truth. And in that embodiment, they find wholeness.

💫 Join the Neurosparkle Revolution

Through the Hummingbird's Eye is an invitation to see your blind spots as sources of brilliance. To honor your unique gifts. And to build an Empire of Empathy forged from understanding—not just emotion.

There's no wrong way of being, just different ways of seeing. Let's honor that truth together.

Fly with me. Get your copy today on Amazon or Kindle. Your journey into the Neurosparkle Revolution awaits! 🦅🌈

Purchase the book here - Through the Hummingbird’s Eye: A Neurosparkle Manifesto

In anticipation of great things,

Auntie Paige

A Message from Mommy

To My Hummingbird’s Readers

My Dearest Dreamers,

If I were here today, I’d have a story to tell you about Paige.

It would be the night before a poetry assignment was due in elementary school—oh, she had forgotten until the last minute, of course. She wrote furiously while I typed, both of us racing against the clock. And as with every moment that mattered, we made it happen together.

You see, Paige always had something to say—something that lived in her heart, waiting for the right time to fly. This book isn’t last-minute. It’s a lifetime in the making. It’s every thought she’s carried, every experience that shaped her, and every dream she dared to chase.

Paige calls me the OG Hummingbird Whisperer, but all I ever did was believe in her. I knew she was different, and I knew that difference was her gift. I knew that one day she would find the words to share her vision of the world—a vision full of empathy, strength, and truth.

Now, here it is.

If you find yourself holding this book one day, know this: You are seen. You are heard. You are valued. Even if you aren’t fully understood. You are part of something bigger than yourself—an empire of hearts beating with a shared truth: The world is better when we let people fly their own way.

To my sweet Hummingbird, Poopsie—I am so proud of you.

And to you, dear reader, I say: Take this book, take these words, and believe in your own wings. The dreams you carry are worth it, even if it’s the night before they’re due.

With all my love,

Mommy

The OG Hummingbird Whisperer

We’ve all heard it—or said it—before: “It is what it is.” For many, this phrase feels like resignation, a verbal shrug that says, “I can’t do anything about this.” 

But what if we could redefine it?

When used intentionally, “It is what it is” becomes a marker of clarity and closure—as long as we agree what IT means. It signals that a conversation, a feedback loop, or even a conflict has reached a point of mutual understanding. It’s not about giving up—it’s about letting go of what’s been resolved and setting aside what can’t currently be resolved so you can move forward with peace and focus.

The Problem with Open Loops

Unresolved conversations or misunderstandings feel like unfinished puzzles to Neurosparklers. These open loops linger in our minds, taking up space and energy. They create friction in relationships, leaving us wondering: Did they understand what I meant? Did I miss something? Will this come up again later?

When feedback loops remain open:

• Miscommunication persists.

• Frustration builds.

•  Trust erodes over time.

“It is what it is” becomes powerful when it’s used to close these loops—to say, “We’ve both been seen, heard, and understood. Now we can let this rest.”

How “It Is What It Is” Can Be a Tool for Closure

When used with intention, “It is what it is” isn’t a statement of defeat—it’s a declaration of equanimity. Here’s how to use it effectively:

1. Acknowledge the Present Reality:

Recognize the current situation without resistance or denial. Instead of fighting what’s already happened, accept it as a starting point.

2. Confirm Mutual Understanding:

Before moving forward, ensure both parties feel seen and heard. This might mean asking, “Do you feel like we’re on the same page?” or stating, “I think we understand each other now.”

3. Let Go of the Loop:

Once the feedback loop is closed, resist the urge to revisit it unless something changes. “It is what it is” becomes the signpost that says: This is resolved for now.

By redefining the phrase as a statement of equanimity, it becomes a tool for clarity, not complacency.

Why This Matters

In relationships, unresolved loops lead to recurring conflicts, second-guessing, and emotional exhaustion. When both parties feel a conversation is truly closed, it’s like placing a stitch in the weighted blanket of trust—a foundation that supports both people moving forward.

Using “It Is What It Is” in the Daily Vision Questionnaire Practice

Here’s how you might apply this in real life: The first Daily Question is What Is? It sets the stage for the other questions by honestly assessing What Is. Because as we know, It is what it is.

During a Difficult Conversation:

After addressing the core issue, confirm understanding of the current status quo:

“I think we’ve covered everything. Do you feel like we’ve reached a good understanding of the circumstances?”

If the answer is yes, close the loop with: “Okay. It is what it is.”

When Letting Go of a Conflict:

Not every situation can be resolved in real time. Sometimes, we have to agree to revisit a situation later and accept that It is what it is - even if we wish it wasn’t

“We’ve said what needed to be said. I’m ready to let this rest.”

• Follow with: “It is what it is.”

• For Personal Reflection:

Use it to release overthinking about something you can’t change:

• “This didn’t go the way I wanted, but it is what it is. What next based on the feedback loop I just closed?”

Moving from Resignation to Peace

Redefining “It is what it is” doesn’t mean giving up or shutting down. It is in fact the secret key to avoiding shutdowns and meltdowns for me anyway. It means finding peace in shared understanding and clarity of the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s about knowing when to let go—not because you’re powerless, but because you’re ready to move forward.

When you use this phrase as a marker of closure, it transforms from a verbal shrug to a profound statement of equanimity.

Equanimity: The Power of Letting Go

The next time you say “It is what it is,” ask yourself: Is this a sign of resignation, or is it a moment of clarity?

By redefining this phrase, you can turn it into a tool for trust, connection, and peace—a way to close loops and move forward with intention.

Nobody likes a Know-It-All...but what happens when you really know what you know?

Recently, I find myself deep in preparation mode for a slew of upcoming doctor’s appointments—not just for my own medical care, but also as a caregiver for my elderly dad. Just last night, I spent hours in a 33,785-word conversation with AI, role-playing as if I were presenting my case to Dr. House and his team of diagnosticians from the TV show House, MD.

The goal?

To refine my thoughts, challenge my premises, and ensure that when I walk into a doctor’s office, I’m bringing clarity, not just a tornado of words.

WHAT IT MEANS:

A Real-Life Example of When "I Just Know" Wasn't Enough

Recently, I took my dad to the ER because something was wrong. There were no obvious symptoms—no fever, no burning, no extra confusion, no pain—just a look in his eyes that told me something wasn’t right. I told the triage nurse and doctor, “I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it’s either another stroke or another Urinary Tract Infection.”

Their response? Skepticism. 

I could feel their eyes on me, judging, as though I were overreacting or playing doctor Google. But they had to examine him, and sure enough, he had a raging UTI that had progressed to urosepsis - a fatal condition if left untreated. The doctor later admitted, “You really do know your dad.”

Ya think?

It was a relief, of course, but the experience highlighted a recurring problem: As a gestalt thinker and pattern recognizer, I don’t always fit the mold of a typical patient or caregiver. My instinct and ability to “just know” something is wrong often rubs medical professionals the wrong way. And for many people like me, this leads to frustration and communication breakdowns.

The Neurosparkle Mantra in Action

The heart of the problem can be summed up with my favorite mantra:

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

When I try to explain what I see or feel—especially in high-stakes medical settings—it’s not always easy to translate my internal thought process into something linear and digestible for others. The more I fear being misunderstood, the more words I use to clarify, which ironically makes me harder to follow.

And suddenly all my confidence and carefully rehearsed words become incoherent and I am left a mangled emotional mess.

Why I Played “House”

I have to see a doctor today for my hip but my body awareness and pattern recognition have made me 99% sure that the issue is a complex cascade of seemingly unrelated medical issues.

That’s why I turned to AI and spent an entire night role-playing as if I were presenting my case to Dr. House. I wasn’t looking for validation—I wanted to be proven wrong if my premises or hunches didn’t hold up. I wanted to ensure my thoughts were clear, my assumptions were reasonable, and my conclusions were grounded.

I wanted to get to no. I want to be wrong. I hope it is something simple. I don’t think it is.

What came out of that marathon conversation was a carefully curated letter—a distillation of my thoughts and observations that I can either hand to my doctor or read aloud, depending on how my nerves present that day. I know my anxiety might make me tear up or my voice waver, but this letter ensures that what I need to say doesn’t get lost in translation.

The Challenge of Being a Neurosparkler in the Medical World

As a Neurosparkler, my ability to think in patterns and intuitively connect dots isn’t always seen as a strength in medical settings. Doctors often mistake my detailed explanations or deep research for overthinking, WebMD-style amateurism, or arrogance.

But the truth is:

1. I Know What I Know: I’m not guessing. I’ve already ruled out the obvious and am coming to you with my best, most informed hypothesis.

2. I Want to Be Challenged: I don’t need agreement; I need rigorous critique. Prove me wrong, and I’ll be grateful.

3. I Refuse to Apologize for Being Prepared: I’m not bringing in printouts from the internet. I’m bringing carefully thought-out observations and questions to make the most of the limited time we have.

Why This Matters

For hyper-verbal people like me—extemporaneous thinkers, verbal processors, and deep divers—the way we communicate can sometimes work against us. When we’re verbose, especially under nervous energy, our insistence on clarity can come across as pushy and scattered. Conversely, in moments of heightened anxiety, we may struggle to get the words out, even when our brain knows exactly what we want to convey.

It’s not about ego; it’s about ensuring we’re heard and understood.

For caregivers, the stakes are even higher. It’s not just about being right; it’s about advocating effectively for someone who may not be able to speak for themselves. In my dad’s case, trusting my instinct probably saved his life more than once.

The Takeaway

Whether it’s for myself or my dad, I’ve learned to approach medical situations with both humility and confidence. I lead with curiosity, not conclusions. I frame my insights as starting points for collaboration, not definitive answers.

And most importantly, I remind myself:

• It’s okay to be emotional.

• It’s okay to be detailed.

• And it’s okay to demand to be heard.

When I walk into a doctor’s office, I’ll have my letter ready, my nerves steeled, and my mindset focused on one thing: clarity. After all, knowing what you know—and standing firm in it—isn’t arrogance. It’s advocacy.



Let’s Put it into Action:

Have you ever tried role-playing with AI to prepare for a big conversation?

For me, it’s not just a preparation tool—it’s a lifeline for navigating a world that often struggles to hear us. AI gives me the space to refine my thoughts, challenge my assumptions, and ensure that when I speak, my voice carries the clarity and confidence I need to be truly understood.

But just on the off chance that I lose my words, I have the letter printed and ready to hand to the doctor so I am heard even if I can’t speak.

How do you prepare to be heard when the stakes are high?

If you need help preparing for a conversation of your own, let’s talk about it!

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Here’s the true beauty of the NeuroSelfie—it’s not just about clarity; it’s about personal resonance. The NeuroSelfie becomes a reflection of your inner state expressed in your own unique language, whether that’s metaphor, imagery, or direct simplicity. For a metaphorical thinker, it’s the difference between saying “I’m tired” and painting a vivid picture: “I feel like someone one mile away from finishing their first Ironman, unsure if their feet will carry them further.”

The NeuroSelfie adapts to your voice, helping you articulate what’s often hard to explain in a way that feels authentic to you.

Why “How Are You?” Is Hard to Answer

For some, answering “How are you?” feels easy: “I’m fine,” “I’m good,” or “Not great.” But for others—especially those who process the world in a complex or gestalt way—this question can feel impossible.

How do you sum up the swirl of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations into one tidy sentence? How do you explain the way you’re feeling without oversharing or underselling what’s really going on?

That’s why I created the Daily Vision Questionnaire (DVQ) and its output, the NeuroSelfie. The NeuroSelfie takes your reflections and translates them into your language, so you can express your state of being in a way that feels honest, resonant, and clear.

What Makes a NeuroSelfie Unique?

The NeuroSelfie is a personalized snapshot of how you’re doing, created from your own words and perspective and here’s the key - answered in your own language. For some, it might be a metaphor:

• “I feel like a hiker on a misty trail—grateful for the journey, but unsure of the path ahead.”

For others, it might be direct and straightforward:

• “I’m feeling steady and clear today, with a hint of fatigue from the week.”

What makes it special is that it reflects you. The NeuroSelfie uses your language, your way of thinking, and your unique perspective to capture your gestalt state of being. It allows you to see your answer reflected back to you.

The Daily Vision Questionnaire (DVQ): The Starting Point

The DVQ is the foundation of the NeuroSelfie. It’s a set of daily prompts designed to help you reflect honestly on where you are, without the pressure to explain everything.

Here’s how it works:

You Answer the DVQ Questions: Spend a few moments reflecting on your day. The questions help you articulate your thoughts, emotions, and challenges.

AI Generates Your NeuroSelfie: Using a custom prompt, the AI processes your answers and translates them into a concise snapshot of your state of being—one that feels authentic to you.

Share (or Keep) Your NeuroSelfie: Use your NeuroSelfie to communicate with others, or simply keep it as a tool for self-awareness.

Examples of NeuroSelfies

Here’s how a NeuroSelfie might look depending on the person and their language:

• Metaphorical Thinker:

“I feel like someone one mile away from finishing their first Ironman, unsure if my feet will carry me further.”

• Literal Thinker:

“I’m feeling good about my progress today but overwhelmed by how much is still ahead.”

• Visual Thinker:

“I’m like a storm cloud—heavy and dark, but I know it’ll pass soon.”

• Gestalt Thinker:

“It’s hard to explain, but everything feels just on the edge of too much—and yet manageable.”

Every NeuroSelfie is unique because it’s built from your voice and your perspective. It’s not about perfection or clarity for others—it’s about clarity for yourself.

Why NeuroSelfies Matter

The NeuroSelfie is more than a communication tool—it’s a way to see yourself clearly without the overwhelm of overthinking. Here’s why it works:

1. It Honors Your Voice: NeuroSelfies are built in your language, not someone else’s expectations.

2. It Reduces Over-Sharing: You can share enough to be understood without diving into deeply personal details.

3. It Brings Self-Awareness: By creating a NeuroSelfie daily, you can start to notice patterns in how you feel and what you need.

6. Creating Your Own NeuroSelfie

To start creating NeuroSelfies, try this process:

1. Answer the Daily Vision Questionnaire (DVQ): Reflect on prompts like:

• What’s one thing you’re grateful for?

• What’s one challenge you’re navigating?

• What’s one thing you’re doing well today?

• What’s one thing you want to focus on?

2. Use the AI Prompt: Feed your answers into this prompt:

“Using these reflections, create a concise, creative snapshot of my state of being that feels reflective and authentic to my language and perspective.”

3. Review Your NeuroSelfie: Does it resonate with you? Does it capture your gestalt state of being? If so, you’re done. If not, then continue to explore and identify what isn’t accurate.

Remember it’s easier to practice your message before delivering it…especially when communication stakes are high.

What It Means and Why It Matters

The NeuroSelfie isn’t about giving a perfect answer—it’s about finding your answer, in your own words. It’s a tool to help you see yourself clearly, communicate effectively, and build a deeper connection with yourself and others.

The next time someone asks, “How are you?” pause, reflect, and try creating a NeuroSelfie. It might just change how you see yourself—and how others understand you.

I recently made two changes to our bedroom setup: I bought a weighted blanket and we got an adjustable-base Tempur-Pedic bed. The results were immediate and profound—I’m now getting the best sleep of my life.

Beyond better rest, something unexpected happened: the even weight of the blanket and the support of the bed helped me isolate the pain in my hip and back. I realized it wasn’t superficial discomfort but something deeper I needed to address.

It made me wonder: Why is this working so well? And could the same principles apply to how we build trust and clarity in our relationships?

2. Weighted Blanket vs. Ball of Yarn

To understand the value of resolving misunderstandings and achieving shared clarity, think of trust as a weighted blanket and unresolved issues as a ball of yarn.

The Weighted Blanket: When communication loops are closed, it’s like adding a stitch to a weighted blanket—each resolved issue becomes part of a solid, comforting foundation. Over time, this blanket offers stability and support that helps you rest easy in your relationship.

The Ball of Yarn: Unresolved issues are like tangled threads—messy, chaotic, and distracting. Without resolution, these loose ends keep popping up, making it impossible to feel grounded or move forward.

The difference lies in how you handle communication: Do you leave threads loose, or do you stitch them into something stable?

What Is a Feedback Loop?

A feedback loop is any cycle of communication where one person’s input requires a response or action from another. These loops remain open until both parties feel seen, heard, and understood.

When feedback loops stay open:

• Misunderstandings fester.

• Conversations go in circles.

• Trust begins to erode.

When feedback loops are closed:

• Misunderstandings are resolved.

• Both parties feel validated and respected.

• Trust and connection grow stronger.

Closing loops isn’t just about resolving issues—it’s about creating a foundation that supports long-term clarity and connection.

How to Close Feedback Loops (Practical Steps)

Here’s how to stitch those loose threads into a weighted blanket of trust:

1. Identify the Gap: What part of the conversation feels unresolved? Is it a misunderstanding, an unanswered question, or lingering tension?

2. Clarify the Intention: State what you need to feel the loop is closed. For example: “I need to know if we’re aligned on this decision” or “I want to understand how you’re feeling about what I said.”

3. Validate the Response: Acknowledge the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t fully agree. Validation helps both parties feel heard.

4. Agree on the Resolution: Decide together when the loop is truly closed—whether that’s agreeing on an action or simply acknowledging that you’re on the same page.

5. Let It Go: Once the loop is closed, resist the urge to revisit it unnecessarily. Trust the process and focus on moving forward.

Why Closing Loops Matters

Every time you close a feedback loop, you’re creating a stitch in the fabric of your relationship. Over time, these stitches form a weighted blanket of trust—a foundation that grounds you and provides stability.

Without this practice, relationships often feel like they’re stuck in a loop of unresolved issues, untangling the same ball of yarn over and over. The more loops you close, the fewer loose ends you have to revisit, making room for growth and deeper connection.

Deep Dive: Why Weighted Blankets Work

For anyone curious about the why, here’s a deeper look into weighted blankets and their connection to neurodivergent experiences.

Weighted blankets provide deep pressure stimulation (DPS), which mimics the feeling of a full body gentle hug . This pressure activates the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” system), helping reduce stress hormones like cortisol and increase mood-regulating hormones like serotonin and melatonin. For neurodivergent individuals, this even, predictable weight calms the nervous system by eliminating uneven or distracting sensations.

Personally, my weighted blanket feels like it “disappears” because the weight is so evenly distributed. Unlike the itchiness of a clothing tag or the roughness of a pilled sheet, the blanket provides a consistent, grounding sensation that doesn’t draw attention to itself. For people like me, who are sensitive to environmental disruptions, this consistency creates a perfect environment for rest and clarity.

Physically, it works by closing feedback loops that otherwise affect my sleep. Whether it be a wrinkle in a sheet, unevenness in my husband’s snoring, a light on the dishwasher in the other room, I don’t filter out stimuli. I synthesize them. The even pressure of the weighted blanket creates an emotional and cognitive leveling that my body doesn’t have to process.

It removes the unevenness of unresolved tension and offers the stability needed to focus on what matters most - getting to sleep and staying there

Conclusion

Building trust and connection is like stitching a weighted blanket—one loop at a time. Every closed feedback loop adds another layer of comfort and stability, helping you rest easier in your relationships.

The next time a conversation feels unresolved, ask yourself: What will it take to close this loop?

The answer might just be the first stitch in a weighted blanket of trust.

This morning, I sat in the waiting room of my father’s orthopedic clinic, clutching a clipboard with his medical history. My heart raced—not because of the knee surgery we were hoping to schedule, but because every decision feels monumental. This is the first time someone’s life, health, and happiness have been entirely in my hands. And I’m scared to death of getting it wrong.

Reflection: Growing up, I never realized how lucky I was. My childhood wasn’t just happy—it was rooted in an unshakable sense of safety. My parents were my foundation, their love a constant presence I never questioned. I didn’t have to. Everything always worked out, one way or another, because they made sure it did.

Now, stepping into the role of caregiver for my father, I feel the weight of that foundation. I’ve had to face the fears and uncertainties they must have hidden so well when they were the ones making impossible decisions for me. And I realize how rare it is to have grown up with that kind of love and stability. It’s something I took for granted, something I assumed was universal—until I learned it wasn’t.

The Legacy of Love: My parents weren’t perfect, but they were intentional. They chose to be the parents their children needed, not the parents they wished they’d had. My father’s capacity for love and care was shaped by his upbringing as the older brother to a sibling with severe Down syndrome. Growing up in a household where “different” was a way of life, he learned compassion and patience in ways most people never have to.

My mother, too, had her challenges. She grew up in a household shaped by war and its aftermath, where the dynamics shifted dramatically with the arrival of her younger brother. But her life intertwined with my father’s when they were just teenagers, and she was pulled into his family’s world of caregiving and adapting to special needs. For both of them, it wasn’t about being saints. It was simply about doing what needed to be done.

Pivotal Moments: Life is full of moments that change everything. For my family, one of those moments was a phone call during the Vietnam War. My father, who had just moved into a beautiful new home with my mother, was told by a draft officer: “If you don’t come in and sign up for Officer Training School, you’ll be drafted—and you’ll be carrying a rifle instead of flying a plane.”

It wasn’t a choice. It was survival. That single phone call reshaped my family’s trajectory, giving my father a long career in the Air Force and a different kind of life for all of us. Moments like these remind me how precarious life can feel and how deeply resilience and adaptability are woven into our family’s story.

The Call to Care: Now, as I navigate caregiving for my father, I see my parents’ struggles and sacrifices in a new light. It’s not easy to make decisions for someone else, to carry the weight of their health and happiness. But I know I’m walking a path they prepared me for, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

Not everyone had the upbringing I did. Not everyone had parents who chose to break cycles, who built a foundation of love so strong that I could carry it into my own life. But my hope in sharing this is not to boast—it’s to show what’s possible. It’s to offer a glimpse of what happens when love is intentional, when we step into roles we never expected and find strength we didn’t know we had.

Closing Reflection: If you’ve ever felt the weight of caregiving or wondered if you’re making the right decisions for someone else, you’re not alone. I’m learning as I go, leaning on the lessons my parents taught me—lessons in love, resilience, and doing what needs to be done. And if nothing else, I hope my story reminds you that it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel the weight of it all. That weight, as heavy as it is, is proof of love.

Let’s take it one step at a time.

Can you imagine being judged solely for who you are—not what you can prove you are?

We see it in nature—a hummingbird knows its migration path the moment it hatches. It’s the same with the TikTok child prodigy who plays the piano at 18 months - watch here - or the 2 ½-year-old solving complex equations -watch here. Not because they practiced longer or studied harder than other toddlers, but because they were born knowing.

Not all of us are prodigies, but we each come into this world with our own unique brilliance - a set of Strengths, Traits, Idiosyncrasies, Quirks, and Skills (STIQS) that aren’t acquired but revealed.

If we’re lucky, they become our legacy.

Meet My Muse and My Mentor: My Neurosparkly Niece - Nora

I’ve always wanted to write a book. No, that’s not quite right. I’ve always read the book written on the inside of my eyeballs. It’s been there as long as I can remember. But I didn’t truly understand what that looked like until I met Nora.

Nora is my niece, but she is also my teacher.

She thinks in words—seeing them in her mind as if they were written on a screen. She was born with a rare genetic difference that shaped her physical brain structure in ways that aren’t considered “normal.” Like many prodigies, she can’t always show what she knows, and because of that, the world can’t always measure her brilliance.

Nora struggles with auditory/verbal processing but with an iPad or a phone, her fingers speak her mind in flowing streams of consciousness. She uses speech-to-text to express her thoughts, but her words often get buried in tangents and filler phrases that follow no clear sequence. Her messages flow with intention, emotion, and layers of meaning that she can see and feel as clearly as the sky.

But translating those words into something the world understands? That’s the challenge.

She can text soliloquies that would fill reams of paper or dictate streams of thought that leave you breathless—if you had a way to decipher them. Yet, forming the letters of her name with a pen and paper is a monumental task.

Her brain doesn’t process the world in the way others expect—it processes it in the way it was always meant to. Like many Neurosparklers, Nora has the words inside her. She reads them. She knows them. But translating them? That’s a different story entirely.

In Nora, I see a mirror.

I, too, have a kind of brilliance that doesn’t fit neatly into the world’s boxes. I burn bright—too bright for most. My insights run deep—sometimes deeper than people are ready for. Early on, I realized I was different, but I was given a rare gift: a permission structure to embrace my brilliance without apology and Fail Fabulously. It didn’t mean the world always understood me, but it meant I didn’t have to apologize for being misunderstood.

Nora’s family fully accepts her for who she is. They celebrate every milestone she sets for herself without comparing her to the expectations society might place on her. In our eyes, Nora’s value isn’t tied to what she can prove but to who she is.

Still, it’s harder for those outside our family to understand us Neurosparklers.

Nora works so hard to connect, to emulate what she sees as “normal.” She dreams of having a club, of being the leader and teacher she knows she is. But the world doesn’t speak her language yet.

And here’s the truth that makes me determined to keep exploring: I want so desperately to translate for her. To be her bridge. But even with all my insight, all my understanding, all my own Neurosparkle—I don’t always know what she means.

But here’s what I do know:

Nora’s brilliance doesn’t need to be measured to be real.

She is teaching me that some gifts can’t be explained, only witnessed. And maybe, just maybe, the world doesn’t need to learn her language. Maybe the world just needs to give her the space to shine in her own way.

Just like I was given.

The Double Empathy Problem

Nora’s story highlights a universal truth about communication: understanding doesn’t always flow both ways. This brings me to he heart of why I’m building the Empire of Empathy.

Damian Milton’s theory of double empathy suggests that communication breakdowns between neurodivergent and neurotypical people aren’t one-sided. They arise because both groups see the world differently, with different social norms, perspectives, and ways of processing information. Read more about Double Empathy here.

This isn’t just a neurodivergent versus neurotypical issue. It’s the human condition. We all see the world differently. None of us fully understands what the other sees.

The Neurosparkle Mantra - cross stitched by my mother

That’s where the Bird Brain Archetypes come in—not as labels, but as tools for empathy:

• Hummingbirds: Intuitive and independent, they value the journey and trust their instincts.

• Owls: Wise and contemplative, they see what others don’t and value process.

• Eagles: Decisive and strategic, they focus on what’s in front of them.

• Parrots: Sociable and expressive, they reflect and build community.

I write from the perspective of a hummingbird. It’s not a mirror for you, but a story of how I’ve learned to live with my Neurosparkle. It’s an invitation for you to recognize your own way of being—your STIQS—and honor it.

Can you imagine having nothing to prove and nothing to lose?

If not, then let me share with you what it feels like. Every week I share a message that my mother would speak to me if she was here. Perhaps your own mother or father didn’t hear these words and never learned to speak them to you. Perhaps you never had an Auntie who saw you for who you are.

Each week, I end my newsletter with the words I hear from my Mommy. Speaking to me from the depths of my own soul. And I share them with you so that you can hear what it sounds like to be loved.

And hopefully, you will read them to yourself and remember that fire that smolders inside of you even if no one else has gazed upon its full brilliance yet.

Biologically Nora is my husband’s niece but we don’t measure love with biology. Here is Nora a year ago with my parents, Mimi and Daddy Bill.

A Message from Mommy

My Dearest Poopsie,

You have always been a light, burning so bright that it could sometimes blind those who didn’t know how to look at you. But I saw you—not just the brilliance of who you were, but the quiet depths of what you needed. And I knew, from the very beginning, that my job wasn’t to make you fit into the world’s mold, but to give you the space to grow into the person you were always meant to be.

It wasn’t always easy. The world can be loud and insistent in its demands, and I worried, at times, that it wouldn’t understand you. But I never doubted for a moment that you would find your way. My role was to soften the edges of that world where I could, to give you a sanctuary where you felt safe enough to explore, fail, and begin again. And Poopsie, watching you take flight has been the greatest privilege of my life.

Now, I see you doing for Nora what I once did for you. You’re giving her something so few people ever receive: permission to be exactly who she is. You don’t try to change her; you don’t push her to be understood on anyone else’s terms. You meet her where she is, with love and patience and wonder.

What you’re building with Nora—and through your work—is something so much bigger than either of us could have imagined. You’re taking the love I gave you, the lessons we learned together, and weaving them into a legacy that will ripple far beyond what you or I will ever see.

Remember, Paige, that this journey is about presence more than perfection. Nora doesn’t need you to have all the answers. She needs your patience, your belief in her, and your willingness to listen—not just with your ears, but with your heart. The rest will unfold as it’s meant to, just as it always has.

You were made for this. You were made to light the way for others. And I couldn’t be prouder of the woman you’ve become.

With all my love,

Mommy

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In 2012, autistic researcher Damian Milton introduced a groundbreaking concept that redefined how we understand communication between autistic and non-autistic individuals: The Double Empathy Problem. His work challenged the traditional view that autistic people alone bear the responsibility for communication challenges and reframed it as a mutual gap in understanding.

What Is the Double Empathy Problem?

The Double Empathy Problem asserts that communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic people arise not from a lack of empathy on one side, but from differences in experience, perception, and communication styles. In other words, each group struggles to fully grasp the perspective of the other because their ways of interpreting the world are so different.

In traditional models, autistic individuals are often seen as socially or emotionally “deficient,” but Milton’s work highlights that:

1. Empathy is a two-way street: Non-autistic individuals often find it just as difficult to understand autistic perspectives as the reverse.

2. Lived experience matters: The more divergent two people’s experiences are, the harder it becomes to bridge the gap between them.

For example, autistic individuals often communicate effectively with one another because they share similar ways of processing and expressing thoughts. Miscommunication arises most frequently when there’s a mismatch in underlying assumptions and social norms—like those between autistic and non-autistic people.

Shifting the Narrative

Milton’s theory represents a significant departure from the deficit-based models often used to describe autism. Instead of framing autistic people as needing to “fix” themselves to fit into a neurotypical world, the Double Empathy Problem emphasizes mutual responsibility for creating understanding.

This shift has broader implications for how we approach communication, inclusivity, and societal norms:

• Empathy isn’t universal: It’s deeply tied to shared experiences and context. What one group finds intuitive may be entirely alien to another.

• Collaboration is key: Effective communication requires effort from both sides to bridge differences, not just conformity to a single standard.

A Universal Truth: None of Us Sees the Same Way

While the Double Empathy Problem was developed to describe the relationship between autistic and non-autistic people, its implications extend far beyond that. The essence of the theory—that we all see the world through different lenses—is a universal truth.

Every human being operates from their own unique perspective, shaped by their biology, culture, and lived experience. Misunderstandings arise not because one person is “wrong,” but because our perceptions and interpretations don’t fully align.

Bridging the Gap with Bird Brain Archetypes

This is where frameworks like the Bird Brain Archetypes come into play. By recognizing that everyone—whether they’re a Hummingbird, Owl, Eagle, or Parrot—sees the world differently, we create space for empathy and connection.

• Hummingbirds move instinctively, driven by intuition and exploration.

• Owls reflect deeply, valuing process and uncovering hidden insights.

• Eagles act decisively, focusing on what’s directly in front of them.

• Parrots thrive in community, mirroring the energy and experiences of those around them.

Each archetype reflects a different Neurosparkle, a unique lens through which we interpret the world. Like the Double Empathy Problem, these archetypes remind us that none of us sees what the other sees—but together, we can build bridges of understanding by recognizing and valuing these differences.

Honoring Our Differences

The Double Empathy Problem gives us a language to name the gaps between perspectives, not as failures but as opportunities for connection. It challenges us to approach others with curiosity and humility, asking, What don’t I know about the way you see the world?

Whether we’re bridging the gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals or simply learning to appreciate the diversity of human experience, the work of Damian Milton reminds us that empathy isn’t about sameness. It’s about creating space for difference.

Welcome to the Empire of Empathy. A place where no one is told how to live, but instead is taught how to honor the blueprint they were born with—and to recognize the beauty in the blueprints of others.

Red Clay Strays and the Neurosparkle Mantra

Recently, I said out loud, “I’m in a Red Clay Strays kind of craze these days,” a simple, extemporaneous statement that captured a moment. Then, out of curiosity, I typed it into ChatGPT to see how it would respond. What followed turned out to be the perfect illustration of my Neurosparkle Mantra: "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

The Neurosparkle Mantra isn’t just a quirky phrase—it’s a reality for many of us, especially those of us who are neurodivergent. The problem we so often face is that the words we say mean exactly what we said, but they’re interpreted differently based on the listener’s understanding of context. It happens in human conversations all the time, but with AI, there’s a unique opportunity: I can correct its understanding without having to "unexplain" what I said that it misunderstood.

What I Said vs. What Was Heard

When I entered my statement, this was the AI’s initial response:

It was factual. It was helpful. But it wasn’t what I meant. It was a perfect example of the least-common-denominator approach—generic information devoid of the context that made my statement personal.

So, I rephrased:

And this time, the AI responded with depth and nuance, addressing my curiosity about the autobiographical nature of the songs, the personal struggles of the band members, and the themes woven into their music.

Here is the revised response that addresses the questions I was really asking!

The Neurosparkle Connection

This experience reminded me why I talk about Neurosparkle so much. Neurosparkle is the lens through which I experience the world, shaped by my strengths, idiosyncrasies, and instincts. The music of the Red Clay Strays speaks to me on a visceral level. I revised lyrics from the song Wanna Be Loved in posts explaining what it feels like to actually be loved the way that the song longs for. I do know what it feels like to be loved that way and the longing that the video illustrates shows me just how special that love is.

For me, as someone with AuDHD, my focus often narrows into what’s called serial monotropism—a deep, singular immersion into one interest at a time. It’s not just listening to music; it’s seeing it, feeling it, and breaking it apart to understand its essence.

Serial Monotropism - A Definition of Deep Dives

Why This Matters

Conversations like this illustrate the gap between what we mean and what is heard. With AI, that gap can be bridged quickly and without friction. But in human interactions, it’s not always so easy. Misunderstandings often lead to frustration, requiring effort to unravel and re-explain.

The beauty of AI is that I can test, refine, and clarify—ensuring that my meaning shines through without the emotional labor of "unexplaining." And for those of us who navigate the world through the lens of neurodivergence, that’s a powerful tool for communication.

Join the Conversation

Does this resonate with you? Do you find yourself navigating the gap between what you say and what others hear? Whether you're neurodivergent or simply curious about the lenses through which we all experience the world, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Leave a comment, share your perspective, or tell me about the music that has pulled you into your own kind of "craze." And if you haven’t yet discovered the Red Clay Strays, here’s your invitation to dive in.

For a visual and auditory experience of their storytelling and why I will probably be in my Red Clay Strays craze for a while, you might appreciate the official video for "Wanna Be Loved":

If this post sparked something in you, consider subscribing to my newsletter. Together, let’s explore the layers of meaning, music, and connection that make life shine.

Subscribe to the Neurosparkle Newsletter Here

In my last newsletter, I shared how my father's "Alzheimer's" diagnosis was reversed after fifteen years when we discovered that his medication was actually causing many of his symptoms.Someone reached out asking how this could happen - how a medication could create the very symptoms it was meant to treat.

(Read that one here - Why Labels Matter to Neurosparklers )

This isn't just a medical curiosity. It's a window into understanding how fundamentally different our brains can be, and why what helps one person might harm another. My father's experience with Aricept parallels my own journey with ADHD medication, and together they tell a larger story about neurodiversity and the myth of "normal" brain function.

The Aricept Paradox for Alzheimer’s

Cholinesterase inhibitors like Aricept are designed to treat Alzheimer's symptoms by increasing acetylcholine levels in the brain. In Alzheimer's patients, this helps combat cognitive decline. But here's the twist: in people who don't have Alzheimer's, these medications can actually create symptoms that mimic the disease.

Why?

Because brain chemistry is about balance. When you add more acetylcholine to a brain that already has enough, you disrupt the delicate equilibrium that enables clear thinking and memory formation. It's like turning up the volume when the music is already at the perfect level - instead of making things better, you create distortion.

The Stimulant Paradox for ADHD

This same principle explains why ADHD medications have such different effects on different brains. When I take my prescribed amphetamines, they help me focus and calm my racing thoughts. But give those same medications to someone without ADHD, and they experience intense stimulation - exactly the opposite of what happens in my brain.

This isn't just a quirk of pharmacology - it's a window into how fundamentally different our brains can be. My brain's response to stimulants isn't "paradoxical" - it's exactly what should happen given my neurochemistry. The medication doesn't change who I am; it helps my brain work the way it's meant to.

The Grown Up Ganja Insight

You may not realize that my journey with understanding how my brain works began when I re-examined my understanding of cannabis after getting my medical marijuana card. I explain that in great detail on my website www.GrownUpGanja.com 

This understanding led me to a crucial insight about my own journey with neurodiversity and treatment: what works for one person might be harmful for another, not because either person is "wrong," but because their brains are fundamentally different.

Think about it:

• Aricept helps Alzheimer's patients but can create cognitive problems in others

• Stimulants calm ADHD brains but excite neurotypical ones

• Cannabis might reduce anxiety in some people while increasing it in others

• Even caffeine affects different people in radically different ways

Beyond One Size Fits All in Treatment and Thinking

This isn't just about medications natural or otherwise. It's about understanding that our brains can be as unique as our fingerprints. When we say "different, not less," we're not just being kind - we're acknowledging a biological reality.

The implications are profound:

1. Treatment must be individualized

2. Side effects might actually be indicators of misdiagnosis

3. What looks like non-compliance might be an appropriate reaction to inappropriate treatment

4. "Standard" responses aren't standard at all - they're just typical for one type of brain

The Neurosparkle Perspective

This is why the Neurosparkle approach emphasizes understanding your own unique brain rather than trying to conform to someone else's standard. When we understand that different brains really are different - down to how they process basic chemicals - we can:

• Stop judging responses that don't match expectations

• Start questioning treatments that make things worse

• Begin looking for solutions that match our actual needs

• Trust our own experiences over conventional wisdom

Get to No University: A New Framework for Understanding Different

Let’s stop asking Does this work? and start asking, Does this work for me? This is not permission to disregard your doctor’s orders but it may be a suggestion to consult a different doctor. Maybe someone else who listens to you when you tell them what works and what doesn’t work for you.

The next time someone tells you that your reaction to something is "wrong" or "paradoxical," remember this: paradoxical responses often reveal fundamental truths about our differences. They're not errors - they're data points that can help us better understand our unique neurological makeup.

In the end, this isn't just about medications or treatment. It's about recognizing that true neurodiversity means accepting that our brains can be fundamentally different at a chemical level - and that's not just okay, it's essential for human diversity.


Join the Neurosparkle Journey

Understanding how our brains work differently isn't just academic - it's personal. My father's story opened my eyes to how labels, treatments, and expectations can impact our lives. But it's just one piece of a larger conversation about neurodiversity and individual experience.

Want to Learn More?

Subscribe to the Neurosparkle Newsletter, where we explore these insights weekly. Each issue combines personal stories with practical understanding about how our different brains work.

Recent topics include:

• How my father's misdiagnosis led to unexpected insights about neurodiversity

• Why being "different" can be your greatest strength

• Understanding your unique brain's way of processing the world

Coming up:

• The science of rest: What hummingbirds can teach us about AuDHD shutdown

• The truth about labels and why they matter

• More insights about individualized brain chemistry and treatment

Ready to Join Us?

Subscribe to receive weekly insights, personal stories, and practical understanding about embracing your unique kind of different. Join a community of people who understand that different isn't less - it's just different.

Note: Every newsletter includes both a structured email version and access to my unfiltered, deep-dive thoughts for those who prefer to explore topics in their full complexity.

Your brain is unique. Your journey matters. Let's explore it together.

It’s Easy to Try Hard Things When You Have a Soft Place to Land

The label that most defines me is this: I am Bill and Ann LeFevre’s daughter. 

Everything else you call me is simply your interpretation of how you see that. If you knew them, then you know me—because I am the best and worst of them, wrapped in a package my Mommy called Poopsie and my Daddy calls Paige, Baby, or sometimes Paigey Poo.

Can you imagine what it feels like to know, without question, that you are loved for who you are? I can—and I do. And the older I get, the more I realize how rare that is.

I was apparently reared by unicorns. My parents, two extraordinary people, created a world where my sister and I could thrive as ourselves. They didn’t ask us to be the children they wanted; they became the parents we needed. Their love for each other was the foundation, and their love for us was the lens through which I see the world.

Daddy - The Eternal Optimist

My father has always been an optimist—a man who believed he could shape his destiny. At just 13, he met my mother, and she became his reason for everything. Together, they built a beautiful life guided by his mantra (borrowed from an Old Milwaukee beer commercial): “It doesn’t get any better than this.”

Fifteen years ago, that optimism was tested when he received a de facto Alzheimer’s diagnosis. The medication that improved his symptoms seemingly confirmed the diagnosis. Alzheimer’s is a death sentence but it is a death that comes in stages - each bringing it’s own slow and relentless grief.

My father, however, refused to surrender. He made it his mission to outlive my mother and care for her, no matter what. He waged war against time—eating every brain-healthy food he could find, exercising obsessively, and maintaining an unshakable focus on his goal.

Last July, a stroke and a fall marked a turning point. He fought hard to recover, but after months of hospitalizations, we realized they could no longer remain in their home alone and I could not longer care for them there. My parents moved to my hometown of Quincy, IL, in October, hoping it would be temporary.

By Christmas, it was clear their stay would be permanent—but one month later, my mother passed away unexpectedly.

A Love Story’s Hollow Victory

She was his reason for living—not just emotionally, but practically. For decades, he cared for her through countless medical challenges with dignity and grace. Her loss wasn’t just heartbreaking; it left him with the hollow victory he’d fought so hard for: a life without her.

Her love story had an incredibly happy ending. One I will tell as soon as I can find the right words to do it justice. In the end, the hero got his girl and rode off into the sunset.

But he rode off into the sunset carrying her ashes in a wooden box. In that box, he carried the weight of a love story that on his side now felt unfinished. If life were a fairy tale, he might have passed away alongside her. But this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel—it’s real life, where love’s greatest triumphs are often paired with its heaviest losses.

The Plot Twist

After her passing, my father’s decline deepened, and we prepared for the worst. We stopped his Alzheimer’s medication, expecting it to reveal the full scope of his symptoms. Instead, something extraordinary happened: he got better.

It turns out my father never had Alzheimer’s. The medication itself was causing many of his symptoms. What likely began as a minor stroke 15 years ago had been misdiagnosed, leading to incorrect premises upon which we made life decisions.

He has had a series of small strokes, followed by a big one last year. His memory issues now resemble ADHD more than Alzheimer’s—his brain works in a way I deeply understand because it mirrors my own neurodivergent brain. This twist reframed everything: his journey wasn’t about losing his mind but adapting to a new normal.

And I am uniquely equipped to help him navigate it.

Footnote:

I had this newsletter ready to send out yesterday when I realized I’d written it in the stream-of-consciousness style that reflects how my brain thinks out loud. That’s not the way most people read or consume content, but for some (namely me), the backstory is as fascinating and important as the underlying message.

If you’d like to read the original version in my unfiltered words—the full, unedited deep dive into my father’s story, why it matters, and what it means to me—you can read it here.