I've not published anything for a month. But there's one reason why.

About 18 months ago, I had an idea for a book. Life happened and I started to procrastinate on the idea.

That was until 1 month ago. I finally decided to get serious with the book idea and gave myself a deadline. For the last month I've started slowly working on the idea.

To focus and give my best on this book though, I've got to let something else go. So for the time being I'm not planning to publish anything regularly.

From time to time, I might publish some ideas from my book, that I can't wait to share. But for the most part, I'll be focusing on writing this book.

So what's the book about?

It's a book about something that I've tried to find, but can't. So I thought, why not write the book I'm looking for.

Inspired and based on the writing of Imam Al Ghazali, It's a guide on how to find strength, discipline, and peace in a world of distraction and excess.

My aim is to make Al Ghazali's writing understandable, relatable and applicable in the same way Ryan Holiday did it for Stoicism.

Al Ghazali's writing changed my brain chemistry.

It changed how I understand myself and how I see the world. All for the better. His ideas aren't relics of medieval mysticism. They're an essential guide for navigating our age.A manual for self-mastery in a time of distraction and excess.

But I can’t do them justice while publishing weekly. So I’m making the trade. Consistency for depth. Regular posts for something I hope will last.

Thank you for being patient with me as I do this work.

The first two lessons were about building your foundation:

Take Radical Responsibility taught you to stop blaming and start owning everything in your control.

Live in Abundance showed you how to shift from fear and scarcity to trust and possibility.

But here's where most people get stuck:

They take responsibility. They practice gratitude. They know there's enough for everyone. Then life asks them to actually change something. And they freeze.

Because knowing you should change and actually doing it?

Those are two very different things.

Change requires you to step into the unknown. To leave what's comfortable. To face uncertainty head-on. And that's terrifying.

This is the final lesson.

The one that makes the other two actually work. Because without this, responsibility becomes a weight you carry. And abundance becomes a nice idea you never act on.

This is about reframing the one thing that stops most people from leveling up:

Fear of change itself.

Part 3: Reframe Fear of Change

Last month, I spoke to an elderly woman after she had a knee replacement.

She was struggling with pain, but when I asked her about it she said something that stuck with me. It got me thinking for days trying to understand why.

She said:

"My pain is unbearable..."

Then she paused for a moment.

"No, wait. Let me say that again."

"Allah doesn't give you more than you can bear. But I think I'm at the upper limit"

Allah doesn't give you more than you can bear.

It's this one sentence that stuck with me. I wondered why was it resonating with me so much? A few days later I understood why. Hidden in that one sentence is something fuelled by the experience and wisdom of life.

Here's how I understand it:

It's a guiding sentence to help you navigate challenges in life.

Challenges Need Change. But Change Brings Challenges.

Every day, you choose 1 of 2 things:

1. Staying comfortable

or

2. Stepping towards growth.

The problem is growth brings challenges.

To overcome these challenges, you need to change. You need to surpass your current limits. But doing this brings about another challenge: Facing your fear of change. And this is scary.

Why Do We Fear Change?

We fear change because it's:

• Uncomfortable

• Uncertain

• Scary

By it's very nature, change pushes you out of your comfort zone. Forcing you to do something you've never done.

This brings uncertainty. Your brain hates uncertainty.

It's a prediction engine designed to keep you alive and safe. When you don't know what to expect, this puts your brain on edge. It activates the amygdala, the fear centre in the brain.

Anxious. Stressed. And scared.

All this combines to create fear to the idea of making change. When your brain senses change, it sounds the alarm. It's beacon's are lit.

It calls Gondor for aid (Yes, that's a Lord of the Rings reference. Why? Because I'm a nerd 🤓).

All this causes you to recoil away from change. You decide it's comfortable and safe where you are.

Rebrand Your Fear Of Change

Change has been the victim of bad marketing.

To change your response to change, you need to rebrand it. You need to change how your brain and body see and feel change.

Reframe your fear of change as an opportunity for growth.

Here's 3 ideas that helped me reframe fear:

1. Experiences → Beliefs → Perception → Choice

Experiences create beliefs.

Beliefs influence perception.

Perception influences choice.

If you've had a few bad experiences with change in the past, it creates a belief that all change is bad. This creates a filter that only sees the cons of making changes, and ignore all the pros. The filter influences your choices. You make the safer choice to avoid or reduce the possibility of change.

But here's something powerful that you can do: Reframe one and it ripples through the rest of the cycle.

Reflect on an experience and reframe it. When you reframe it, you change the story. Change the story and you change the beliefs and choices as a result.

2. “Luctor et emergo”—“I struggle and emerge”

Challenges don't break us, they build us up.

I've got a really nerdy example to help me explain what I mean. Stay with me because the point will make sense at the end.

If you grew up in the 90s like me, you'll be familiar with the show Dragon Ball Z.

In the show, Goku, faces a new villain each saga. To beat the villain he needs to get pushed to his limit. It's only then that he transcends to a higher power level and beats the villain.

The best example of this is the Frieza arc.

Goku is pushed to his absolute limit trying to defeat Frieza. Everything he tries fails. But he doesn't give up. He keeps fighting. Nothing he does seems to bother Frieza.

He's beaten to the edge of defeat.

But it's only then he finds inside himself a power he never knew he had.

He transforms from bloodied and beaten to a golden-haired warrior radiating explosive energy.

He becomes the legendary Super Saiyan.

Once transformed, he's able to deal with Frieza with ease.

A bit of a dramatic example I know, but i think it helps you see challenges differently.

Each challenge you face is an opportunity to transcend your current level. To unlock something inside yourself you never thought possible.

When you see challenges like this, it changes them from something to be scared of to a chance to discover what you're capable of.

3. Fear Setting

Fear setting is a simple 3 step exercise that changes your fear from something intangible to something tangible that you can deal with.

In a way, It's a form of mental rehearsal. It helps prepare your brain with what to do, what to expect —and crucially— what to do when things don't go to plan. Essentially it creates clarity between your thoughts and reality by getting rid of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is what triggers the fear. Fear setting gets rid of it.

If you want to learn more about how to do fear setting, then check out this guide I've written previously

Reframe Fear of Change In a Nutshell

If I had to summarise reframing fear of change down to 3 things to remember, it would be these:

1. Change Your Story, Change Your Life - One reframed experience creates a domino effect.

2. You Don't Break at Your Limit—You Break Through It. - Every challenge is your body's way of saying "you're ready for the next level."

3. Make Fear Concrete. Then Crush It. - Fear feeds on the unknown. Starve it.

These three lessons—Radical Responsibility, Living in Abundance, and Reframing Fear of Change—they're not separate. They build on each other.

Take responsibility for what you control.

Trust that there's enough for everyone.

And see change not as a threat, but as an invitation to level up.

In the last few years (since I’ve started paying more attention), these 3 powerful lessons have reshaped my life.

I've shared them with you in the hope they can help you the way they're still helping me.

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Last week, I shared the first lesson that changed my life:

Take Radical Responsibility.

That's about looking inward and taking control of what you can.

But here's the thing, responsibility without the right perspective can leave you grinding forever, chasing more, never satisfied.

That's where the second lesson comes in:

Part 2: Live in Abundance

A friend recently told me about a man he knew who was very wealthy but very ill. He had the money to buy anything. But he wanted the one thing he couldn't buy.

To feel a sip of water going down his throat.

To be healthy enough to drink water.

This reminded me how it's easy to take the small things for granted.

It's cliché because it's true —gratitude is powerful.

It reminds you of all the small things, small blessings, that you can easily take for granted. For this man it was sipping water. For others, It could be something like seeing, speaking or walking.

Gratitude Feeds Abundance.

When you open your eyes to gratitude, you open your eyes to the abundance of blessings in your life.

The more grateful you become, the more rich your life becomes.

There's Enough For Everyone.

For years I lived in fear of lack and loss.

I feared not having enough and losing what little I thought I had. Because of this, I held on tight to what I had. Maybe it was a product of my upbringing or something else, who knows?

But what I do know is it's not a healthy way to live your life. All it does is fill you with anxiety, stress and negativity.

My life changed when I started living in abundance.

What does it mean to live in abundance?

An abundance mindset is about seeing the world through a lens of possibility instead of fear.

It's about giving and expecting nothing in return. Because there's plenty to go around. You don't try to hold on to or control everything. Whether that's your time, your money or your relationships.

You have trust that in the act of, stopping yourself from holding on and letting go, you open yourself to get it back, plus more.

You start to live your life instead of chasing it, trusting that what you need will find you when you need it.

Abundance Requires Faith

Don't worry, it's not about to get muslamic.

The first step to living in abundance requires you to have faith and trust.

As a muslim, I put my trust and faith in Allah. I leave my sustenance and needs to Allah. So I have faith and trust that whatever is meant for me will reach me at the right time.

You don't have to be muslim to live in abundance though.

The key thing is to understand the frame of mind living in abundance requires. It's letting go and trusting that the best outcome for you will come to you when it's needed.

It's having faith.

Living In Abundance In a Nutshell

If I had to summarise living in abundance down to 5 things to remember, it would be these:

1. Gratitude opens your eyes to your blessings

2. See possibility instead of fears.

3. Accept that there's enough in the world for everyone.

4. Give freely and have faith that whatever is meant for you will arrive at the right time.

5. Live your life instead of chasing it.

Next week, I'll share the third lesson that transformed my life. But for now, practice this:

Give something freely today—your time, your attention, your help—and notice what comes back to you.

Not immediately, but in time.

Most people graduate thinking education is over. Then life kicks them in the teeth.

School teaches you to pass tests. It doesn't prepare you for reality.

Turns out, In life the learning comes after the test, not before it.

Every day has a test. If you pay attention, each teaches you a lesson. These can change your life in different ways.

One might make you better at work.

Another might make you better in your personal life.

And another might make you better with your friends and loved ones.

Once in a while, you'll come across a lesson that can ripple through all these areas and have a profound effect on your life. I'm talking truly levelling up your life in a way you never thought possible.

In the last few years (since I've started paying more attention), I've come across 3 powerful lessons that have reshaped my life. I want to share them with you, and hopefully they can help you the way they helping me.

I did start writing this with the aim of sharing them all in one. But it got too long. So I've split it into 3 parts:

1. Take Radical Responsibility For Your Life

2. Live In Abundance

3. Reframe Fear of Change as an opportunity for growth

This week I'm sharing part 1:

Part 1: Take Radical Responsibility for Your Life

Stop looking for someone else to blame.

Not where you want to be in life?

Look in the mirror. That's who's responsible.

It's your responsibility to do what you need to do to get where you need to get to.

Inside you is an unstoppable force for change. But when you think you're a victim of circumstances you give this force away.

Responsibility is the key to getting it back.

That only happens the moment you take responsibility for everything that's in your control — And I mean everything in your control. Even something as simple as your attitude.

You're not responsible for something that happens outside of your control. But you're responsible for what you do next.

Everything out of your control can be going against you. You might feel like there's nothing you can control. But you can always control small things, like your attitude. You can take responsibility for that.

Taking responsibility for your attitude seems like it's something that's toothless.

But even in taking responsibility for this, there's bite.

Something as simple as a positive attitude can give you control over your circumstances.

Instead of them being something that is happening to you. You can reframe it, through the right attitude, as something that's happening for you. A simple shift that tips the scale.

However, there's an important nuance to keep in mind...

Hold yourself to account like a judge, but be compassionate with yourself like a mother.

One thing to remember when holding yourself to account, is the language you use with yourself.

This is where the nuance comes in. It's easy to make the mistake of confusing responsibility for blame.

You can fall into the trap of blaming yourself. Avoid this at all costs. Blame puts fault at your feet, whereas responsibility is about taking ownership. There's a difference.

When it comes to taking responsibility, you need to hold yourself to account for everything in your control. But it's important to do this through a lens of self-compassion.

How you talk to yourself is important. It can either help you rise to a challenge or break under it's pressure.

But here's something that's often underestimated, you get to choose the words you speak to yourself.

This can generally go two ways:

• Either you speak harshly and add more crushing pressure on yourself.

• Or you speak to yourself like a nurturing mother would, using compassion to create a frame that sets you up for success.

You get to choose. Choose wisely.

Radical Responsibility In a Nutshell

If I had to summarise radical responsibility down to 3 things to remember, it would be these:

1. Hold yourself to account for everything in your control

2. Don't blame. Focus on what can be better next time.

3. Use kind words to set yourself up for success

This week, I challenge you to take radical responsibility for one thing.

Hold yourself accountable, skip the blame, and use kind words with yourself.

Notice what changes when you do.

Radical responsibility is the foundation. Master this, and everything else becomes possible.

Next time, I'll share part 2: Living in Abundance.

That's when things get really interesting.

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A few months ago, my daughter was learning to ride her bike without stabilisers. I watched as her frustration built at the lack of progress until she finally said "This is too hard!" And gave up for the day.

The next day, I got frustrated at something and snapped "This is so annoying!". That's when I realised my daughter was learning how to handle frustration from me. And I wasn't setting a great example.

Most challenges in life can be solved simply through persevering through frustration long enough to see that first spark of a breakthrough. Once you see that breakthrough, you're motivated to keep going.

But most people can't tolerate the frustration long enough, so they give up.

Frustration tolerance is your ability to surf through that frustration. The higher your tolerance, the more frustration you can tolerate. The longer you can stick with that feeling of frustration and see your way to the end goal.

If you're like me and struggle with frustration, don't worry. Your frustration tolerance is a skill you can develop.

It's something I'm learning to develop.

I've noticed that sometimes I can deal with my frustration the wrong way. And I'm conscious that my daughter will learn the behaviours I model.

If I'm modelling the wrong way of dealing with my frustration, then my daughter's learning the wrong way to deal with her frustration.

So I've done some research on how to develop my frustration tolerance.

According to Dr Becky, author of Good Inside, Here's 3 ways to improve your frustration tolerance:

1. Deep Breaths

Frustration puts your nervous system on edge.

Your brain interprets frustration as a threat. This activates your stress response, resulting in a tense nervous system. This all lowers your ability to tolerate frustration. You become easily irritated or angry.

Deep breaths increase your frustration tolerance through calming the nervous system. A deep slow breath tells your nervous system it's safe. It calms down.

When your system is calm you're able to deal with more frustration.

How I'm applying this:

When I feel frustration building, I pause and take a deep slow breath. Then I continue with what I'm doing.

2. Mantras

Mantras help to distract the mind from irrational, emotional thoughts.

These thoughts can come from an overwhelmed nervous system. A mantra helps by moving your focus away from the emotional thoughts towards positive affirmations. These help to build a sense of control and resilience that leads to a calmer nervous system.

How I'm applying this:

A mantra I'm using when feeling frustrated is "I can deal with discomfort".

3. Focus on Coping, Not Success

Struggling with a challenge leads to frustration. Your body interprets frustration as an obstacle to succeeding over the challenge. This makes it think it's a threat to you, which activates the stress response, like I mentioned above. You can change this by reframing what success is.

Focus on the process, not the goal.

See sticking with it as a marker of success. This helps your body become comfortable with frustration. It stops seeing it as a threat, and instead sees it as something you need to go through to overcome a challenge.

How I'm applying this:

When I'm struggling with a challenge and getting frustrated, I'm reminding myself that sticking with it for as long as I can is the goal. What I'm finding is even just 5 minutes of sticking with it can help me push through feelings of frustration and start to see some progress.

The best gift I can gift my daughter isn't a life free from frustration. It's giving her the tools to deal with it.

I'm practicing what I've learnt so I can improve my frustration tolerance. In doing so, I hope I can model the right behaviour for my daughter so she learns how to deal with her frustration the right way.

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Not all content is equal.

Some nourishes you.

Some rots you.

Why This Matters:

Modern content isn't made. It's engineered. Crafted to control your attention. So it's important to be mindful of your media diet.

Avoid junk content. Have more whole content.

The Backstory:

I was one of the first generations to grow up in a world with screens, social media and shorts. There was no one to guide us through it. So mistakes were made and lessons were learnt.

My daughter is growing up in the same digital world. But she has me to guide her. I can prepare her with the right tools so she can avoid the mistakes my generation made.

The Framework That Can Help:

Your media diet is just as important as your food diet.

Understand the difference between different types of content and what they do to you. Then eat accordingly.

Here's what I'm teaching her about it:

There's 2 types of content:

1. Fruit content

2. Sweet content

Fruit content is good for you.

It nourishes your brain just like fruit nourishes your body.

Think books, articles and podcasts that expand your brain.

Sweet content is bad for you.

It rots your brain just like sweets rot your teeth.

Think shorts, click bait and endless scrolling that numbs your brain.

Sweet content gives you false highs.

Sweet content makes you feel good in the short term.

Binge too much and you end up in a state of restless rest. Tired but on edge. A drained brain but overstimulated nerves.

But fruit content does the opposite.

It lights your brain up. Greases the cogs of cognition. Ideas pop up like stars in the night.

Your brain is like a muscle.

If you're not working it, you're weakening it.

Sweet content numbs your brain. Do you know that feeling you get when you stop scrolling? That wonder about where the time went? Apps have been engineered to do just that. Make you lose track of time. So you scroll for longer.

You can't remember because behind every app there's a team designing features that make you mindless, blank, zombie like even, just scrolling away.

The long term effects of this are looking scary.

A recent study in China found high short form video consumption was linked to changes in the areas of the brain responsible for impulse control, reward processing and decision making.

This means too much sweet content is making us more reactive, less disciplined and poorer at making decisions. Add that all up and it's a bad recipe for dealing with life.

On the other hand, Fruit content makes your brain work.

Reading rewires your brain. Research shows how regular reading increases brain size and neural connections. Each page read is a rep towards a bigger, stronger and more resilient brain.

A stronger, resilient brain puts you in prime position for dealing with life.

If You Remember One Thing:

Be more mindful with your inputs.

Processed junk is everywhere. It's cheap and easily accessible and feels good for a moment. But it does nothing but rot you in the long run.

Rich, nourishing content takes a bit more effort to find. It doesn't feel as good in the short term. But in the long term you'll feel better, think better and be better.

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One month ago, I wrote about how I thought comfort is making me weaker.

The solution, so I thought, was to bring more discomfort into my life. So I'm back a month later to report back on the impact this had on me.

Just to recap, I decided to create discomfort in 3 ways:

1. No social media until after work

2. Grayscale mode during the day

3. A daily press up challenge

If you want to check out the previous article, You can read it here.

I designed these rules to make me uncomfortable just enough to push me out of my comfort zone. Looking back at the month, I think the regular discomfort definitely worked.

Over the last 30 days, I had 3 realisations that made me decide to keep discomfort in my life:

1. The more discomfort you face, the easier hard things get.

As I've immersed myself in discomfort over the last month I've noticed my resistance to doing hard things shrink.

The resistance starts as a mental wall you need to climb over to do hard things.

Every time you face discomfort, it's like removing a brick from the wall. When you keep removing one brick at a time, eventually the wall gets smaller and smaller and smaller, until it's nothing but an inconvenience to step over.

It's led to me being able to stand in front of a room of people and present. Something that would have frightened me before. Don't get me wrong, I still felt nervous. But I didn't flinch back when I was asked to do it. I walked towards it with open arms.

When you're forced to deal with discomfort every day, it loses it's fear factor. It stops being the boogeyman lurking in the shadows and becomes a tiny gremlin you can swat away.

2. The mind will play tricks on you to avoid discomfort.

In the past, I'd have the thought to get down and do some press ups, and my mind would push back and say "my back is sore" or "You're not well, have a break today".

Before the 30 days challenge, I would give in.

But it was around day 17, I noticed a shift. I was feeling rough. Tired. Short on sleep and stressed. I got up from my bed to do my press ups and the excuses started. But I didn't listen. I just pushed ahead and before I knew it, I was down and doing my press ups.

This is when I realised the mind will play tricks on you to avoid discomfort.

Your mind wants to dodge the discomfort that comes from facing situations that make you feel:

• Scared

• Embarrassed

• Intimidated

• Overwhelmed

• Frustrated

It takes self awareness and trust in yourself to notice this and do the thing anyway.

3. Physical discomfort has a downstream improvement on mental toughness.

When you push your body through discomfort, you don't expect the mind to get tougher.

But it does.

Over the 30 days, I noticed that with the regular physical discomfort came a higher tolerance for mental stress.

I've recently gone through a lot of big changes in my life. Things that would have distressed the old me. But it was over one particularly stressful week, I noticed a difference in my mental fortitude. There had been a couple stressful things both at work and in my personal life, but I was able to deal with them. Instead of overthinking and stressing, I just got to work on figuring put solutions and getting to work.

I moved from overthinking my problems to taking actions to find a solution.

Every day you've got a choice between stepping back into comfort or forwards towards discomfort.

Always choose to step forward.

Discomfort is scary. But scary doesn't mean it's bad. It's only scary because you're not used to it.

It's only by facing it, going through it and coming out the other side that you can look back and see what you're capable of.

It's midnight. You tell yourself "just one more video!"

30 minutes later, you're still scrolling.

If you're like me, then you probably wonder:

"Why do I keep scrolling even though I know it's a waste of time?"

I did some research and what I found surprised me.

It's all thanks to a psychology experiment from the 1930s involving some rats, a lever, and some pellets.

Confused? So was I.

Let me explain what I discovered...

So what exactly was this experiment?

It's known as the Skinner Box experiment. And it was surprisingly simple.

A rat was put in a box with a lever. Every time the rat pressed the lever, it got a food pellet.

At first, the rat would press the lever and get rewarded every single time. But then B.F. Skinner, the psychologist running the experiment, changed the rules.

He made the rewards random.

Sometimes the rat would press the lever and get a pellet. Sometimes it wouldn't. There was no pattern. No way to predict when the reward would come.

Here's where it gets interesting.

The rats became obsessed. They pressed the lever over and over again. Way more than when they got rewarded every time.

Why?

Because they never knew when the next reward was coming. The uncertainty made them addicted to trying.

You see, It's not just the reward that causes dopamine to be released in your brain. The expectation of a reward also causes a drip feed of dopamine. This reinforces the reward-seeking behaviour, in search of the big dopamine boost from the reward.

This is known as variable reinforcement.

Every time you scroll, you're pressing that lever.

Have you noticed how you'll see one good short video followed by 3 bad ones. Then you see another good one followed by another 10 bad ones. You keep scrolling mindlessly but you never know when the next good one is coming. So you keep scrolling and scrolling. Just like those rats kept pressing.

It's the Skinner Box in your pocket.

Your feed is unpredictable on purpose.

It's designed to condition you to keep scrolling.

The scroll is like the lever being pressed. Get a rubbish video and you get a drip of dopamine to keep you going, until eventually you get a great video that releases a big load of dopamine.

Then it starts again.

Scroll.

Drip.

Scroll.

Drip.

Until another big hit.

But that's not where it stops.

The for you page isn't specifically designed for your benefit. It's a bespoke cage made to keep you on the app.

The algorithm learns about you from the videos you watch and engage with. All so it can find which videos you're more likely to enjoy and get a dopamine boost from. Increase the chances of big dopamine releases with videos and you're more likely to continue scrolling.

Most people don't realise the truth behind modern social media. It's so insidious that it's hard to realise until you take a step back. Then you can see it for what it is.

There's a reason the apps are free. You're the product. Your attention. Your time. The more you give to the app, the more money they can make from advertising. The more their share price increases.

Now that you're aware of it, like me, you might be thinking how to break the shackles short form content has on you.

I've been experimenting with a few different techniques and this is what I've found helps.

I call it the 3 R's Framework.

Here it is:

1. Replace

The first thing you can do is to find a "healthier" alternative.

What's really helped me reduce the time I spend on social media is removing the apps from the home screen and putting a "healthier" alternative in its place. I noticed a lot of the time I opened the social apps was due to habit. My thumb would mindlessly go towards the app icon and open it up. Once it was open, I was locked in.

What's worked for me is replacing the social media apps with alternatives like Kindle, Readwise and Deepstash. This has helped me spend more time reading and waste less scrolling.

2. Rules

The second thing you need to do is become intentional about how you use it. You need to create rules around social media use.

Limit the use at certain times of the day. I've been experimenting with having a rule of no social media use while working. But you could extend this to no social media use until 7pm.

Since I've been following my rule, I've noticed my focus is better, I'm calmer, and less reactive.

3. Restrict

The final thing you need to do is restrict how much you use social media.

I've found it helpful to use a timer to set a limit on how much I use social media. I tried telling myself I would stop scrolling after 10 minutes. But that was a lie. I'd lose track of time and before I know it, 30 minutes have been wasted and I've got nothing to show for it.

What's worked for me is setting a 10 minute timer on my phone before I open any social media app.

If you struggle with restricting your social media use, this might help.

Awareness is the first step. Intention is the second.

You can't fix a problem until you become aware of it.

It's only once you're aware of the problem that you can take intentional steps to solve it.

That's what I've found is working for me.

Since realising the sinister implications of the way social media is nowadays, I'm a lot more intentional about how I use it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect. I still make mistakes with it. I still fall into its trap.

But that's ok. I'm human.

When this happens, it's important to remind yourself of the goal. Being intentional, consistently. Because being consistent with it is more important than perfection.

I might slip up a few times.

But as long as I'm making long-term progress towards being more intentional then that's all that matters.

Remember, social media is a tool. And like any tool, how you use it depends on your intention.

So ask yourself:

Are you going to take ownership of it?

Or let it take ownership of you?

Anyone can set goals. Few actually achieve them.

The difference isn't more willpower. It's having rules that keep you working. Even on the days you don't feel like trying.

Yes, goals are good to have. But without rules, they're dreams.

Goals give you a target.

They give you a direction to navigate towards. But they don’t help you deal with reality. Goals plan for perfection. But they don’t help you when motivation dips, distractions pile up, or things don’t go as planned.

That’s where rules come in. Rules help you cope with chaos.

When life gets in the way, rules make sure you hit the target. Rules are the systems and habits that keep you moving. They turn good intentions into consistent actions.

Goals lock you into a mentality of win or lose.

When winning is all that matters, rules fall by the wayside.

All your focus becomes about the end goal. It creates an all or nothing mentality.

This is dangerous.

Just look at Sejanus. The right hand man to Emperor Tiberius.

His ultimate goal was absolute power. He rose through the ranks and got more and more power. But he got addicted to it. He started doing anything to get more. He manipulated, betrayed, and killed anyone in his way. And for a while, it worked.

Until it didn’t.

Eventually he became a threat to Tiberius, and in a single stroke, Sejanus lost everything—his power, his position, his life.

Sejanus failed because he had no rules.

No principles to guide him when ambition clouded his judgment.

Rules build the discipline muscle.

We like to think that we don't need rules. We do.

Each time you follow your rules, you're strengthening your discipline muscle. The stronger the it becomes, the less you rely on motivation. This makes a big difference on the rainy days. The days where you don't want to get out of bed.

It's discipline that gets you through the discomfort of the doing, so you can enjoy success.

Miyamoto Musashi understood this.

Now seen as one of the greatest samurai of all time. He wasn’t born a master swordsman. He became one through relentless discipline.

He trained endlessly, studied obsessively, and lived by a strict personal code. He didn’t wait for motivation to strike. He practiced through pain, fatigue, and isolation.

His rules weren’t restrictions. They were tools that helped turn him into a formidable fighter.

And they helped him go undefeated in over 60 duels.

Musashi didn’t become a legend by relying on inspiration. He became a legend because he was disciplined.

Decisions drain brain power.

Your brain's ability to make decisions is like a battery.

The more decisions you make, the more the battery is drained. Bigger decisions drain more power. The problem with this is that when the battery is low, you're brain goes into battery saving mode. This is when you're brain relies on mental shortcuts to make decisions. Which can end up with you making impulsive choices, or sometimes avoiding decisions completely.

Rules help to save energy.

They save you making decisions. Because with rules, you know what to do and when. No thinking needed. The work happens on autopilot. It frees up your brain's energy so it can be used where it's needed most. Solving problems and making the decisions that matter.

Rules are important. But there’s a nuance to how you use them.

It’s not about being rigid. It’s about being adaptable.

Yes, rules are powerful, for all the reasons I’ve already talked about.

They:

• build discipline

• save energy,

• help you get things done without relying on motivation.

That's why I think it's important to have them in your life.

Most of the time, they keep you on track. But life doesn’t always follow your plan.

And that’s where the nuance comes in.

You don’t follow rules blindly. You follow them intentionally. Most of the time. But you also stay aware that sometimes, life throws you a moment that matters more than following a rule.

I’ve learned this first-hand.

There are moments. Small, beautiful, fleeting moments, where you have to decide to either follow the rule, or break it for something more meaningful. Like sharing tea and biscuits with your daughter on a Friday evening. Even if your rule is to not eat after 8pm.

The point of rules isn’t to trap you.

It’s to give you structure. Like scaffolding. Something to lean on. Not something to cage you in. You stick to them most of the time. But you’re allowed to step outside them when life calls for it.

Because being human means knowing when to bend without breaking.

How I'm thinking about implementing rules for myself.

With all the above in mind, here's 3 rules I'm applying in my life:

1. No Social media until i finish work but only for 10 minutes at a time.

As I learn more about the effects of social media it's changed how I use it. I've talked previously about how early morning scrolling can impact your nervous system (You can read about that here). To help reduce the effect it has on me, I've implemented this rule. So far I've noticed my focus is better and I'm calmer, and less reactive.

2. Put my phone away when I'm talking to someone.

Just the presence of a mobile can reduce how engaged you are in a conversation. That means even if it's locked and in your hand, it's drawing your focus away from the conversation. So to help me stay more present and engaged, I'm making it a point to make sure I keep my phone away during conversations.

3. Read for 5 minutes when I wake up

This is rule has helped me read 5 books in the last 6 months. Before, I used to try to read regularly but I had no clarity on when I was going to do this, so it didn't get done. This rule has made it effortless to read more. The first thing I do as soon as I wake up is set a 5 minute timer and read until it goes off. It doesn't require any thinking. So because It's a small and clear rule, it actually sticks.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably failed at achieving goals in the past.

It’s easy to blame yourself.

To think you don’t have what it takes.

To get frustrated with your inability to stay consistent.

But it’s not your fault.

You just haven’t used rules to help you.

Now you know: goals set the destination.

Rules get you there. Use them. Write down one goal you have. Then create one simple, clear rule you’ll follow to move towards it.

Because you don't need more willpower.

You just need better rules.

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When I’m not working, spending time with family, or knee-deep in some other activity, you might catch me giggling to myself (and sometimes maybe even talking to myself) —either writing something funny or performing it on stage as a stand-up comedy character.

Nearly a year ago, I decided to dive headfirst out of my comfort zone and enrol in the 8-week Ultra Comedy course, because having two boys, 14 and 8 years old, isn't already manic and fun enough, especially with my wild 8 year old gremlin. It’s a crash course in stand-up: you learn the basics, craft a 5-minute set, and perform it at a “graduation” show in front of around 200 friends and family—all while raising money for charity (Mine was Mind).

I’ve always loved comedy, especially stand-up, so I thought, “Why not?” But once I got into it, I was hooked. A few of us from the course kept the craft going. We made new friends, started our own shows, and some of us (like me) went deep—really deep—into the craft. I began studying the science of comedy, reading about its many facets, and practicing as relentlessly as my wife would wish when it comes to chores around the house.

The Real Work Begins on Stage

Stand-up is one of those rare art forms where writing and rehearsing are only part of the equation. The real learning happens on stage. You write material, perform it, gauge the audience’s reaction, tweak it, and repeat. It’s a cycle of constant iteration.

But here’s the thing: every performance is different. The audience changes. The vibe in the room shifts. Lighting, stage height, crowd demographics—these all play a role. Comedy is subjective, like taste. You can’t please everyone. I mean you can try, but as I've found, not everyone appreciates individually wrapped Biscoff biscuits being thrown in their direction as part of a gag, but local MP was fine with it. That's me, providing laughs and a snack since 2024.

Anyway, what you'll find is some nights, you bomb, not getting the response you intend. Other nights, you soar, with laughs, claps and applause. And how you handle those highs and lows? That’s where **Millican’s Law** comes in.

What Is Millican’s Law?

Also known as the 11 o’clock rule, Millican’s Law is a simple but powerful mindset tool shared by comedian Sarah Millican. It goes like this:

•  Had a bad gig? You’re allowed to wallow, rant, and replay every awkward moment—but only until 11am the next day. After that, draw a line under it. Move on.

• Had a great gig? Bask in the glory. Gloat. Relive the applause—but again, only until 11am the next day. Then, it’s back to the craft and hustle.

Why?

Because dragging yesterday’s failure into today’s performance can cloud your focus and get in the way. And riding too high on yesterday’s success can make you overconfident, arrogant and complacent. Either way, it affects your next set. and Either way your focus should be on improving and growing.

It’s Not Just for Comedians

Here’s the beauty of Millican’s Law: it’s not just for performers. It’s for anyone. Even you.

Had a rough day at work? That’s okay. Vent, reflect, maybe even sulk a little (and if you're me, blame the tears on the onions, even though none are present)—but only until 8am the next morning. Then, reset. Start fresh.

Had a brilliant day? Celebrate it, have a dance, start a Mexican wave and cheer as loud as you can (I do, just not too loud, disturbs my wife's TV drama time)! But come morning, it’s time to refocus, keep growing and stop the Mexican wave.

It’s a mindset of resilience with boundaries. A way to honour your emotions without letting them overstay their welcome.

So next time you have a win—or a wobble—try Millican’s Law. Give yourself the space to feel it, then the discipline to move forward.

Because whether you’re on stage or in the office, the show must go on.

To read more see the links below:

https://leejackson.org/a-life-changing-rule-c-o-comedian-sarah-millican/

https://sarahmillican.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-11-o-clock-rule.html

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Until next time,

Kash.

Tell me if you've noticed this too?

Over the last few years it's getting harder to do hard things.

When I was younger, discipline came easily. But as I've gotten older that's changed. It's become a struggle.

It got me asking myself "Am I becoming lazier as I get older? Or is there something else behind it?"

So I did some research and here's what I've found out:

It's not my fault.

It's the world we live in now.

Turns out, I’m not lazy. I’m just living in a world that makes discipline harder than ever.

Let me explain.

It's all because of 1 thing.

Convenience.

There's too much of it.

Things didn't used to be so easy. You had to put effort in. But now it's too easy to get what you want without putting in any effort.

We're constantly conditioned by comfort in our lives.

Food is no longer a struggle. Who needs to cook when you can order food from Uber eats.

Why go to the shop when Amazon can deliver what you want with a single tap of a button.

No need to wait all week to watch your favorite show. Thanks to Netflix, it’s bingeable, skippable, and instantly forgettable.

Instant gratification without the need for struggle, discipline or friction.

It all seems harmless but it's softened us up. Now we get worked up at the slightest delay. How many times have you got frustrated when an app is taking a second longer to load?

The more comfortable you get, the harder hard things get. The less friction you're able to tolerate. But it's not your fault. Your biology has been hacked.

I'll go through how comfort affects our dopamine but first let me explain how the body normally uses dopamine.

Your body releases dopamine as a reward for doing something that requires effort. Its a way to make you feel good for putting in the effort. But when things are convenient, there's less effort needed for the same dopamine hit. This distorts the system.

A large amount of dopamine from a small amount of effort. It doesn't sound that bad until you understand that your dopamine stores are limited and take time to recharge. So when your brain learns that you can do something easy for a greater amount of dopamine, it reduces the drive to put the effort in. Because it doesn't feel as good. You get less of a reward compared to the small effort and big reward you got from choosing the comfortable option.

Your default becomes the comfortable option. You develop a psychological roadblock to doing hard things. The longer you do this, the more your ability to tolerate discomfort shrinks.

Your capability to deal with friction either rises to your level of resilience or falls to your level of comfort.

Once you're aware of this psychological roadblock to doing hard things, you can play around with it.

You can now choose the ease or difficulty you're willing to endure.

You can choose to do small, hard things often and build your resilience.

It's as simple as taking small steps out of your comfort zone regularly. Playing with small steps out of your comfort zone slowly expands the range of what you can deal with. After a year of continuous play with this, what felt difficult last year becomes a walk in the park. Eventually your workout becomes your warm up.

Here's how I'm planning to take small steps out of my comfort zone to build my resilience:

1. No social media until after work

Your first 5 minutes of waking defines your day

How you set your dopamine threshold on waking decides your capability to do hard things during the rest of the day. Scrolling first thing in the morning is one of the worst ways to start your day. Like I mentioned above, doing something easy for a greater amount of dopamine, reduces the drive to put the effort in for harder things later in the day.

So when you scroll first thing, you're telling your brain to crave ease and avoid effort. You're day is spent chasing comfort instead of making momentum.

2. Grey scale mode

Grey scale mode is a simple change that reduces phone usage and improves digital wellbeing.

A study on the effect of grey scale mode reported lower social media use and a reduced urge to check the phone. The theory is that by reducing the visual appeal of the screen reduces the urge to check your phone. But when you do check it you're not distracted towards the attractive apps, you're more present and intentional.

I've tried this in the past and found it:

• reduced my screen time considerably.

• made my phone use more intentional.

• Improved mental clarity and focus.

But life led to me falling back into old habits.

Now I'm planning to use this again for the majority of the day.

3. The Plus One Challenge

I'm challenging myself to do something daily that slowly but consistently forces me to do something harder each day.

I'm calling it the Plus One challenge.

Each day I'll increase the amount of press ups I need to do by 1 each day. It starts easy but it gets progressively harder as the month goes on. Each day becomes a small step out of my comfort zone. Each increase is a chance to practice pushing past the psychological resistance that's been holding me back.

Each day is a chance to stretch my tolerance for discomfort.

Hard things haven’t changed. We have.

We’re not broken.

We’ve just adapted to a world that makes discipline difficult.

But the good news is you can train yourself to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Every small, hard thing you choose to do is a step towards resilience. A signal to your brain that discomfort isn't dangerous, but a chance for growth.

Navigating discomfort is a skill. And just like any skill, it gets easier the more you practice.

"Pain is inevitable, Suffering is chosen" — Haruki Murakami

In the end, you can choose to avoid doing hard things, or you can choose to do them.

Each option is going to bring suffering.

You just need to decide which one you're willing to endure.

P.S.

I share one small idea every Sunday to help you make life a little better.

Just simple, useful stuff you can actually use.

If you’re enjoying it, feel free to pass it on to a friend. And if you haven’t already, you can subscribe for free.

Check out the latest issue here:

The RNDM

rndm.beehiiv.com

Most people drink coffee to get rid of mental fatigue. But the problem is this doesn't get rid of tiredness.

It just delays it.

Eventually it wears off and that's when the tiredness comes crashing back.

Recent research into Creatine suggests that this could be a better alternative.

It gives you all the upsides without the downside.

I've been reading a lot recently about the benefits of Creatine and this hooked me. So I wanted to find out more.

Here's what I found out:

What is Creatine?

Creatine is produced by your body to help make energy.

Yet for years it was thought that it only helped muscles with making energy. So athletes started to use it to improve performance.

But now it's being shown to help the brain with this too.

ATP is used by your cells to make energy. This creates Adenosine as a byproduct. The brain, even though it's small relatively to the rest of the body, uses a lot of energy The more energy your brain uses, whether that's over a long period of time or for a shorter, more cognitively intense burst, the more Adenosine builds up.

Adenosine acts as a neurotransmitter that can switch on sleep-promoting neurons and turn off alertness-promoting neurons.

This is why you feel tired after a long day or when you've had to some hard thinking. While your brain rests it regenerates ATP, which reduces the amount of Adenosine. Most of this happens when you sleep.

What's the difference between Caffeine and Creatine?

Caffeine works by blocking the receptors on the sleep-promoting neurons to stop Adenosine from working.

The problem is this doesn't get rid of the Adenosine. It's still building up. So when the Caffeine wears off, there's a lot more Adenosine that can attach to the receptors. This is what causes the sudden extreme tiredness or caffeine crash that makes you reach for another cup of coffee.

Creatine works differently to coffee.

It increases the amount of phosphocreatine available in the brain. This reserve allows quicker regeneration of ATP and reduces the accumulation of Adenosine. Maintaining alertness and reducing mental fatigue.

So you're able to focus better for longer, without the fear of a caffeine crash.

How to take Creatine?

Creatine is available in different forms. But Creatine monohydrate was used in most studies and is also the most cost effective form to take.

Most studies found that a regular dose of 5g daily can help to reduce mental fatigue.

If you're wanting to try something different to fight mental fatigue, Creatine might be worth a try. It helps your brain make energy more efficiently, keeps tiredness at bay, and doesn’t leave you with a crash at the end.

Simple, effective, and backed by research.

Disclaimer: Always consult with your GP or healthcare professional before starting any new supplement, including Creatine, to ensure it's safe and appropriate for your individual health needs.

Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of stress, worry, and dissatisfaction?

Like no matter what you do, there’s never quite enough?

That feeling isn’t bad luck or circumstance. It’s a hidden thought pattern called scarcity mindset, and it's silently shaping how you see the world.

Let me explain...

There's two ways to see the world.

You can either have a scarcity mindset. When you think there's not enough in the world.

Or you can have an abundance mindset. When you accept that there's enough in the world.

The world makes it easy to be pulled into a scarcity mindset.

Work commitments and family responsibilities leave you with not enough time to do what you want. Bills and expenses leave you with not enough money to buy what you want. And with what little energy you have left sorting these leaves you with not enough energy to enjoy what you have.

All you end up feeling is there's not enough of everything. It makes you feel stressed, powerless and unable to enjoy life.

But the better way to see the world is through an abundance mindset. An abundance mindset means you embrace abundance, possibility, and joy.

With small changes you can create an abundance mindset that makes you less stressed, more empowered and better equipped to handle daily life.

Here's 3 ways you can create an abundance mindset:

1. You have to know you have a problem before you can get to work fixing it.

Becoming aware of your thoughts, or metacognition, can help you see when you're thinking from a place of scarcity.

Scarcity thinking is based in fear, negativity and survival. Everything you think or do becomes fuelled by stress, struggle and selfishness.

The first thing you need to do is become aware of your thoughts. Once you're aware, you can start working towards fixing it.

Each time you notice yourself thinking or acting from scarcity, consciously shift your thinking into abundance. Abundance thinking is rooted in trust, growth and possibility.

An easy way to switch your thinking can be as simple as just adding the word yet to your negative thoughts. One simple way to do this is by adding the word yet to your limiting thoughts. For example, ‘I don’t have the opportunities I want’ becomes ‘I don’t have the opportunities I want yet.’ That small word opens up your thinking. Instead of being closed, your mind starts to see more solutions.

2. Practice daily gratitude.

Your brain is programmed to focus more on the negative. It's designed that way to help you avoid danger and survive.

But the problem is it can make you easily forget the positives. When all you're aware of is the negative you feel pessimistic, distant and maybe even hopeless. You might even feel like the world's against you. But really you're just viewing the world through a narrow focus.

When you take time each day to be grateful, you start to see more of the good in your everyday life. The world becomes a bit brighter. You start to see the blessings in the small stuff and realise how much there is in the world. Once you realise this, you

3. Focus on what you can give, not just what you can get.

An abundance mindset grows when you accept that there's enough.

You don't try to hold on to or control everything. Whether that's your time, your money or your relationships. You have trust that in the act of letting go, you open yourself to get it back, plus more. When you do this you create space in your life for growth.

You start to live your life instead of chasing it, trusting that what you need will find you when you need it.

An abundance mindset is about seeing the world through a lens of possibility instead of fear.

Even when things feel tight, uncertain or overwhelming, you have hope, trust and faith that things will open up, become clearer and work out for the best.

Because the truth is, abundance isn’t out there waiting to be found.

It starts inside.

It starts with how you think, how you live, and how you see the world.

P.S.

I share one small idea every Sunday to help you make life a little better.

Just simple, useful stuff you can actually use.

If you’re enjoying it, feel free to pass it on to a friend. And if you haven’t already, you can subscribe for free.

Check out the latest issue here:

https://rndm.beehiiv.com/

Every week, I come across loads of ideas. They can come from conversations, articles, podcasts, or just life happening. Most come and go. But a few stick. They challenge me, inspire me, or change my thinking.

Here's three ideas that stayed with me this week. Maybe one will stick with you, too.

1. The Lemon Analogy

This idea changed the way I view my phone use in the morning.

Your body releases dopamine as a reward for doing something that requires effort. Its a way to make you feel good when you do hard work.

But when you use your smartphone early in the morning, it distorts the system.

Smartphones stimulates a large amount of dopamine from a small amount of effort. It doesn't sound that bad until you understand that your dopamine stores are limited and can take time to recharge. So when you use your phone in the morning and then you do something that requires a greater amount of effort later in the day, it doesn't feel as good.

You get less of a reward compared to the small effort and big reward you got from using your phone.

Psychiatrist and YouTuber Alok Kanojia, aka “Dr. K” explains the effect early morning phone use has on your dopamine by using the analogy of a lemon.

When you avoid your phone in the morning and do some form of hard work, your body will release a large amount of juice when the lemon is squeezed.

But when you use your phone in the morning, it's a smaller squeeze of the lemon but it gives out more juice. So when you do something harder later, your body releases less juice even though you squeeze harder.

Check out the clip below for more from Dr K on this idea.

Instagram post

It's changing how I'm using my phone in the morning.

I'm trying to limit my use for the first few hours of the day and put that saved energy to better use.

2. Financial Lingchi

Lingchi is a Chinese word that loosely translates as "Death by a thousand cuts". I came across this idea while reading about how our big problems in life are the result of small little "cuts". These cuts are harmless on their own, but when added up can cause big wounds.

One place where I've noticed this is with finances.

If you're like me, then you've probably got a few small monthly subscriptions for things that aren't essential. It's easy to fall into the trap. Subscribing for something that you needed for a bit, but now you don't use to it's full effect, or sometimes even stop using.

How often do you audit this?

How often do you take the time to work through and workout what you need and what you can get rid of?

I never really did. So I sat down and did the math. Turns out from cutting a few monthly subscriptions I could save over £2000 per year. Yes. Two thousand pounds. Now that I've realised this, I'm a lot more conscious about how I'm spending my money.

3. The 3-2-1 Framework

Here's a framework that'll help you stop rambling if you struggle with answering questions.

I don't know about you but I can feel like I'm waffling when I answer a question. It can come across as unclear and incoherent. Instead of communicating my thoughts I end sounding and feeling like an idiot. That's why I wanted to find something that can help me answer questions like a pro and not Boris Johnson.

Vinh Giang, communication coach and speaker, explains why this happens. It's your brain's panic response because you have no framework to help build an answer upon. In the video below, he explains what the the 3-2-1 Framework can help fix this.

In this 5 minute video, he explains how you can use it to come up with answers that are good, clear and coherent.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Feedback is a gift

If you liked this new format, let me know by replying to this email.

Photo by Hulki Okan Tabak on Unsplash

The words you say are more than just sounds. What you say matters.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. As a pharmacist, the words I say to patients can make a difference in their lives, if I say the right ones. Whether it's discussing concerns about their medical condition or explaining how to get the best out of their medication, the words I use can influence their thinking and feelings.

I wanted to learn how to use my words more effectively, so I decided to learn from one of the past masters. There's not much people better at using words to their full power as Jalaluddin Rumi. His Masnavi has been read by millions all over the world. It's influence on the world has been powerful. Its influence extends beyond the Islamic world, inspiring poets, philosophers, and artists in both the Eastern and Western world.

So I went looking to see what I could learn from it. Here's 3 things I learnt:

1. "I will soothe you and heal you, I will bring you roses. I too have been covered with thorns"

Photo by Biel Morro on Unsplash

Words can harm, but they can also heal.

Like me, I'm sure you've felt the sting of thorny words. Sometimes those words come from ourselves.

The power of self talk is something that is underestimated. What you say to yourself matters as much as what you say to others.

A study in 2003 found that self criticism can activate the same area of the brain that's activated during physical pain. So your brain perceives harsh words in the same way experiences an injury. So sticks and stones can break your bones and words will also hurt you.

But the power of words also works the other way round.

Research into pain psychology has shown how reframing thoughts can build resilience in sufferers of chronic pain. Changing thoughts from focusing on how pain is limiting to reframing it as part of a process of growth and recovery helped patients tolerate their pain better.

2. "Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Do you talk with loud, empty words or do you fill your sentences with meaning?

Words can be empty shells or you can fill your sentences with impact. It just depends on your intention.

Your intention influences your words. Your words influence your impact. And your impact can be the difference in nurturing conversations into opportunities to connect or understand. But you don't need to use fancy or eloquent words. It's about trusting your intention to choose simple words and combining them to create understanding with your conversation partner.

Before you start a conversation, make sure that you're clear on the intention. The right intention, with the right words waters conversations into flowers of understanding, where meaning blooms between people.

3. "We are lutes, no more, no less. If the soundbox is stuffed full of anything, no music."

Photo by Aswin Raj on Unsplash

When you fill all the space with words, the listener has no space for thoughts and feelings. They're too busy trying to keep track of what's being said that they can't process the impact of what's being said. They hear you but can't listen to you. You're playing all the right notes, but without the right rhythm, it just becomes noise.

I've been guilty of this too many times. In a rush to say what I'm thinking that all that's heard is noise. There's no understanding. No impact. Just confusion.

You need to learn to use silence to allow space for listening. Learn when to pause. Know when to give space to what's just been said, so contemplation and emotion can fill the space.

This is how your words will have impact.

This journey through Rumi's wisdom reminded me that words are more than just tools-they're bridges.

In a world shaped by noise and division, there's a lot of talking to be heard.

But who's talking to understand?

Words are being used to build walls of hatred that divide us. But Rumi's words show us how words can be used to build connection. Instead of shouting louder, we can choose better words.

When we connect with the right intention, and allow space to listen to what's being said, we can break these walls that divide us and heal the wounds that separate us.

This Ramadan, with limited time to write new pieces, I’m bringing back some of the most loved issues from past years.

Each week, I’ll reshare a carefully chosen piece to help you grow, reset, and realign, whether you’re reading it for the first time or revisiting an old favorite.

This week I'm sharing part 2 from my series on 3 Life-Changing Lessons from Books I Read in 2024 (And How They Transformed My Thinking)

The Heart, Appetite and Anger

AI generated image

Al Ghazali, one of the most influential Islamic scholars and philosophers of the 11th century, writes that there's 3 forces in a human: The heart, appetite and anger.

The one you feed is the one that is in control.

Feed appetite and you fall victim to greed, lust and envy.

Feed anger and you fall victim to arrogance, hatred and vengeance.

But feed the heart and you gain balance, wisdom, and inner peace.

The heart, when nurtured with faith, knowledge, and love, becomes like a compass guiding you to a life of virtue, humility, and harmony.

How it's shaped my thinking:

In the modern world most things around us are causing us to feed the wrong thing.

Whether it's social media feeding your appetite or the news feeding your anger, they're all giving feeding the wrong animals. It means you end up losing control of yourself. You end up chase the wrong behaviours— like binge eating or doom scrolling— wasting your days existing as a mindless zombie searching for ways to feed the appetite and anger

Instead, we need to focus on feeding the pure aspect of ourselves.

The heart.

It brings out the best in us. Fulfillment, serenity and calm replace anxiety, disconnect and depression.

Become more conscious of your diet.

What are your actions feeding?

Is it junk actions that feed negativity or are your actions feeding the best in you.

I've become more conscious of my daily actions. Thinking before doing any action. Asking myself “Am I feeding the heart, anger or appetite?”

It's not easy to do though.

I'm following the same advice I'd give to a patient when it comes to dietary advice. Instead of remove, focus on replacing. Make smart switches.

Here's a few I'm doing and you can try too:

Instead of doom scrolling, read a book.

Instead of checking the news, journal or meditate.

In the end, it comes down to choosing to become more deliberate and mindful in how you live.

It takes effort in a world that's designed to distract us away from it. But that effort will be rewarded when we nourish our heart. We can reap the benefits of peace, purpose and fulfillment.

This Ramadan, with limited time to write new pieces, I’m bringing back some of the most loved issues from past years.

Each week, I’ll reshare a carefully chosen piece to help you grow, reset, and realign, whether you’re reading it for the first time or revisiting an old favorite.

This week I'm resharing some ideas on getting hard things done.

Getting hard things done: 3 Ideas to help you get deal with procrastination

Procrastination is something I've struggled with. Especially with hard stuff. It's easy to say be disciplined but it's harder to do it.

Here's 3 ideas I've come across that have helped me understand how to get hard things done.

1. Fixing the Doing Deficit

We don't struggle with a lack of knowledge. We struggle in applying the knowledge.

Anne-Laure Le Cunff, former googler turned neuroscientist and writer calls this the doing deficit.

We fear acting due to: • fear of uncertainty • fear of discomfort • perfectionism

So we don't act.

To get better at something we need to practice deliberately. But if we don't act, we don't improve.

The only way to solve the doing deficit is by doing the work even if it's uncomfortable. It's about finding a way to enjoy the discomfort.

So how can you learn to enjoy the discomfort?

That's where idea 2 comes in...

2. Find a purpose in the doing.

Working without a purpose can feel like a punishment. That's why it can feel so demotivating.

Dostoevsky noticed during his imprisonment the torture that prisoners face when faced with pointless work.

When you do work with purpose, you become invested in the doing.

The process becomes part of the purpose. It becomes the drive that'll get you to the purpose. So you look for ways to realise the purpose faster. Which makes you focus on improving the process.

Instead of seeing the process as work, you now see it as a challenge to overcome. Each attempt at the process is a chance to learn. To improve. To get you closer to the purpose.

Finding purpose in the doing creates a cycle that provides constant motivation to do the doing.

3. Good enough is better than perfect

Stop aiming for perfect results.

Just be good enough, consistently.

Oliver Burkeman has a great analogy for this in his newsletter. He compares our wish to control things in our life to boats.

We think we're navigating a superyacht on smooth waters. But in reality, we're not in a superyacht, we're in a kayak.

But dealing with procrastination isn't sailing in smooth waters.

It's sailing on unpredictable waves.

Each one as unpredictable as the next.

The best we can do in this situation is something good enough to get us moving from one wave to the next.

In the end, getting things done comes down to becoming comfortable with discomfort by finding purpose.

Purpose will help you do something good enough to help you deal with each wave of procrastination, fear and uncertainty that comes your way.

So next time you're stuck, remember: don't wait for perfect conditions.

Start where you are.

Find purpose in the process.

And aim for progress, not perfection.

Pick one task you've been avoiding, and just begin. Good enough is all you need to keep moving.

This Ramadan, with limited time to write new pieces, I’m bringing back some of the most loved issues from past years.

Each week, I’ll reshare a carefully chosen piece to help you grow, reset, and realign, whether you’re reading it for the first time or revisiting an old favorite.

This week I'm revisiting The Batman Effect.

How The Batman Effect Helped Me Become Confident

If me at 16 saw who I am at 33, he wouldn't believe I was the same person.

I was shy, nervous and afraid to talk to people.

Now I'm confident, comfortable speaking up and can communicate better.

16 year old me would never believe that I can talk to patients with confidence, let alone other people.

If I can put it down to one thing, it's this:

The Batman effect.

But what is the batman effect?

You basically adopt an alter ego.

You pretend to be someone who portrays the characteristics you want or need.

The Batman effect's name comes from a research study with 3 groups of children.

Each group was asked to do a boring task for as long as possible.

To make it tricky, an Ipad with games was placed nearby to distract them.

Group 1 was told to ask themselves "Am I working hard enough" when the task got too boring.

Group 2 was told to think of themselves in the 3rd person and ask if they were working hard enough when they found it too boring.

Group 3 was asked to adapt the persona of their favourite fictional hero, such as Batman, before starting the task. They were then told to ask "Is batman working hard?" when the task got too boring.

The group that adopted alter egos were able to work longer on the boring task.

Adapting an alter ego allowed the children to use self distancing to perform better.

Self distancing is the process of adopting a 3rd person or observer perspective.

It creates space between your subjective emotions and thoughts and allows you to become more objective and improve self control.

Using an alter ego helped me deal with my insecurities and anxiety.

I wasn't held back by them anymore.

I was able to become more confident, communicate better and perform at my best.

Eventually these behaviours became second nature as I gained more confidence.

So much that I no longer had to rely on the alter ego as often.

I still use the alter ego effect to this day.

Whenever I'm feeling nervous or to help me deal with a new situation.

I think of someone who would be good at dealing with that situation and act as they would.

If you're interested in learning more about the alter ego effect, then check out the book The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman.

This Ramadan, with limited time to write new pieces, I’m bringing back some of the most loved issues from past years.

Each week, I’ll reshare a carefully chosen piece to help you grow, reset, and realign, whether you’re reading it for the first time or revisiting an old favorite.

I'm starting the series with a guide I read often to remind myself on how to say no.

Since I wrote this piece, Tim Ferris has released his No book. It's a great guide on learning to say no. You can check it out here.

How to Say No Without Guilt: A 3-Step Guide for People Pleasers

Hi.

My name is Shoaib and I'm a people pleaser.

Wow, that feels good to get off my chest.

For most of my life I've been afraid of saying no.

Afraid that it'll upset people.

So I've said yes when I should have said no. I've agreed to something when I knew I can't do it or don't want to do it out of fear of upsetting someone.

But I recently read something that taught me the error of my ways.

I'm currently reading "The 12 Week Year"by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington and came across this passage:

It took 5 sentences to teach me something that some people spend their whole lives never learning.

The world is not going to end if I say no.

It's going to carry on spinning.

The only way to get better at something is through deliberate practice. So I researched the best way to say no to create a framework I can use to practice saying no.

Here's the 3 steps I came up with:

1. Pause.

Don't answer straight away.

Stop and think. Don't force yourself into an immediate yes. Buy yourself some time before giving a hard answer.

Here's an example response you can use:

"Sorry, I can't confirm right now. Is it ok if I check my calendar and get back to you?"

2. Ask yourself "If I say yes , will I be able to achieve a high quality?"

Can you give it your all if you said yes?

How much other stuff have you got on and will this affect the result of what you're saying yes to?

It's better to avoid saying yes and disappointing with the result. Only say yes if you'll be able to do a good job.

See how much other stuff you've got on or have committed to. Say no if you can't ensure a quality effort or if you have too much on.

3. Say no the right way

It's not what's said, it's how it's said.

There's 3 key things to remember that can help you say no without sounding rude:

• Say it clearly

• Be grateful for being asked

• Give a reason for saying no.

Example:

"Thanks for the offer. I really appreciate being asked but I can't do it as I've got a few other things on so wouldn't be able to give this my best effort."

It'll take some practice but I'm hoping through using this framework I'll become less of a people pleaser.

Tim Ferriss is known for asking his guests, "Do you have a favourite failure?"

It might sound like a strange question. But if you ask most successful people, they’ll probably have a favourite failure. It's because they understand this one thing about failure. They've learnt to reframe them.

There's a simple trick that can help you reframe your failures.

It's called the Failure List.

Here's how to do it:

Grab a notebook or open your notes app and do this:

1. Make a note of your failure or disappointment and leave 2 lines blank under it.

2. Come back to the failure after 1 month and write down 1 thing you learnt from it.

3. Come back 3 months later and write a good thing that happened because of it.

I learnt about this after listening to Arthur Brook, the professor of happiness, on the Rich Roll podcast.

We often view the bad things that happen to us in isolation.

When we're in the eye of the storm it can be hard to find the silver lining in the bad things that happen to us.

The failure list changes this.

Every time you come back to the list you see the failure in a new light. Instead of seeing it isolation, you start to see the ripple effect each one has in your life. You see how you're life can benefit from the bad as well as the good. After a few months the list helps you notice how the failure led to success.

Eventually, you stop fearing failure. You look forward to it. Ready and waiting. Because you learn that each failure is directing you towards a success.

Try it yourself.

Start your own failure list.

You can use a notebook or a note app. Use something that's easy access. Make a note of a recent failure or disappointment. Follow the above process and see what you discover.

Feel free to share what you find in the comments or by replying to this email.